jamesferenc Posted November 25, 2008 Share Posted November 25, 2008 So I am really bummed out today. Past couple days have been really shitty, thats why I haven't been posting to much. I guess I will just get right into it. I decided to ask you guys since you are some pretty chill guys/gals with some good advice and pick-me-ups. So today I was going out with my girlfriend for dinner at a place called Chopstix. I got there a little early to get a table and what not so there was no wait. Well when I was walking by I spotted my dad sitting down with another women...I waved because I thought it was my mom until she came into view and it was far from my mom. She was in a pretty fancy sweater and what not. When my dad saw me he freaked, threw on his jacket and rushed outside, the lady just looked at me. He came out and told me he was getting some dinner before work and what not. I was so...in shock I guess I blew it off and went into Chopstix. After sitting down for a good 5 minutes it hit me, real hard. I started freaking out in my head and the thought of my dad having an affair just completely destroyed me inside. I texted him and told him we need to talk. He called me a minute later and told me he was having dinner with some co workers and that most of them left. Then he said he was going home because they called off work? Yet when I saw him he said he was having dinner before work. Stories didn't match up, he went on to tell me how much he loved me and how we are a family and that he knows it looks bad but it really wasn't like that. Dinner was really shitty until she came and I kind of put it behind me. But ever since I got home my dad has been sucking up to me, talking to me more, joking with me a lot more. And it is really leaving me puzzled and confused. The reason this hurts me that much is that my father is my role model, he is who I look up to. He pays for my school, my car, my life pretty much. He has taken such a big role in my life and the thought of him doing that just blows my mind, and looking at him will never be the same. I later came and found out from my best friends mom that he has cheated on my mother before, so he doesn't have the best track record. I really don't know what to do, or think right about now. Usually people say it's okay, and that it happens. But my dad is pretty much my life, and seeing him do that to my mom is just a killer. It is a lot to learn in just an hour. Got any ways to approach this? Things to do? My one friends idea was to follow him to work in my friends car to see if he goes to work, or....well....not work. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
flicker Posted November 25, 2008 Share Posted November 25, 2008 kill yourself. again. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
xlovecolouredx Posted November 25, 2008 Share Posted November 25, 2008 i know how you feel,jamesferenc. i think you have to ask your dad for a guy talk. and it will be work if he throw his fatherhood away and open his mind to talk with you what happend and what will be happens next. i'm not sure this is a good suggestion or not. but you have to be strong and face with it. good luck.... Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
jamesferenc Posted November 25, 2008 Author Share Posted November 25, 2008 kill yourself.again. Been there, done that. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
voodooramen Posted November 25, 2008 Share Posted November 25, 2008 That's really a bummer man. Sorry to hear that. Personally I haven't been in such a situation so I can't give real solid advice on exactly what to do. I think you need to at least talk with him about it first. Lying will not help anyone, so if you can get him to admit he is doing something and you show serious concern I don't think he will take that badly. Getting caught in the act at the restaurant totally blew his cover, and he obviously was ashamed about it, kind of proving he knows what he did could ruin everything. I suppose you could go undercover first and follow him, but it seems kind of blatant something is up with how you said he reacted. You can give him the benefit of the doubt until you have more than just seeing him with a woman at a restaurant. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
jamesferenc Posted November 25, 2008 Author Share Posted November 25, 2008 This is a classic episode from any comedy of the 90s. Who thought they could actually happen Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
jamesferenc Posted November 25, 2008 Author Share Posted November 25, 2008 That's really a bummer man. Sorry to hear that. Personally I haven't been in such a situation so I can't give real solid advice on exactly what to do. I think you need to at least talk with him about it first. Lying will not help anyone, so if you can get him to admit he is doing something and you show serious concern I don't think he will take that badly. Getting caught in the act at the restaurant totally blew his cover, and he obviously was ashamed about it, kind of proving he knows what he did could ruin everything.I suppose you could go undercover first and follow him, but it seems kind of blatant something is up with how you said he reacted. You can give him the benefit of the doubt until you have more than just seeing him with a woman at a restaurant. Yeah it blew ass. Thanks appreciate it. I think that I will follow him first and if I find anything els I will have a sit down with him. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
flatlinemole Posted November 25, 2008 Share Posted November 25, 2008 i would dump her. if she can't wait at a restaurant for a table, then she doesn't deserve you. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
controlthebleeding Posted November 25, 2008 Share Posted November 25, 2008 This sounds like a episode of FREAKS N GEEKS or Degrassi: The Next Generation. Sorry to hear that, but when it comes down to it. if you're dad is being super nice, it's most likely he's hiding something... while it may not be anything at this moment but flirting or just hanging out (some men do enjoy the company of other women for the sheer sake of just someone else to talk too), you might want to let him know that you know somethings going on and and have a sit down with him. It might be a odd situation like a episode of "Three's Company" Talking to him is probably the best option at least to get the full story.. and then you can go from there... Then again i might be talking out of my ass so don't listen to what i have to say. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
danthemjfan23 Posted November 25, 2008 Share Posted November 25, 2008 don't follow him. trust me. no good can come from that. if you catch him then what? if you don't, you'll always have doubts in your mind that he just stopped or you just couldn't catch him in the act. you sound mature enough to talk with him man to man. you don't need to tell him what he's doing is wrong (if he's doing that...), cause he knows. just tell him how you feel about him and how much you respect him and all that he's done for you up to this point in your life. tell him that if you ever found out about anything like that, it would crush you and really shake the foundations of your trust and all that respect you have built up for him from over the years. if he cares about you and your mom (as i'm sure he does, he's probably just going through some tough shit...), he'll listen to what you have to say and take it into serious consideration. just be respectful about it, and don't make any accusations you can't 100% back up with facts, because that will just start a fight. it sounds like you caught him in the act, but again, like controlthebleeding said, it could just be him being friends with somebody who is not your mom. if you approach it the right way, you'll be able to tell what the story is by your dad's reactions to you. and remember, sometimes role models are people who show you the way NOT to act. either way, keep your head up. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
cadetapplesauce Posted November 25, 2008 Share Posted November 25, 2008 don't follow him. trust me. no good can come from that. if you catch him then what? if you don't, you'll always have doubts in your mind that he just stopped or you just couldn't catch him in the act. you sound mature enough to talk with him man to man. you don't need to tell him what he's doing is wrong (if he's doing that...), cause he knows. just tell him how you feel about him and how much you respect him and all that he's done for you up to this point in your life. tell him that if you ever found out about anything like that, it would crush you and really shake the foundations of your trust and all that respect you have built up for him from over the years. if he cares about you and your mom (as i'm sure he does, he's probably just going through some tough shit...), he'll listen to what you have to say and take it into serious consideration. just be respectful about it, and don't make any accusations you can't 100% back up with facts, because that will just start a fight. it sounds like you caught him in the act, but again, like controlthebleeding said, it could just be him being friends with somebody who is not your mom. if you approach it the right way, you'll be able to tell what the story is by your dad's reactions to you. and remember, sometimes role models are people who show you the way NOT to act. either way, keep your head up. i agree. listen to this dude. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
aarondanger Posted November 25, 2008 Share Posted November 25, 2008 Something like that happened to my parents when I was in high school, and it was a bummer. Honestly some people don't have father or a family unit for that matter. You dad obviously knows he did something wrong, but its not an excuse. Who knows maybe seeing you at chopstix made him realize what he was doing was wrong. I'm sure it will be fine dude. Don't stress Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
faith Posted November 25, 2008 Share Posted November 25, 2008 if I was your mom, I'd want to know Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
hickey Posted November 25, 2008 Share Posted November 25, 2008 Leave it alone. Parents do fucked up shit. As much as it bothers you, knowing the truth could be worse and could make things even more awkward. Just take your dad's word for it that nothing is going on. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
brentoage Posted November 25, 2008 Share Posted November 25, 2008 i would dump her.if she can't wait at a restaurant for a table, then she doesn't deserve you. holy shit. i laughed out loud. also, sucks dude. i hope your dad isn't really being a scumbag. the best thing to do is talk to him about it, and let him know what is on your mind. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
jamesferenc Posted November 25, 2008 Author Share Posted November 25, 2008 Hahaha @ flatline Yeah thanks for the advice, I think I am going to play it off for now, see how things go then if needed have a talk with him. If things go the way you guys say, and the way I kind of see it, I scared him shitless to do it again. Thanks again. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
xlovecolouredx Posted November 26, 2008 Share Posted November 26, 2008 d' you still stress about this, jamesferenc ? Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Guest afsdan Posted November 26, 2008 Share Posted November 26, 2008 and remember, sometimes role models are people who show you the way NOT to act. good advice. I learned this years ago. plus, your dad is his own man, free to make his own decisions. free to fuck up on his own. let him be. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
olmec Posted November 26, 2008 Share Posted November 26, 2008 Sounds like a job for.... ...Joey Greco Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
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