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contest: guess scott heisel's weight in velveeta


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really though, criticism is give and take. as someone who makes art type things, i've always been weary of critics as a whole. but i was talking to my friend josh the other day about how, while he and i have quite a gap in opinions on movies, i'd probably value his over anyone else's that i know. because he watches a fuck ton of movies, and does it for the sake of digesting the art and asking questions.

that type of insight is necessary. i mean, look at how many morons in the world liked the new transformers movie. it's bad enough the thing made a fuckton of money so they'll greenlight whatever michael bay wants to do next, but if we totally abandon any sort of critical discourse done by those who understand what something means within its context, we're basically throwing the baby out with the bathwater when it comes to furthering art as a society.

america already hates "elitism" enough. but the idea of people actually "getting it" is incredibly important to maintain, or else real life will just become a parody of the internet, instead of the other way around (and there are some serious, serious signs like youtube videos on cnn and twitter being covered as real news that it is headed that way REAL fast).

NO YOU SHUT THE FUCK UP DAD.

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Doesn't art grow and change organically? Doesn't it come from ideas and doing and reactions and responses more than it comes from people talking about it?

(that was a 90% facetious remark ;])

art is almost all subjective, so all anyone can do about art is give their opinion. and if (mostly self appointed) important people in the art community give their opinion, the rest of the community at large follows suit, regardless of their actual opinion. (see: basquiat)

the only 'change' that occurs is when people take it upon themselves to act upon their opinions and create something better.

Oh, I know. But I think the idea that art can somehow be "furthered" is absurd. It isn't science.

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(that was a 90% facetious remark ;])

art is almost all subjective, so all anyone can do about art is give their opinion. and if (mostly self appointed) important people in the art community give their opinion, the rest of the community at large follows suit, regardless of their actual opinion. (see: basquiat)

the only 'change' that occurs is when people take it upon themselves to act upon their opinions and create something better.

Oh, I know. But I think the idea that art can somehow be "furthered" is absurd. It isn't science.

agreed!

stuff just happens. you can't analytically have a 'eureka!' moment in the art world.

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Okay. So. Allow me to explain to VC just what I think is going on.

First off, colinsmith is a dude named Colin who frequents Punknews and a few years back, started a message board called absolutepunknews.org, a place I used to post at but eventually stopped due to extreme negativity and hatred towards me and what I do for a living.

Colin is one of a handful of people out there in internet-land who purposely try to rile me up for no real reason outside of seeing how much they can get away with. By and large, they're all a bunch of cowards. (For example: Colin talked mad shit a few years back that he was going to "punch my face in" or something when I visited Austin for South By Southwest. He ended up standing directly in front of me during Hot Water Music's Shirts For A Cure show and never said a single word to me. He then bragged online that he was gonna do something to me but "I was too pathetic" or something. Typical internet tough-guy posturing.)

That said: I don't believe this is actually Colin; more likely, it's some other troll pretending to be him to stir the pot on both ends. Apparently, the same thing happened on www.orgsummit.com earlier this week, where someone impersonated him to try and cause trouble.

Here's the rub: What this Colin impersonator is posting, at least for the starts of threads, seems to be what Colin himself is writing over at absolutepunknews.org. I can't be 100% certain since they have a private forum over there which I've never had access too, but I'm confident that the three threads fake Colin has made on VC tonight mirror three threads real Colin has made on APN. This explains the journalism thread where "Colin" remarks "It's too bad Heisel doesn't post here..." etc., because it was written in the context of APN, where I no longer post. Pretty much everyone knows VC is where I post now, which is why it becomes ground zero for anti-Scott trolls. (The fact that there are anti-Scott trolls out there is kind of mindblowing, considering I'm just some dude.)

So, to summarize: Colin is being a pretty big cock to me on another board, hidden by a private forum. Someone who has access to that private forum is pretending to be him and posting his shit talk on here. Why, I don't know.

With all of that said: It takes a real shithead to make fun of a picture of me and my sister dancing ON HER WEDDING DAY. Granted, this particular post he didn't attack my sister, but a few months back, someone linked me to a thread on APN where people posted that same picture and were mocking my sister. Talk about a bunch of assholes.

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26, with an MA in art and design? really?

weird how your website claims:

Twenty seven years old and currently residing in San Francisco, California, awaiting the big earthquake or at least enjoying the sun.

So how old are you really? ya know what, i dont even care. grow up dude, stop holding grudges, stop lying and most of all, get the fuck out of here.

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this backs my 'there's no way he's writing these ridiculously long responses in real time' theory.

Yeah, I'm pretty sure all of those lengthy posts were already written over at absolutepunknews.org in response to someone else's comments, and whenever someone over here makes a similar comment (which isn't that hard, since there's only so many sides to take in an argument), fake Colin cuts-and-pastes accordingly.

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here's a little contest i'm starting up. scott heisel, as we all know, is quite a handful for anyone, and one of the main culprits behind that is his addiction to delicious velveeta cheese, which he regularly incorporates in his meals as well as his (limited) sexual trysts.

here are the guidelines:

submit, in this thread, your answer to how many 8 oz packages of velveeta cheese you think it takes to match heisel's current weight of 314 pounds. the person closest to the actual amount wins one of my awesome new postmodern paintings. good luck!

[image]

here's the painting the winner gets. it's called "what if the paint peels"

[image]

I'm wasted and still dont undersatnd your painting, that means it sucks.

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1. That painting looks like fecal blood shittering.

seriously, Jackson Pollock has risen from the grave and is going to zombie Gretzky check you. you are fucked and theres no place to run from zombie Jackson Pollock.

2. Heisel is a solid dude.

3. Heisel, next SXSW if the dude starts shit with you, i would enjoy roundhouse kicking him in the head.

4. SCOTT HEISEL HAS A POSSE, BITCHES.

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Heisel promised me a box of free stuff for MSpainting Brand New records coming out of Danalive's ex-girlfriends vulva. He was also going to give a free subscription to AP to whoever named Team Thundercougarfalconbird. But I'm not sure that counts, because I stole it from Futurama. I met him in Chicago once, where all we did was note that I DID wear the same Bear vs Shark hoodie all the time. He also tried to friend me on facebook, which I never responded to, because I'm too stuck up.

In short, Scott is a fucking asshole. I hate him. What a dick. How dare he have an occupation in which sometimes he has to cover bands I don't find interesting. Someone ought to kick that guys ass. How stupid is it that he is employed with a company that does things that I object to!

More like guess how much Scott Heisel sucks.

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