Gonna make a small statement here that will probably largely go unnoticed here, or at risk or being hated on (definitely actually), but oh well, I've got nothing to lose. I think I'm done with this board. Too many run-ins with internet jerks too often. Too many people who know more about plastic than sound. Too much time spent thinking on other people's behalf. This doesn't happen to me anywhere else on the internet. VC rivals youtube comments as the bottom of the internet barrel, reality is that is VC's reputation. Even on twitch people are not only respectful, but actually nice and kind. People like my jokes and don't struggle to misinterpret anything they possibly can. People aren't xenophobic or alienating. The people here are just awful human beings. There I said it. Of course I've never truly fit in anywhere in life so I'm not sure why I'd expect to find any common ground anywhere, shouldn't be much of a surprise. After my lastest squabble I'm once again under fire from a groupthink mob. You know the ones who wander into any thread just to be mean spirited. I don't know where I'm going with this. But two main points I wanted to get off my chest are that 1) I have actually had nightmares about the way I've been treated on VC. I want to think I don't care that much, but I think it's a coping mechanism when you feel like your being attacked. The best part is that people who are mean to you probably get off their keyboard and have a great day. Love it. Just like everywhere else in life. Last year I had a really hard year. And I mean really hard and the entire year sticks in my memory that way. I don't want to get into details because I keep that shit close to my chest. Actually fuck it, I don't have anything to lose. Last year I was hospitalized for 3 days because people who knew me were afraid I was going to kill myself because I was sad and grumpy all the time and didn't actually have too many real friends.. They hold you for a mandatory 3 days, assess you and release you, unless they think your mentally ill, then they lock you up and put you on meds. As if life didn't suck enough at that point. But I had 2 best friends who helped me through it and to see the good things in life. Fast foward... This year started looking up and I faced some pretty big obstactes this spring and tried to move past them and was really proud of the fact that I was overcoming all these difficulties being thrown my way. One of my 'friends' ripped me off for about $1,500, which is a lot to me, I was attempting to build a better life for myself and they saw it as opportunity to take advantage. Then in the midst of thinking everything was not so bad after getting my head above water and managing to stay afloat, I woke up on May 20th 2015 to my mother crying. She told me my best friend had been killed. I'd never lost anyone I actually loved before. I never said anything here or anywhere else (facebook, etc.) because I'm not looking for sympathy, my point is when you go through shit like that, it sucks. Let me tell you, great time for people to stop answering your texts, etc. So I kinda shut down a bit. And then I come here and it's just an unhealthy environment. Small talk is cool on the whole, but equipment and vinyl thread, forget about it. I don't have a lot of friends, actually I had 2 real friends and one got killed. But I think I would consider some of you internet friends. I don't know maybe none of you here like me either. And you probably shouldn't because other people don't and if you like me they might not like you so it's just safer to treat me as a pariah. I know one post that's probably too long for most people to read, or care won't change anything but this board is toxic and the moderation sucks. Yeah, that's right, I said it. I know my thoughts are scattered here, and it's kind of impossible to summarize, everything I write gets misinterpreted and twisted anyway, so before I go on to long: fuck this place.