The Ex-Girlfriend (or Boyfriend) Thread

[Out of Breath Records]

Hah so a girl I'd dated for a little got kicked out of her home and moved to some redneck town and got really really trashy and is possibly a drug addict. My reaction when I saw all this: 

 

[aflycon]

Not sure if this is exactly the right thread, but shit.

A girl (on-again, off-again interest throughout high school) just broke things off again. I really thought shit was going to work this time because she ended her relationship with the other guy she's been seeing for good. As it turns out, she says she's got feelings for this mutual friend of ours.

The thing is, this guy mentioned to me a few weeks ago that he was gonna try to "game her," which I guess is just when you're trying to fuck. I said "It's not like she's my girlfriend, dude" because I wasn't trying to be weird about it, but honestly it made my stomach turn because I have always been crazy about this girl. I should have said something then.

So a few weeks go by, and she and I are doing the usual shit that we do when we're talking. She came onto me like a week ago, and though nothing like that happened between then and tonight, I figured that was a sign that things might be going somewhere.

Anyway, tonight I asked her about her and this guy, because thinking about it still upset me and I wanted to dispel any bad feelings I had. That's when she told me.

So we went back and forth about why she would have sex with me if she knew how I felt and knew how she felt about this guy, but she insists that she didn't know then.

Maybe I'm overreacting, because she said that it's nothing serious, and honestly I have a feeling that we'll probably end up back together anyway because that's how shit has gone in the past.

In the meantime, though, I feel like shit. She hurt me to my fucking soul, man. And I feel like I could have prevented this all by telling the guy I still had feelings for her. How am I supposed to cope with this?

I need to tell this guy that I should have spoken up earlier, and I can't be hanging around them if they're gonna be together because.. well because that would fucking suck. But at the same time, I don't want to be a bitch about it.

Fuuuuck

[Out of Breath Records]

That should probably go in Man Advice 2.0, because this is for more crazy shit stories, but yeah, idk, you should've spoken up, it's a bummer you didn't, if she's genuine though, and someone you want to be with, I wouldn't let it get to you too much if you still want to be with her. Tell your buddy now, so it doesn't happen again. 

[aflycon]

Yeah man, I'm gonna have to talk to him about it. I'll probably go and see him tomorrow to talk about it in person.

Probably should have gone in Man Advice. I figured because she was an ex-girlfriend it might fit here.

[codeine]

I still deal with my ex. Male crazy ex's exist too!

Brion Riborn, the ring guy?

[Guest]

No, I dated a guy out of high school for years. It was so bad that when I went away for the weekend with him and someone broke into my apartment, all my friends thought it was him.

[codeine]

No, I dated a guy out of high school for years. It was so bad that when I went away for the weekend with him and someone broke into my apartment, all my friends thought it was him.

Damn I was hoping for a good Brion Riborn story. I mean, dudes got the same 5 letters in his 1st and last name, and wears way too many rings.

But this other guy though, isn't it entirely possible that since he knew you wouldn't be there, suggested to one of his friends it would be an ideal time to break in?

DUN-DUN-DUNNNN...  The plot thickens...

[Guest]

I found out who it was just last year actually. My friend was dating a guy (drug dealer) named Money, and it was his friend Paper who broke in.

Felt ridiculous just typing that out.

[Guest]

And.... Brion had his own headshot framed in his kitchen and he's currently running a kickstarter where pledging 400 bucks gets you his thumb ring.

Our second date, he took me to a bar where he knew the DJ and had the DJ play one of his songs.

That should satisfy you on Brion stories for now

[Out of Breath Records]

SEND THE KICKSTARTER

[codeine]

I found out who it was just last year actually. My friend was dating a guy (drug dealer) named Money, and it was his friend Paper who broke in.

Felt ridiculous just typing that out.

 

LOLOLOLOL sorry about your break-in, just laughing at those pseudonyms. Money and Paper hahahahahaha

 

And.... Brion had his own headshot framed in his kitchen and he's currently running a kickstarter where pledging 400 bucks gets you his thumb ring.

Our second date, he took me to a bar where he knew the DJ and had the DJ play one of his songs.

That should satisfy you on Brion stories for now

I lol'd at the bold. I remember the headshot part from b4 I think. Classic. It would be funny to do as a joke.

[Guest]

https://www.kickstarter.com/projects/brionriborn/barelyon-debut-album-2014-slow-and-steady

[Out of Breath Records]

Omg someone actually bought the $250 Skype concert. Lol @ wearing at least 9-10 rings at any time.

[cesar11]

alright I'll join in.

 

my first serious relationship lasted about a year. I was dating this girl and it was cool for the first 3 months and then one day we were watching tv and she flat out asks me "do you love me?". I looked at her, flat out said no and why would she think/ask that. she said she was talking to one of her friends and that she felt like saying it to me and her friend convince her she should. I pretty much told her that's a serious thing and when and if I felt it, I would tell her. she said cool and we dropped it. about 2 months later, she said we should get a place together. again, I said no and that she needed to chill. she got mad and threw this HUGE fit, saying that I didn't care about her and all I wanted was sex, yada yada yada. as time passed, I got really bored with the relationship and wanted to end it but didn't know how. and plus I had met this other girl who was fucking rad and I got along with so well (we're still friends now but went on a few dates). we were suppposed to go to coachella together but I told her something happened and I couldn't go anymore and sold my ticket. she said if I could sell hers and I did...to this other girl i was talking to. SO! I finally broke up with her, saying that I was bored with her and it wasn't going anywhere. I have NEVER seen someone cry so much. a week after that, I found out that she would go to my place and sit outside in her car for hours. just doing nothing. my coworkers would tell me the same thing at my job when I wasn't there. I called her one day to meet me for coffee cause she needed to stop that shit. when I saw her walking up, she was smoking a cig (she didn't smoke) and looked like absolute shit. turned out she started chain smoking, doing coke, shoplifting and fucking random dudes at shows just to make me jealous. I finished my tea, stood up, said "best of luck to you" and walked away. haven't seen or heard of her since.

[Out of Breath Records]

scumbag

 

loljk

[tarzioo_]

That is intense. For both of you. Hopefully she improved since then but it sounds like she left you alone after that, so that's good.

[Bladewillisisdead]

turned out she started chain smoking, doing coke, shoplifting and fucking random dudes at shows just to make me jealous.

 

They say living well is the best revenge but I guess this is also an option.

[henster311]

ok cool...this could get long and probably make no sense, a few people here know what this is about....sorry in advance.

 

so i met this girl online when i first moved down to texas, whatever things were cool, she lived about 5 hrs away, and kinda moved in right away, she never really liked my friends which bothered me, but whatever, maybe those things would change. anyway...so less than a year into the dating, i emailed my EX apologizing for how i ended things and the things I said. it literally was "im sorry for everything I did and I hope you're well" because i was good friends with her brother and i lost connection with him since then, so i wanted to get that back. anyway the girlfriend found out that i did, supposedly she found it in my trash can...flipped shit and things were never the same after that, but for some reason we pushed on over two years...i wasnt happy, she wasnt happy, but wtf we're we doing. i should have ended it a long time before. everything she did bothered me and annoyed the fuck out of, and were things that i would never want in a person. we ended up moving to NH at the end of 2013, NH was pretty much home for me but with her only new england friends. months after being there she wanted to go home for a few weeks before summer, i was freelancing with my photography all this time in NH she wasnt working and she didnt drive (UGH)...she never really tried too either. she goes home, and says we need a break, i agree, and then the next day she said we need to break up. cool, i was excited and a weight was lifted off my chest, but i was still angry because why the fuck did you move here, and i still felt bad, because i like to think im a good guy. or im a bitch, i dunno...she was so fake too. with everything, music, games, fucking life.

 

about a month has passed now, she's still home in texas and im up in NH. i end up having to pack up the apt and move because i cant afford it and im all alone in NH. as im packing the whole apartment up by myself, i come across her old phone. oh boy...found out she cheated on me and had insane amounts of convos with all her old "hookups" or whatever you wanna call them, and shit tons of dick pics, and screen shots of other convos i dont even know, her email was still logged on and that was another mess. all this stuff from OVER A YEAR AGO, it was happening for a long time. again, i didnt care in away...but it was for me, a chance to finally yell at her and make her feel like shit (because i always got yelled at for the littlest things). even though i was unhappy really, i still cared to a point and wouldnt do anything to hurt her. but after all that, she was like crawling back to me, and i was like fuck you, you parasite. it was great because i feel like i was waiting for something like this to happen so i didnt have to be the bad guy, ya know? but right away, i felt good...life was good and i was seeing everything so much clearer. i told my parents what she did and they were so mad and hated it her, i told everyone what she did, and a lot of my friends and family came out and told me that they didnt really like her and she was a bitch. i even got texts from her mom yelling at me and i wanted to be like hey, your daughter is the whore, keep babying her through life. only my friends and family know. also, all her shit is still her stored at my brothers house since march. and she says i have to help her pay to get it back to her...no way. ask one all those other dudes, fuck that. ill sell it for you and make sure its safe, but you can come get your own shit, after i already packed and moved it myself. 

 

 

there's also something really great that came out of this, im debating on to say it not, because this is ex gf shit....

 

but think about something that you want, thats impossible, and then have it happen...its life changing. 

[-tess.]

ok cool...this could get long and probably make no sense, a few people here know what this is about....sorry in advance.

 

so i met this girl online when i first moved down to texas, whatever things were cool, she lived about 5 hrs away, and kinda moved in right away, she never really liked my friends which bothered me, but whatever, maybe those things would change. anyway...so less than a year into the dating, i emailed my EX apologizing for how i ended things and the things I said. it literally was "im sorry for everything I did and I hope you're well" because i was good friends with her brother and i lost connection with him since then, so i wanted to get that back. anyway the girlfriend found out that i did, supposedly she found it in my trash can...flipped shit and things were never the same after that, but for some reason we pushed on over two years...i wasnt happy, she wasnt happy, but wtf we're we doing. i should have ended it a long time before. everything she did bothered me and annoyed the fuck out of, and were things that i would never want in a person. we ended up moving to NH at the end of 2013, NH was pretty much home for me but with her only new england friends. months after being there she wanted to go home for a few weeks before summer, i was freelancing with my photography all this time in NH she wasnt working and she didnt drive (UGH)...she never really tried too either. she goes home, and says we need a break, i agree, and then the next day she said we need to break up. cool, i was excited and a weight was lifted off my chest, but i was still angry because why the fuck did you move here, and i still felt bad, because i like to think im a good guy. or im a bitch, i dunno...she was so fake too. with everything, music, games, fucking life.

 

about a month has passed now, she's still home in texas and im up in NH. i end up having to pack up the apt and move because i cant afford it and im all alone in NH. as im packing the whole apartment up by myself, i come across her old phone. oh boy...found out she cheated on me and had insane amounts of convos with all her old "hookups" or whatever you wanna call them, and shit tons of dick pics, and screen shots of other convos i dont even know, her email was still logged on and that was another mess. all this stuff from OVER A YEAR AGO, it was happening for a long time. again, i didnt care in away...but it was for me, a chance to finally yell at her and make her feel like shit (because i always got yelled at for the littlest things). even though i was unhappy really, i still cared to a point and wouldnt do anything to hurt her. but after all that, she was like crawling back to me, and i was like fuck you, you parasite. it was great because i feel like i was waiting for something like this to happen so i didnt have to be the bad guy, ya know? but right away, i felt good...life was good and i was seeing everything so much clearer. i told my parents what she did and they were so mad and hated it her, i told everyone what she did, and a lot of my friends and family came out and told me that they didnt really like her and she was a bitch. i even got texts from her mom yelling at me and i wanted to be like hey, your daughter is the whore, keep babying her through life. only my friends and family know. also, all her shit is still her stored at my brothers house since march. and she says i have to help her pay to get it back to her...no way. ask one all those other dudes, fuck that. ill sell it for you and make sure its safe, but you can come get your own shit, after i already packed and moved it myself. 

 

 

there's also something really great that came out of this, im debating on to say it not, because this is ex gf shit....

 

but think about something that you want, thats impossible, and then have it happen...its life changing. 

 

 

Damnnn. Dude, good for you. And no. She needs to pay for that shit herself. Sheesh.

[-tess.]

Alright. Here is the biggy.

 

2 years ago, I almost got married. We called off the wedding a week and a half before the big day. Here is the story.

 

M and I were good friends before we started dating. It just felt natural. We were together for 2 years and engaged for a year. I was helplessly in love. I would do anything for that guy. Everyone thought we were this perfect couple, but obviously I was an idiot. 

 

I have always been a bit of a hopeless romantic. We had problems. He had problems. But I overlooked them and loved him anyway. It was probably pretty unhealthy. I gained a lot of weight. We were too comfortable I suppose. We made it through some pretty shitty times together, but we helped each other through it. Blah blah blah. The fact that we hardly got in arguments or disagreements should have been a good tell something was up. Or the fact that he was unemployed and I was basically paying for the wedding myself...

 

Ultimately it failed. All of that love and work failed. He cheated on me a week and a half before our wedding. And then he told me a day later.

 

It was one of those moments you think you will only encounter secondhand or in movies. Calling the guestlist and vendors to cancel was hell. He had asked me not to tell anyone so I didn't. I learned who my real friends were and those were the ones that pushed to know because they knew me well enough to know that I wouldn't just get cold feet. I was in love, and then I was heartbroken. His family and friends still don't know to this day what happened. I have no idea what he told them, but the only friend who was told the truth is one of my dearest friends now.

 

It is a crazy story and I can't believe how dumb I was to think I was ready for marriage at 24 years old. Only two years have gone by, and I know that I am so thankful that we didn't go through with it. Even though it had to take him cheating on me to realize it wouldn't work, I am thankful.

 

Meh. So there you have it. My saddest story that sometimes makes me laugh now at how ridiculous the whole thing was.

[stillused]

Alright. Here is the biggy.

 

2 years ago, I almost got married. We called off the wedding a week and a half before the big day. Here is the story.

 

M and I were good friends before we started dating. It just felt natural. We were together for 2 years and engaged for a year. I was helplessly in love. I would do anything for that guy. Everyone thought we were this perfect couple, but obviously I was an idiot. 

 

I have always been a bit of a hopeless romantic. We had problems. He had problems. But I overlooked them and loved him anyway. It was probably pretty unhealthy. I gained a lot of weight. We were too comfortable I suppose. We made it through some pretty shitty times together, but we helped each other through it. Blah blah blah. The fact that we hardly got in arguments or disagreements should have been a good tell something was up. Or the fact that he was unemployed and I was basically paying for the wedding myself...

 

Ultimately it failed. All of that love and work failed. He cheated on me a week and a half before our wedding. And then he told me a day later.

 

It was one of those moments you think you will only encounter secondhand or in movies. Calling the guestlist and vendors to cancel was hell. He had asked me not to tell anyone so I didn't. I learned who my real friends were and those were the ones that pushed to know because they knew me well enough to know that I wouldn't just get cold feet. I was in love, and then I was heartbroken. His family and friends still don't know to this day what happened. I have no idea what he told them, but the only friend who was told the truth is one of my dearest friends now.

 

It is a crazy story and I can't believe how dumb I was to think I was ready for marriage at 24 years old. Only two years have gone by, and I know that I am so thankful that we didn't go through with it. Even though it had to take him cheating on me to realize it wouldn't work, I am thankful.

 

Meh. So there you have it. My saddest story that sometimes makes me laugh now at how ridiculous the whole thing was.

 

Thanks for sharing that.  That must've been extremely painful.  I'm going through a breakup right now and sometimes it gets pretty painful.  How did you move past it? I'd love some advice.  

[Guest]

Man Tess, I feel a lot of things you said. It's like when you're 'in love' you're blind to so many other warning signs. I feel like I got lucky when I broke up with my ex. He had already broken my heart so many times, in my head I was ready for it. I wanted out for a year before I actually did it, mostly because I was scared. Finally he got into his dream school in Georgia and as shitty as this was, I broke up with him a week after he left. I was afraid for my safety and I needed those miles between us. It didn't matter though, he called me sobbing every day for a month and flew back with an engagement ring. Maybe one day ill post everything that happened between us. It's a very long story. This is also the same guy who visited my dad in the hospital after his stroke and called me to make fun of my dad crying.

But anyway, in terms of moving on, my friends helped me through that time in my life more than I could ever put into words. I had such a solid support system. I just knew I wasn't the person I could be with him, and It was awesome not having to answer to anyone. I really had fun being single, and I think it prepared me for a healthy relationship.

[-tess.]

Thanks for sharing that. That must've been extremely painful. I'm going through a breakup right now and sometimes it gets pretty painful. How did you move past it? I'd love some advice.

I'm so sorry to hear that. Break ups suck no matter the situation. It is painful. And your heart hurts. I think it's important to allow yourself to mourn. Unlike what our culture insists, it's ok to be sad. But we can't let that sadness rule our lives.

I ended up going on our honeymoon alone. Haha. It sounds weird but when I called our airbnb reservation, she gave me the money back and insisted I come anyway. It was a retreat for me in Ashland OR and it was a great time to gain some perspective.

I had been so wrapped up with him that I had forgotten myself. I took the time to remind myself of who I was without him. It sounds sad, and it was at times. But ultimately, it was the most amazing growing season of my life. The last few years I have remembered what I wanted in life and I've pursued it. None of this would have happened if I had stayed with him.

I know right now it hurts and it's difficult to see passed the lonely nights. I spent so much time wrapped in blankets like a cacoon and crying. It was very dramatic. Haha but. It gets better. Slowly. One day at a time and the painful pang slowly releases and lets you breath a little easier.

Take your time to know yourself. It is worth all of it. And hopefully you have some solid friends and family to lean on too.

[-tess.]

Man Tess, I feel a lot of things you said. It's like when you're 'in love' you're blind to so many other warning signs. I feel like I got lucky when I broke up with my ex. He had already broken my heart so many times, in my head I was ready for it. I wanted out for a year before I actually did it, mostly because I was scared. Finally he got into his dream school in Georgia and as shitty as this was, I broke up with him a week after he left. I was afraid for my safety and I needed those miles between us. It didn't matter though, he called me sobbing every day for a month and flew back with an engagement ring. Maybe one day ill post everything that happened between us. It's a very long story. This is also the same guy who visited my dad in the hospital after his stroke and called me to make fun of my dad crying.

But anyway, in terms of moving on, my friends helped me through that time in my life more than I could ever put into words. I had such a solid support system. I just knew I wasn't the person I could be with him, and It was awesome not having to answer to anyone. I really had fun being single, and I think it prepared me for a healthy relationship.

Wow. Thanks for sharing M. Sounds pretty intense. I still can't believe he said that about your dad. What a douche. And I never use that word.

You nailed it though in talking about the aftermath. It's good to be single. It really is. In fact I think I want to stay this way. Guys hurt too much.

[tarzioo_]

Breakups are tough. Normally I'm over it before I ever break up but this last one was terrible. I genuinely loved the guy and all he did was mess with my head. We were supposed to move in together and I packed up and then he gets cold feet so I had to move in with my sister. It was so bad that I had to start therapy and was put on a bunch of meds but nothing worked. Meanwhile, he's still talking to me and being his usual asshole self where he likes me one day and the next day I'm annoyed and he needs space. Such a bad pattern

What finally worked was keeping myself busy. I got a part time job so when I got home from my full time job, I had something to occupy me from overthinking things. And most importantly I got into records. He bought me my first record player and I only had 3 albums and when we broke up I put it away because I didn't want to be reminded of him and then one day I say fuck him, I'm not going to stop listening to music because of this asshole and ever since then I've been buying tons of records. It was the best therapy. Not to mention that I've consistently ignored him since that turning point.