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reupped on some nug, and it's helping a lot with my nerves and anxiety, but doesn't really stop the shaking.

i've been dealing with this all day and handling it quite well i think, aside from a little freak out this morning worrying about dying and stuff.

i've been shaking pretty heavily throught the day but no major spells of confusion or euphoria or anything that seems like it could bring on a seizure.

still gunna get that that liver test. my next bit of free time is monday, so i'll run in then and see whats up.

i think i'm gunna rock this bitch like a goddamn bitch.

i'll bump this again in about a week so i can brag s'more about how awesome i am.

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slept a little better last night. took about 3 hours to fall asleep. only woke up twice.

today i don't feel so bad.

not shaking at all right now, but the chest pain is pretty much exactly the same.

i had no appetite yesterday, and only ate one small bowl of spaghetti for dinner.

not feeling hungry at all now either.

it's such a weird thing.

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i just had one up to get me goin', which is what i usually do.

i over did it on the coffee yesterday, hoping it would kick some of the cravings.

it really only made them worse.

now that i'm done freaking out about the dangers of this, i'm really not too worried about facing this head on.

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I've never had withdrawals or anything but I'm not a huge drinker. I prefer to collect whisk(e)y rather than to drink it on a regular basis (Whisk(e)ys are my variants.)

Every 2 weeks I buy a bottle of whiskey and sit out on the patio (maybe smoke a cigar w/ the gramps.) I sometimes drink a beer or two but really only if I meet up with people or go out. I work 40hrs do some side work and then play WoW from 7-11 on Fri-Sat. I guess everything can be taken in moderation, but for perfect example when we host our holiday party at the club house I kill a fifth of whiskey easy (same goes for any open bar.)

I will say chew and red bull is my major vice, I can't seem to wake up w/ out it!

Best of luck to ya man! <3

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Best of luck kicking your habits man. Changing a lifestyle is fuckin hard, I've been undergoing a bit of a transformation myself this year. I've also jumped from one addiction to another over the years. It's not always drugs or alcohol. So for me it's all about just finding a healthier addiction when I feel like the current one is becoming detrimental to my life. Keeping busy helps a LOT, I'm sure staying home with your kids all day makes things hard for you. I work approx 9-5 but used to spend my evenings at home by myself getting wasted. Now I'm still smoking a ton of weed every day but getting out almost every night. Hell, last month I didn't even have time to do dishes or laundry for about 3 weeks. Well I had time but I was too exhausted lol. They say addiction is in the blood, and it is indeed in mine if this is true, both my grandfathers died of alcohol-related health issues and my cousin is an oxy head. Well I say fuck that, mind over matter, our destinies aren't predetermined. If you have the will, you can accomplish anything.

Anyways I rambled more than I meant to. Good luck, keep busy, and stay posi.

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raged on my wife this morning, cos she started pushing my buttons before i even got out of bed.

raggin' on me about how much of a fuck up i am, etc.

saying that i was "the worst decision (she has) ever made" talking about divorce etc.

not even sure how it all started.

wound up throwing a bottle of water at her and bruising her leg with an apple that she threw at me.

holy hell.

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she's never really supported me about anything.

she avoids my art and my music. i'm writing my 5th album since we've been together and she still hasn't even really heard a single song, or been to any of my shows.

she shows her love by supporting me financially, and giving me lots of sex, but other than that, she's usually just a cold hard bitch.

we don't fight nearly as much as we used to tho.

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she's never really supported me about anything.

she avoids my art and my music. i'm writing my 5th album since we've been together and she still hasn't even really heard a single song, or been to any of my shows.

she shows her love by supporting me financially, and giving me lots of sex, but other than that, she's usually just a cold hard bitch.

we don't fight nearly as much as we used to tho.

This may seem like a bitch move on my behalf, but like you I have kinda given up on changing my woman's ways. So instead of forcing her to do shit she won't like I just find the things she likes to do and I don't hate doing and do those things more. For example I'll hang out with her friends instead of mine, but I suggest we hang out with her friends that I can actually stand.

So she gets her way and I don't hate it.

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yeah i'm in the same boat.

every time were in the car she drives, we go where she wants to, i do everything she asks with a smile on my face.

whenever i recommend something to do, or somewhere to go i usually get a no, if i insist it only becomes a fight.

but i she lets me buy records sometimes.

so that's cool.

i don't hate her decisions, it just sucks getting shut down every time.

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my tale involves all your normal yelling and angst and crappy things, and then add to it that we are both women, and then add to that we got married in california and lived in NC so like, we literally could not get a divorce here (in NC), and then now that it's all over and done....yeah, i'm happy today. totally cried the other day when i picked up the papers from the post office though.

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my tale involves all your normal yelling and angst and crappy things, and then add to it that we are both women, and then add to that we got married in california and lived in NC so like, we literally could not get a divorce here (in NC), and then now that it's all over and done....yeah, i'm happy today. totally cried the other day when i picked up the papers from the post office though.

Not to make like of your situation, but it sounds like that saying "legalize gay marrige, let them be unhappy too"

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Not to make like of your situation, but it sounds like that saying "legalize gay marrige, let them be unhappy too"

honestly while the whole amendment talk was going on in this state back in May i was just like...please don't ban same sex marriage because i'll never be able to get a divorce while i live here if that happens. i'm such a shithead lol
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At my worst I was only drinking 4-6 beers a night 3-4 nights a week. The thing that gets me is the weight I put on when I drink often. When I notice my face puffing up I usually chill on the brew for a while.

Have you tried the placebo effect with N/A brew? I hear it helps if you start cutting real beer with near-bear, than eventually only drink N/A.

Also, not implying you should work, but having a job tends to help me escape myself for a few hours a day. Plus you get a sense of importance, regardless of what it is you're doing. When I'm at work, I'm not at all who I am at home. I don't mix the two and keep my personal life pretty private from my coworkers.

You should really check out Paul Gillmartin's The Mental Illness Happy Hour podcast. It helps. Maybe start with this show Chris Hardwick recently did about how he quit drinking http://mentalpod.com/Chris-Hardwick-podcast

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todays been great!

i still feel it a little, but it's barely anything.

pretty sure i won this battle, bros.

gonna stay drink free for a few months, or maybe forever, depends on how comfortable i feel next time it seems appropriate.

i'm also on day 3 of my detox pills, and exercise starts monday.

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wow. i guess i haven't really been around that much, but this was heavy. congratulations on putting forth the willpower and battling a seemingly hostile environment to get better, dude. my family has addiction on both sides, so i've been seeing some of the use and aftermath my whole life. it's tough to deal with, even with a supportive family. i'm proud of you, sean.

along the way, you might need some support or reminders about why you're getting sober. you might want to write a list of things you really care about (life, kids, music, etc., whatever makes you want to stay alive), fold it up, and keep it in your wallet for tough times. also, maybe pick up a part time day job? or maybe volunteer a few hours a week? having too much free time is all-too conducive to filling that time with booze or drugs. regiment some productivity.

also, one saying to keep in ming, that i think sucks, but rings true: once an addict, always an addict. if you know you have the bug, do yourself the favor and stay away from even the social drinking idea. you have to do what's right for your body, and it's not worth the risk of going what you went through again. stick to the nug.

congrats, again, dude. i'm proud of you.

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