My horror themed wedding Homily

[lokithelion]

I mentioned this when I got hitched and a few people wanted to hear it. My dad did my wedding and he made the homily, the littler sermon at the end of the ceremony, about my wife and I's love of horror. My crust punk and metal head friends were crying by the end of it and my boss and co-workers were confused.

"Dearly loved friends and relations, I have the honor of welcoming you all to this ceremony, in which we wed John Michael and Emily to each other.

They asked me to say a few words to set the proper mood and tone for their wedding.

I thought for quite some time about what I would say, discarding metaphors and quotes of love, before finally settling on a topic near to their hearts – Today I’m going to say a few words about zombies.

Zombies. The shambling ghouls of black and white Saturday matinees and the quick, ravenous monsters of modern horror are all suffering from the same disease – disconnection – from the world around them and from each other. They are generally incapable of communication and show no signs of personality or rationality

And aren’t we all there sometimes?

Don’t we shuffle to work, monosyllabic, until we get our caffeine, and then go through the motions of work and house as if completely unaware of other people? Don’t we set our sights on one desire after another, rushing from experience to experience without actually stopping to enjoy any of it?

Haven’t you found yourself staring into space, wishing for just a little more brains?

John Michael and Emily were there too and they’ve decided to take the only vaccine that works – they’ve decided to get married. By which I mean they’ve decided to get connected — unashamedly, unhesitatingly connected — to each other.

In this they refuse to become numb themselves, they promise to give each other attention, consideration, and kindness – emotions zombies most certainly do not share. They refuse to feed on the heart and mind of the other, agreeing instead to grow those things together and share them equally. And they vow not to allow the other to become a zombie when they aren’t looking – slipping into apathy, numbness, and a maddening hunger. They do these things with the shotguns of their love strapped strongly to their backs, the truncheons of their humor held firmly in their hands, and the chainsaw of faith --- which can slice open the mind and is sharper than a two edged sword..

Together, they will defend their humanity and their home with all the wit, grace, faith, and power of any spunky heroine or over-sized hero.

Together they are an example of what is possible when two people set their sights on the same star. They cut through our 21st century cynicism and prove that, in fact, zombification is not inevitable — that friendship, love, and desire, when held with both hands, are the only weapons any of us need to stay human.

With the zombies held at bay by their mutual promises, Michael and Emily are ready to face the other monsters of life – defending against the Frankenstein coworkers, the Soul Vampires of false friends, and the Mummy of age itself.

The adventure they are about to embark on has all the magic of any Hollywood movie and all the terror of true Lovecraftian horror – dread Cthulhu has nothing on balancing family Christmases, and learning love as Paul taught us, living and loving lives of mutual self-sacrifice

But the truest fact is that as long as they stick together, connected to each other, the zombies of life, real and imagined, apathetic and disastrous, cannot harm them.

That said, let’s get married, shall we?

The Almighty God, Our Father chose, as the crowning achievement of his creation, a marriage. Adam and Eve without sin joined before God as man and wife. This was the first marriage. Also, at the end of time, at the last day, the crowning achievement of God's plan is a marriage. The Lord Jesus Christ and his church, the spotless holy bride, will meet together at the marriage supper of the Lamb and begin an eternal union, forever and ever.

The Scripture says, "Two are better than one. But; Woe, to him that is alone when he falls". From this day forward you will no longer be alone in this world. The Lord charges you both to hold up the other ‘til death do you part. There is no divorce in a Christian marriage.

The Scripture also says, "A threefold cord is not quickly broken". The Lord himself is the third cord in your marriage. If you will remember to put the Lord first, your spouse second, and yourself last, you will have a blissful union, no matter what life throws at you.

In the first chapter of the book of Genesis when our God first created man he said, "Let us make man in our image, after our likeness". Then it continues, "God created man in his own image, in the image of God created he him; male and female created he them."

So then, in the very beginning, when mankind was first conceived, there was male and female, husband and wife. Then as Adam slept, God opened his side and took a part of him, that was already there, and formed the woman.

This is part of the wonderful mystery of God. This is what the Jews call "beshert". It means, "Meant to be." You are both part of one essence that was separated until now.

You will be joined as one today in holy matrimony but the wonderful truth is you were joined from before the foundation of the earth. The Lord has just allowed you to find each other. (Even though it might have taken a while for one of you to get the message.)

Remember these things when times are rough or you have misunderstandings or someone's feelings are hurt. This marriage is ordained by God Almighty. Difficult times are a time to grow. Learn to use your words to give life not death, and learn to forgive quickly. As Christ forgives you, so you need to forgive each other. Never hold a grudge.

Your spouse is a gift of God. Treasure them. Accept each other; comfort each other, encourage each other; and enjoy each other. Grow together in the grace of God and in your love for each other.

Your marriage and your love are a portrait that God gives to the world. It is an image and a shadow of his eternal love for his people.

A Final Blessing

Love blooms all around you. Look around you. See how many people laid claim to you. Not just as a friend but as a part of their own family. It is because of the love that emanates from you. You are like a magnet for other peoples love.

You have grown up to be such a beautiful godly woman and a godly man.

Emily you have been in our lives since High School. I we have grown to love you so. I am so glad that you will be a part of our family

My final advice is to pray together. Let the threefold cord continually be strengthened. Enjoy this day. We love you both."

My dad is awesome.

[silentgods]

bad-ass.

[monk0nuggets]

He sounds pretty awesome.

[lonesomexloveus]

my mom specifically told me that when i write my toast for my sister's wedding i am not allowed to include anything zombie related. bummer.

[silentgods]

my mom specifically told me that when i write my toast for my sister's wedding i am not allowed to include anything zombie related. bummer.

tell her its a metaphor.

[lonesomexloveus]

my mom specifically told me that when i write my toast for my sister's wedding i am not allowed to include anything zombie related. bummer.

tell her its a metaphor.

alas, my mom is too smart for that.

either that, or she knows me too well.

[jasonskanks]

your dad is awesome.

[lokithelion]

yep. my grand mother was furious.

[jimmythescumbag]

your dad is awesome.