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MAN ADVICE


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I've never seen the Wire, so I just assumed it made sense for people who do watch.

I've been talking to a girl for a few days now and she seems to be a match made in heaven.. she loves hockey, she's super athletic, but eats like I do (which is super-unhealthy shit allllllllll the time), is funny, and is smokin' hot. Do I take her on a formal date, or just propose to her right off the bat?

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I've never seen the Wire, so I just assumed it made sense for people who do watch.

I've been talking to a girl for a few days now and she seems to be a match made in heaven.. she loves hockey, she's super athletic, but eats like I do (which is super-unhealthy shit allllllllll the time), is funny, and is smokin' hot. Do I take her on a formal date, or just propose to her right off the bat?

i met that girl about 11 months ago. i havent talked to her in 10 1/2 months.

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in the spirit of life advice: I will offer my own tips. most of you may already know these things... I hope.

-when you meet a cute girl and want to ask her out on a date, avoid the urge to text/facebook her. call her, she will be impressed.

-Valentines day: no matter how much she protests, get her something anyway. If you really want to be a badass, sent it to her at work. Even if she claims to not believe in the day, she still sees all of her friends getting things, and she will be jealous.

-be charming as hell around her friends. show her affection in front of them. Her friends judge you so hard... be nice to them. compliment them in a non-creepy way. engage them. they will like you and encourage her to stay with you.

-randomly look at us and say how hot/sexy/beautiful we are. even if we are in our pjs. we need reassurance.

-ask her about her day. even if you can’t fully pay attention, pick at least two things she mentioned, and ask questions about them or elaborate on the subject. ex “tina took a two hour lunch, no way!” it shows you were paying attention.

-Random acts of kindness: leave her a note, buy flowers for no reason, bring home her favorite ice cream. This shows you thought of her while you weren’t with her. Most likely she will return the favor in a way that is pleasing to you.

-Never, ever say anything bad about her family. Even if she says something negative about them, just listen, don’t even nod or agree. Later she’ll bring it up and accuse you of not really liking her family. Even if you truly don’t like them, fake it. life will be easier.

-let her watch her shitty reality shows or whatever she likes and don’t make fun of her for it.

-when she’s upset, don’t ask her if she’s on her period. avoid that thing like the plague. we don’t want to talk about it, you don’t want to hear about it. am I right?

-be a generous lover. if you finish and she hasn’t, suck it up and do what you need to do.

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"ask her about her day. even if you can’t fully pay attention, pick at least two things she mentioned, and ask questions about them or elaborate on the subject. ex “tina took a two hour lunch, no way!” it shows you were paying attention"

^^That reminded me of the Kevin Hart bit about how nothing good ever happens to women at work.

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Hey guys, I hope you can realize a joke when you see it and that the advice I just provided is actually BAD. So don't do it, unless its consented upon, in which slap away!

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I've been waiting for it since page 1, I feel like people try to remain semi-tame for my sake but eventually the testosterone comes out.

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in the spirit of life advice: I will offer my own tips. most of you may already know these things... I hope.

-Valentines day: no matter how much she protests, get her something anyway. If you really want to be a badass, sent it to her at work. Even if she claims to not believe in the day, she still sees all of her friends getting things, and she will be jealous.

-randomly look at us and say how hot/sexy/beautiful we are. even if we are in our pjs. we need reassurance.

-ask her about her day. even if you can’t fully pay attention, pick at least two things she mentioned, and ask questions about them or elaborate on the subject. ex “tina took a two hour lunch, no way!” it shows you were paying attention.

-Random acts of kindness: leave her a note, buy flowers for no reason, bring home her favorite ice cream. This shows you thought of her while you weren’t with her. Most likely she will return the favor in a way that is pleasing to you.

on valentines day once, i actually got both my female co-workers a huge bouquet of roses and some candy and it was anonymous. it took them several months to figure out it was me. it was just a kind gesture, nothing more. they were so fuckin' happy that day.

i know this has nothing to do with women but random acts of kindness are awesome but sometimes it backfires. i usually do this for people who give me rides home on random occasions. just to be kind they'd give me a ride instead of walking 1 hour in the summer heat or 2 1/2 in the evening. a few would just see me on the side of the road and wave bye as they passed in their air conditioned cars. i didn't really have a problem with it as it wasn't their responsibility . but come two xmas's ago i gave one coworker a ipod and another some kitchenware for her and her bf's new house. just to be nice. my co-workers somehow felt slighted for some reason. (shrugs shoulders) apparently i was suppose to bring gum for the whole class or none at all.

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A few quick tips to get any guy.

1. Wear Yoga Pants ( Must be tight) When in doubt check in your mirror if your butt looks like a tear drop it's perfect.

2. Heels are always a plus.

3. Offer to pay for lunch/dinner even if you have no intention on paying.

4.Listen to Brand New

5. Listen to Brand New again just to be sure.

6. Profit

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A few quick tips to get any guy.

1. Wear Yoga Pants ( Must be tight) When in doubt check in your mirror if your butt looks like a tear drop it's perfect.

2. Heels are always a plus.

3. Offer to pay for lunch/dinner even if you have no intention on paying.

4.Listen to Brand New

5. Listen to Brand New again just to be sure.

6. Profit

All of that is a turn off to me.

1. Wear whatever the fuck you're comfortable in.

2. See above, I'm not going to walk slowly because you're in pain.

3. Don't play games. If you have no intention of doing something, say so. Don't pretend.

4. I'd prefer you had good taste in music, but opposites attract right?

5. See above. Don't play the same shit on repeat. It's boring, which makes you boring. Are you boring?

6. I know this was a joke, so it's all good

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All of that is a turn off to me.

1. Wear whatever the fuck you're comfortable in.

2. See above, I'm not going to walk slowly because you're in pain.

3. Don't play games. If you have no intention of doing something, say so. Don't pretend.

4. I'd prefer you had good taste in music, but opposites attract right?

5. See above. Don't play the same shit on repeat. It's boring, which makes you boring. Are you boring?

6. I know this was a joke, so it's all good

Brand New is a turn off? I have nothing else to say to you sir good day.

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