murakami Posted September 25, 2008 Share Posted September 25, 2008 so when i lived in chicago, i worked in the northern suburbs - a place that was close enough for people to commute from downtown milwuakee. there was one guy who did just that. a very interest character - he would bring cheese curds and sausage for team snacks, always had a dip in his mouth which he spit into a pepsi bottle and often would come into work after being at a bar til 3 am. one such day he came in wearing the same cream colored sweater as the day before, only now it had these two darker stains on each of the shoulders. when the sr manager on the floor asked what it was, his response was simple and matter of fact: "oh, that is just boob make up. i was at the strip club last night" Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
motorbike Posted September 25, 2008 Share Posted September 25, 2008 sounds like half of the mechanics in my shop. so... here is a story about a co-worker of mine named tommy. tommy is an odd guy who looks like a vulture; tall, skinny, bald and a huge adams apple. he is as redneck and good 'ole boy as one could possibly be. he's about 29 and has done pretty much everything from what i understand after listening to one bs story after another. about the only thing i believe about him is he has probably done more meth than Gary Busey, had more sex with under age girls than that one high school gym coach that gets caught every year with an asian student, and drank just as much whiskey as the late great GG Allin(notice i didnt say more). i believe this story i will tell because another guy i work with named Bill, who looks just like Gordon Freeman from the Half-Life series, hates his guts and is an awesome dude. this story starts with Bill walking into honkey-tonk, or redneck bar from hell called backwoods. after getting off of his hog and stepping through the door the first thing he sees is tommy completely hammered screaming "I GOT FRIENDS IN LOW PLACES, WHERE THE" blah blah blah(stupid country song). he said soon as he saw him he tried to turn around and walk out cuz he cant stand the dude but it was to late cuz tommy was already screaming for him to come over. within thrity minutes of bill being there he proceeded to say some racial remarks to some mexican dude, get a pool stick broke over his back for it, steal a bottle of jager from the bar, get caught after chugging half of it and then get a beer bottle busted over(i saw the cut and stiches) his head on the way to getting literally thrown out the door dj jazzy jeff style. once outside he stumbled around and called the mexican guy inside some more racial remarks. around this time bill realized he worked for this bar because the bouncer was trying to get him to go sit in his truck and sleep it off so he could come in and apologize in the morning and hope he wasnt fired. well, turns out tommy borrowed (stole) his friends sports bike to come to the bar and was drunk when he arrived at four in the afternoon. it was around eleven now. so, since he had a crowd he got on the bike and was gonna burn out all over the parking lot to show his rebellion. bill said he started stop him, but then decided to see how things would play out. he turned the bike on and as soon as he started gassing it, it fell over. luckily for tommy he some how managed to get his leg from under the bike before it hit the ground and was now standing on top of the bike on its side. he was so drunk he kept throttling up and the back tire was catching the ground so he started riding this tornade on its side, still throttling it mind you and shooting gravel at the on lookers and cars alike. after about thirty seconds of spinning like a mad man, which is a long time to do something like that if you think about it, he got thrown into the woods about twenty feet away. now bill, who is a great guy, grabbed him up real fast, carried him to his bike and made him ride home with him only to get pulled over for riding without a helmet. (tommy riding on the back like a woman and was drunk, bloody, and without a helmet). the cop let bill go home and took tommy home cuz some how he knew him from high school or something. he did get fired and have to fix his friends bike but he still parties like this every night. the end. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Guest kevinb Posted September 25, 2008 Share Posted September 25, 2008 ha ha well not realy a story but, i work at fed ex this guy's excuse for calling off was the top's of his feet got too sun burnt and he couldnt wear the boots & walk around because it hurt his feet to much. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
murakami Posted September 25, 2008 Author Share Posted September 25, 2008 someone once called off work because a "wheel fell off" while driving on the highway. she got a new job 3 weeks later. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Guest kevinb Posted September 25, 2008 Share Posted September 25, 2008 True story i forgot all about this.. I worked at this automotive factory that completely shuts down for 2-3 weeks for christmas. so at the time there was a good amount of workers there. And they have about 10 vending machines there and one of supervisors decides itd be a good idea to break into the plant over break and steal the cash machine that gives you quarters in exchange for your paper money... dude would of got away scott free except the police followed the tracks in the snow to his house. doh! Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Guest kevinb Posted September 25, 2008 Share Posted September 25, 2008 Oh this also happend at same factory as the previous story... one of our forman's used to own a Restaurant as means of other income turns out it was only a cover up & ended up getting busted for dealing coke and was one of the largest dealers in the state. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
dante3000 Posted September 25, 2008 Share Posted September 25, 2008 I have a coworker who's Asian. Came over when he was 7 to America. I'm pretty sure he just uses his immigrant status to fuck with us sometimes. For example, one day at lunch his phone rings and the ringtone is "happy birthday". We don't say anything figuring it's his birthday or someone he knows, whatever. A few weeks later it does the same thing and we all bust up trying to figure out why his phone is still ringing "happy birthday". He says he has no idea what the song is supposed to mean and he just liked the ringtone. We inform him and he says he'll change it. A while later his phone rings and the ringtone is "Here comes the bride". Shit was awesome. Seriously, he must just enjoy dicking with us. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
samlesous Posted September 25, 2008 Share Posted September 25, 2008 I work in a Warehouse and we all have desks and computers for shipping and receiving. I'm the youngest guy here, 28, and the closest in age to me is 46, so none of these guys have really ever had computers in their lives and have all been married for an extended period of time so porn has never really been an option for them. The oldest guy Bill, 62, looks at nudie pics through msnlive on a daily basis for about twenty to thirty minutes then walks to the northside where we keep the white hand towels, grabs one, goes into the bathroom for about four minutes, comes out with a nervous look gets a drink from the faucet and then goes outside for two cigarettes, back to back. I'm all for jerking off, but not at work dude. That's where I play Sudoku and shit. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Guest kylewilliam Posted September 25, 2008 Share Posted September 25, 2008 eddieruckus once put laxitives in a dudes pizza.... that dude ended up stabbing someone. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
dante3000 Posted September 25, 2008 Share Posted September 25, 2008 eddieruckus once put laxitives in a dudes pizza.... that dude ended up stabbing someone. Best telling of that story ever. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
chiefwahoo Posted September 25, 2008 Share Posted September 25, 2008 I work at a CPA firm and a lady here used to have a "thinking cap" that she would put on when she felt she needed to think. So bizarre. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
birdwell Posted September 25, 2008 Share Posted September 25, 2008 only story I have isn't anywhere as grand as any of these...but here goes: I work at a Jimmy John's sandwich shop (for the past 3 and 1/2 years) for starters. Delivery driver for us named Jason was kind of odd...took forever delivering, talked non-stop...dude either started or stopped taking some kind of medication and became crazy as hell...raving to everybody on a daily basis about how the government was coming after all of us and owed him this and that. Well he went out on a delivery one night around 9 or 10 at night and came back about 45 minutes later...bleeding heavily from his head...like, running down his face, gushing down the back of his head...just going everywhere. Obviously everybody was freaking the fuck out and trying to figure out what happened. His truck was fine, so he hadn't had an accident, but he just kept raving "I'm gonna kill dat sum'bitch, that stupid motherfucker". We took the kid to the hospital b/c it happened on shift and he wouldn't tell us what happened. Turns out Jason had been doing this drug-dealers' sister (keep in mind Jason is like 28 and the girl is like 16 or 17) and he used to buy from this guy...Jason being crazy from either taking a medication or not taking it, didn't recognize the name or address before delivering it. Drug-Dealer opened the door saw that it was Jason and just picked up the first thing he grabbed (still don't know what the weapon was) and just started beating Jason in the head...gave Jason a Concussion and knocked him out (no telling how long). Jason woke up/came to...pounded on the door still asking for money for the food, never got it and just came back to the shop completely out of it....weirdest shit I've seen at work thusfar (besides stupid drunk sluts flashing random people in the store) Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
jayeffscene Posted September 25, 2008 Share Posted September 25, 2008 I worked at a Rocky Mountain Chocolate Factory here in Normal, Illinois and my manager's name was Tania. She had a daughter that was addicted to crack and ended up stealing Tania's credit card and spent 10K on drugs. (Drug dealers take plastic now?) Tania had to press charges otherwise she wouldn't get her money back. Later on Tania had surgery on her leg so she got prescribed Oxycontin. She ended up getting addicted and eventually losing her job because of it. ALSO, her husband worked at a separate store and one day a kid walked into the back to get something, and he was lying on the floor, unconscious and covered in blood. He attempted to kill himself by slitting his wrists. During his shift. What the fuck. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
motorbike Posted September 25, 2008 Share Posted September 25, 2008 I worked at a Rocky Mountain Chocolate Factory here in Normal, Illinois and my manager's name was Tania. She had a daughter that was addicted to crack and ended up stealing Tania's credit card and spent 10K on drugs. (Drug dealers take plastic now?) Tania had to press charges otherwise she wouldn't get her money back.Later on Tania had surgery on her leg so she got prescribed Oxycontin. She ended up getting addicted and eventually losing her job because of it. ALSO, her husband worked at a separate store and one day a kid walked into the back to get something, and he was lying on the floor, unconscious and covered in blood. He attempted to kill himself by slitting his wrists. During his shift. What the fuck. (insert normal, illinois pun here.) Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
FullCircleHook Posted September 25, 2008 Share Posted September 25, 2008 We always new my manager was on something, but we never expected that she would get busted for the largest meth lab in Orlando history. Not to mention counterfeit bills amongst other shit. She got fired and went on house arrest. After a while she got out of rehab and got busted in the same damn house for another meth lab. This girl had 2 masters degrees from UF. Crazy shit! Here is the story along with the mugshot! http://www.orlandosentinel.com/news/local/orange/orl-b3focus1908sep19,0,4992425.story Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
birdwell Posted September 25, 2008 Share Posted September 25, 2008 Meth is so fucked... Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
FullCircleHook Posted September 25, 2008 Share Posted September 25, 2008 Meth is so fucked... No shit. I have friends from High School that got hooked on that shit and they are completely done. This is all the proof I need: http://www.drugfree.org/Portal/DrugIssue/MethResources/faces/index.html Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
mediocore Posted September 25, 2008 Share Posted September 25, 2008 This overly Christian lady at my old office used to have a Cuss Jar. Every time someone cussed, she'd charge them 25-cents or $1, depending on how bad it was. It was super annoying. So we made a Jesus Jar. Anytime she mentioned anything religious we'd try to charge her $1. Needless to say, she eventually got rid of the Cuss Jar. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
birdwell Posted September 25, 2008 Share Posted September 25, 2008 This overly Christian lady at my old office used to have a Cuss Jar. Every time someone cussed, she'd charge them 25-cents or $1, depending on how bad it was.It was super annoying. So we made a Jesus Jar. Anytime she mentioned anything religious we'd try to charge her $1. Needless to say, she eventually got rid of the Cuss Jar. why didn't you just...not...put your money in her jar and ask her to keep her beliefs to herself? Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
martyk36 Posted September 25, 2008 Share Posted September 25, 2008 Meth is so fucked... No shit. I have friends from High School that got hooked on that shit and they are completely done. This is all the proof I need: http://www.drugfree.org/Portal/DrugIssue/MethResources/faces/index.html man some of those pics are downright terrifying. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
motorbike Posted September 25, 2008 Share Posted September 25, 2008 Meth is so fucked... No shit. I have friends from High School that got hooked on that shit and they are completely done. This is all the proof I need: http://www.drugfree.org/Portal/DrugIssue/MethResources/faces/index.html JESUS CHRIST! i have seen this before many times but not since i have met one of the people. the lady on the second row down in the middle used to hang out by the motel six off of my exit, i shit you not. the only reason i know it was her is because one time, puling into a mcdonalds in that area she was there by the exit. my friend saw her and laughed hysterically. anyway she got pissed, called him a tubby fuck and attempted to hit my car with her pockets full of endless pennies. wow, thats how fucked stockbridge, ga is, a literal faces of meth alumni. googling multnomah, county now, haha! Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
mediocore Posted September 25, 2008 Share Posted September 25, 2008 This overly Christian lady at my old office used to have a Cuss Jar. Every time someone cussed, she'd charge them 25-cents or $1, depending on how bad it was.It was super annoying. So we made a Jesus Jar. Anytime she mentioned anything religious we'd try to charge her $1. Needless to say, she eventually got rid of the Cuss Jar. why didn't you just...not...put your money in her jar and ask her to keep her beliefs to herself? Of course I didn't put money in her jar. That would have been stupid. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
birdwell Posted September 25, 2008 Share Posted September 25, 2008 why didn't you just...not...put your money in her jar and ask her to keep her beliefs to herself? Of course I didn't put money in her jar. That would have been stupid. Good, I was just thinking...why would anybody give her money over that. Yeah man, that's just fucking half-tarded bible-beaters for ya...always trying to force their beliefs on anybody and everybody around them Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
silentgods Posted September 26, 2008 Share Posted September 26, 2008 i knew this guy named chris when i worked for borders. chris liked acid. so chris takes LSD with his friends, and they all go to the local mall (yuppie central) anyways, he wanders around for a while, and somehow he wanders into an american eagle, now somehow this moment in time is also the exact moment in time that a training class is going on for new employees and they're taking roll call. one name doesn't get called. so chris in his infinite wisdom raised his hand and said he was the guy. he went through 5 hours of american eagle training. on acid. then at the end when they were getting ready to give him the schedule, he was all. i have a confession. i'm not that guy. and proceeded to walk out. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
kellyjanice Posted September 26, 2008 Share Posted September 26, 2008 Meth is so fucked... No shit. I have friends from High School that got hooked on that shit and they are completely done. This is all the proof I need: http://www.drugfree.org/Portal/DrugIssue/MethResources/faces/index.html those people look really fucked however they all looked pretty fucked in their before pictures too. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
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