chaps Posted June 7, 2008 Share Posted June 7, 2008 Pizza Shop - "what ever happened to good 'ole wackin off" (a younger kid was explaing GTA IV online) Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
mediocore Posted June 7, 2008 Share Posted June 7, 2008 Men's Bathroom Attendant - "So, this is where all the dicks hang out..."* * Probably didn't happen. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Snaggle Von Swift Posted June 7, 2008 Share Posted June 7, 2008 I work at a concert venue, and when the pit is seated, it's called the "golden circle" and one of the tour managers for Dave Matthews walked up and asked my boss what it was, and he looked at him straight face and was like "golden circle? like, around a hot girls asshole?" Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
bouncingsoles123 Posted June 7, 2008 Share Posted June 7, 2008 Ooooh maaaaan those kids be waitin fo me in the parking lot after work imaaa popp em ....this kid is 21 the kids "waitin in the parking lot" could be no older than 17. Oh and he's my supervisor, what the fuck is up with the world? Is everyone near you trying to be a tough guy? Cause everyone on long island sure the fuck is. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
mattramone Posted June 7, 2008 Share Posted June 7, 2008 A co-worker, upon seeing one of the posters I have up on my wall "Taxi Driver? Is that the show Danny Devito was on?" This despite the poster having in big fat letters on top "ROBERT DeNIRO IN". Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
hyperinactive Posted June 7, 2008 Share Posted June 7, 2008 i told a customer we didnt have a shoe in his size and his response was "man, you ignant." Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
lokithelion Posted June 7, 2008 Share Posted June 7, 2008 I got my boss to introduce me like this at a board meeting "as the poet James Hetfield once mused, he is our master of puppets..." Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
cptchaos Posted June 7, 2008 Share Posted June 7, 2008 "i looked up and there it was....shit everywhere" some old lady shit bombed one of our bathrooms. as it was the girls bathroom, we made a girl clean it. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
chaps Posted June 7, 2008 Author Share Posted June 7, 2008 haha this thread is delivering some LOLZ right now. keep it going. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
andrew13 Posted June 7, 2008 Share Posted June 7, 2008 i just have about 95 of those idiot customer moments from clerks every night. nothing stands out as being hilarious though. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
valentine Posted June 7, 2008 Share Posted June 7, 2008 "i looked up and there it was....shit everywhere"some old lady shit bombed one of our bathrooms. as it was the girls bathroom, we made a girl clean it. this happened last week at my work. "seriously, the way the shit was on the floor, she must have had to swing her ass through the air around the entire stall" and when it happened a few months back in the mens bathroom and i had to clean it: "seriously dude, you know how a bazooka has a back blast? thats pretty much what it was. the dude fucking back blasted all over the wall behind the toilet." Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
tanukichu Posted June 7, 2008 Share Posted June 7, 2008 ewww...people are just.....disgusting...... Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
mikeian Posted June 7, 2008 Share Posted June 7, 2008 "would you put this in your mouth? " -- me those crazy japanese animal-shaped biscuits Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
derbsauce Posted June 7, 2008 Share Posted June 7, 2008 "i looked up and there it was....shit everywhere"some old lady shit bombed one of our bathrooms. as it was the girls bathroom, we made a girl clean it. I had a bitch job at a grocery store for two months before moving to Toronto...on my LAST FUCKING DAY...same thing happened. Almost walked out...but I knew that one of the people I actually liked there would have had to clean it. In retrospect...I should have just left. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
ps Posted June 7, 2008 Share Posted June 7, 2008 We actually have a "quote board" at work where we write all out of context funny quotes.... one of my personal favorites is... "I'm only gay with this hand" Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
flood Posted June 7, 2008 Share Posted June 7, 2008 sales guy - what do you guys actually do? me- we're sort of like the fat sober friend of the hot drunk girl at the party, the customer is obviously trying to fuck you, and you think its a great idea... but we know better, and are taking you home before you do something stupid. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
tuumi Posted June 7, 2008 Share Posted June 7, 2008 I'm a teacher. Here are a few from a young Lad named Dakota. (Names changed) Dakota’s advice for the day #1 - “If you are as stiff as a rock try not to roll over.” Dakota’s advice for the day #2- “If you are cranky in the morning someone should have made a cake and a whoopee cushion for you.” Dakota got mad when one of his papers was put in the trash - “You are a pile of farts.” Dakota was mad, but I have no idea why - “I knew this place was a house of whacks.” Dakota talking to Ms. D Dakota : “I just want to hook up” Ms C: “ What do you mean?” Dakota: “Everyone has to mate.” Dakota speaking with another student Dakota :“ I can sell this bottle of water for 20 bucks.” Brian : “That’s a bad idea. No one is going to buy water for 20 bucks.” Dakota : “I got a better idea. Keep your mouth shut or I’ll tape it shut.” Dakota wanted a yearbook – Dakota – “Mr. C can I have a yearbook?” Mr. C : “I don’t have one.” Dakota: “So I guess you have to suck wind like a vaccum.” Dakota : “Can you buy me a yearbook Mr. C?” Mr. C : “Sorry Dakota I don’t have 20 dollars.” Dakota : “How am I suppose to remember you guys? I guess I won’t remember you.” Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
kellyjanice Posted June 7, 2008 Share Posted June 7, 2008 I'm a teacher. Here are a few from a young Lad named Dakota. what do you teach? I am a teacher as well and am very excited to share some of my quotes with you... mind you I teach elementary art see a child spitting on the floor "why did you just spit on the floor?" "because snot was dripping down my throat" said with all seriousness angry parent on the phone "how the fuck did my child fail art... it's fucking art jesus" me "ma'am I understand you are angry but you have to realize your daughter has not completed a single assignment this quarter so there is no way she could pass" "what the hell it's just art she should get an A no matter what the hell she does what does art have to do with anything" me "ma'am art has everything to do with society, the clothes you wear, the furniture you sit on, the car you drive it all was designed by an artist" "you ignant" and hung up on me I am teaching a self portrait lesson and explaining the different types of skin tone paints I have. I happened to mention I was white so I would use one particular color of paint "Miss. B don't say you white that's mean you just light skined" child running into the lunch room "ahhhhhhh he's chasing me with it, he's chasing me with it" teacher "what" "POOP" child runs into the lunch room with a piece of poop in his hands and continues to chase the student around with it "you mean we actually get graded on our art projects" me "of course how else do you think you get a grade on your report card" "well it's a good thing my mom said the only classes that matter are history, math, reading, and science then" teacher talking in the break room "did you hear the phantom pisser is at it again. he hides behind the bathroom door and when someone comes in he shuts off the lights and pees all over them then runs out" 3rd grader: "I hope Hillary wins because then she will take all the oil back from the hippies" I have a ton of these I could go on forever Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
mikeian Posted June 7, 2008 Share Posted June 7, 2008 if you have some time to kill.. http://www.overheardintheoffice.com/ Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
jhulud Posted June 7, 2008 Share Posted June 7, 2008 "I am no one's dancing monkey!" My reply to an inside adjuster who was demanding me that I go see a client's car in a terrritoy well-outside of mine. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
shanehennessey Posted June 7, 2008 Share Posted June 7, 2008 I work at a screen printing place and my boss said this to me the other day: "If you break the screen with those scissors, I'll castrate you, Shane." haha. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
mcm1610 Posted June 8, 2008 Share Posted June 8, 2008 I wish the jobs I had were entertaining. when I worked for the NYS DOH, I just wanted to kill everyone because nothing interesting ever happened. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
silentgods Posted June 8, 2008 Share Posted June 8, 2008 its always important to pay detail to attention. best slip-up this week. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
ohnotherobot Posted June 8, 2008 Share Posted June 8, 2008 I work in a Canadian National Park - lots of boreal forest and wildlife. Anyway... Customer/tourist: "What time of the year do the deer turn into elk?" Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
chaps Posted June 8, 2008 Author Share Posted June 8, 2008 "would you put this in your mouth? "-- me those crazy japanese animal-shaped biscuits More info is needed on these. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
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