almightyseancore

here's to drinking away our hangovers.

i've been talking to a few close friends about it. the hardest part of it all is that i still see her almost every day, because she likes to come visit her kids as often as possible. we don't share custody because of her current boyfriends drug problem. when times are rough for them, she tells me she still loves me, and wants to be with me, but refuses to leave him for me. hugs me a lot, holds my hand. etc. when times are good with them she's cruel to me, constantly insulting, and pushing me away. telling me i'm being 'intrusive' when i try to hug her or tell her i love her, etc. she says that if they ever break up, she will be right back here with us, but until then, she's going to tough it out with him. he's put her through hell during the past 11 months, and she stays with him, mostly due to physical attraction and their amazing sex life. she says aside from those two things, she really doesn't enjoy being with him, but those two things alone make the relationship worth it. and her attraction towards me is the exact opposite. no physical attraction, but she loves who i am as a partner. i do things like open doors for her, cook for her, rub her feet, etc. and she really misses that kind of treatment. it's kind of a have cake / eat it too situation, because she can still enjoy those things from me during her visits, and go home to him for the sex. it's a horrible thing to deal with honestly, but i've been distracting myself by correcting my mistakes. did a lot of well needed laundry / house cleaning / playing with my kids / listening to happy records instead of sad records today. i got a lot done. i'm going to try and continue to just focus on things like that until she gets her head straight. weather or not other people think she's good for me, i believe she's worth the wait. if she never comes back, so be it, but i'm not in any kind of position to date or be with other people right now. i've tried it a few times since she left, and it felt so fake i had to break up with them and admit i was still in love with my ex, and couldn't truly give them that kind of romance or affection, and that i was just substituting my desires for her with them. i struggle with this stuff all the time, some days are worse than others, sometimes i have a full week or two of being totally fine, and then get thrown right back into a slum just because my ex will start talking about how she still has feelings for me again. i don't want to tell her not to talk about it, because its nice to hear it. very uplifting. and possibly healthy for whatever potential future we may have. but in all reality, she could be with this guy for lord knows how many years, maybe even marry him, so yea. i dunno. life. yeah. etc.

yea

yea i deleted it earlier today. i usually do that after posting something serious. it means something at the time, and then becomes embarrassing.

thanks guys. i'm more or less going to try and do the exact opposite of everything i've been doing lately. the funk is literally eating me alive. going to spend most of my time cleaning and focusing on being a dad, because 1, that needs to happen, and 2, it might be a pretty good distraction.

3 kids. thanks tho. she cheated on me several times before we got married. we were together for 9 years, before we got married, and she left me for some dude she works with 14 months later. the only reason i cling so close is because of the family. i really want it back together and functioning the way its supposed to.

i'm ok guys. that wasn't a suicide note, but i'd be lying if i said i wasn't considering it. don't worry about me. i'm not into the whole 'HEY EVERYONE FEEL SORRY FOR ME' shit anymore. sarah is my ex wife. i bitched about it a lot on here when she left. left me for another man, etc. i still love her, i've been raising my kids without her for 11 months. shit gets hard sometimes. i'm not going to do anything stupid. thanks for caring tho. it's nice to know that people out there are like that. i don't have anyone in person to turn to, aside from her, and she doesn't really care.

luna, off siamese dream. holy hell.

i enjoyed all of those, but haven't played crysis 2 yet (even tho i own it). halo 4 or max payne 3 are probably your best bets.

picked up zelda: link between worlds with some christmas money. jesus christ, i can't put it down!

http://instagram.com/almightyseancore i hope i actually remember to do this in 2 days.

i'm interested to know if Kriss has seen this yet.

i would, but i'm overdrawn $145 right now, and i wasn't even interested in that AOF box. christmas kicked my ass.

im posting just to see what mine is. nice nips, btw.

santa brought my kids mario 3d world. i think i've been playing it more than they have.

yea.

i used to love that son ambulance record. haven't listened to it in almost 10 years.

i recently hung up the weird newspaper promo poster of this that deathwish sent me. i haven't even listened to the album enough to be supporting it, but it takes up some well needed space on my wall.

i forgot to play this year. i suck at noticing things. would have signed up had i thought about it. last year was a blast.

vc 2013 has been the year of me not actually socializing on vc very much. i mostly just check in whenever to look at sales and look at up dates on new releases. i should be ashamed, but i'm usually too drunk to care.

i had no idea deafening was a pretty lady. i assumed it was just some dude that liked far.

its the D in Detroit which scares me to no end.

also yes, i would like a free record please.