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thischarmingman last won the day on January 17 2019
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About thischarmingman
- Birthday 06/18/1984
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Does anyone have digital files for the SN and Quake soundtracks? Disappointed the physical copies did not come with codes/links
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- nine inch nails
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bear801 reacted to a post in a topic: Smashing Pumpkins
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Smashing Pumpkins
thischarmingman replied to youspinmeround's topic in Vinyl Collective Message Board
I wish he'd release Machina/Machina II already so I can complete my collection. -
thischarmingman reacted to a post in a topic: The Mark Kozelek/Sun Kil Moon/Red House Painters thread
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thischarmingman reacted to a post in a topic: The Mark Kozelek/Sun Kil Moon/Red House Painters thread
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OneThreeOneTwo reacted to a post in a topic: The Mark Kozelek/Sun Kil Moon/Red House Painters thread
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OneThreeOneTwo reacted to a post in a topic: The Mark Kozelek/Sun Kil Moon/Red House Painters thread
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OneThreeOneTwo reacted to a post in a topic: The Mark Kozelek/Sun Kil Moon/Red House Painters thread
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OneThreeOneTwo reacted to a post in a topic: The Mark Kozelek/Sun Kil Moon/Red House Painters thread
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OneThreeOneTwo reacted to a post in a topic: The Mark Kozelek/Sun Kil Moon/Red House Painters thread
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'I'm afraid to date or engage with women because they might call me a rapist' remains the dumbest knee-jerk reaction to the increased public scrutiny surrounding how awful men have been to women for centuries. This is also, of course, the rallying cry of critics of #metoo. Power disparities are not "novel." They've existed since the beginning of our time on this planet. The only thing novel about power disparities in relationships is society's (for the most part) new(ish) refusal to tolerate bad behavior. If you're worried about being called a rapist, it likely has less to do with whatever position of power you perceive to hold, and more to do with how you treat women in general. Your perceived power, of course, should also not be your first stop at self-examination. That's a copout, i.e., 'this woman must be mad at me because I have more power over her.' The truth is, you're probably just behaving badly. Of course, that is not to say that people do not abuse power disparities to sexually assault women, but the central issue is not the power disparity. Lots of rapists (in fact, probably the majority) are loser nobodies.
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It's troubling because taken to its logical conclusion it perpetuates the "man is the real victim when women claim sex was not consensual" argument people like to make, e.g., "if this wasn't consensual then what is?!" Conceding any sort of ambiguity in consent is problematic. You need to stop. If you don't understand what consensual sex is, then figure it out and, until then, stop having sex with people. The ambiguity you're trying to force into an otherwise unambiguous concept props up a very stupid defense sex offenders often make.
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thischarmingman reacted to a post in a topic: The Mark Kozelek/Sun Kil Moon/Red House Painters thread
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I don't know what to tell you. All caps seemed the only way to get the point across since you missed it in my previous posts. In any event, get professional help if you can. It sounds like you've experienced something traumatic. This is not the place to get answers as to your specific experience. We spend thousands of dollars on an outdated music medium and debate issues related to the same. We are perhaps some of the least qualified individuals on the issues you may be having. We can express sympathy, and that's about it. I hope you figure out whatever it is you need to figure out and find some answers/closure.
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I'm sorry to hear about your trauma but I've answered your questions multiple times. The above relationships are all okay provided consent was given. Again, "THE EXISTENCE OF A POWER DISPARITY DOES NOT CONVERT EVERY RELATIONSHIP INTO A NON-CONSENSUAL ENCOUNTER." As to whether you're a victim, that's up to you. If you say you are, I believe you and have no reason to doubt your assessment of the situation. Edit: I'll add this, it sounds like you might benefit from talking to a professional about your situation, if that's feasible for you. I vinyl collecting message board is probably not the best place to get the help you might need.
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This is too stupid. People in disparate power relationships have normal healthy romantic relationships all the time. And, surprise, sometimes they also just use each other for sex without it being rape. Why is that such a hard concept for you to grasp? What's next? A hypo about how a man and woman could never have a normal relationship because on average men are physically stronger than women? Again, there is nothing "confusing" about any of this. Let me know if you need a link to a Ted Talk on "consent" because apparently you're having a real difficult time with the concept.
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I didn't misquote you. You're trying to turn every power disparity into rape and, frankly, I don't understand why or the source of your confusion. George Clooney has a relationship with someone by not raping them.... The power dynamic is not what makes a rape a rape. Abusing that power dynamic is what makes it rape. Your hypothetical is flawed and incomplete. You can't stop at "a power dynamic exists ergo rape." Again, consent is not all that confusing. Not sure why the concept is lost on so many men.
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Man, there's a lot to unpack here but I am going to keep it short. "Consent" is a real fucking simple concept and I continue to be floored every time someone pops in to voice their "confusion" on the issue. Separately, continuing a relationship that started without consent does not retroactively confer consent. It's no secret that abused individuals stay in abusive relationships for a long time, for a variety of reasons, including the obvious reason that they have yet to appreciate the power dynamic/manipulation keeping them in said relationship. There is an incredible and surprising amount of victim shaming in this thread now.
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Placebo - Discography Re-Press
thischarmingman replied to andrewlucas's topic in Vinyl Collective Message Board
Not sure why they keep failing to repress Once More With Feeling. -
thischarmingman reacted to a post in a topic: Hum - Downward is Heavenward Reissue
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Hum - Downward is Heavenward Reissue
thischarmingman replied to highfives's topic in Vinyl Collective Message Board
If you saw the charge on your CC that means your order went through, he got your money, and you'll get your record. Stop being dense. -
Hum - Downward is Heavenward Reissue
thischarmingman replied to highfives's topic in Vinyl Collective Message Board
Everyone who ordered in the first wave got their order. Stop emailing him so he can spend time packing and shipping, and not responding to dumb "where's my record I ordered it a week ago OMG like what's the hold uppppp wahhhhhh" emails. You'll get your record.