Breeders of VC

[Shitty Rambo]

I have a 7yo and a 3yo, both girls. I can tell you this much, every kid is different and most of these self help books and parenting forums aren't very helpful. Aside from the basics like changing and putting your child in a car seat properly everything else you'll learn from experience. For example, my girls never had problems with sleeping so I can't identify with restlessness. There are differences between them though, my youngest is very shy and we're having trouble with potty training, my oldest isn't shy at all and sometimes I wish she'd zip it for a minute before I black out from all the information she's feeding to me.

 

The biggest piece of advice is to cut back where ever you can. A trip to the store for baby supplies adds up quick and everything you get from the baby shower will be gone before you know it. Try to avoid buying trivial items, I did this with my first daughter. I remember buying her some stupid $35 mat with too mesh triangles on the sides that would stop her from "overheating" when she was sleeping.

 

When your child gets older things will become easier in the care giving department. They'll be able to get their own snacks or drinks when they want something, they'll be able to put on their own pajamas and wash themselves in the bath. I don't want to be one of those guys that's all "enjoy em while they're babies" because once your child has a personality life gets wacky, but make sure you do all the cliche daddy-baby things like cruising them in a bjorn and putting funny onesies on them.

 

Good luck dude, your baby will love you unconditionally, it doesn't give a damn about your record collection... Speaking of which, lift everything you care about at least 4 feet off the ground. I found a piece of toast in my computer one time.

[distinctlydustin]

Like I said above, CONGRATULATIONS! I have never been as emotional as I was when my daughter was born. After the delivery, I remember coming home to shower and I would just cry and cry because I didn't have time to express anything while at the hospital; everything is so busy and family is there, and so on. If that happens, it's normal and okay.

 

My daughter turned four months old yesterday. Here are my tips, dude.

1. What people say may not work for you.
2. Just because your mom, grandma, and aunt say something... it may be dumb and not what the doctor says.
3. Don't panic about jaundice; keep feeding!
4. Sometimes breastfeeding doesn't work; my wife could not. Be supportive and stay positive.
5. Don't be too proud; get help when you need it.
6. PPD is VERY SERIOUS! If she is slightly dealing with it, get active about it.
7. Teething is hell. Growth spurts are hell. Keep up to date on what to expect in a baby's developmental stage. This will save you a lot of Google searches.
8. GOOGLE IS GOOD AND BAD! Don't diagnose your baby with everything.
9. Don't buy cheap diapers; they really do suck!
10. Help out your wife/girlfriend as much as possible and don't take anything personal. Her body will be going through changes we as men cannot fathom. She will cry. Be prepared.
11. Enjoy every little moment. The first time your child throws up on you is a joy, I promise.
12. Don't ever think you have plenty of clothes; they will go through a kilo of clothes a day.
13. Sleeping is different with each baby. We co-sleep and our baby sleeps most the night. We only have to feed once or twice. Co-sleep is often viewed as taboo but it is great for us. Yes, SIDS is a huge problem these days, but co-sleep is not so taboo outside of the United States. Now, if you sleep like you have itching powder in your pants, it may not work for you. Don't jump into this if you don't feel safe.
14. Get ready to sing Twinkle Twinkle Little Star.
15. You will loose sleep.
16. You will get depressed.
17. Playing games and listening to music will fade for a while.
18. Enjoy each day. They grow really fast.
19. It takes time to shift into parenthood; I'm still doing it.
20. Don't make the lady do everything on her own. Men, help out!
21. It all becomes comfortable and natural, I promise.
22. Everything you do in life, no matter how small, becomes HUGE! Your wife/girlfriend will be out one day shopping and your baby is crying... BOOM~! You have to take a dump, the dogs craps on the floor, etc. Brushing your teeth was easy; now do it holding a crying baby.

NOW, this is IMPORTANT! The only thing my wife and I were not prepared for, well, about killed us by way of worrying. Our daughter tested high for cystic fibrosis. We had to wait on two tests... weeks! It was hell. We didn't know what to do. We are distraught that our daughter had CF. However, 90% of kids that test high for CF end up not having it. We did not know this, so it's better to know now than when a doctor calls and says your child tested high (not positive) for CF.

[abovetheearth]

Teething will cause very very bad diaper rashes. The hormones are off kilter. My PED said it was like pooping and peeling hot lava. Change ASAP.

P1nk had killer advice.

[Shitty Rambo]

The guys from Tested did a few dad specific podcasts (I think 3 total), here's one. It's a good listen for a soon to be dad

http://www.tested.com/tech/457279-bunch-dads-3-dad-hard-vengence-8292013/

[captainaldous]

Congratulations! I am in the same boat with you. My girlfriend is due August 14th, but the doctor has said the due date may end up being adjusted a couple weeks. That being said, I am very glad that this thread was made and I am really digging the responses. I'm still suffering from the nervousness, unpreparedness, etc. My girlfriend and I are both 20 years old and we've been together for a year and half, both are in school, and both work at Target making slightly over minimum wage, and both live with my parents (and 24 year old brother), who I must admit are pretty well off and have been doing so much for us that it makes me feel a little shameful. Not the most ideal situation, I know, but it is happening and nothing is going to change that fact. I guess since I am technically not a dad yet, my little bit of advice may not be helpful, but whatever. 

 

Look at things realistically and try not to balance too much at once. If you do not do this, you will stress yourself out even more along with your partner who is already going through enough.

 

Take everyone's two cents with a grain of salt. Not everything anyone says is going to be what is right for your child or your family. 

 

Pay attention to your partner while she is pregnant and help her with everything that you possibly can. 

 

Familiarize yourself with all kinds of baby products you don't know about. (Don't know what Butt Paste, or something is, read the damn package!)

 

DON'T BE AFRAID TO ASK QUESTIONS.

 

Learn to appreciate the beauty in life, even if you know it is going to poo all over you.

 

Most importantly of all, take responsibility for what is coming into your life and be the best parent you can be.

 

That's it for my end of advice. Like I said, I'm not technically a father yet so that may not matter. Anyway, it is my turn to ask for advice. ;-)

 

My girlfriend and I are both in school. She goes to a techincal college and will be graduating in less than a year and I am going into my 3rd year of college. No one in my family has ever actually graduated college and my father has always wanted me to make it and I have always wanted to make it as well, so I refuse to drop out or even really put it on hold. I am worried about balancing out my time in school, time at work, and time with my son and time with my girlfriend. Any tips? Thank you.

[daegor]

P1nk had killer advice.

[rtw88]

This rules. I appreciate all of the input and will really go through and digest it after work today. As far as everyone suggesting being involved as much as possible, I'll be quitting my job and becoming a stay at home dad. My girlfriend still has another year of nursing school left and if I worked, we'd probably just barely be able to afford daycare so it just makes sense to stay home. We have a bunch of money saved up for it.

 

Congrats to all of the other new or expecting parents as well!

 

 

Wait how do you not know until 5 months?

 

She was on birth control and still getting light periods. Never had any morning sickness or any other obvious symptoms, and even then you wouldn't correlate most early symptoms with pregnancy if you aren't expecting it. I'm honestly kind of relieved it worked out this way. I had told her before that my biggest worry with having a baby would be my anxiety that the baby be unhealthy but we got to see an ultrasound pretty much as soon as we found out and the doctor said he's perfectly healthy!

[gutzonborglum]

Good for you, dude!  A lot of great advice here.  I was 25 when we had our first one about seven years ago, and I had no clue what was going on.  I still felt like a kid.  I had to learn that babies aren't a porcelain doll, and I don't have to seize up and hold my breath everytime I held one or watched a strong breeze blow past them.  

  The basic fact that you are present in their lives is 90% of the job.  You'll figure out soon enough what works/doesn't work with every facet of the child's being/your lifestyle.  Incredibly vague, I know, but a lot of people have echoed the same sentiment that each and every child is different, thus different advice will/won't work.  There are two loving parents involved, so I think you'll be okay.  

  For me, the fear/anxiety of the baby coming, and 'what am I suppose to do' thoughts were far worse than when they actually arrived.  Everything else came naturally.  

  Neither of our kids slept.  At all.  That was the worst.  I went about four and a half years without a full night's rest.  That's the single biggest reason I tell my wife 'no' when she asks for another one.  I'm rambling now.  Long story short:  Congratulations, and you'll be fine.  

[aviolentworld]

congrats praisemorph.  everyone that has posted has given you valuable information.  i can add more but i would have to think about it.  some highlights already posted would be to keep a schedule and when you are at the hospital ask questions.  shit you don't think about like burping your kid or swaddling them.  i owe my burping and swaddling skills to the people at the hospital.  pretty sure i am a burp master. 

 

also ask questions here if you think of anything and maybe we can expand on them.

 

a little off topic but maybe i can get some prayers from you guys.  my wife and i are trying for our 3rd kid and we have been trying for 11 months.  just a couple weeks ago we got our first positive and she thinks she was around 4 weeks but he/she didn't hold.  my wife was devastated and i just told her that he/she was making a comfortable home for the next little one.  so just send some good thoughts my way dudes.

[jerseydave77]

AVW - went through the same recently. It was hard on us and has continues to be. You have my thoughts.

[kidamnesiac]

Having my niece and nephews in town all last week and reading this thread are the greatest forms of birth control ever.

 

Having said that, can you elaborate on this?

 

If your going to do a cloth diaper system don't bother for the first couple months.

 

If/when I do have kids, I don't intend to fill landfills with little plastic bags full of their refuse. Gotta get educated on this stuff because my wife is giving me some serious push back on the disposable diaper issue.

[daegor]

Having my niece and nephews in town all last week and reading this thread are the greatest forms of birth control ever.

 

Having said that, can you elaborate on this?

 

 

If/when I do have kids, I don't intend to fill landfills with little plastic bags full of their refuse. Gotta get educated on this stuff because my wife is giving me some serious push back on the disposable diaper issue.

 

(I know I wasn't the OP of this quote, but) It's an effort/cost thing.  It's a lot of work when they're younger, and you'll need way more cloth diapers in order to keep up with the demand for clean ones.  If you wait a bit it's a lot easier and you won't need as many diapers.

[abovetheearth]

Re: cloth diaper first months.

Yeah. Don't. I averaged 12-16 Per DAY at one point.

[aviolentworld]

so with the cloth diapers do you just throw in the wash????  i mean a kid doesn't shit solid for a bit, or do you wash it out in a utility tub or something first???

[distinctlydustin]

Washer and dryer constantly washing and drying = Not so glorious electric bill.

[BuzzersonKillwell]

Out cloth system has a small hose that hooks to the toliet water supply. You hose them out into the toliet and then put them in the washer.

She just shits too much right now to keep up. Once we get the feeding down we'll work on the waste.

Fingers crossed for violentworld. Good luck on number three bud. It'll come soon.

[avery]

a little off topic but maybe i can get some prayers from you guys.  my wife and i are trying for our 3rd kid and we have been trying for 11 months.  just a couple weeks ago we got our first positive and she thinks she was around 4 weeks but he/she didn't hold.  my wife was devastated and i just told her that he/she was making a comfortable home for the next little one.  so just send some good thoughts my way dudes.

 

same happened to me late last year so i feel for you guys.  i'll be thinking of y'all and wish you the best of luck.

 

 

 

as for finding out about a pregnancy late, i was pregnant with my daughter for about 10 weeks before i knew.  i used to go ~2 months between cycles so i didn't think anything was the matter and i didn't have any morning sickness.  the only way i figured it out was we were on vacation in canada and i couldn't finish my beer at the senators game.  (there has never been any other time in my life where i couldn't finish a drink).  i also kept getting terrible headaches when i was there since i don't tend to hydrate as well when i'm traveling.  when i got back home, i took a pregnancy test and...  surprise!

 

 

as for cloth diapers...  i thought i was going to do that, but i realized all the other stuff was so much work for me, i gave that notion up.

 

my kid was NOT a good sleeper.  it was hell trying to get her to nap.  i can't tell you how relieved i was when she didn't need them anymore at age 2 1/2.  she also got night terrors for quite a while until she was at least 3 or 3 1/2.  now she's almost 5 and sleeps so well finally.

 

i was able to breastfeed her for the 2 1/2 yrs that she napped though, so that saved me a lot of money...  although it did make things tough sometimes because she also would not take a bottle.

 

anyway, i think she's awesome and i don't have much advice to offer besides what's already been said, but if there's one thing i wish i'd done, it's that i wish i'd relaxed and enjoyed her newborn to under 1 yr old phase more.  i was a tired zombie/stressed out wreck most of the time.