crime Posted May 5, 2011 Share Posted May 5, 2011 Here's my dillema. I started dating this girl back in November. Things have been amazing ever since. We get along great and have a pretty amazing relationship. The entire time we've been dating she's told me how much of a douche her ex was. She's told me how badly he treated her and all this and that. The only problem is that he is friends with some of her friends. So we would bump into him from time to time when we went out. Or she would bump into him when she went to play soccer (they play in one league together). From what I saw when they did see each other there was no real awkwardness between the two. About a month ago his girlfriend dumped him. Then last Friday he messaged her and asked if she wanted to come out for drinks with him and some of their mutal friends (apparently he invited me as well ... although I'm not 100% sure on that). The thing is she never told me until I said hey let's go out tonight. We live in a smallish city and there's only a handfull of bars downtown that you can go to. So if we go out there's a very good chance of us running into him. So after I say let's go out, she tells me he messaged her and she just said no I have to work and that was that. As the weekend went on she slowed slipped up saying they talked about other stuff. Nothing much the usual catching up. But the thing that bothered me was that she had told me Friday night that it was just a quick hey let's go out, no I can't kind of deal. But it really wasn't. Then I saw that she had added him as a friend on facebook. I know it's only facebook, but I'm not sure why she wouldn't say anything about it. When I asked her about it she just tried to brush it off saying it's not a big deal. Saying that she just wants to be civil with him because she's most likely going to bump into him a lot now that he broke up with his girlfriend. Each time we talk about it though, more and more information comes out (ie. that they had talked about more things etc.). She keeps on saying oh it's not a big deal and all this. But I really have a feeling like she's trying to hide it. You'd think that this is something you'd talk about with your boyfriend right away so that there is no misunderstandings and so it doesn't look like there is something you're trying to hide. Now I'm not sure what to do. I really like this girl, but I can't shake this feeling like she's not telling me the whole truth. I know her fairly well and I can see in her body lanuage that there's something else she wants to say but is holding back. I've asked a couple times but she just keeps on telling me that she's told me everything. But it just doesn't all add up. One of my friends is friends with both of them (my girlfriend and her ex). I could ask him if anythings up, but I really don't want to get other people involved with this. Any advice? Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
One Hundred Fifty-Two Posted May 5, 2011 Share Posted May 5, 2011 TL, DR - Dump her Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
kgry Posted May 5, 2011 Share Posted May 5, 2011 Tag one of her hot friends. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
lonesomexloveus Posted May 5, 2011 Share Posted May 5, 2011 yer paranoid. unless she's done something else prior to this to make you distrust her, your concern is probably misplaced. but if you really think she's lying/don't trust her like you say, you should break up. no use dating someone you don't/can't trust. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
mattalica17 Posted May 5, 2011 Share Posted May 5, 2011 I could ask him if anythings up, but I really don't want to get other people involved with this. Any advice? hahahaha good thing you did post anything about it on the world wide web Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
mattalica17 Posted May 5, 2011 Share Posted May 5, 2011 if you think she is fucking around she prob is Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
themullet89 Posted May 5, 2011 Share Posted May 5, 2011 I could ask him if anythings up, but I really don't want to get other people involved with this. Any advice? hahahaha good thing you did post anything about it on the world wide web Nice Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
lonesomexloveus Posted May 5, 2011 Share Posted May 5, 2011 ZING! Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
almightyseancore Posted May 5, 2011 Share Posted May 5, 2011 this exact same thing happened to the woman i've been with for 7 years. her ex pops up out of no where,starts talking to her behind my back, she won't tell me much. she actually went out and fucked the dude, though. almost killed our relationship if it weren't for the kids, but it was one of the worst things emotionally that i've ever had to go through. seems silly considering i've been to both my parents funerals, but when someone else puts there dick where your dick is supposed to be, it's some weird emotional territorial thing that makes you want to kill. like a dog pissing on another dogs tree or some shit. not saying this will happen to you, but it sounds a lot like the beginnings of the story i just told. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
eddieruckus Posted May 5, 2011 Share Posted May 5, 2011 youre fucked dude, seriously, just give up man Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
tylerrr Posted May 5, 2011 Share Posted May 5, 2011 That's pretty touchy territory my friend. It's never easy to deal with those kind of situations... mostly because there is no getting around it. If you really care about this girl I'd say just make that as clear as possible and let her know this all makes you uncomfortable. Just hope for the best on this one, and if it does go sour... well... it's not the worst thing in the world. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
hipsterasfolk Posted May 5, 2011 Share Posted May 5, 2011 I had a GF who left her e-mail up on my iPhone which showed her talking to another guy and planning "activities" while I was at work. I believe that body language is the key thing here, if you think she is holding something back; she probably is. At this rate you are paranoid about the subject matter so you are hoping for us to give you some sort of false hope to turn the other cheek as you get fucked over by the one you love. Warning: Information expressed does not pertain to all relationships, just most of them. I will close with a funny picture due to the harshness I believe I may have presented in this thread. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
thesupervillain Posted May 5, 2011 Share Posted May 5, 2011 I wanted to say it sounds like you are very young, like 15 or 16, but since you are talking about bars, I have to assume you are at least 18. Let me give you some advice. You are probably coming off to her like a jealous, paranoid weirdo. If she is with you right now, it's because she wants to be. If she stays with you in the future, it's because she wants to. If she leaves you and goes back to fucking her "douche" ex-boyfriend, it's because she wants to. You have next to no say in her decision unfortunately. And acting all jealous and interrogating her about shit isn't going to help your cause any. You have only been dating since November which may seem like a long time if this is your first serious relationship, but it's really not. You are still in the "everything is perfect and I would drink this person's bathwater given the chance" phase. She may have just decided that she doesn't like you as much as she thought she did and is trying to distance herself from you, or she actually misses "getting treated badly" by her ex and is bored by you falling over yourself to make her happy. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
controlthebleeding Posted May 5, 2011 Share Posted May 5, 2011 my ex use to fuck someone on the weekends when i was at work. i didn't trust her to begin with, but it took about a week to figure out she wasn't being honest after things started getting strange. and the dude she was fucking too totally told me everything that had happened. he didn't realize i was screwing her too and told me in confidence what happened. when i explained to him that we were going out too, he freaked. so we both stopped seeing her. i had known him a whole lot longer than her, so we were cool. taking std tests aint fun. I've been fucked over enough to figure out when someone is being honest and when someone is lying. i don't even bother anymore. if there's a slight hint of hesitation i bail. but that's just me. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
riddle350 Posted May 6, 2011 Share Posted May 6, 2011 I agree with the others assesment on body language. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
motorbike Posted May 6, 2011 Share Posted May 6, 2011 dont be weird dude, your gonna push her that further away. just be the shit, girls like dudes with total confidence. if things are fucked then it will come out anyway. and if they do end on a bad note, try and put yer penis in places they shouldnt be on her and take pics. that will keep a smile on your face. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
edgedestroys Posted May 6, 2011 Share Posted May 6, 2011 I'd say calm down and just wait to see how things turn out, it's too soon to say for sure if she's fucking you over, I'm still friends with a few exs now that shit isn't awkward between us anymore, it could be nothing more than that. Thing is though, you've only been dating her since november right? Realistically that's not that long, it sucks if it were to not work out, that's never cool but better now than later. The whole "plenty of other fish" thing sucks to tell people but again, realistically the likelihood of any relationship being "happily ever after" is as unlikely as it is likely that you'd break up and find someone just as "good" or better anyways. If things work out that it's nothing super shady then sweet, if not, get awesome and move on. It's not like you've devoted years of your life to her and if she's not who you should be building the foundation for years of a relationship with then no harm no foul. Any relationship is dependent on communication and honesty. If you're really that concerned just tell her and explain why. Hiding these doubts doesn't do you any good. If she's got a brain and is understanding, hopefully she'll sympathize with your concern and tell you what's up. If not then you should probably be investing your time with someone else. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
punkrudeboy Posted May 6, 2011 Share Posted May 6, 2011 I had an ex who did pretty much the exact same thing. She started hanging out with this guy who was working in the same hospital she was doing her nurses training at. Did all the same shit you described started being distant, she'd have no problems answering her phone when i was in the room, but all of a sudden take certain ones on the other room. She stopped wanting to go out, would be secretive about shit, etc. I recently found out shes been seeing the same guy for 4 years and moved in with him etc. The time frame of when and where she met him all lined up with when her and I were on the road to breaking up. That shit and fucked me up for a while, and even then I still have trust issues when it comes to women. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
kurt Posted May 6, 2011 Share Posted May 6, 2011 Every situation is different, but all signs point to trouble here! Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
punkrudeboy Posted May 6, 2011 Share Posted May 6, 2011 Every situation is different, but all signs point to trouble here! Agreed! Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
booyahachieved Posted May 6, 2011 Share Posted May 6, 2011 I don't think anyone has yet to suggest turning the tables on her. Start talking to some of your ex-girlfriends and being all secretive and what not. See how she likes it. On second thought... this is terrible advice. Only do this if you really want to screw things up! Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
electrocute Posted May 6, 2011 Share Posted May 6, 2011 poke a hole in the condom like Uncle Jesse and you have her under you wing with your devilish good looks and your usher type of charm.... honestly though, I'd say either get rid of her and cut your losses sooner rather than later or tell her how you feel about the entire situation. Also you can do the whole talking to ex's thing but if she finds out you did it out of spite could open up an entire different situation with her being pissed at you. Girls are crazy. Glad my wife didn't do some things I hear/read about, I'd of been pissed. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Guest Posted May 6, 2011 Share Posted May 6, 2011 i would just be straight up with her. sit her down, make sure she knows you mean business. tell her everything youre talking about in here, and make sure she understands why youre weirded out. this way, if it really is nothing (fingers crossed..), at least you didnt go doing any shit to make things worse. but say she comes clean, and something is going on. whats your move from there? end it, figure it out, break? figure that out first, but my guess is that if shes seeing an ex, youre probably not gonna wanna stick around. id just give her the ol' "if hes more important than us, just end it now". i also only have one fucked up relationship that featured countless breakups to reference, so i understand if you ignore my advice. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
controlthebleeding Posted May 6, 2011 Share Posted May 6, 2011 every girl i've dated or known that's cheated on her boyfriend usually is pretty self involved and can't catch the signs that her bf or husband is curious of what she does when they aren't together. her mind isn't in that place. I'm a pretty good judge of character, and even i know when my friends are cheating behind their gfs or bf's backs. if you are honest with her and lay the cards out on the table, i think her body language will give you a sign if she's lying or not. a genuinely honest person will make you feel at ease without saying much and a person who isn't will become defensive. it doesn't take a rocket scientist to figure that out. maybe that's just me... im a dumbass though. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
hipsterasfolk Posted May 6, 2011 Share Posted May 6, 2011 Have sex with the guy she is talking to, that will show her who is boss. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
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