MusicalMachine

Hello, anthropomorphic melodies. Call me MusicalMachine for now... I'm from Brazil, 24 years old. I didn't grow up in a very musically fertile environment, my family isn't driven by songs like most musicians families usually are. The most musical my parents are is to listen to 1/2 songs from their younger times... My father (78) is opposed to listening any songs besides the orchestral pieces from hir youth, while my mom (48) kinda listen to current popular music, but only when its playing randomly somewhere, so those never stuck with me that much. I kinda found my love for music on accident when I was really young, I was 11/12 when I remember find some music that never left my subconscious mind. From that point until today I have been singing non-stop whenever I shower or do something manual (like gardening, washing my dishes, etc). I remember asking my mom to support me, and the most support she gave was putting me in a guitar class with the worst professor ever. I just couldn't connect with him, so I disliked playing guitar even tought I love it. I love bass, and I'm obsessed by the goosebumps it gives me everytime i hear it playing somewhere, I think I would've enjoyed it more, or maybe the teacher was my problem. But, besides that I never had any opportunity to explore music. I only had that chance because the guitar teacher was linked to a program from my school. I didn't had money to buy instruments, pay for classes or anything. But, I've been trying really hard to learn by myself using youtube. I've been to an experimental vocal class last year, and the teacher said my voice was amazing, my vocal range was big and flexible and all of that, but I had to work on a bunch of minor things like nasality, posture, etc... And those are quite hard to fix when you don't have feedback. Anyway... The thing is... Ever since I found my love for music I've felt a strong feeling that I was born to be great. I have this feel that I have a flame burning inside me just waiting eagerly to be able to set the world on fire. I'm really creative, and all of that, but anxiety and depression have been locking me on my own house for almost 6 years. I don't want to give up on music, because of everything I have been trying in those 6 years, music has been the only thing that didn't abandon me or that I didn't abandon. I remember one day thinking real hard to quit this "stupid dream", and after falling asleep I've heard Michael Jackson telling me not to give up, which is strange cuz I'm not his biggest fan. I swear I even felt someone's presence in my room before I fell asleep. I feel like I'm here, writing this down because music... this fire... its keeping me warm. But I feel like my rhythm of life is slowly killing my chances. I don't even have money to seek a psychologists help... I know some people used to say, and are going to say, that I should follow my dreams no matter what, but I feel like the industry focus too much on teenagers/early young adults and I'm never going to thrive... And I don't want "ordinary recognition" (although it is already a big step), I want to be a fucking star... I feel like there's a freaking performer in me waiting to shake the music world... But I also feel at the mercy of my age and my problems, which I freeze me in time. And, I think thigs are a bit harder to me, cuz I have a sight doformation... Its not something aesthetci, but it makes everything harder to see... and i can potentially be blind if i don't take care of it... but anyway... I know I'm young haha 23/24 isn't that old, but I feel like its a long journey to take and I'm going to get older and older until the time comes for me to shine cuz its really rare for fame/recognition to happen overnight. Do y'all have any advices to me? What should a focus on improving my skills? Is there a chance of my art being recognized outside of Brazil, despite my age and ethnicity? Anyone that has depression/anxiety has any tips for me to shrink the size of those monsters?