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IT'S FRIDAY!


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I'm still not convinced that, considering what this is and the intended audience, this is any more offensive than many of the also-ran "punk" bands and sappy, milquetoast solo albums by members of "indie" bands that people on this board regularly cream themselves over.

So, this is where we're at - we have a crappy song, poorly performed by a girl that is NOT a "professional" and has no formal training or experience. A ton of notoriety, and sales that even managed to outstrip Bieber, even briefly. A bright-eyed and seemingly well-adjusted tween. A song with, admittedly, a serviceable hook.

Here's what needs to happen. Someone who knows how to right a DECENT goddamn song needs to sit down with her and write a song about overcoming something embarrassing and growing up and being true to yourself or some other sort of related happy horseshit that carries a positive message. It needs to be recorded completely differently, keeping the MOR feel of "Friday," but dumping the auto-tune and prepackaged beats.

This single needs to be released with a reworked version of "Friday." Keep the lyrical and melodic hook, but fix the lyrics to be a little less trite, and produce the song as less of a club banger for middle school dances. A more organic production, again, without the autotune, and maybe some spritely acoustic guitar, would keep the radio-pop sheen, but make it seem more personal, and deflect criticisms that the kid can't sing. Take out the creepy rap by the guy with no flow.

Of course, internet culture moves FAST, and even though it's been less than a month, they need to strike while the iron is hot. If those 2 things do halfway decent, a few high profile TV appearances, a string of well-organized shows, and maybe one or two cross-promotional appearances with Bieber can precede a canned album of "believe in yourself" teenybopper anthems that suburban moms can buy for their daughters and forget about in 4 months.

All of the proceeds should go to the kid's college fund, and after the whole mess peters out, they should forget about trying to do anything else for a while. Buy the kid an acoustic guitar and let her take voice lessons, and if she wants to stick with the entertainment biz, let her do community theatre or try out for some light acting in a few years.

Problem solved.

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