jayeffscene Posted March 11, 2009 Share Posted March 11, 2009 I don't know if I heard this somewhere or made it up, but if nobody has made a joke about fucking little kids to make to make your dick feel bigger, I'm using it at open mic on Sunday. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
sgoodcore Posted March 11, 2009 Share Posted March 11, 2009 Tasteful, nice. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
mediocore Posted March 11, 2009 Share Posted March 11, 2009 I don't know if I heard this somewhere or made it up, but if nobody has made a joke about fucking little kids to make to make your dick feel bigger, I'm using it at open mic on Sunday. Know how to make your dick look bigger? Have a baby hold it. Old joke. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
xjustinxschwierx Posted March 11, 2009 Share Posted March 11, 2009 yeah, old and overdone. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
hickey Posted March 11, 2009 Share Posted March 11, 2009 yeah, old and overdone. ...and also guaranteed to ruin your chances with any woman in the room. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
mediocore Posted March 11, 2009 Share Posted March 11, 2009 yeah, old and overdone. ...and also guaranteed to ruin your chances with any woman in the room. Unless said woman is an infant. Or a midget. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
oakland Posted March 11, 2009 Share Posted March 11, 2009 You could just say "you know why I like to fuck little kids? Cause' that shit is TIIIIIIIGGGHGHHHHT!" Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
jayeffscene Posted March 11, 2009 Author Share Posted March 11, 2009 Ahaha. Nice Oak. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
mediocore Posted March 11, 2009 Share Posted March 11, 2009 Or: What's the number one cause of pedophilia in America? SEXY KIDS! Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
lokithelion Posted March 11, 2009 Share Posted March 11, 2009 fucking kids jokes are kind of overdone. write up some material in advance and send it to me. i'm curious. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
sgoodcore Posted March 11, 2009 Share Posted March 11, 2009 Don't do anything you could imagine Dane Cook or Carlos Mencia doing and you'll do alright. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
mediocore Posted March 11, 2009 Share Posted March 11, 2009 Don't do anything you could imagine Dane Cook or Carlos Mencia doing and you'll do alright. The catch-22 is, they'll just do what he did and claim it as their own, and then he ends up being the asshole anyway. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
dante3000 Posted March 11, 2009 Share Posted March 11, 2009 You wanna do some funny shit? Here's a bit I wrote while sitting at the ole malt shoppe! You know the best thing at McDonalds? The Hot Cakes. You know the best thing about the hot cakes? The package. The Hot Cake package says "Copyright 1993". That fucking package is 16 years old. Think about that. This is McDonalds, a company that changes packaging for every Disney movie, for every season and for every time Britney Spears flashes her vagina, COMBINED! And here is a poackage that's fucking 16 years old. I imagine there's some old executive at McDonalds who's kinda ridden out the last few years of his career and his only goal left in life is to keep that fucking hot cake package. Some hot new up and comer sits in some board meeting and they're going over ideas and he goes, "Hey, I got an idea. We've had the same hot cake package for 16 years, I think we should update it". I hush falls over the board room. Everyone sits silently knowing what is about to come. From the other end of the table, almost unseen until he speaks, an old man leans in and goes, "You think we should update the Hot Cake Package? You know what I think? I think it's time for you to get another fucking job! This is god damn McDonalds and we don't tolerate that kind of bullshit here! The hot cakes are fucking perfect and if you don't think so, you can take that pussy ass shit to Jack in the box you bitch!" Then you smash a watermelon. It's all in the delivery. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
sgoodcore Posted March 11, 2009 Share Posted March 11, 2009 You wanna do some funny shit? Here's a bit I wrote while sitting at the ole malt shoppe!You know the best thing at McDonalds? The Hot Cakes. You know the best thing about the hot cakes? The package. The Hot Cake package says "Copyright 1993". That fucking package is 16 years old. Think about that. This is McDonalds, a company that changes packaging for every Disney movie, for every season and for every time Britney Spears flashes her vagina, COMBINED! And here is a poackage that's fucking 16 years old. I imagine there's some old executive at McDonalds who's kinda ridden out the last few years of his career and his only goal left in life is to keep that fucking hot cake package. Some hot new up and comer sits in some board meeting and they're going over ideas and he goes, "Hey, I got an idea. We've had the same hot cake package for 16 years, I think we should update it". I hush falls over the board room. Everyone sits silently knowing what is about to come. From the other end of the table, almost unseen until he speaks, an old man leans in and goes, "You think we should update the Hot Cake Package? You know what I think? I think it's time for you to get another fucking job! This is god damn McDonalds and we don't tolerate that kind of bullshit here! The hot cakes are fucking perfect and if you don't think so, you can take that pussy ass shit to Jack in the box you bitch!" Then you smash a watermelon. It's all in the delivery. Nice work Gallagher. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
dialoguefromamovie Posted March 11, 2009 Share Posted March 11, 2009 You know the best thing at McDonalds? The Hot Cakes. You know the best thing about the hot cakes? The package. The Hot Cake package says "Copyright 1993". That fucking package is 16 years old. Think about that. This is McDonalds, a company that changes packaging for every Disney movie, for every season and for every time Britney Spears flashes her vagina, COMBINED! And here is a poackage that's fucking 16 years old. I imagine there's some old executive at McDonalds who's kinda ridden out the last few years of his career and his only goal left in life is to keep that fucking hot cake package. Some hot new up and comer sits in some board meeting and they're going over ideas and he goes, "Hey, I got an idea. We've had the same hot cake package for 16 years, I think we should update it". I hush falls over the board room. Everyone sits silently knowing what is about to come. From the other end of the table, almost unseen until he speaks, an old man leans in and goes, "You think we should update the Hot Cake Package? You know what I think? I think it's time for you to get another fucking job! This is god damn McDonalds and we don't tolerate that kind of bullshit here! The hot cakes are fucking perfect and if you don't think so, you can take that pussy ass shit to Jack in the box you bitch!" Then you smash a watermelon. It's all in the delivery. this is very similar to the patton oswalt "paas" bit...minus the fruit smashing. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
mclz Posted March 11, 2009 Share Posted March 11, 2009 scroll down if you want to hear the most disgusting joke of all time What is the difference between a dead baby and an apple? I don't jizz inside of an apple before I eat it. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
flicker Posted March 11, 2009 Share Posted March 11, 2009 "what is the deal with boners?" Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
mediocore Posted March 11, 2009 Share Posted March 11, 2009 You don't spell it, son, you EAT it! Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
jayeffscene Posted March 11, 2009 Author Share Posted March 11, 2009 fucking kids jokes are kind of overdone. write up some material in advance and send it to me. i'm curious. Sent links in your email. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Guest errolwest Posted March 11, 2009 Share Posted March 11, 2009 What's do princess diana and pink floyd have in common? There last greatest hit was the wall!! Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
oakland Posted March 11, 2009 Share Posted March 11, 2009 Just don't run around the stage. When Chris Rock did it I was like "ok, this is Chris Rock. He's funny as hell and he really goes out on a limb with some of his jokes, taking on his own people and so on." Then I saw Dane Cook's unfunny ass and he was running all over the stage. Dane don't got it like Chris do. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
jayeffscene Posted March 11, 2009 Author Share Posted March 11, 2009 Why didn't Hitler drink Tequila? It made him mean. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
oakland Posted March 11, 2009 Share Posted March 11, 2009 Fucking racist. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
murakami Posted March 11, 2009 Share Posted March 11, 2009 the first dirty joke i ever heard: want to hear a dirty joke - i rolled in the mud want to hear a clean joke - i took a bath with bubbles want to hear a dirty joke - bubbles is the girl next door so terrible....cue sad trombone. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
stranaspank Posted March 11, 2009 Share Posted March 11, 2009 A joke that makes no sense: Three penguins are sitting in a bathtub. The one in the back wants to wash up, but the soap is at the other end of the tub. So he taps the one in the middle on the shoulder, "Hey, tell the guy in the front to pass the soap." The middle penguin taps the front penguin on the shoulder, "Hey, the guy in the back wants you to pass the soap." The front penguin turns around, and looking irritated asks, "What do I look like? A typewriter?" The trick is you have a friend that knows the joke too, so that when you tell it to a third person you both bust up laughing and when he/she starts to laugh too you ask him/her to explain it. It's dumb. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
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