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+ Found out we get overtime for working during the snow storm last weekend.

+ Next paycheck is going to be really nice.

- My head is cloudy as fuck for some reason, I was freaking out driving home afraid I was like going to hit someone/something without noticing with my head that way.

- Was going to attempt to make it to my friend's up north, but not going to attempt it with my head like this since it'll probably cause a panic attack.

+ My Elliott Smith records shipped for Aural Exploits today too!

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- I have Shingles (Herpes Zoster) ... yay

-I didn't sleep at all last night

----------- On the drive back from the doctor.... (backstory: I have a 93 Lexus that when you pop the hood, it doesn't let you fully latch it until it decides it's good and ready generally a day later. I was at the shop yesterday showing the engine to the mechanic and I'm taking it in tomorrow, so the good hood latch is still not catching.. just the manual one. The manual one you have to unlatch yourself once you pop the hood also decides sometimes it doesn't want to really hold the hood down.) Back to today... driving back from the doctor, both latches bitch out and up comes my hood, popping off the hinges, bending in half so it won't shut, and breaking the bottom of my windsheild on both sides. And it won't close either.

- I have to go to AA again in an hour.

I just want to shoot myself. My last spring break ever and it's been just disaster after disaster.

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- I have Shingles (Herpes Zoster) ... yay

-I didn't sleep at all last night

----------- On the drive back from the doctor.... (backstory: I have a 93 Lexus that when you pop the hood, it doesn't let you fully latch it until it decides it's good and ready generally a day later. I was at the shop yesterday showing the engine to the mechanic and I'm taking it in tomorrow, so the good hood latch is still not catching.. just the manual one. The manual one you have to unlatch yourself once you pop the hood also decides sometimes it doesn't want to really hold the hood down.) Back to today... driving back from the doctor, both latches bitch out and up comes my hood, popping off the hinges, bending in half so it won't shut, and breaking the bottom of my windsheild on both sides. And it won't close either.

- I have to go to AA again in an hour.

I just want to shoot myself. My last spring break ever and it's been just disaster after disaster.

:( hang in there, buddy. i hope things get better for you.

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- I have Shingles (Herpes Zoster) ... yay

-I didn't sleep at all last night

----------- On the drive back from the doctor.... (backstory: I have a 93 Lexus that when you pop the hood, it doesn't let you fully latch it until it decides it's good and ready generally a day later. I was at the shop yesterday showing the engine to the mechanic and I'm taking it in tomorrow, so the good hood latch is still not catching.. just the manual one. The manual one you have to unlatch yourself once you pop the hood also decides sometimes it doesn't want to really hold the hood down.) Back to today... driving back from the doctor, both latches bitch out and up comes my hood, popping off the hinges, bending in half so it won't shut, and breaking the bottom of my windsheild on both sides. And it won't close either.

- I have to go to AA again in an hour.

I just want to shoot myself. My last spring break ever and it's been just disaster after disaster.

:( hang in there, buddy. i hope things get better for you.

I've been trying to think positive for months now. I never, ever was anyone to be like "whoa is me" and get down, but since August or so my life has been terrible. I'm not a bad kid, but I fucked up once and got arrested and faced felony charges which took until late October to settle, putting me thousands of dollars in the hole on legal and settlement fees, I'm on probation, I have a ton of community service to do, and stupid AA when I really don't even have a problem. I actually wasn't even drunk, it was just at a bar so they threw it in there. Before that I've never gotten in trouble.. and after I was bailed I had this flash of driving into oncoming traffic which scared the fuck out of me. It was a legitimate suicidal thought and I'd never had one or anything close. I want to be a teacher, and until a month or so ago, I thought I had 100% ruined any chances of that so I had no idea what I was going to do with my life.

I tried to use New Year's as a mental reset.. I had a month off of just about everything becuase I had surgery. I started forcing myself to be positive, I got a new job, I started chipping away at my community service. Recently though it just seems that I keep being slapped by the world and I think it finally built up in me now. I hate feeling this way, and I know some people have it a lot worse, but I dunno.. sorry for bitching, but I just need to vent for a bit.

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