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I almost pooped my pants...


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So a repressed memory just came back to me- I shit the bed once when I was 5. Woke up at 3AM and realized I was rolling around in it and started screaming. I'm sure the last thing my parents wanted to do at that time of night was throw their shit-covered son in the shower and start a load of laundry. I should probably thank my dad for it in his Father's Day card to see how he reacts.

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You are looking at it wrong. I wait to take my morning glory until I get to work. If you take a 10-15 minute shit every morning, at the end of the year you have roughly 50 hours of throne time. That's paid vacation my man.

Plus, you use company TP instead of your own. Saving paper while making paper.

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As told previously in the Stoner/Doom thread.

 

So last night, I pick up my buddy and drive over to the Elder show.  While looking for parking, I suddenly start to feel some bubbling in my guts.  Figuring something was imminent, and not wanting to have to use the venue bathroom, I drive over to a Kroger to use their facilities.  Things get bad, and it starts as I'm walking.  I'm freaking out but trying to look calm, and it probably isn't working as I'm shuffling toward the bathroom. I finish up in there, throw out my ruined boxers, and we head to the show.  I do not explain any of this to my friend.  The show is way fun, I drink some beers, do some shots, rock out.  A friend of ours opened for Elder, and they're crashing at his house, so we head over there afterward to drink more beers and pass some joints.  So, my night started with shitting my pants and ended getting with getting stoned with Elder.  YOU'RE WELCOME, WIZARDS!

 

 

Because even if you shit your pants minute before, you still probably won't be the worst smelling person at a metal show.

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Speaking of which, we go to that bar so much that all the bartenders just know my food/drink order. I just have to walk in and tell them yes or no when they ask if I want food.

Plus today they hooked us up with some hush puppies. They have them for just the night as part of some dinner special. Hush puppies are not something you can normally order in upstate NY, so that's pretty exciting.

I should note that I'm really high right now and so excited about hush puppies that I forgot what thread I was in.

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i have a handful of poop stories, sadly :(

 

i've had several surgeries on my intestines and i have no gal-bladder. my scary poops can come from a fresh salad or a steak dinner. 

 

I NEVER KNOW

 

its a battle inside my body - im trying so hard to hold it in but my body is trying so hard to push it out. i get wicked hot and im exhausted after.

 

if you wanna know more, just ask. (things have gotten better, but once in a while...uh oh.)

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Oh no! Shit got messy

 

 

 

But seriously, that sucks man. Sorry to hear that :(

haha, my last poop emergency i guess you could say i had a handful of poop? happened a lil more than a year ago, i was in chicago and not one bathroom was around, gas station, out of order of course -  went to a restaurant, wouldn't let me use it, threatened to shit on their floor, still wouldnt let me, but didn't shit on their floor, tried another restaurant but they were closed, by this time it was already too late, but i still needed a bathroom, found a fancy hotel and just walked through the lobby with all these dressed up folk, with shit in my pants and my hand grabbing my butt all sweaty and funny walking. i threw away my clothes and didn't eat from chicago until i got home in CT. 

 

that was the most recent. it really does suck, i laugh at those times now, but it really is a horrible feeling and there's a point where you give up completely and its just so bad, like you hit rock bottom. i do avoid certain situations if possible, when im shooting a wedding i either don't ear or ill definitely eat something that i know won't hurt me. ive been living with this for about 10 years now? i should be following a strict diet, i guess its my fault most of the time. but a salad? come on!

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not me. poops are sound free. just browsing stuff on phone until i finish. now i'm curious. how many people listen to music while pooping?

I don't think I've ever put something on just for the occasion, but I wouldn't turn it off. If I'm listening to music and the mood strikes, I'm won't take the needle off while I head to the bathroom. I have auto-return on my table, it's all good.

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