j4m35 Posted June 7, 2011 Share Posted June 7, 2011 how can you expect someone to be exclusive when you: 1, haven't met them...ever. 2, aren't going to meet them for at least another few months. 3, never had a sexual experience with them in the first place. also, most of the people i know aren't exclusive with someone until they've been banging for at least a month or two, and sometimes a lot longer. all of these stem from the fact that you hadn't EVER met her before. everyone has sexual needs dude, you can't fault her for being frustrated. and ultimately, i recommend you get yours taken care of really soon by someone in your town or something. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
deafmx Posted June 7, 2011 Share Posted June 7, 2011 that's why phone sex was invented. for some people, that's a sexual experience or relationship. he's been on webcam with her, i'm sure it's gotten a little X rated by this point. the problem with having a serious relationship is the fact that people aren't monogamous anymore. hell, i don't want to fuck random people. i've had plenty of opportunities and i don't even have enough interest in them to bother with a relationship. i've dated girls i've met online, some for a really long time. it's a personality thing, looks and physical attraction aren't everything a relationship should be founded on. there's a reason eharmony exists, right? we all live in an online world. some of my best friends are people i met online, people i've lived with, people i've wanted to start bands with, people i go to shows with. i think it's only a natural evolution of meeting new people and making new relationships, to embrace it rather than act like there isn't a real person out there writing this rant. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
j4m35 Posted June 7, 2011 Share Posted June 7, 2011 you can't reasonably expect someone to be exclusive with you if you've never met in real life. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
mcm1610 Posted June 7, 2011 Share Posted June 7, 2011 Rep. Weiner admitted to having 6 long-term, online-only (or so he says) relationships since before being married. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Derek™ Posted June 7, 2011 Author Share Posted June 7, 2011 how can you expect someone to be exclusive when you: 1, haven't met them...ever. 2, aren't going to meet them for at least another few months. 3, never had a sexual experience with them in the first place. also, most of the people i know aren't exclusive with someone until they've been banging for at least a month or two, and sometimes a lot longer. all of these stem from the fact that you hadn't EVER met her before. everyone has sexual needs dude, you can't fault her for being frustrated. and ultimately, i recommend you get yours taken care of really soon by someone in your town or something. I guess this is what it really boils down to: I just look at all this a little differently than most guys. And like I said; maybe that's what makes me the tool, here. I'm willing to accept the fact that I've just been overly naïve. We both spelled out how uncomfortable we'd be, if either one of slept around while trying to embrace our [pseudo] relationship. She was digusted at the idea of me hitting on girls or sleeping around, and the same could be said on my end. So we just decided on it, you know? And maybe it's just not that easy. We've been honest and open with each other since day one... which is why, as I said, this whole thing came as such a shock. And hurts so damn much. So ignore the title of the topic for a moment. Abandon all preconceived notions of what you think I was involved in - relationship or not - and just realize that I cared about this girl a great deal. Believe it or not, it's surprisingly easy to have affection for someone without seeing them in person. Seeing them on a daily basis, via webcam, and chatting around the clock... it provides a lot of opportunities to grow close to someone. Perhaps that concept is lost on a lot of people, but it was the case for me. I wasn't striving for an "online relationship". We were building our way towards something tangible and real. Whether or not you think that's significant is your own personal call. It meant a lot to me, though. And for what it's worth, I've never been a guy to "get some action" just for the sake of it. I understand that everyone has sexual needs that need to be fulfilled. There was one point where I was hesitant, and actually tried to downplay the idea of ever starting something serious... because I knew she had sexual demands. She became extremely upset at the notion, and insisted that it would be unfair and outright stupid to prematurely call it quits, just because I couldn't be physical in person. I obviously agreed. Just like deafmx said; I'm not interested in sleeping with random girls. My sexual needs can be fulfilled with a long shower, or - as mentioned - a heated phone call. Obviously it's nowhere close to the real thing, but it suffices. I guess, in my mind, the emotional connection with someone is more important. [Whoops. Can I be a straight bro and still say stuff like that?] I live in a town where everyone knows everyone, and half the population is more or less related to one another, somehow. Options are slim, and I'm picky. That's why I'm so stuck on this girl that I met online: she is quite literally unlike anyone within realistic driving distance. And I mean that in the best way possible, obviously. Personality, to sense of humor, to musical tastes, to niche interests (vinyl included). To me, that's a rare find. And if it means sacrificing a year or two of not physically screwing around, then I'm okay with that. The payout of what could be is just so much greater, you know? Someone was thoughtful enough to PM me in length about this. And they're right: I guess it's not really an appropriate subject to spill one's guts over, online. I thank you all for the insight. Even the deep and profound "TLDR"s. The fact that people even bothered to click the thread and voice an opinion means a lot to me. So thanks for that, but I suppose I'll take it from here. Cheers, all. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
deafmx Posted June 7, 2011 Share Posted June 7, 2011 good luck in your decision. I say it's a truly personal decision. do you want to live in hope or dwell in despair? do you want to trust this girl with your heart from half a country between you or play it safe and hope for the next new girl in town to be the one? me personally, I'd test the possibility and meet up, then worry about all the decisions that will follow. definitely treat it with caution and don't throw yourself into anything you can't handle emotionally. he is right up there ^^, it's hard to be mutually exclusive when you haven't met unless you've made the decision before anything unexpected happens to break your heart or trust. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
jenkem Posted June 7, 2011 Share Posted June 7, 2011 shits bananas girl! Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
controlthebleeding Posted June 7, 2011 Share Posted June 7, 2011 this is why i masturbate. so i don't have to deal with any of this. good luck with everything. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
hipsterasfolk Posted June 7, 2011 Share Posted June 7, 2011 You're welcome Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
scottheisel Posted June 7, 2011 Share Posted June 7, 2011 How did the two of you meet, anyway? Do you have any mutual friends/acquaintences? Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
thebiglebowski Posted June 7, 2011 Share Posted June 7, 2011 Dude its YOUR thread. You don't have to take everyone who says posts "it's not a relationship if you haven't met in person" seriously. I believe you explained yourself two or three times. If they haven't gotten it, they won't so don't waste your time. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
mcm1610 Posted June 7, 2011 Share Posted June 7, 2011 Let this incident settle down / blow over, then go visit her in person. You'll see how things work "in real life" and it won't be forced as an apology or anything if the appropriate amount of time has passed so it's not fresh on both of your minds. But don't listen to me, I sleep around and suck at real relationships. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
steventangent Posted June 8, 2011 Share Posted June 8, 2011 Cheers, all. brother, you've got shit-all to answer for. good luck. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
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