jhulud

MAN ADVICE v2.0

2,803 posts in this topic

6 hours ago, nancy_raygun said:

Just because I feel differently, I'll say, doing stuff is lame.  My wife and I are codependent losers who never leave the house, except to go to work.  We come home every night, get drunk, listen to punk records, smoke cigarettes, then get high and play old video games or watch TV.  It's the best and I highly suggest it.  Outside and meeting people/having friends is way overrated when you can just be emotionally dependent on an angry feminist who knows how to mix cocktails.

 

Pretty much this is what's up.

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So I appreciate all of this advice, but what do I do right now?  I'm not necessarily trying to attract anyone (yet) and I'm not trying to win my ex back.  She didn't say a word when I told her i was sad about some of the stuff going on in our relationship and didn't try to fix it and next thing you know I was leaving and then it just ended.  I had been the happiest in our relationship (1 year of 4-5 days a week spending together / sleepovers) as ever, but one small thing she did really bummed me out so I confronted her.  And instead of trying to fix things she just sat there and practically scoffed at the idea of doing something for me (to make me less sad).  She didn't even say sorry.

 

I feel betrayed, confused, lost, alone... it doesn't stop.  And even though I don't think I want to get back together with her, I haven't found solace in this separation. I'm constantly on my phone as if it's going to vibrate and I'm going to feel better.  I had a snow day today (and didn't sled cause it was realllly bad out) and I couldn't find the strength or excitement to do something for myself.  I just moped and thought about sad shit and stuff. 

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1 hour ago, Team Avatar said:

So I appreciate all of this advice, but what do I do right now?  I'm not necessarily trying to attract anyone (yet) and I'm not trying to win my ex back.  She didn't say a word when I told her i was sad about some of the stuff going on in our relationship and didn't try to fix it and next thing you know I was leaving and then it just ended.  I had been the happiest in our relationship (1 year of 4-5 days a week spending together / sleepovers) as ever, but one small thing she did really bummed me out so I confronted her.  And instead of trying to fix things she just sat there and practically scoffed at the idea of doing something for me (to make me less sad).  She didn't even say sorry.

 

I feel betrayed, confused, lost, alone... it doesn't stop.  And even though I don't think I want to get back together with her, I haven't found solace in this separation. I'm constantly on my phone as if it's going to vibrate and I'm going to feel better.  I had a snow day today (and didn't sled cause it was realllly bad out) and I couldn't find the strength or excitement to do something for myself.  I just moped and thought about sad shit and stuff. 

 
 

You're describing some pretty relatable and normal feelings. If you have health insurance and aren't already in therapy, I would suggest looking into seeing a therapist. It helps to have a structured time and place to talk about stuff like this with someone who is trained to listen and support. Your depressed and bummed feelings are going to come out, whether you express them verbally or just carry it in your bones, and you'll want to let it out with your therapist rather than your next date. If you are already in therapy, maybe shift your discussions towards this stuff more and make it a point to talk out what you have been feeling/thinking; see if those thoughts/feelings still hold the same power over you after you've spoken them out loud with another person.

 

If you find yourself especially down, it can help to view yourself as if you were another person and show some compassion towards yourself the way you'd show compassion toward a friend who was down. Let yourself be bummed, acknowledge that it's OK to be bummed, and do something nice for yourself while feeling bummed. Go for a walk, put on your favorite band shirt, window shop at a record store/comic book shop, make some tea. Sometimes remembering that you are just a normal person who deserves compassion and some support can spark that same feeling you get when you are motivated to help someone else and that can help you muster the energy to do a dumb small favor for yourself.

Edited by richardsurf
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I really like that last part Rich - i'm gonna put on my favorite outfit tonight, thats for sure.  My friends aren't giving me the comfort I desire, so I guess I could do it for myself haha.  I haven't tried therapy yet but I don't know anyone who says it hasn't been incredibly helpful for them, so i will look into it for sure.

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57 minutes ago, Team Avatar said:

I really like that last part Rich - i'm gonna put on my favorite outfit tonight, thats for sure.  My friends aren't giving me the comfort I desire, so I guess I could do it for myself haha.  I haven't tried therapy yet but I don't know anyone who says it hasn't been incredibly helpful for them, so i will look into it for sure.

I went through a similar situation semi recently. 4-5 months of seeing this person every single day and all of a sudden...nope. Never again. It's a tough thing to work through but like most situations it will get better. I think everyone is right in saying to get out and do things for yourself. But also take whatever alone time you need to sort these things out in your head. You'll get better when your brain is ready to get better. Just know it'll happen. Which I'm sure you already do. Stay strong dude! Still coming out to PDX soon?

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Having hobbies and making plans with friends is always a good thing to do if you're into being social/active, etc... but if you're in a sensitive or vulnerable state it could be causing more harm than good to be constantly replacing the hole from your relationship with other people/distractions. Realistically, it's good to spend time feeling your feelings and letting them run its course. In my experience, the only way to truly come out of the other side of something emotionally taxing such as a loss/breakup is time. It sucks while you're in it but you'll always come out stronger than you think.

With that said, there are always exceptions. If you feel like you're really in a tough space, talking to a professional is never a bad idea.

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My divorce floored me. Needless to say, I was an emotional wreck. After feeling sorry for myself for way too long, the best thing I ever did was re-evaluate my personal goals for my own life and pursue those harder, which included a lot of stuff I had let fall by the wayside during the marriage, hanging out with my closest friends, and hitting the gym more. 

 

I would highly advise against not overindulging in the drink, weed, etc. Can't tell you how many times I started drinking after work and ended up curled in a ball on the floor crying my eyes out. 

Edited by roadmonkey

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1 hour ago, Team Avatar said:

I really like that last part Rich - i'm gonna put on my favorite outfit tonight, thats for sure.  My friends aren't giving me the comfort I desire, so I guess I could do it for myself haha.  I haven't tried therapy yet but I don't know anyone who says it hasn't been incredibly helpful for them, so i will look into it for sure.

put on your favorite outfit, hit the club with a bunch of blow, find a hottie who'll give you the comfort you desire, meet her in the bathroom stall and do it for yourself. that's all the therapy you'll need.

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This won't work for everyone but...get banned from VC for making threats to other members, come back immediately under a fake persona of a Russian scene kid whose dream is to backpack to the United States, give silly advice to someone asking for sincere advice, and you should feel great and fulfilled within seconds.

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16 minutes ago, Fungi said:

put on your favorite outfit, hit the club with a bunch of blow, find a hottie who'll give you the comfort you desire, meet her in the bathroom stall and do it for yourself. that's all the therapy you'll need.

Daily reminder for you to actually shut the fuck up and delete your account.

 

And a general announcement to anyone browsing this thread: never take "man advice" from a shitlord who pretends to live in a different country and poses as an emo dweeb stuck in 2006.  Please fuck off forever, Halo.

Edited by Derek™
rooks and Tommy like this

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12 minutes ago, Derek™ said:

Daily reminder for you to actually shut the fuck up and delete your account.

 

And a general announcement to anyone browsing this thread: never take "man advice" from a shitlord who pretends to live in a different country and poses as an emo dweeb stuck in 2006.  Please fuck off forever, Halo.

I thought it was WAXXX.

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4 minutes ago, jonnystorm777 said:

Haha this is really funny. Did he get banned or something? haven't seen him on here in a while. 

yeah, he did. and when he did, he proceeded to tag myself and @jhulud on instagram about it. Asked me if I knew anything about it, asking Juan to explain what was going on, it was pretty sad. I'm pretty positive I reported all his pictures as spam and blocked his ass. Fungi couldn't be him, because spelling isn't the Gator's specialty. 

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Not only that, but Fungi gravitates towards the same Coachella-core and Pitchfork-approved hip-hop that Halo lapped up.  He's also cheekily responded to accusations of being the same person.  I'm not 100% sure who the account belongs to, but for simplicity's sake I think we can agree that they're just as insufferable as Halo / Young Thug was.

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3 hours ago, The Butcha said:

I went through a similar situation semi recently. 4-5 months of seeing this person every single day and all of a sudden...nope. Never again. It's a tough thing to work through but like most situations it will get better. I think everyone is right in saying to get out and do things for yourself. But also take whatever alone time you need to sort these things out in your head. You'll get better when your brain is ready to get better. Just know it'll happen. Which I'm sure you already do. Stay strong dude! Still coming out to PDX soon?

thank you!

 

And yeah! we booked our flights. March 5th to 13th.   I'd love to meet up if your down, we don't have too much planned besides visiting my relative in PDX and Eugene, going to Baby Doll Pizza & Voodoo donuts and going to Bend and the coast.  Fair warning though, me and my friend are vegan :)

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19 minutes ago, Team Avatar said:

thank you!

 

And yeah! we booked our flights. March 5th to 13th.   I'd love to meet up if your down, we don't have too much planned besides visiting my relative in PDX and Eugene, going to Baby Doll Pizza & Voodoo donuts and going to Bend and the coast.  Fair warning though, me and my friend are vegan :)

 Vegan and straight edge?? Hanging with a stoner butcher?? I love it. 

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