I don't know what to do anymore...

[thomas]

As many of you know, since about last August I've had really bad anxiety, at one time to the point of not being able to leave the house. It's gotten and better and worse month by month, but I still feel shitty all the time and have not felt like my normal self since last summer. Right now I feel trapped since I am unable to be in a car for longer then 10-15 mins without crazy panic attacks, regardless if I am the driver or not. I feel stuck in a 50 some mile circumference that I just can not escape from. Lately I've started to feel more and more confined in my "space" since there is no where new to go and I am bored with my space. I've started to throw myself into games and anime more and more, because it seems to be my only escape from my reality, and I know this is incredibly unhealthy, but it is the only thing keeping me some what sane. I'm also not sure if I truly enjoy them anymore, but I know before hand I did but I may have always used them as a way to escape reality even though my life has been pretty good up until that point.

A few days ago I moved into the house I lived in last summer, because my dad does not want it empty since we were unable to sell it. I was against moving back over here since I thought it'd just set my anxiety into overdrive, but so far it has not changed. I have noticed that I am extremely depressed now, and I think this is something that has been building the last couple of weeks. I can't find pleasure in anything (games/anime/music) and I just don't know what to do anymore. Earlier I went and drove around for a bit (I am ok at night sometimes, tonight was ok) and I just thought how much I hate it here. I hate this city, hate most the people I call friend, hate my hobbies, hate everything that is essentially me. I hate not being able to control my anxiety, my hypochondria, my depression, and my paranoia. I think this is what has been causing me so many sleepless nights, headaches, and body aches lately and I just can't figure out what to do.

Ever I missed one semester of school, my parents have been on my back about me getting my life together and hurry back. My parents have never had problems like me, so I feel that just don't know what I am going through, but I also see there side and I know they just want me to succeed in life. My time off from school has really got me thinking about how much I hate what I was majoring in, and that I really don't know what I want to do forever. I am pretty scared of becoming a failure, and having to live off my parents until they pass away, but I really can't see myself being a success and it scares me. I never felt this way before the anxiety started, and have always been really goal oriented and have always been successful in everything I do. I feel like my anxiety is running my life regardless of how hard I try to escape it. I've tried everything I can think of to try to get better, therapy, prescriptions, etc. and nothing helps me. I guess my main reason for writing this is because I feel like this board has been like a family for me this past year, also to sort of vent to see if it helps my depression at all, and to see if anyone may have any suggestions on things I should try. Thanks for taking the time to look, and for any suggestions, and I'm sorry if this sort of jumps around or does not makes sense but my head is foggy as hell from my anxiety tonight so I will look over it once my head feels better to try to make it more coherent if it is not now. Thanks again.

[j4m35]

you have a job right? having a schedule helps a lot. maybe you could try working out or something. it helps a lot of people and also relieves a lot of stress. i hope things get better for you.

[adamlikesmusic]

Did it just suddenly start last August? Was it triggered by anything in particular? I've read you mention it a few times, but never explained this in-depth.

I don't have much advice, as I've never been in a situation of this sort, but J4M35's advice seems decent. Working out definitely can be a good way to vent and relieve stress. I myself find having a set schedule really helps me through things as well, though I'm not in your shoes.

Hope everything turns around.

[thomas]

I work part-time right now, and the sad thing is going to work is almost the only entertainment I have right now. As for a trigger, it all started after I passed out for no reason one day, and they were never able to tell me why it happened. Working out actually triggers panic attacks sometimes, because heat is a trigger (I think since it was so hot last year when it started) so when I get hot I feel awful.

[destroyingthescene]

Have you spoken to any professionals about how you're feeling? I don't know how your relationship with your parents is, but talking to people about how you feel can help a lot. Outside of that I also recommend maintaining a schedule that helps keep your mind and body busy. A lot of people underestimate how much of an impact physical health has on mental health.

It's also important to know while things many feel inescapable and you may feel alone in all this, you're not. I've personally dealt with depression growing up and I'm sure other people on this board have dealt with mental issues as well, so hopefully we'll be able to help you out in overcoming life's little hurdles.

And listen to some kick ass music, that always cheers me up!

[alphanumerica]

Man, That is some intense openness and honesty. I relate in some ways with what's going on there. I would also suggest maintaining a scheduel as well. Any kind of physical activity is good for this. Diet is also important. Pace is the key, consistancy, maintence.

Have you traveled much? Travel can help you figure out what is important to you. But don't think that leaving things behind will solve your troubles, It won't. Assholes will always be there and places can always feel mondane.

I hope writing that stuff down helped you out a bit. If it did keep writing.

Be good to yourself

[takingchase]

I feel bad that I have no advice to offer but I just wanted to chime in and say that I really hope things get better for you soon.

[kouka]

my wife dealt with something VERY similar to what you are going through. she saw a therapist and we did some research online, and changed these major things:

1. exercise - if you're not doing it now, start. go for a walk/run, bikeride, whatever. 30 minutes minimum a day. when she doesn't do this, I can tell.

2. diet - she(we) cut out a lot of processed foods and i got her to cut out dairy (she was already vegetarian). if you look into the Raw diet, there are lot of reasons why that works, so I'd suggest that.

she also got into yoga/tai chi/meditation to help calm her self down when she was feeling anxious, and that helped a lot.

like someone else had said, having a schedule and sticking to it helps a lot, and if you can make healthy life-style changes at the same time, that should help a lot. She dove in head first so she had a level starting ground, and then experimented with going back to a "normal" diet, etc.

hope that helps..

[motorbike]

here is a list of things that help me when im down, because i have had some serious points in my life where im just like "fuck, why the hell does no one else have to put up with this bull shit?"...

-READ! reading helps a ton, makes that brain start moving!

-ride a bike, that shit helps me clear my head for real!

-get a full time job till you decide to get back in school but dont get hung up there, school is ten times more important and a 9-5 will make you realize what you dont want to do for the rest of your life!

-go out and get hammered with friends! it may sound stupid but sometimes shakin your ass with girls all around will loosen you up seriously!

-music! if your sick of what your listening to explore new bands and find lyricists who connect with you because your not alone!

-smoke a joint! illegal, yes. will it clear your head and make your ass laugh, surely!

-hit the gym! you dont have to go kill yourself and get all heated up. get on treadmill and walk, do a little bit of lifting to tone up! do it first thing in the morning and release those endorphins. if you dont know what those are, wiki it!

-last but not least, j. off sesh. you'll sleep like a baby, trust me.

[lokithelion]

First off, one of the keys to getting out of depression is telling yourself you're not going to be depressed. You've got an awareness of whats going on in your life to a degree that when you start to feel the old patterns you can be aware of them. Come clean with your folks and read them what you just wrote to us. Even the shit about them.

It'll be hard, but it'll help them understand where you are coming from.

Work more than part time.

Stop watching anime. Seriously. I have never known anyone who got invested in anime who was a happy person. Just take a break from it for a bit or cut back. I'm not sure why this helps, but I think its got something to do with how hard it is to talk to people who dont get it about the cartoons you care about.

Write out where you want to be. Then write out how you think you can get there.

Most importantly don't let yourself get idle. When you've got nothing to do but watch TV or play video games it's easy to see your life as pointless. Re-orginize your records. See if you can Rob Gorden it and do it by chronology.

All of these things have helped in my own life.

Also it sounds like you need to be talking to a shrink at least a few times a week.

[Guest afsdan]

try new things. it sounds like you're uncomfortable in your comfort zone. might as well step out of it and see how it feels.

stop watching television. nothing makes a person more anxious then knowing you're sitting your life away.

get creative. try making art of some form (paint/write/play music/etc). it'll help channel your frustrations.

hope you feel better. you think your parents haven't dealt with anything like this, but I'll bet you they have. parents are people too (and were young once), so you might be surprised with what they have to say.

[Guest baseball]

I can remember some of your other posts, and I'm sorry it hasn't gotten better. Don't lose hope though, I've had anxiety and depression problems as well my whole life. It's never gotten quite as bad as your describe, but I've been close. There's been times where it's gotten so bad that I've more or less just disappeared from life for days at a time.

The same things aren't going to work for everyone, that's important to understand. Half the battle is finding things that will work for you. Most people will say to talk to someone like a therapist, which can be extremely helpful for some, but I was never able to confide in people that way. Prescription medication never worked for me either, in fact I'd consider their effects pretty counterproductive to me personally.

I pretty much got my head on straight through my own self reflection. If you're anxiety is like mine, then your mind probably moves 1000mph almost 24/7 to the point where you can barely fall asleep at night.

Here are the main things that have helped me throughout the years:

-Eat well and natural, get some physical activity. If physical activity is difficult then start slow. Find something physical that interests you. Take care of your body, it does affect the state of your mind.

-Meditation and yoga. Great ways to self reflect and great because you can do them by yourself in your own comfort zone. It's very difficult at first to stay focused. Read about it, just reading about the philosophies behind yoga or meditation helped me tremendously before I ever even tried to do it myself.

-Concentrate on your breath. A big part of yoga or meditation. Eastern cultures believed harnessing your breath was like tapping into the the energy of the universe. Sounds kind of funny, but don't discount the idea, breathing exercises are fantastic. (Here's a good short little article: http://www.drweil.com/drw/u/id/ART02039)

-Non conventional drugs. First off, before you try this I'd recommend yoga or meditation first, if you're able to bring your anxiety and stress levels down with those then fantastic. Personally, with the speed my mind moves, it was very difficult for me to concentrate on yoga or meditation without a little chemical assistance (binaural brain wave audio might help too, brainsync.com). Marijuana, maybe mushrooms or LSD eventually. Yes, they're illegal, and that's unfortunate. Do you know what those drugs were used for in a medical setting before they became popular in the countercultures and ultimately demonized? Psychotherapy. LSD and mushrooms were clinically used to help soldiers returning from Vietnam with post traumatic stress disorder. LSD has recently been opened up for study again in psychotherapy for terminally ill patients in Switzerland. There's many recorded anecdotes of marijuana for therapeutic reasons dating back hundreds of years. Check out rxmarihuana.com and the information in using it in regards to depression and anxiety. Site is run by the head of Psychiatry at Harvard Medical School.

If your mind anxiously runs 1000mph like mine does (and a lot of other people I've talked to with anxiety issues), then give weed a shot. The use of any drug is about the relationship, not the drug. You are in control of the type of relationship you build with the drug. Don't think about it so much as you're getting high or using a drug, think about it as if you're using your medicine. Weed has helped me tremendously in life. It slows the speed of my mind down enough that I can actually focus on myself and reflect and figure out exactly what is causing my stress and anxiety. You shouldn't be going in with the idea that you want to escape where you're at (very bad idea that will likely contribute toward you establishing a poor relationship with the drug), you're going in with the idea that you're disconnecting yourself enough to dig deeper into figuring out how you got where you're at. If you decide to try this, keep someone you're comfortable with around initially.

LSD or mushrooms can be extremely useful in the same way, but are much much more powerful and I would not recommend it until you are a lot more comfortable in your mind. Those drugs truly make it feel like you're seeing the data go into and out of your mind completely unfiltered.

Anyway, this post got long, but that's the stuff that has worked the best for me. And I've tried a lot of different things over the past decade. Using these kinds of methods really helped me get my head on straight and while it's still a daily struggle and probably always will be, I feel like I'm in a good place far more often than not. Good luck , you can always PM if you want any more information about the stuff I posted about too.

[zak138]

Anxiety - xanax

depression - welbutrin

worked for me!

diet and exercise also help. Telling youself to "not be depressed" is like telling yourself "not to have cancer".

[Guest afsdan]

my mind moves 1000mph, but it's all about channeling it into something constructive.

smoking weed definetely helps.

[zak138]

Also, seek professional advice and don't do anything people on the internet reccomend. I've seen some of the worst advice ever in this thread so just go to the doctor.

[Guest baseball]

Also, seek professional advice and don't do anything people on the internet reccomend. I've seen some of the worst advice ever in this thread so just go to the doctor.

That's funny, because some of the worst advice I've ever been given has come from doctors.

Too many psychiatrists these days are more concerned with covering up your problems than solving them.

[thomas]

Thanks for the responses ans PMs guys. I have been to a therapist, but I hated her so I stopped going. My main problems with finding a new one is that they are very expensive, and since I have no health insurance, I can't afford to see them very often. My dad and I are trying to find me insurance I can afford that will still give me decent coverage right now. My parents actually already know about all my problems, but they really don't have a solution other then telling me to think positive.

My diet is pretty poor, so I think I will try to change that first. I have noticed in the past few months, that when I eat really greasy food my head gets really foggy for a few hours, so I have tried to cut greasy food out. I guess I need to start learning to cook, because I can't now, so I always just ate whatever was for dinner at my parents. My lunch always consisted of like mac and cheese or ramen noodles. I have always known the correlation between a healthy diet and mental stimulation, but I've always been afraid to step out of my norm to try something new, but I guess this may be the easiest thing to try right away.

I used to exercise quite a bit a few years ago. I'd do sets of sit-ups, pull-ups, and push-ups every night, then walk around campus all day. When I stopped going to school I cut out walking a ton, and it has shown. I have been trying to get back into some sort of exercise regiment, but like I said when I get hot I start panicking so it's been hard. I guess I'll force myself through the attacks, since they usually are not all that bad when I try to exercise.

Thanks again for all the advice, and I will try to take it all in. I've known I've needed to change myself for months now, but I don't know why I haven't, but I'm near my breaking point I think so I really need to change now.

[thomas]

Also, seek professional advice and don't do anything people on the internet reccomend. I've seen some of the worst advice ever in this thread so just go to the doctor.

That's funny, because some of the worst advice I've ever been given has come from doctors.

Too many psychiatrists these days are more concerned with covering up your problems than solving them.

I agree 100% with this. The first doctor I saw when my anxiety started said "oh, you'll be fine in a few days. It is probably nothing". The psychiatric I saw wanted to pump me full of Prozac, which has way too many side-effects and I don't want my mind altered in that way. I did try celexa, anther SSRI, and it made me feel like I had the flu for 2 weeks and actually heightened my anxiety the entire time I was on it.

[zak138]

Also, seek professional advice and don't do anything people on the internet reccomend. I've seen some of the worst advice ever in this thread so just go to the doctor.

That's funny, because some of the worst advice I've ever been given has come from doctors.

Too many psychiatrists these days are more concerned with covering up your problems than solving them.

Yeah, eating acid and smoking pot is a much better idea for someone who is having mental problems than seeing a licensed physician.

[Guest baseball]

That's funny, because some of the worst advice I've ever been given has come from doctors.

Too many psychiatrists these days are more concerned with covering up your problems than solving them.

Yeah, eating acid and smoking pot is a much better idea for someone who is having mental problems than seeing a licensed physician.

You do realize you're criticizing things that WERE USED IN PSYCHOTHERAPY before the pharmaceutical companies came out with a multitude of fancy SSRI's and stuff right? Open up a history book.

I said they work for many people today just like they worked for many people decades ago. My fiance's doctor encourages her to use pot to help with her own anxiety and depression issues. Thomas said he's already been on prescription medicine and it didn't work. I went through the same thing and am trying to help in alternative ways.

My point is, it's your life and your mind. You can't take a doctor's word for everything, you should always lay scrutiny upon a medical professional. There are good and bad ones. Ultimately, it's your own peace of mind that will 'solve' these kinds of problems. There's no magical pill, plant, or chemical that will soley do that for you.

[rschoene]

I know this may sound shitty of me but it is true, toughen the fuck up (mental toughness not Madball toughness). I only say this as a person who lost an eye, developed a rare disease which left me blind for a few weeks (tons of steriods made me better, and that is an issue on to itself), had over 100,000 dollars in medical bills, almost lost my house and everything due to those medical bills (not being able to work does not help either) and the stress it caused my wife we think lead her to lose our first child. You have to develop the mindset that all the bullshit going in my head I can conquer, that all this is not going to bring me down. When you fucking play video games I am sure you do not give up everytime a tough level beats you, I am sure you learned to push through it, use some of that discipline on yourself. All the bad shit that happened to me I saw a big fucking challenge, a war of is it going to beat me or am I going to beat it. All the other advice people gave you is great advice, but if you can not find it in yourself to want to do something it will only get worse. You can fix this, you write about all your problems like they are the end of world, look as then as struggle to a new beginning, the worst time in my life lead to the amazing place I am personally at today. So drop this I dont know what to fucking do bullshit and conquer these issues you are having. It is like the college professor who developed terminal cancer, he said he could either lie in bed and wait to die or fight the good fight while he still has life left in him. When I lost my eye my dad gave me a hug the first day, held me and told me to let it all out. Day two he told me I will never be the same person I once was and to start taking the steps to my new better life and grow from this experience. Sorry if I am harsh with my words but sometimes people just need a kick in ass and be told stop bitching about this and fucking fix. Sitting on this message board will not fix it either, try living without you computer, video games, records or TV and it may force you to move on.

[jailhouse]

PM me if you like. I go through very similar stuff. Kind of comes and goes as it pleases.

But yeah as someone else said do no listen to people on a message board!. Deffinitely speak with a therapist, and/or Psychiatrist, and try different ones until you find one that works for you.

Also you visit your local health dept, or community services board, or mental health services. There are a ton of free or pro rated services out there, but you got to kind of dig around to find em.

Here in VA we have excellent mental health care for those that can't afford it.

And the acid/lsd thing is crazy!!!. That is one of the contributing factors to how I developed anxiety disorder, and my old roommate developed very serious psychological problems from that shit.

recreation maybe shrooms are cool. But stay away from lsd, that will fuck your mind. And none of these illegal drugs have proven more useful than prescribed drugs.

Marijuana can cause anxiety as well.

anyone who says turn to drugs to help your deppression, or go out and drink is a fool. A recipe for complete disaster.

See a therapist seriuosly.

Best of luck man. I certainly hope things take a turn for the better.

Turn that frown upside down

[monk0nuggets]

I know you've been going through a lot man, and I'm sorry to hear you are not getting too much better. You know I started to have anxiety issues in the last year too. It definitely can be intense and it can make you feel pretty crazy at times. I take paxil every day and it helps a lot. I know you said you've tried prescriptions and they didn't help, but it seems to help me. I think exercising is a good idea, as many people have already said. Keeps your mind in a more positive place I find.

[casey]

Yeah, eating acid and smoking pot is a much better idea for someone who is having mental problems than seeing a licensed physician.

You do realize you're criticizing things that WERE USED IN PSYCHOTHERAPY before the pharmaceutical companies came out with a multitude of fancy SSRI's and stuff right? Open up a history book.

This is some awful logic. You realize that people used to believe in creating a master race by gassing or otherwise murdering anyone without blonde hair and blue eyes? I MEAN OPEN A HISTORY BOOK

The whole course of humanity has been devoted to looking back at history, realizing how naive it was, and improving on it. This is why we don't prescribe heroin for headaches or believe in a flat earth anymore.

[zak138]

ZING!