imaxcowboyx Posted June 2, 2010 Share Posted June 2, 2010 Alright, So I searched the board and didn't find one of these on here, but if it already exists mods, feel free to delete this one. From all the funny shit/comments I read on this site, I feel that there should be an "official joke thread." Here goes, I'll start with one I heard last night about a farmer and peaches... So this man is driving down the road, when he sees a sign in front of a fruit stand that states "Peaches, Any Flavor, Five Dollars." Now, as we all know, the flavor of a peach is, well, peach. This man was no stranger to that fact, so the man decides he wants to pull over and ask this farmer what exactly he means. After he does, the Farmer responds "buddy, if you don't believe me, go ahead and order one." The man seems baffled, but tests this peach-salesman and says "I'll take a Peanut-butter and Jelly one then." The farmer replies "well I just so happen to have one right here." So the farmer gives it to the man who takes a bite and, low and behold, it tastes like peanut butter. Flabbergasted, the man exclaims exactly what he tastes, to which the farmer replies "turn it around buddy, turn it around.." the man bites the other side, and it just so happens to taste like jelly. Well, this was crazy, so the man decides he has to test the farmer again. This time he orders a Peas and Carrots Flavored Peach, and takes a bite. The first bite tastes like peas, and when the man exclaims this, the farmer once again says "turn it around buddy, turn it around." When the man turns it around and takes his second bite, wouldn't ya know it, it tastes like carrots. Now this man decides his requests haven't been crazy enough, so it has come time to test the farmer once and for all. The man now says "Farmer, I've got a special request. I want a pussy flavored peach." So, just like before, the farmer reaches into his basket of peaches and says "Here ya go, take a bite." So the man sinks his teeth into the peach and says "Ugh! God! This tastes like shit!!" To that, the Farmer replies "turn it around buddy, turn it around..." who's next?? Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Fartcat Posted June 2, 2010 Share Posted June 2, 2010 Did you hear about the gay midget? He came out of the cupboard. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
adamlikesmusic Posted June 2, 2010 Share Posted June 2, 2010 Q: What's the best thing about thirty-eight year olds? A: There's thirty of them. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
j4m35 Posted June 2, 2010 Share Posted June 2, 2010 this thread Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
imaxcowboyx Posted June 2, 2010 Author Share Posted June 2, 2010 this thread THATS THE SPIRIT! ANY MORE??! Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
djones0930 Posted June 2, 2010 Share Posted June 2, 2010 THIS ONE HERE IS LIKE THHOOOOO DIRTYYYY A man and his wife got into bed for the night. The wife had curled up ready for sleep and the husband put his bed lamp on to read a book. As he was reading, he stopped and reached over to his wife and started fondling her pussy. He did this only for a very short while then stopped and went back to reading his book. The wife got up and started stripping in front of him. The husband was confused and asked, "What the hell are doing, taking all your jammies off?" The wife replied, "You were playing with my pussy. I thought it was foreplay for something a bit heavier". The husband said, "Hell no! I was just wetting my fingers so I could turn the pages. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
burdenx Posted June 2, 2010 Share Posted June 2, 2010 Q. How do you stop an 8-year old boy from choking? A. Take your dick out of his mouth. A man walks into a drugstore and heads for the pharmacy counter. He says, "I need some birth control." Seeing the puzzled look on the pharmacists face, he goes on to say: "It’s for my 12-year old daughter." The pharmacist asks, "Is your 12-year old daughter sexually active?" The man replies, "No, she just lays there and takes it like her mom." Q) Daddy, Daddy! What is a pedophile? A) Shut up son, and keep licking my balls. Q: What's the best thing about a 12 yr old? A: Get her in the shower, wet her hair back, and she looks like an 8 year old boy. Q: What did the pedophile say to the other? A: Trade you a 10 for 2 5s. Q: What's the difference between a pedophile and acne? A: One waits until you're thirteen to come on your face. Q: What's better than having sex with a 6 year old? A: Nothing Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
mygreatdevastator Posted June 2, 2010 Share Posted June 2, 2010 The WNBA. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
One Hundred Fifty-Two Posted June 2, 2010 Share Posted June 2, 2010 AIDS Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
mygreatdevastator Posted June 2, 2010 Share Posted June 2, 2010 What do you tell a woman with 2 black eyes? Nothing, you already told her TWICE. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
imaxcowboyx Posted June 2, 2010 Author Share Posted June 2, 2010 How many male chauvinists does it take to screw in a lightbulb? None, let her clean in the dark. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
saxamaphone Posted June 2, 2010 Share Posted June 2, 2010 How many bass players does it take to screw in a light bulb? Only one, but the guitarist has to show him how first. What's the most seldom heard phrase in the English language? "That's the banjo player's Porsche." You hear about the guy with five dicks? His underwear fits like a glove. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
dimitri858 Posted June 2, 2010 Share Posted June 2, 2010 how low can you go as a pedophile ? Searching the trashcans of the abortionclinique Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
dimitri858 Posted June 2, 2010 Share Posted June 2, 2010 Why do you have to be very carefull when you put your hand in a bowl full of M&M's ? The black ones want to steal your watch Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
mclz Posted June 2, 2010 Share Posted June 2, 2010 favorite joke: A dyslexic guy walks into a bra....... Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
imaxcowboyx Posted June 3, 2010 Author Share Posted June 3, 2010 maybe the previous joke should concern an illiterate guy, as the dyslexic guy is stuck in the rab.. just sayin Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
islington Posted June 3, 2010 Share Posted June 3, 2010 How do you get a bass player off your front porch? Pay for the pizza. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
boizee Posted June 3, 2010 Share Posted June 3, 2010 A woman sees a guy in a bar, looking pretty depressed. "What's wrong?" she asks. "My wife kicked me out — told me I was too kinky," he said. "Well, I'm pretty kinky myself," she replies. After a bit more chatting, they go back to her place. She tells him she wants to get into something more comfortable and tells him to wait. A few minutes later, she comes out head to toe in leather with a ball gag. The guy's putting on his coat and heading out the door. "Where are you going?" she asks. "I fucked your dog and shit in your bed — I'm done," he said. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
djones0930 Posted June 3, 2010 Share Posted June 3, 2010 A woman sees a guy in a bar, looking pretty depressed."What's wrong?" she asks. "My wife kicked me out — told me I was too kinky," he said. "Well, I'm pretty kinky myself," she replies. After a bit more chatting, they go back to her place. She tells him she wants to get into something more comfortable and tells him to wait. A few minutes later, she comes out head to toe in leather with a ball gag. The guy's putting on his coat and heading out the door. "Where are you going?" she asks. "I fucked your dog and shit in your bed — I'm done," he said. +1 god damnit Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
djones0930 Posted June 4, 2010 Share Posted June 4, 2010 A man walks into a bar and asks the bartender for a case of beer, any kind except Schlitz. The bartender says, "What's wrong with Schlitz, don't you like it? The man says, "I hate that shit". Last night I drank a whole case of Schlitz and blew chunks. The bartender says, "You drink a case of any beer you're going to blow chunks". You don't understand said the man, Chunks is my dog. Q: Why did Hitler kill himself? A: He couldn't pay the gas bill. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
saxamaphone Posted June 4, 2010 Share Posted June 4, 2010 A guy walks into a bar and takes a seat. He looks over and sees the guy sitting next to him is a pirate. Hook, peg leg, eye patch, the whole nine yards. So the guy asks "Are you a real pirate?" "Yar, I be." So the guy says, "If you don't mind me asking, how did you get that peg leg?" "Cannonball took it off." "Oh, so how'd you get the hook?" "Lost it in a sword fight." "What about the eye patch?" "Seagull shit in me eye." "You have an eye patch because a seagull shit in your eye?" And the pirate says, "Yar, was me first day with the hook." Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
steventangent Posted June 4, 2010 Share Posted June 4, 2010 Chunks is a funny name for a dog! Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
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