Andy Rooney

[dante3000]

Seriously, I just saw this guy for the first time in forever (I was at my dad's watching 60 minutes). Who the fuck still let's this guy on TV? I'm contemplating starting a mock Andy Rooney of some sorts. It's really easy (like madlibs). Here's your typical Andy Rooney rant:

(Modern Technology or advancement he doesn't use) (why) (what he uses instead or what he uses the technology for [typically some archaic task that doesn't need to be done anymore])

Example:

I don't use "the internet" all those blogs and vlogs and videos, they just confuse me. Back in the day if you wanted entertainment you went to the nickle movies with the nice girl down the street. Now everyone is on space pages and sending pictures of themselves, just not personal. Oh sure, I have a computer, I use it to weigh down my mill stone when I grind corn.

BAM! Instant Rooney-ism.

[divaface]

thought this was going to be about him dying. he's one old fuck.

[drabley]

I don't use "the internet" all those blogs and vlogs and videos, they just confuse me. Back in the day if you wanted entertainment you went to the nickle movies with the nice girl down the street. Now everyone is on space pages and sending pictures of themselves, just not personal. Oh sure, I have a computer, I use it to weigh down my mill stone when I grind corn.

BAM! Instant Rooney-ism.

Dante -- this was great. It's like I could even hear him and see his jowls flapping when he tries to exaggerate a point.

Well done.

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[iamwecommunity]

thought this was going to be about him dying. he's one old fuck.

thought it was or wanted it to be?

[dante3000]

I was at the grocery store the other day and I was contemplating all the decisions you need to make in the check out aisle. Cash, check or credit? Paper or Plastic? Do you need help out to your car? For all the effort I put into answering these questions I might as well check myself out.

And what if I want to barter? I asked the cashier how many groceries I could get for my old mule and he said they don't take mules as payment. When I asked why, he replied that there's no way of figuring out what it's worth in terms of groceries. In an era where you can get The Google on your phone, not being able to tell the worth of an old pack mule just seems silly.

[casey]

In Soviet Russia, the mule barters you.

[dynamitekid]

this calls for a fake Andy Rooney twitter account

[saxamaphone]

I always remembered him as being a cantankerous old coot. But now he's just the real life version of Grandpa Simpson, isn't he?

[sgoodcore]

He's harmless and who watches 60 minutes now?

[saxamaphone]

He's harmless and who watches 60 minutes now?

People who want to be informed of the world around them.

And why they should fear it. And use that fear to justify never leaving the 1930s.

[ginbucketjacob]

http://www.mcsweeneys.net/2006/11/30roeder.html

[murakami]

In Soviet Russia, the mule barters you.

100% truth