Best real thing on the interwebz

[dante3000]

So, I was inspired by a something awful article about the Emo Corner and I decided to find real (as in serious, not done mockingly) things on the internet that are either A)Absolutely hilarious or B)too ridiculous to be real.

This is thus far my favorite:

http://www.wikihow.com/Hardcore-Dance

Some Excerpts:

"If you plan on getting into Hardcore dancing you should learn to also take it seriously, or at least pretend as though you do."

"Don't try to rip off peoples moves though, as this could get you tackled for being a rook."

"Since hardcore dancing is done at hardcore shows making a gangsta limp hand or other similar things is not recommended seeing as most of the people there will not like rap or hip-hop."

"Throw down when the music gets heavier and starts to sound very brutal."

"You can also try some other trademark moves like "pickin' up the change""

Too awesome. Suggestions?

[aarondanger]

all i keep thinking about is you doing the gangsta limp hand

[flicker]

deadformat.net

[Guest falloutcollapse]

1. I've never waited for a pit to break out...Why would you wait?

2. I'm pretty sure you would not get tackled

3. You two-step during two-step parts stupid, not breakdowns

4. The way the describe the windmill makes it sound not like a windmill

5. Nobody picks up change, I've never seen that in my life

6. Wall of death is for Aiden shows

DUMBEST THING I'VE EVER READ

F----

[aarondanger]

deadformat.net

ha +1

[counterfiction]

5. Nobody picks up change, I've never seen that in my life

You haven't been to enough shows.

Although I think that it's done as a joke now.

[ronniethebear]

Hardcore dancing in general is a joke. Warning to anyone considering doing it: DON'T. You look like a retarded monkey.

[kurtz]

Although I don't "hardcore dance", I love watching it go down at shows. Hardcore shows without dancing (and stagedives) are no fun at all.

[cadetapplesauce]

"I think he's doing the dice thing too much."

[Guest falloutcollapse]

5. Nobody picks up change, I've never seen that in my life

You haven't been to enough shows.

Although I think that it's done as a joke now.

I go to a show almost every week

I have seriously never seen this

[nickbuysvinyl]

If you want to help open the crowd up then find some people around you who are into dancing and tell them you want to hardcore dance

Johnny: "Say Timmy, I feel like dancing now. The breakdown seems brutal enough to do so"

Timmy: "I agree. Let's go!"

Billy: "I also feel like dancing!"

[destroyingthescene]

Fuck. I HATE hardcore dancing so much. I stopped going to shows because these douchebags pissed me off so much.

"People will gather around and admire and watch you if you know what you're doing so just put your soul into it and go nuts" - no they don't. The 10 people that dance think it's cool, the rest of the people at the show think you're a moron that spends too much time working on their dance moves to care about what the band is doing.

"Many hardcore kids think that shows are a popularity contest, or a ritual to attract mates, and take it very very seriously." - and these people are idiots.

"Some shows might be filled with people who prefer push-moshing over hardcore dancing, and they will break into the pit and try to tear it up. They're usually alot bigger, but just pretend like you don't notice them and "accidentally" kick or punch them, and this will generally subside. (In some cases the hardcore dancers will come to a consensus that these people need a beatdown)" - why do fights happen at hardcore shows?? Because of stupid tools that do stuff like this. Ugh.

[kyle]

I've never seen hardcore dancing done in real life because I don't go to hardcore shows.

Problem solved.

[magalvsr13]

i hardly see hardcore dancing at "hardcore" shows....its always the shitty escape the fate shit that kids like now.....and ive seen plenty of idiots do the picking up change thing...too stupid for words

[xlovecolouredx]

is hardcore-dance = atari teenage riot,melt banana,holy molar ?

[steventangent]

Hardcore Dancing Guide for Ice Cream Eating Motherfuckers.

This shit is seriously the most trite possible expression for one's enjoyment of music. It's right up there with crowdsurfing and that MTV-moshing shit for contrived behavior at shows. It just belongs in a file somewhere at the rock and roll hall of fame with along with smashing your instruments.

Far be it from me to say how one should and should not enjoy shows. I don't go to many where this kind of shit goes on anymore anyway. I just think it's absurd. It's like square dancing but dumber.

[kirbypuckett]

When I'm at shows really drunk I like to disrupt nerds hardcore dancing by doing a version of the robot. If you remember on the Chappelle show there was random guy who would just tilt his head up and walk around moving his arms up and down (I dunno, it's hard to explain). My friend Adam and I do that a lot and it pisses people off.

Amsterdamned and I usually do the Kirby Mosh too. That's when he and someone else pick me up from my arms and legs and just run around with me.

We totally ruin pits.

[ronniethebear]

Hahahahaha, I would pay to go to a show I didn't even want to see just to witness these acts of awesomeness.

[rivalcycle]

"I think he's doing the dice thing too much."

hahahaha +1

[counterfiction]

"I think he's doing the dice thing too much."

hahahaha +1

"that's all he's got"

[scottheisel]

Whenever a mosh pit breaks out near me (especially during a massively inappropriate band, i.e. Saves The Day), I just walk directly into the middle of it, fold my arms, plant my feet and stand there, watching the band. It diffuses the pit generally within 30 seconds. If more people did this, idiotic dancing would go away.

[scottheisel]

When I'm at shows really drunk I like to disrupt nerds hardcore dancing by doing a version of the robot. If you remember on the Chappelle show there was random guy who would just tilt his head up and walk around moving his arms up and down (I dunno, it's hard to explain). My friend Adam and I do that a lot and it pisses people off.

Dude, doing the Chappelle Robot from side to side totally made O Pioneers!!!' set at the Fest that much more awesome. I doubt you remember doing this, but we did.

[ronniethebear]

Whenever a mosh pit breaks out near me (especially during a massively inappropriate band, i.e. Saves The Day), I just walk directly into the middle of it, fold my arms, plant my feet and stand there, watching the band. It diffuses the pit generally within 30 seconds. If more people did this, idiotic dancing would go away.

That's a fucking great idea actually. I think I'll start implementing this.

[mediocore]

Whenever a mosh pit breaks out near me (especially during a massively inappropriate band, i.e. Saves The Day), I just walk directly into the middle of it, fold my arms, plant my feet and stand there, watching the band. It diffuses the pit generally within 30 seconds. If more people did this, idiotic dancing would go away.

That's how all pits in LA are. A bunch of douchebags racing around a bunch of bigger dudes planted in the middle.

[kurtz]

Whenever a mosh pit breaks out near me (especially during a massively inappropriate band, i.e. Saves The Day), I just walk directly into the middle of it, fold my arms, plant my feet and stand there, watching the band. It diffuses the pit generally within 30 seconds. If more people did this, idiotic dancing would go away.

This may work well when Saves The Day is playing... Not such a good idea when it's a hardcore band where the dancing is more appropriate. Stand in the middle of a pit at a First Blood show and you'll be lucky to leave without any broken bones.