MAN ADVICE v2.0

[GOTCHA]

2 hours ago, kgry said:

Color me intrigued. Did Derek and Gotcha meet up?

 

I think there's an albums worth of lyrics here on page 111.

We did!  Derek even brought his gal pal along with him.  We were all having a great time until a gust of wind came out of nowhere causing his lady to blow out of her chair and snag on the table creating a slow leak.  Derek was visibly upset and headed out to the local hardware store to get a patch.  Hopefully she's alright.  #PrayersForDerek

[Derek™]

So we're still running with that joke, huh?  Nice.

 

I do admire how you completely ignored cantdance's inquiry about your immaculate marriage.  As much as I value your innovative and not-at-all uninspired """sick burns""", I really am curious to hear how content you are with your personal life.  It must be a slice of heaven considering how much you enjoy lashing out at various members in threads, and just how bitter of a shitposting troglodyte you come off as, in general.  How old are you?  40?  And you're peddling Hot Topic records on eBay while preying on the hardships of complete strangers on the internet?  I'm sorry that you genuinely fucked up in life and had to settle in every possibly regard, but there's no need to take that out on the boards.

 

Please keep attacking me and cluttering up this thread.  I would quite enjoy seeing you banned.  Again.

Edited March 28, 2017 by Derek™

[Bladewillisisdead]

Just don't feed this troll. He's an asshole and his behavior is pathetic. He'll continue his superiority bullshit and making dumb sex doll jokes.

 

It's like the old school Simpsons Halloween episode about ads come to life: Just don't look.

[Gumbo72203]

So we called it quits today.  Kinda bummed, but... what can you do.  It's the best course of action.  We talked for a bit, and still might see each other...  who knows.  She still pulled the "Well I told you multiple times I didn't want a relationship" when i pressed her about not being truthful about fucking up school.

 

So apparently to the younger generation, you can say "I want to be with you, but don't want a relationship" and because you voiced that concern, that gives you the green light to be deceitful and evasive and not be on your best, most genuine behavior.  This girl is in for a long life of heartache and instability I fear.  It saddens me. 

 

I see us being somewhat of a semi-frequent friends with benefits thing, I suppose.  Maybe not the healthiest option haha, but....  both parties involved have needs

 

I'm still sad, because the whirlwind romance has now ended.  Lesson learned:  don't date a fucking 21 year old lol

[Tommy]

You're a good man Gumbo.

 

GOTCHA on the other hand....

A guy who can be this much of an asshole on the internet can no way be a standup guy to his girl in real life. My bet is she has no idea of this Internet persona and would be appalled by this behavior if she ever found it. Living an alter ego out online and acting another way in real life is not healthy and will manifest itself in his relationship soon enough. I sincerely hope you stop this and go spend your time learning and loving your wife/girlfriend instead. 

[Gumbo72203]

4 hours ago, Tommy said:

You're a good man Gumbo.

 

GOTCHA on the other hand....

A guy who can be this much of an asshole on the internet can no way be a standup guy to his girl in real life. My bet is she has no idea of this Internet persona and would be appalled by this behavior if she ever found it. Living an alter ego out online and acting another way in real life is not healthy and will manifest itself in his relationship soon enough. I sincerely hope you stop this and go spend your time learning and loving your wife/girlfriend instead. 

Thanks man.  You'll get on track too my friend, don't worry. 

 

As for Gotcha....  it's just a game to him.  He doesn't really care.  People like this just feed off of the confrontation.  I guess that's the textbook definition of a troll?  haha I don't know.  I mean, I'm showing my hand here but I do it a little bit in the post-rock thread because I know I can get a rise out of Derek and all those guys   But for me, it's not about being an asshole and provoking hostile confrontation, it's more about playing a goofy wackball persona that makes people go "wtf is with this guy lol".  All in good fun.  Pure entertainment.  Ask Derek how great Malacoda sounds on vinyl.  It's the best thing ever. 

 

But yeah anyway, I've seen people like this on Facebook too lately with politics....  saying such awful things to people who think differently than them and it makes me wonder "well, their daughter must certainly be getting trained to be a shitty human if this is how you treat other people online" or "well, this dude must have had absent parents because who would raise their kid in such a way as to result in them engaging in behavior like this?"  etc etc

 

It does give one pause to wonder whether the person is truly happy, and how they can genuinely be a good person in real life if they engage in such behavior online. 

[nancy_raygun]

7 hours ago, Gumbo72203 said:

It does give one pause to wonder whether the person is truly happy, and how they can genuinely be a good person in real life if they engage in such behavior online. 

If they're someone who gets joy out of frustrating strangers on the internet, then they're probably doing okay.  I gotta believe KenM is just on cloud 9.

[Shelby]

I'm still trying to figure out how not choosing a partner from your immediate surroundings is an insult. Then again I'd probably laugh at whatever picturesque marriage this guy has going on. I bet you aren't allowed to pick out any furnishings heh heh.

[Derek™]

The thing about Gotcha is that he's had at least 2 or more prior accounts on VC.  They're easy to pick out because he dive-bombs random threads with a degree of animosity that leaves everyone scratching their heads.  If a user with < 100 posts begins to ridicule members – seemingly out of nowhere – and lashes out at them with unprecedented angst... you can bet it's the same guy being a twerp.  The part that's puzzling is that it's gone on for years.  I wholeheartedly believe that he has a social disorder and should seek professional help.  No snark; life is too short to harbor that amount of bitterness.  You can say that you enjoy a good shitpost or that you pride yourself in being a troll, whatever.  And you may even get off on people struggling with real-world shit who voice their hardships in otherwise stable communities.  But when you take the time to publicly relish in everyone's misery and pick fights online, you can't sincerely tell me that you're anything less than someone aspiring to be a try-hard mouth-breathing keyboard brawler.  Fuck off and get help.

[Derek™]

And in attempt to at least steer the thread back on course, all I'll say is that I think you made the right call, Gumbo.  It's done, so there's no need for me to sit here and pick apart every segment of your posts that were red flags.  But there was a lot of unhealthy shit going on that sort of go hand-in-hand with dating someone at that age.  I believe that age gaps [typically] mean less and less as both parties age, but in your 20s it's a whole different ballgame.  Just my 2¢.  I think things could be weird for a bit but in time – sooner than later, actually – you'll be able to reflect on what you've shared in this thread and wonder why you made even half the effort that you did.

[Stress On The Sky]

Damn I missed out on a lot drama here.

 

Still @Gumbo72203 it seems you found your way to the right place, ending it was definitely the smartest move you could have made even if in the short term it stings. 

I'm going to wind up seeing my ex (together for 8.5 yrs apart for 2 years) in a couple of months at a wedding and I'm already shitting bricks. 
 

 

[Tommy]

[Stress On The Sky]

I'd say more nervous than excited. Every time its like a punch directly in the gut, last few times were awful and I drowned myself in whiskey to avoid the feelings it dredges up. Last time that lead to some very thoughtless actions on my part though when I cut short a goodbye hug with "That's enough of that!". I should have really apologised for getting blasted to avoid my awkwardness at the time but I never did. The funny thing is I was the one who called time on the relationship 2 years ago as the whole "marriage/kids" issue started rearing it's head and yet I'm the one panicking. 

 

This year I've quit smoking (another anxiety driven habit) and pretty much gone straight edge (I think I've had 3 beers a month since 2017 begun) so going in without that protective albeit idiotic defence mechanism has me panicking and over analysing like a lunatic. It's probably down to the fact that I haven't even tried to move on in the romantic sense and its my sole reference point for relationships that is causing all the worry. I've spent my two years scrimping and saving to get out of the property rental game before putting myself out there and in hindsight that is probably why even after two years of practically no contact she still looms so large for me.

Not really anything to do but grin and bear it though. Just wanted to vent.

 

[Gumbo72203]

8 hours ago, Stress On The Sky said:

It's probably down to the fact that I haven't even tried to move on in the romantic sense and its my sole reference point for relationships that is causing all the worry. I've spent my two years scrimping and saving to get out of the property rental game before putting myself out there and in hindsight that is probably why even after two years of practically no contact she still looms so large for me.

 

I feel you on this.  The girl I was with (officially) from 2005 to 2011 is still my major relationship reference point.  We were together casually before that, so you can probably tally the time to be from 2003 to 2011.  She was The One.  And I fucked it up.  Everything about that relationship was so fucking gloriously perfect before I ruined it. 

 

Although I have seen pictures of her now, and she's gained like.... 50 pounds.  It's weird.  She used to be so health-conscious and active.  She'd take fucking water aerobics classes at like 22! 

 

But yeah.  She's the benchmark.  Still trying to figure out how to find that again.  Probably never will.  Not sure I can ever let myself love someone that much again because after she broke up with me, a switch flipped inside where I was like "okay, never letting THAT happen to me again..." where I put all my everything in another person.  I've certainly cared about other people since, and maybe it was because at the time I didn't have my shit figured out and was so obsessed (she was so hot, and so awesome) with her that my happiness was tied to her, but now... I'm good.  I don't NEED another person.  I want another person, though. 

Anyway, I feel you man.  You'll be fine.  It's only a big deal if you make it a big deal.  The meaning that you give to the event IS the event.  (Trey Azagthoth/Tony Robbins). 

[Stress On The Sky]

Yeah I'll be fine, got plenty of friendly backup at the wedding and the whole reason I put the romantic life on hold is finally coming together after a year of work.

 

Just gotta try and not overthink it which should get easier as I get more entangled in setting up and kitting out my new place.

[Gumbo72203]

So, she just called me....  her cat threw up some blood last night, and she had to take him to an emergency vet today.  She kept calling me babe on the phone, she's like "I'm pissed off....  because I need your comfort!"  She was crying a little bit, and understandably-so... she's worried about her cat.  He was neutered on Friday and I guess he hasn't been eating much lately and has lost some weight, and now puked up blood last night. 

 

I guess I shouldn't be surprised tho, she has no idea what she wants and it's still early in the breakup.  People are funny sometimes.  I'm too kind-hearted to be like "dude you can't call me" or whatever. 

 

Anyway...  Figured you'd enjoy the update.  We don't talk or text nearly as much anymore though, which is fine.

 

 

In other news, a beautiful, beautiful girl I grew up and went to school with died this weekend.  Super sad.  I was always hoping to reconnect with her because we ended up having a lot of the same interests as adults now, and I feel like we could have been great, great friends.  The universe is very cruel sometimes.  She was such a beautiful spirit and person.  Truly inspiring. 

[Tommy]

14 hours ago, Gumbo72203 said:

she's like "I'm pissed off....  because I need your comfort!"

Oh, to be in your early 20s again. All I can see is this

[Derek™]

Truly.  It's a jarring wake-up call, but late teens / early twenties are when most people figure out that you seldom get to have your cake and eat it, too.  I hope you don't end up enabling her just to preserve some FWB perks.

[Gumbo72203]

35 minutes ago, Derek™ said:

Truly.  It's a jarring wake-up call, but late teens / early twenties are when most people figure out that you seldom get to have your cake and eat it, too.  I hope you don't end up enabling her just to preserve some FWB perks.

Honestly I don't know, haha.  Part of me is like "finally, it's done" but then I look at pictures of her and I feel a stirring...    So, I guess we'll see.  She has made it clear she still wants that aspect of the relationship.  She has told me countless times how she's a "very sexually active girl."

 

I guess it remains to be seen at this point. 

[Derek™]

So yeah this is going to pan out terribly for you.

 

I hate to be overly blunt, but this is one of those things that need to be said.  If you're both wish-washy and willing to hook up and support each other one day, and then break up the next, you're in for a world of misery.  I understand that being single sucks.  I understand you still have feelings for her.  And I get that you're attracted to her and willing to hang around to get laid.  But there's a widely accepted saying that you don't stick your dick in crazy.  If you want to pull your hair out over deciding what to do and how much you're willing to comply to your girl's sporadic needs, that's cool.  But every active participant in this thread has given you the voice of reason, and I think I can safely speak for everyone here when I say that absolutely no one wants to read several daily bumps of the thread that detail your phone-calls and have you voicing your grievances over how immature and frustrating the situation is.  There's only so many times we can suggest counting your losses and moving on, or reminding you that there are other fish in the sea.

Edited March 30, 2017 by Derek™

[Bladewillisisdead]

Yeah, I've been there and done that. It doesn't work out and it makes things way worse in the long run.

[Stress On The Sky]

Seriously time to walk away Gumby.

 

She doesn't know what she wants and she's having a bad time which admittedly sucks but adding another uncertain variable like a half relationship(friends with benefits) isn't exactly going to tone down the level of confusion and instability in her life.

 

If you were really chill you probably wouldn't feel the need to unburden yourself here so often so maybe take a look at that on a more critical level. If you're clinging on solely for some easy sex then ask yourself if you think that is actually helping anyone but you.  If you still have residual feelings ask yourself whether you think hanging around with someone you're into but is emotionally unavailable/unstable/unsuitable for the type of commitment you want from them is any good for you.

If you answer "Yes" to either of those points you are in some serious denial.
 

[Gumbo72203]

7 hours ago, Stress On The Sky said:

If you were really chill you probably wouldn't feel the need to unburden yourself here so often so maybe take a look at that on a more critical level. If you're clinging on solely for some easy sex then ask yourself if you think that is actually helping anyone but you.  If you still have residual feelings ask yourself whether you think hanging around with someone you're into but is emotionally unavailable/unstable/unsuitable for the type of commitment you want from them is any good for you.

Eh, I just like posting haha.  I enjoy being active in the community, and this is a thread relevant to something happening in my life... so I post.  I wouldn't necessarily think there's anything more deep to it than that. 

 

 

I mean... in all likelihood, I won't be seeing her.  She's an hour + away...  and I'm kinda over it.  I would say those stirring feelings are probably more related to memories of what we used to have.  I mean, to be honest.... I wouldn't put it out of the question that we hook up once more though just to kind of get closure on it I suppose, because we're still very friendly and cordial.  But who knows.  Regardless, I'm not going to put much/any effort into that haha.  

[Monastic_mike]

On 3/27/2017 at 7:57 PM, Gumbo72203 said:

I see us being somewhat of a semi-frequent friends with benefits thing, I suppose.  Maybe not the healthiest option haha, but....  both parties involved have needs

 

I'm still sad, because the whirlwind romance has now ended.  Lesson learned:  don't date a fucking 21 year old lol

I don't know the back story but I did once date a girl a few years ago I was sure was early 30's and turned out to be 20. I guess I suck at guessing haha. Anyway, as a single dad with a special needs child, I know I'm not what women want (plus I'm chubby and below average looking) but the year we spent together was great. Despite what people thought, it wasn't about sex, but having a GF who goes to RSD with us and such was so great.

 

She moved on to be with people who aren't technically old enough to be her dad, but we had a pretty good thing and I'm hoping to find an older version someday.

 

I hope it all works out for you.

[Gumbo72203]

On 4/17/2017 at 5:24 PM, Monastic_mike said:

I don't know the back story but I did once date a girl a few years ago I was sure was early 30's and turned out to be 20. I guess I suck at guessing haha. Anyway, as a single dad with a special needs child, I know I'm not what women want (plus I'm chubby and below average looking) but the year we spent together was great. Despite what people thought, it wasn't about sex, but having a GF who goes to RSD with us and such was so great.

 

She moved on to be with people who aren't technically old enough to be her dad, but we had a pretty good thing and I'm hoping to find an older version someday.

 

I hope it all works out for you.

Yeah I've totally moved on from her, we talked on the phone once when she called me some weeks ago, but it's totally done.  I'm so over it.  I still think about her, obviously, but.... I'm good haha.  Lesson learned, you can't force someone to be a grownup earlier than they're ready for. 

 

On 3/30/2017 at 0:24 PM, Derek™ said:

There's only so many times we can suggest counting your losses and moving on, or reminding you that there are other fish in the sea.

Incidentally enough, I gave this girl who works at my bank my number a couple weeks ago.  Her and I have had what I thought was a flirty thing going on for the last year or so, but I never made a move because A) i didn't want it to be weird if she shot me down B ) I wasn't 100% confident in a yes and C) I'd always been otherwise-involved. 

 

But she never texted me!  My friends said I should have gone for the full exchange, and I regret not doing it, but the way it played out seemed so natural and effortless.  She always has me stay at her window for a while and we talk and it's great, and this past time she slipped me a note that said "I hate it here" and we're laughing, talking about recent things, including the break-up.  Eventually, I ask her what kind of music she likes because I was going to a show that night and wanted to invite her out.  It ends up not being able to work out, and I'm like "Well hey, what if we got drinks or hung out sometime, would you be into that?" And she said yeah so I grabbed the notepad and wrote my number on it. 

 

The conversation was sort of dove-tailing around how much she didn't like working at the bank, because she had to work super early the following day (Saturday) and that's why she couldn't come out to the show (the band I was going to see went on at 11).  So, after I give her my number, she slides the notepad back to me having written "I'm looking for something else".

 

I immediately took that as a friendly shoot-down of my giving her my number, thinking she wasn't into me, and got super confused haha and we laughed a bit about it.  She ended up ripping up the parts of the notepad that said that and the other message, and kept my number, and I told her "Well hey, just text me later!" and she said she would.

 

But no text came.  Realllllllllllly thought this was a lock.  Very, very surprised.