littlerobot

Probably Bloodsport or Big Trouble Little China.

It was on best of craigslist, go figure.

reminds me of this story. I have recently made a mistake in my life, and I offer my story to you, that you may learn from my error. It all started, as many things do, with me having trouble shitting. No, I was not constipated; this was not a regularity problem but a matter of technique. It seems my ass-hair had grown to such a length that tiny grogans were constantly getting tied up in the matted jungle between my asscheeks. It led to much frustration, with me KNOWING that I still had something to drop, but unable to shake the tenacious turd loose from its butthair dwelling. Eventually I would have to do two things: either reach down with some paper and try to pinch off the lingering loaf (which required careful precision to avoid smearing the creature all over my rear, especially since I had no way of seeing what I was doing) or just go for broke, start wiping, and hope that I could remove all the leftover fecal matter before the toilet paper reached its Can't-Be-Flushed threshold. I was contemplating this problem, when I had what seemed at the time to be a bright idea. "Hey! This is my butt and my butt-hair, right? So why don't I just eliminate all the hair, and then my grogans will flow out like beer from a keg!" I said to myself. It is a statement that will go down in history with a lot of other regretted statements. "How many Indians could there be?" said by General Custer. "Looks like a good day for a drive!" by JFK. "There! America On-Line now has complete Usenet access!" by some idiot system tech. Such was my anal shaving idea. I performed the operation that night, with a cheap disposable razor and a towel to sit on. Starting from the bottom, and shaving from the crack to the cheeks, I began the arduous process of ridding my ass of hair. Occassionally, I would have to clean the razor of accumulated hair and miscellaneous slime, which I did by wiping it on the towel. Slowly, my twin mounds and the between-ravine began to resemble the hairless cheeks of a newborn baby. Finally, I wiped the razor one last time, and surveyed my work. The towel was covered with a pile of hair. My ass was smooth as ivory. I smiled, satisfied, thinking my troubles were over. Little did I know. I now have a great respect for anal-hair. Like everything in this world God created, it has its mighty purpose in existence. It was only after I had removed it that I started to learn how much I had been taking it for granted. For one, it provides friction. I learned this the next day, when I walked out into the sun heading for class. After climbing two flights of stairs and starting to sweat, I started to notice something unpleasant. The sweat was accumulating in my crack, and was causing the unpleasant sensation of my two asscheeks sliding past each other with every step. I thought about going to the bathroom and wiping it off, but had to get to class. Eventually, I thought, it would dry. Unfortunately, it did dry, but only after mingling with the microscopic shit- molecules lingering around my brown starfish. When I stood up after class, my cheeks were stuck together with a slimy sticky shit/sweat combination. As I made my way back to my dorm, it started to itch. God-DAMN, did it itch! Felt like a swarm of ants was making its way up and down my crack. Fighting to keep from jamming my hand down there and scratching away, I rushed back to the dorm. Unfortunately again, this exertion caused me to sweat, and when I finally reached my room, my cheeks were sliding back and forth against each other like a pair of horny cane-toads. I quickly dropped my pants, and attempted to dry my ass off by sticking it in front of a fan and spreading my cheeks. As I pulled the two mounds of flesh apart, a horrible stench burst free and filled the room. Every dog within a 4 block radius started to howl. I had it worst of all, as the ripe aroma of festering shit/sweat went into the fan and blew back into my face. I fought to keep from heaving. And as I sat there, fighting vomit, my ass cheeks spread and dripping, with the concentrated aroma of my body odor mixed with the tangy smell of my own shit blowing right into my face, I had only one thought: "It will be like this until the hair grows back. Weeks." Later on, trying to deal as best I could, wiping my ass at every opportunity, I discovered another wonderful use for ass-hair - ventilation. I attempted to launch a fart, only to have it get stuck between my asscheeks. Apparently, with no hair, the two pink twins can get vacuum sealed together, and the result was a frustrating fart that slid up and down between my cheeks like a lost gerbil. As if that wasn't enough, I am now enduring further torture. As anyone who has ever shaved anything knows, when hair is first growing in, it comes in as stubble. Imagine your ass having the texture of a brillo pad. Well, that is what I am dealing with now. It is a hellish torture, and there are many times when I just look out the window and contemplate why I shouldn't just jump out and get it all over with in one fleshy splat, rather than endure this constant agony.

wait, beggars is already sold out? im sure theres a bunch of these in stores.

yea theres some pretty crazy John F. collectors that would kill for that record. Sell it while its hot with the news of John leaving the chili peppers.

I don't see this thing blowing up as a social networking giant like Twitter. Its a fun site to mess around with when I'm completely bored, just posted to see if anyone else had one and ask some redonkulous questions. It'll probably die off soon.

Yea when youre logged in, theres an option for asking anonymously or with your login name. If you put your name along with the question it kinda defeats the purpose of the site because I could ask someone a question anywhere else (twitter,fb.......).

pretty much any band on sargent house.

heres mine http://www.formspring.me/littlerobots . pretty cool idea. Its basically a site where people can ask you questions anonymously, or you can make an account and your name pops up.

I promised that if I ever get a cat or a dog, I would name it Helicopter. you can steal it if you like.

Portugal. the Mon and The Farts Volta.

if i can somehow get 55 dollars into my paypal tonight ill get mw2..

I would say somewhere around 20 hours working the Madonna concert at Dodger Stadium. But that wasnt too tiring. The killer one was when i worked the rose parade, went got there at 3 am. Parade job finished around 1pm and drove down the street to buss tables at my other job till 6pm.

hahaha. wow.

anyone thats not lazy like myself wanna make a VC group on Last.fm ???

Saw this movie in 3d. I laughed at the trailer when i saw it a while back. I thought it was some kind of Chronicles on Narnia shit but, damn was I wrong. Those smurfs really kicked some ass. Great movie.

Youve just earned yourself a +1 with that one. In a fucking hot tub!

im still patiently waiting for these to come out some day.

http://www.last.fm/user/luislasports

You should post this on the coma if you havent already.

Im so excited!

I hope so. Hes been on every album since frances, so I wouldnt doubt hes sticking around for newer stuff.

http://johnfrusciante.com/ This is what im feeling right now :'( He is the reason I decided to pick up a guitar, along with thousands of people around the world. But this didnt come as a surprise. His solo music is so different than the pop-frame of RHCP, that I didnt understand how he could keep going back and making pop music. It was only a matter of time. Im excited as hell to hear some new solo stuff, and dare I dream some solo shows.

Oh god, i had forgotten about that black eyed peas song. I had to hear that song at work every day a few times. Guess it ties Be Gone.

So what song made you want to punch a kitten this year? I nominate Brand New- Be Gone.