Gossip Hour: Connor Oberst Accused of Rape

[AlexH.]

Yes. Because that's exactly what I meant.

Play a show, meet a lady. Ask their age, they lie. No law will stop that. It sucks

 

That is literally a summary of what I said. Maybe don't try to fuck girls who look like they might be teenagers when you're 32 years old?

 

[radiatorhums]

This is like a repeat of the rape accusation against the vocalist of Gaza last year.

 

That's exactly what I thought.  If the update on P4K is correct, it looks like the comments have been removed (much like what happened with John from Gaza).  Whether this happened or not, it's a peculiar (for lack of a better word) thing when these accusations pop up, catch wind, damage a reputation and then get removed.

[Brock N Roll]

That is literally a summary of what I said. Maybe don't try to fuck girls who look like they might be teenagers when you're 32 years old?

Could not agree more

[Princess Logan]

That is literally a summary of what I said. Maybe don't try to fuck girls who look like they might be teenagers when you're 32 years old?

IMPORTANT!!!!

[jase]

That is literally a summary of what I said. Maybe don't try to fuck girls who look like they might be teenagers when you're 32 years old?

Who said I was doing this?

[GradedOnACurve]

 

That is literally a summary of what I said. Maybe don't try to fuck girls who look like they might be teenagers when you're 32 years old?

 

 

 

 

Who said I was doing this?

 

I'm pretty sure what Alex is trying to say is if they look to young, they probably are. For the most part casual sex comes with risk even if its not statutory rape, but statutory rape laws are in place because teenagers up to a certain age cannot legally give consent. Also the reason why they can't is because they're teenagers, and as we all know we all thought we knew everything and what was best for us as a teenager. 

 

Hence if you are of a certain age (maybe he was referring to yours I don't know) and especially at an age where you shouldn't be involved with someone who even looks like a teenager....don't. Just don't.

[jared]

Some weird things are happening with this. 

[IanRees]

Do a search on the boards for the thread. Should still be around.

Edit: found it

http://boards.vinylcollective.com/topic/83938-jon-parkin-of-gaza-gets-accused-of-rape/

maybe I missed something but what does Jeff Ott have to do with the singer of Gaza

[giantfortune]

This is like a repeat of the rape accusation against the vocalist of Gaza last year.

A band that stayed at my place that toured with Gaza and knew the dudes pretty well had said the other members admitted he was guilty of it.

Totally sucks to learn about. Always seemed like the best dude.

[kevinxabney]

Weirdest part to me is the original comments were deleted - AND then they were reblogged all over tumblr and it got out of hand - prompting OP to create her own tumblr to make a statement - and that account has now be deleted.

 

Also -

From comments on Buzzfeed:

"According to multiple commenters on ONTD, she is from North Carolina and she originally said that it happened at a Desaparecidos show in 2003. They went on hiatus in 2002 and played only one show in 2003, in Omaha. They didn’t play again until 2010, and then went on small tours in 2012 and 2013.

 

The accuser said in another place that it was a Bright Eyes show. Bright Eyes did play at the Cat’s Cradle in NC in 2003. However, she implies that the show happened around her birthday, and that show was 4 months after the woman ID’d by ONTD’s birthday. Without her original comments/tumblr posts, it’s hard to know what is true and what isn’t."


 

[futures]

The deleted comments aren't peculiar. XOJane (where the post happened) is a relatively small site where if you post something out of support for someone else's story, it usually won't leave that comments section.  The gal who stated she was raped didn't think anyone outside of the people she knows from XOJane would ever see it.  Once she was getting shamed/blamed for posting it and "accusing someone who saved [my] life," she deleted it.  Her full name was visible, as was access to her other posts which includes her family and children's names.  I mean, people here delete their posts if they get hated on for it.  So, again, NOT peculiar.

 

Secondly, we need to not victim shame here.  The fact that the liberal, PC-friendly ONTD is fact checking this woman is not okay.  They're inadvertently backing the accused rapist at this point, which is what those same people call "rape culture" on that story about Martin Freeman's elf rape joke, so... where's the logic there?

[Princess Logan]

Ashton, my giiiirl.

[catalinacaper]

The deleted comments aren't peculiar. XOJane (where the post happened) is a relatively small site where if you post something out of support for someone else's story, it usually won't leave that comments section.  The gal who stated she was raped didn't think anyone outside of the people she knows from XOJane would ever see it.  Once she was getting shamed/blamed for posting it and "accusing someone who saved [my] life," she deleted it.  Her full name was visible, as was access to her other posts which includes her family and children's names.  I mean, people here delete their posts if they get hated on for it.  So, again, NOT peculiar.

 

Secondly, we need to not victim shame here.  The fact that the liberal, PC-friendly ONTD is fact checking this woman is not okay.  They're inadvertently backing the accused rapist at this point, which is what those same people call "rape culture" on that story about Martin Freeman's elf rape joke, so... where's the logic there?

 

So by that logic we should all accept every accused sexual assault as real? Don't get me wrong, I'm well aware of how often rape goes unreported due to these sorts of outcomes, I can't count on two hands how many girls I know who have stories like that. BUT HERES THE DEAL. Nobody went and pried open a police report to find out about this story. The dumb chick posted it online, unanonymously, under her own power. As a person who is now over the age of 18, she is either ridiculously naive or plain stupid to think there wasn't a potential for this to get fact-checked by others online given the popularity of the person she accused.

 

There is a huge damn difference between trying to counteract the "rape culture" and using some common sense.

[futures]

So by that logic we should all accept every accused sexual assault as real? Don't get me wrong, I'm well aware of how often rape goes unreported due to these sorts of outcomes, I can't count on two hands how many girls I know who have stories like that. BUT HERES THE DEAL. Nobody went and pried open a police report to find out about this story. The dumb chick posted it online, unanonymously, under her own power. As a person who is now over the age of 18, she is either ridiculously naive or plain stupid to think there wasn't a potential for this to get fact-checked by others online given the popularity of the person she accused.

 

There is a huge damn difference between trying to counteract the "rape culture" and using some common sense.

What really?  Of course it should be accepted as real.  The fact that every other kind of accusation that you could think of is treated as real by both authorities and the common individual lends one to believe that sure, if someone says they were raped, MAYBE it should be treated as an actual accusation.

 

If someone claims they witnessed me hit someone in my car and drive off without stopping, I would be accused of a hit and run.  Then what?  The police will look for me until they find me and ultimately investigate whether or not I was the person behind the wheel of that hit and run.  Why is a rape accusation any different?

 

& this goes without saying, but the girl isn't dumb.

[Princess Logan]

I'd also like to say that it doesn't sound like she went after him for damages or sued him at all. Chances are, this girl feels ashamed and taken advantage of for what happened. She was seeking support.

As somehow who has dealt with sexual harassment, it really fucking damages you. You feel worthless, used, and ultimately disgusting. Most girls do not like to come out about rape due to the awful response they often get. More often than not, the victim is more publicly shamed than the rapist.

[ronniegwilliams]

That's the point, nobody knows whether or not this girl is or isn't dumb, it's such a tricky situation.  There have just been far too many "cry wolf" situations which have tainted the populous in regards to how they perceive such a scenario.  Rape is the fucking worst and I believe rapists to be one of the lowest forms of life; however, there are still women out there that believe they can throw the "R" word out into the open as if it were confetti. 

[catalinacaper]

What really?  Of course it should be accepted as real.  The fact that every other kind of accusation that you could think of is treated as real by both authorities and the common individual lends one to believe that sure, if someone says they were raped, MAYBE it should be treated as an actual accusation.

 

If someone claims they witnessed me hit someone in my car and drive off without stopping, I would be accused of a hit and run.  Then what?  The police will look for me until they find me and ultimately investigate whether or not I was the person behind the wheel of that hit and run.  Why is a rape accusation any different?

 

& this goes without saying, but the girl isn't dumb.

 

You missed my point. You claimed that people should not be looking into the truth of her story because that assumes that the accused is innocent. What do you expect police would do? Check into the claims of the accuser? See that her story has changed 8 times and the locations of the accused don't match up?

 

When nearly every girl you've been close to growing up has a rape story and 98% of them never said a word to even the police because of the shame.. it makes it real hard to believe someone who's willing to volunteer their shame on a public forum on the internet.

[Princess Logan]

A public forum meant for support*

Yes, there are many "cry wolf" situations. But that doesn't make another girl's awful situation invalid. This is the reason so many females have trouble coming out about the truth. People just assume they're lying because others have lied.

[futures]

It's a domino effect.  If boys were taught early on how to treat girls, they would most likely not grow up to be aggressors.  If rape accusations were treated the same way any other legal accusation was treated, discussions like this one would not even be taking place.  The fact that 96% of rapists go free without being charged is because society sets them up to believe that what they do is not actually rape.  All this is aside from the fact that the victim is slut shamed for wearing certain clothes or drinking alcohol or being out late at night, which are all bullshit.  The only way to end this is to teach rapists not to rape.

[futures]

You missed my point. You claimed that people should not be looking into the truth of her story because that assumes that the accused is innocent. What do you expect police would do? Check into the claims of the accuser? See that her story has changed 8 times and the locations of the accused don't match up?

 

When nearly every girl you've been close to growing up has a rape story and 98% of them never said a word to even the police because of the shame.. it makes it real hard to believe someone who's willing to volunteer their shame on a public forum on the internet.

No, I said that ONTD are the same folks who burnt Martin Freeman at the stake for making a rape joke, so discrediting the victim for whether she was at Conor Oberst Project #1's show or at Conor Oberst #2's show defies logic.

 

And again you blame the victim for society's inability to teach rapists not to rape.  "How dare these women be fearful of opening up and accusing their rapists."  Then because someone actually DOES speak up, you shame them for it?  C'mon now.

[sacredheart]

That's the point, nobody knows whether or not this girl is or isn't dumb, it's such a tricky situation.  There have just been far too many "cry wolf" situations which have tainted the populous in regards to how they perceive such a scenario.  Rape is the fucking worst and I believe rapists to be one of the lowest forms of life; however, there are still women out there that believe they can throw the "R" word out into the open as if it were confetti. 

 

 

You do realize that false reports of rape are well below the national average for all false reported crimes right? Are you getting up in arms about the false reports of hit and runs, arson, murders? Those are falsely reported at a much higher rate then rape is. 

 

If I am accused of burning your house, people dont dig into your life and see every possible mistake, lie, poor choice, dating history, and how you dress, they just come after me and prove that I did or didnt do it. However, if I am accused of raping you, everyone goes after you and your life and tear you down.

[kevinxabney]

And again you blame the victim for society's inability to teach rapists not to rape.  "How dare these women be fearful of opening up and accusing their rapists."  Then because someone actually DOES speak up, you shame them for it?  C'mon now.

 

I don't think anyone is arguing rape culture doesn't exist. And I'm not saying that publicly attacking / shaming someone who has made such accusations is a good practice ether. But in a case such as this one a lot of people feel close to the artist in question and feel that they have to know the truth behind the vagueness of the story. A lot of Oberst fans feel emotional connected to the artist and to be told he is being accused of rape is like being told your brother is. And I'm NOT saying that I would stand with my brother if he was accused of rape - but I'm saying it makes it hard to swallow - and naturally you'd want to know the truth.

The deleting of posts and the changing of stories was enough to let people act on those unsure feelings about the story and that research has lead to a lot of incorrect facts in OPs post. Could she not be remembering her traumatic experience to the book? Sure. But when it's posted on a support site - there ARE people who just want to stand out. And accepting that those people exist as well isn't promoting rape culture - it's being realistic. 

YES, it's a serious problem. NO, rape accusations should not be taken likely. But simply accepting everything you read on the comment section of the internet is simply foolish. 

[futures]

I don't think anyone is arguing rape culture doesn't exist. And I'm not saying that publicly attacking / shaming someone who has made such accusations is a good practice ether. But in a case such as this one a lot of people feel close to the artist in question and feel that they have to know the truth behind the vagueness of the story. A lot of Oberst fans feel emotional connected to the artist and to be told he is being accused of rape is like being told your brother is. And I'm NOT saying that I would stand with my brother if he was accused of rape - but I'm saying it makes it hard to swallow - and naturally you'd want to know the truth.

The deleting of posts and the changing of stories was enough to let people act on those unsure feelings about the story and that research has lead to a lot of incorrect facts in OPs post. Could she not be remembering her traumatic experience to the book? Sure. But when it's posted on a support site - there ARE people who just want to stand out. And accepting that those people exist as well isn't promoting rape culture - it's being realistic. 

YES, it's a serious problem. NO, rape accusations should not be taken likely. But simply accepting everything you read on the comment section of the internet is simply foolish. 

A high percentage of rape victims know their rapists and have some sense of closeness to them.  I would go as far to say that the victim probably has the upper hand in where emotions lie and whether or not they are dealing with something that's hard to swallow.  Conor, in this case, ultimately has the upper hand not only because is a upper middle class white cis male, but because he is a popular musician.  Because of that, people automatically side with him and blame the victim.  So this is a little different, yes.  People who cry wolf exist, yes.  But there is no logical reason why someone would - while trying to console another rape victim - bring up a musician raping them on a site like XOJane to make a false accusation.  If she wanted to do this effectively, she wouldn't have waited 10 years to open up about it and she certainly wouldn't have done it on a site with as little traffic as XOJane.  What most people don't get is that that particular website is supposed to be a save haven for victims where they CAN open up about what has happened to them.  It's not TMZ or ONTD or any other celebrity gossip site.  She was helping someone else cope with a very similar issue.  Did anyone here read the original post?  The woman was abused by a popular musician very recently and was afraid to post his name.  This victim here posted Conor's name out of support and to prove that he doesn't hold that power over her anymore.

 

Like... I don't know how else to explain this.  The reason that the anon on XOJane felt afraid is because of this EXACT REASON.  She was afraid of being treated like this victim who was trying to help her.

[kevinxabney]

I believe the people from XOJane are the ones who supplied the facts to ONTD to be checked. From what I've read so far - they provided them with her location to fact-check the concert venues, they provided them with her birthday to check concert dates. With the original posts being deleted - ONTD couldn't have fact checked all of this without the so called "support community" that sold her out. They seem to have their doubts as well.

 

And again - not saying that I've automatically sided with anyone. Standing on the extreme left and assuming that everyone is siding with Conor because he is a famous cis male doesn't help anyone. I outlined why I myself am unsure about the accusations. and I'm sure a fair amount of people took the logical route as well. 

Yeah, the general population probably sided with him for shitty reasons. But it seems that you're doing just the opposite - standing AGAINST him because he is a popular - cis gendered - white male. If he was a lower class poc musician you'd be saying the accusations against him were outlandish and racist. 

Writing rules to apply to all situations regardless of information is just silly.

[kevinxabney]

I'm just trying to be clear that i didn't go into this siding with anyone. I took the accusation very seriously until seeing quite a bit of information saying other wise. Even though I am generally left-leaning I refuse to stand against someone where little to no proof is concerned. Too many people are false accused of crimes - just as too many people get off without so much as a mark on their record. I get it. The systems fucked. But you've said yourself that people cry wolf. While siding with Conor because he is Conor is shitty- not acknowledging what seems like a pretty solid case for him is just as shitty.

 

Idunno. I've said my two cents. I've got to go to work.