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Mars

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Posts posted by Mars

  1. 29 minutes ago, OneThreeOneTwo said:

    I literally gave you a list of artists who did precisely that. You even quoted me listing them. And yet your brain forces you to wipe them away from your reply, somehow. Like, what's your damage? In your bid to try to uphold Adams as a victim, you're going to callously dismiss all the musicians who've worked hard (in DM's case, including kicking heroin FFS) to achieve mental wellness? That's... Pathological avoidance of reality. That's a "you" problem. You should fix that. By talking to a professional.

     

    Again, you're being wilfully blind/obtuse. This is classic enablement you're practicing. It's so fucking toxic. Stop pretending you can minimize a clear pattern of reckless and toxic behaviour that's been documented over decades. Hell, why don't you take 15 minutes and browse every Pitchfork article detailing Adams many instances of public meltdowns rather than Doublethinking all those moments away, as if they never existed because it's easier for you to pretend, today, that none of it happened?

    Let's just take a step back and not be so  argumentative. My brain didn't force me to 'wipe them away', nor did I disagree. Just for balance I pointed out that there are also artists that were not able to 'grow out' of a mental disorder. I am not trying to make Adams into a victim, and I haven't 'callously dismissed' anything. 

    The part of your statement I disagree with is  "...who grow and age into mental wellness." I am sure that a lot of struggle, effort, and time went into their mental wellness, and I think if anything, you do them a disservice by presenting it as something as simple as 'growing into' it. 

     

    What I am trying to do is present mental health issues in a way that is not black/white, victim/victimizer. I do speak with a professional,  I am not avoiding  reality, and I have not pretended that none of it happened.  Even re-reading my comments, I can't see the lens you are viewing me through.

    What I do see is that you've disagreed with some opinions that I expressed, and now you are attacking me personally - which is the 'toxic' part of the exchange. While I will discuss ideas, I won't take part in your character attacks.

  2. My stance is based on an assumption of actual mental health disorders: Narcissistic personality disorder or Bipolar disorder, or something similar. However, I am not a Doctor.

    I suppose my point was that it is one thing to operate for many years (your whole adult life) in broken and destructive ways, while being ignorant to hurt and damage you cause.  And because if your skewed reality

    that the disorder causes, you don't see the error of your ways - until something like the NYT article, after which you can no longer claim ignorance. 

    14 hours ago, OneThreeOneTwo said:

    Some of us wish that the guy that self-pityingly (but also honestly) sung "Screw all my friends/They're all full of shit/With a smile on your face/And then do it again/I wish you would" over 20 years ago would have grown and matured out of that self-destructive behaviour, especially given the access to mental health that comes with money & fame.

    Some of us don't sit around and justify or rationalize such behaviour in others. Some of us have decided to avoid being experts at enablement and don't confuse compassion with it. Some of us have grown the fuck up and expect others to do the same. *emoji shrug*

    But I am speaking more about the stigma of mental health issues generally, and less specifically about Ryan Adams - justifying/rationalizing or enabling was not my intent, nor is it a hill i'm willing to die on. 

    I would argue that having fame and money doesn't mean more access to mental health supports, though it should. More often than not, money & fame means that those around the rich and famous ignore and tolerate bad behaviour, and the warning signs go un-checked.  

     

    13 hours ago, OneThreeOneTwo said:

    And there are plenty of maladjusted young musicians who grow and age into mental wellness. Look at Nick Cave, Thom Yorke, Tom Waits, everyone in Depeche Mode, etc., etc. the list is long tbh so spare me the "genius and madness are bedfellows" argument. It's trite, and cliché AF.

    12 hours ago, tape said:

    Here's the thing: he clearly hasn't, and has no intention to. His behavior hasn't changed in 20 years and he shows no signs that he's likely to change.

     

    A person who wants to heal, change, and grow will find a way to do it. A person who doesn't want to will find ways not to.

     

    Also lol @ everyone but you being hyperbolic

    8 hours ago, DecayToDeath said:

    Nailed it. People who want to improve their character can do so, but the key word there is want. If you don't actually have intentions of changing your behavior, then you aren't "healing".

    There are also a number of examples of downward spirals, suicides, overdoses, etc. and mental wellness isn't something one just 'grows into' - that is like telling someone with depression 'just cheer up' or someone with ADHD 'just try harder'. 

    This part here I take issue with: "he clearly hasn't [changed], and has no intention to." A number of you claim to have insight into another's intentions and motivations based on -  what a couple articles you've read? 

    And while I agree, real change takes buy-in - you have to want it. However, wanting to change isn't enough on its own. But I love the word 'intention' when speaking about this, intention is key.

     

    9 hours ago, mr. sincere said:

    I assume everyone here advocating for giving Ryan space to "heal" also don't believe most of the allegations against him, which he and this total fluff piece are obviously trying to discredit, since they attempt to poke holes in most of the stories. 

     

    You assume incorrectly - and that is a dangerous and damaging assumption. I totally believe Mandy, Phoebe, Karen, and any of the others who have negative experiences with Ryan. That doesn't exclude me from thinking that Ryan is broken/damaged, and hoping he can heal, change, and become a good person.

     

     

  3. 3 hours ago, timsimmons said:

    You’re right it’s not black and white. 
     

    but also, this is not recent behavior. Since whiskeytown he’s demonstrated time and time again a pattern of toxic behavior. There are countless examples that come to mind from my almost 20 years of hardcore fandom. For a long time, me and certainly others wrote it off as rock n roll assholish behavior. But through the spectrum of the NYT article, it’s clear that it’s bigger and more ingrained than that. 
     

    he does need help. I hope he truly makes amends and works to better himself (it’s not done after 2 years of radio silence and an apology in the daily mail (of all papers). A redemption story is one everyone loves. I hope he gets one. I’m just not optimistic. 

     

    1 hour ago, DecayToDeath said:

    Yeah this is the mentality I've got at the moment, not only has it been a long-standing pattern, but all the recent press with him is just him begging for pity without truly copping responsibility. Classic move on an abuser's part to be victimizing themselves in times like these. He's not sorry he did anything, he's sorry he got caught.

    I get that it has been long-standing, and from an outside perspective it appears as rock n roll asshole. . . and perhaps that is all it amounts to. Another take is that those with a mental disorder or atypical neurological condition may go undiagnosed for a large part of their adult life, lacking a self-awareness about their (often symptomatic) behaviors.

    'Getting caught' is a loaded term, and certainly it is the catalyst in this situation, but that and the subsequent downward spiral would certainly trigger some self-awareness.

    He is definitely depressed and self-pitying, but I don't think that is the same as making himself out as the victim. Reality often differs depending on your lens, and most of our lenses only show us part of the story. 

     

    "truly copping responsibility" - what would this look like to you? And how are you sure that he hasn't?

     

    edit to say I hope no one interprets what I am saying a defense for or denial of shitty behaviour.

     

  4. Yeah, I have complex opinions on the matter, but don't really have the energy to write it all out. the tl;dr version is basically:

    Good or bad, right or wrong, Ryan hit rock bottom. If he is able to actually work through his shit, and get help, I think it is possible for him to come out a good/better person. This is based on me believing that he has legitimate mental health issues, and not that he is just an asshole who chose to do shitty things because he is a shitty person. 

    Some of you guys are ruthless, and frankly I am sad for you. The world is rarely so black and white, and we are all complex flawed people. I hope if any of you truly screw something up in your life, those around you have a more compassionate and forgiving attitude toward you.

  5. Ordered the German variant to Canada. Ended up being the most economical shipping.

    edit: I couldn't order the Belgium only variant - so I guess it is location-controlled. Love the new song - hopefully I'll be able to catch the tour in Toronto next May!

  6. 1 hour ago, Fowty Dollaz said:

    A bunch of the Baja Blasts have hit Discogs marketplace in Germany, UK, US, and Canada for less than or around $20. In case anyone is scrambling to get one of the elusive 20,000 copies pressed.

    Maybe 1234records didn't need to list all 40 of their copies all at once?

  7. 9 hours ago, mrewest said:

    anyways, anyone listen to that new Timelost?  I think it’s pretty bad relative to their first.  Hate the vocals.

     

     

    Thanks for the heads up, I'll have to give it a listen - really liked the last one

    edit: First song in. . . I hear what you mean, I think. It sounds like Rivers Cuomo on vocals...

    I dig the guitar sound though

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