Guest Posted September 24, 2014 Share Posted September 24, 2014 As someone who was the dumb girl in that situation, you're right there really is nothing you can say. I went back to my ex over and over again because I thought I couldn't do any better. All my friends HATED him and actually physically restrained him from me multiple times. It still makes me tear up how much they tried to protect me and always stuck by me no matter how dumb I was being. Sigh Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Princess Logan Posted September 24, 2014 Share Posted September 24, 2014 I've been the dumb girl too. It also puts me in pain to see how I've acted in the past. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
tarzioo_ Posted September 24, 2014 Share Posted September 24, 2014 I've always been the dumb girl so I definitely Cringe when I see how he treats her. But the only way I got away was when I decided it was time. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
hippielauryn Posted September 24, 2014 Share Posted September 24, 2014 I wouldn't say you ladies are dumb, but blinded by what you thought love was or what you thought you deserved as far as love goes. At least you all were smart enough to get out of it eventually, right? But yes, everyone deserves someone who will be kind and loving towards them. Some people don't think they deserve that, but maybe one day they will figure it out. Until then, you have to let them make their own mistakes and learn from them. It's very difficult, for me at least, as an outsider to give relationship advice, because there are ups and downs in every relationship and sometimes you only hear about the bad stuff and not the good. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
laralaurent Posted September 24, 2014 Share Posted September 24, 2014 It's amazing to me how men (and yes, I know women do it too) will invest time and effort in someone that they ultimately do not want to be with. Dating can be so fucked Despite all my better knowledge I've found myself in a situation where I cannot tell if he likes me or not. Usually I'm uninterested at this point for my time's sake but dude has a hold on me that I cannot shake. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
tarzioo_ Posted September 24, 2014 Share Posted September 24, 2014 Despite all my better knowledge I've found myself in a situation where I cannot tell if he likes me or not. Usually I'm uninterested at this point for my time's sake but dude has a hold on me that I cannot shake. I definitely understand this. It's so frustrating! You just want to yell at them to find out the deal but then you don't want to come across as too direct so you just wait and try and figure it out. Ah!! Just talking about it stresses me out! I can't do the whole dating thing. I just stress too much. Personally I get too scared and don't want to put myself out there. I ask people for advice and then I never take it lol. So I don't know. I don't think anything I just said made any sense. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Princess Logan Posted September 24, 2014 Share Posted September 24, 2014 I'm currently stressing out because the package I sent to boydude arrived at 11 today. He hasn't said anything to me about it nor has he texted back from earlier. But he DID like my photo on instagram. I figure he's at work and I know he's not just going to blow off that I sent him a really nice care package of stuff. I hate that I get so up in my head about this shit, like actually making my stomach hurt over it. THE STRESS OF NOT KNOWING WHAT IS GOING ON IN A DUDE'S MIND. I FEEL IT. I FEEL IT SO HARD. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
tarzioo_ Posted September 24, 2014 Share Posted September 24, 2014 I'm currently stressing out because the package I sent to boydude arrived at 11 today. He hasn't said anything to me about it nor has he texted back from earlier. But he DID like my photo on instagram. I figure he's at work and I know he's not just going to blow off that I sent him a really nice care package of stuff. I hate that I get so up in my head about this shit, like actually making my stomach hurt over it. THE STRESS OF NOT KNOWING WHAT IS GOING ON IN A DUDE'S MIND. I FEEL IT. I FEEL IT SO HARD. he probably hasn't made it home yet! Don't worry! Start worrying if a week goes by. (It won't though! ) Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
̮ ɤ ̮ Posted September 24, 2014 Share Posted September 24, 2014 THE STRESS OF NOT KNOWING WHAT IS GOING ON IN A DUDE'S MIND. Less than you think. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
hippielauryn Posted September 24, 2014 Share Posted September 24, 2014 Less than you think. TRUTH! hahaha Especially with the way girls tend to overanalyze everything. Guys have a much simpler mindset. You can't over think it. It will be your downfall when it comes to relationships. JUST GO WITH THE FLOW!!!! Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
-tess. Posted September 24, 2014 Author Share Posted September 24, 2014 It's amazing to me how men (and yes, I know women do it too) will invest time and effort in someone that they ultimately do not want to be with. Dating can be so fucked Despite all my better knowledge I've found myself in a situation where I cannot tell if he likes me or not. Usually I'm uninterested at this point for my time's sake but dude has a hold on me that I cannot shake. That is what happened with this last guy I was seeing. So I just straight up asked him if he wanted me or not, and he was like "ummmm eerrrrr....uhhhhhh....." Merp. I am hella bitter. But at least I know now. I hate wasting my time on some guy that is just playing head games. Grow up. But I'll be normal again someday. Maybe. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Guest Posted September 25, 2014 Share Posted September 25, 2014 Total respect for you tess, it takes a brave lady to do what you did! Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Guest Posted September 25, 2014 Share Posted September 25, 2014 Sidenote, who hates being called ma'am!? Some children asked to pet Frank and called me ma'am. I know I don't even look 25, so don't be calling me a ma'am. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
laralaurent Posted September 25, 2014 Share Posted September 25, 2014 That is what happened with this last guy I was seeing. So I just straight up asked him if he wanted me or not, and he was like "ummmm eerrrrr....uhhhhhh....." Merp. I am hella bitter. But at least I know now. I hate wasting my time on some guy that is just playing head games. Grow up. But I'll be normal again someday. Maybe. Woof, yeah. That conversation will probably have to happen soon. Honestly it's enough for me if we just establish that we enjoy each other and like hanging out. I keep trying to convince myself that he's probably bad for me and that I shouldn't put my eggs all in one basket and I actually do sometimes. And then I hang out with him and forget all of that lol. C'est la vie! Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
-tess. Posted September 25, 2014 Author Share Posted September 25, 2014 Total respect for you tess, it takes a brave lady to do what you did! Meh. But it felt pretty good. Sidenote, who hates being called ma'am!? Some children asked to pet Frank and called me ma'am. I know I don't even look 25, so don't be calling me a ma'am. Gross. Ya, I hate being called ma'am. I much prefer miss. Woof, yeah. That conversation will probably have to happen soon. Honestly it's enough for me if we just establish that we enjoy each other and like hanging out. I keep trying to convince myself that he's probably bad for me and that I shouldn't put my eggs all in one basket and I actually do sometimes. And then I hang out with him and forget all of that lol. C'est la vie! Yeah, I know the feel. That is kind of where I was at too. Although, I did imply that I wanted a relationship down the line. So our situations were a bit different. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
tarzioo_ Posted September 25, 2014 Share Posted September 25, 2014 Sidenote, who hates being called ma'am!? Some children asked to pet Frank and called me ma'am. I know I don't even look 25, so don't be calling me a ma'am. Ugh. Hate it! Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
futures Posted October 1, 2014 Share Posted October 1, 2014 I hope its okay if I tell you gals this: Erik dropped a bomb on me last night. I noticed he's been short with me lately but he kept telling me nothing was wrong. I was getting tired of his constant negativity so we had it out and he finally broke down and told me that he gets frustrated that I'm sick and that I can't do all of the things we used to do when we first started dating. Frustrated in the sense that he can't help me more and that he can't make me get better no matter how much and how often he hopes I will. He feels so terrible that he feels this way and he's having trouble controlling his emotions about it, so it sometimes comes across as anger and frustration towards me. As an aside, I've been working with my mom and my insurance company to find a chronic illness therapist for me to start going to, so after he told me everything we decided that it would be a good idea for him to see the therapist, too, since my disease is clearly affecting him as well. He can't see when I'm already at the boiling point with what I can or can't do, and he also can't see when I'm pushing myself to do things when my body is resisting it - most recently being this past Saturday when he asked me to go to a festival with him and his friends. I was in pain all day but he couldn't see it. So when I told him that I didn't complain about going and that I was hurting inside physically, he felt even more awful for letting himself get frustrated with me. I was really stressed about this last night, but I told him that I promise to work harder towards my lifestyle change (paleo diet, more research of holistic treatments, etc.), and he promised to be more up front about his emotions so he doesn't suppress them. He's going to see the therapist with me at least once (or more if it doesn't cost too much) and let them know how it's effecting the both of us together. I totally sympathize for him, though. As hard as it is for me to live day in and day out trapped in this body, it's got to be hard for him to see me go through it 24/7. I rely on him a lot and I never thought to ask how all of this has affected him. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
tarzioo_ Posted October 1, 2014 Share Posted October 1, 2014 Aww egg The important thing is that he told you about it. I can see how he's frustrated in the sense that he feels helpless. My friends that I'm staying with had something similar with them. R has an issue with rapid cardio so he's very restricted in what he can and can't eat as well as eating times. I know it was very hard when R and his boyfriend were trying to adjust to this new lifestyle and his boyfriend would get upset the same way your boyfriend is getting upset because he felt like he couldn't help. I like the therapy idea. Being able to talk out in the open helps quite a bit. I hate that you have to go through all this. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
futures Posted October 1, 2014 Share Posted October 1, 2014 Yeah I think overall I'm glad I know what I know. But I'm just nervous about him getting angry towards me in the future. I'm having a hard time finding a therapist. My mom has been calling the offices for me (she's a teacher and gets home by 3:30p and can call during office hours, I can't because I work util 5p) and she said that one line was disconnected, one office won't see new patients after 5p, one was a fax machine, and the last one she left a message and never heard back. These were all numbers that the insurance company (mental health division) gave me that are in network and either near my job or my apartment. I thought I was going to get lucky since all 4 numbers were for therapists who only work with chronic illness patients. That sounds really tough about your friend. =\ Is this something new for him? Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Sad Heart Posted October 1, 2014 Share Posted October 1, 2014 Shit just got real in here. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
tarzioo_ Posted October 1, 2014 Share Posted October 1, 2014 My sister has a similar work schedule and she has trouble finding doctors outside her work schedule. It may be tough, but hopefully you can find someone who works Saturdays or late evenings so you won't have to miss work to meet with them. They have to be out there though because so many people have an 8-5 work window. My friends took a lot of time to adjust to the new routine. Even with me visiting this week, I've had to adjust my schedule too. They had a lot of trouble in the beginning because both of them wouldn't really talk about it to each other but now they seem to communicate pretty well especially if one is feeling frustrated. For example, his boyfriend will feel bad if he really wants to eat something R can't have and gets a little mad even though R doesn't mind if his boyfriend eats that but they seem to talk a lot more openly about it which has helped quite a bit! I would always get stuck in the middle and they would both vent to me about their frustrations but now they talk to each other. You two are talking about it and I think that's great! Talking helps so so so much! Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
futures Posted October 1, 2014 Share Posted October 1, 2014 Shit just got real in here. You joke, but welcome to my life. My sister has a similar work schedule and she has trouble finding doctors outside her work schedule. It may be tough, but hopefully you can find someone who works Saturdays or late evenings so you won't have to miss work to meet with them. They have to be out there though because so many people have an 8-5 work window. My friends took a lot of time to adjust to the new routine. Even with me visiting this week, I've had to adjust my schedule too. They had a lot of trouble in the beginning because both of them wouldn't really talk about it to each other but now they seem to communicate pretty well especially if one is feeling frustrated. For example, his boyfriend will feel bad if he really wants to eat something R can't have and gets a little mad even though R doesn't mind if his boyfriend eats that but they seem to talk a lot more openly about it which has helped quite a bit! I would always get stuck in the middle and they would both vent to me about their frustrations but now they talk to each other. You two are talking about it and I think that's great! Talking helps so so so much! I miss a lot of work due to my appointments. Only my allergist works with me and my work schedule. I'm really grateful for her flexibility, I just wish more Doctors adapted that mentality. My parents have been urging me to see a therapist for almost 10 years because of chronic illness (I have two). Now that I've got Hashi's, they feel bad that they never made sure I saw someone in 2005/6 for my first one. I'm really glad that your friend and his boyfriend are doing better and talking things out to eachother rather than venting it all to you. Communication is so important, especially when the relationship is "burdened" (I say that in quotes because Erik tells me never to consider myself a burden to anyone for things I cannot help) with things like this. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Princess Logan Posted October 1, 2014 Share Posted October 1, 2014 Oh man, Ashton. I'm sorry This stuff definitely isn't easy to go through and I wish I could wave a magic wand to make it better. The good thing is not only that Erik told you what was going on but also that he agreed to work on it. Have you ever tried to explain the spoon theory to him? I know that he understands that sometimes you just can't do things more than most people would, but you and I are both well-versed in spoons. Maybe it would be another easy way to talk about how low your energy is? You guys will absolutely get through this and that's the important thing to remember. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Guest Posted October 1, 2014 Share Posted October 1, 2014 The fact that Erik wants to help you, and is frustrated that he can't, is a representation of a good, supportive relationship I think. He's not focusing on how your illness is hindering his life or holding him back, he's frustrated because he just wants to make everything okay but doesn't know how. It's great that you have a supportive man in your life! Sorry you have to deal with all this though, you are very strong. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
futures Posted October 1, 2014 Share Posted October 1, 2014 Oh man, Ashton. I'm sorry This stuff definitely isn't easy to go through and I wish I could wave a magic wand to make it better. The good thing is not only that Erik told you what was going on but also that he agreed to work on it. Have you ever tried to explain the spoon theory to him? I know that he understands that sometimes you just can't do things more than most people would, but you and I are both well-versed in spoons. Maybe it would be another easy way to talk about how low your energy is? You guys will absolutely get through this and that's the important thing to remember. Yeah we've discussed the spoons! Those types of comparisons are difficult with him to grasp... having questions like "How can you decide when and how to borrow spoons?" etc. Thanks so much for always being someone I can rely on, Logan. It means so much to me.<3 The fact that Erik wants to help you, and is frustrated that he can't, is a representation of a good, supportive relationship I think. He's not focusing on how your illness is hindering his life or holding him back, he's frustrated because he just wants to make everything okay but doesn't know how. It's great that you have a supportive man in your life! Sorry you have to deal with all this though, you are very strong. You always have the other-side-of-the-fence perspective about things and it always makes me feel better lol. You're right, he is super supportive and I'm very lucky to have him. I feel awful for not thinking about how this was building up on him over the last year. =\ Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
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