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MAN ADVICE v2.0


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Ugh, it's really weird coming across girls I sorta know on Tinder. I met this girl a handful of times, and she is gorgeous and awesome. Doubt we'll match, and I have not seen her around in a long time. 

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I found a couple girls I went to high school with on tinder. None of them marched me. I wanted to be like "Hey remember math class? Yeah, I was the kid next to you who was always asleep"

 

I went to a strip club they opened here years ago, and one of the first girls that did the whole "come by and try to sell you a dance" bit, was a chick I had senior english with....So, I got a dance, then told her I had been staring at her huge boobs our entire senior year and that it was nice to not have to imagine anymore lol

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  • 2 weeks later...

What's going onn? I haven't heard any of your stories in a while.

 

Every single night for the past few weeks her and I have hung out until the wee hours of the morning.  There's been this progressively stronger sexual tension - that I ignored, because she's gay - brewing under the situation all this time.  I never made a move, never brought it up, nothing.  I just kept quiet and enjoyed her company.

 

But last night, I was in a rather contemplative state after we'd jumped a few parties and eventually settled at my friend's house.  Everyone was joking and talking, but I was out of it/zoned out.  She asked me what was on my mind and I just said I needed a cigarette and got up. 

 

Halfway through my cigarette, she stepped outside to join me.  We ended up talking very openly and honestly, alone, about the situation and how we feel about each other.  In the end, she admitted that she was attracted to me and would like to be with me, but it's a complicated situation that's severely limited by her stay.  But I accepted that she'd be gone in less than a month and that we should spend as much time together as possible.  She agreed.

 

Eventually we got to sleep around 730-8am and we'll be seeing each other again tonight (like always).  Right now, I have this "walking on clouds" feeling that I hope isn't punctuated by a misstep that leaves me tumbling to earth.  We'll see...

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To be completely honest, I know that this is going to cause me so much grief no matter where this takes us - but I feel that it'll be worth it.  

I haven't felt this way about a girl for years.  I really thought I wasn't capable after my recent breakup, but the river of life has so many twisty turns you just never know where you're gonna end up, what you'll be doing, and who you are.

 

And I like it that way.

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To be completely honest, I know that this is going to cause me so much grief no matter where this takes us - but I feel that it'll be worth it.  

I haven't felt this way about a girl for years.  I really thought I wasn't capable after my recent breakup, but the river of life has so many twisty turns you just never know where you're gonna end up, what you'll be doing, and who you are.

 

And I like it that way.

 

Thats a hell of a situation dude. I guess your best bet is to just make the best of it for what its worth now. I'm glad you both broke down and shared your feelings for each other. At least you're capable of feelings again. I can't feel shit. I'v probably been on 15+ "first dates" in the last few months. And that's where they remain. First dates. I cannot make a connection. Probably doesn't help that my ex and I have been talking all day everyday for the last month now. And she wants to move back out here. So I don't fucking know. With that situation I'm pretty incapable of moving on. It's lame. But its comforting.

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Thats a hell of a situation dude. I guess your best bet is to just make the best of it for what its worth now. I'm glad you both broke down and shared your feelings for each other. At least you're capable of feelings again. I can't feel shit. I'v probably been on 15+ "first dates" in the last few months. And that's where they remain. First dates. I cannot make a connection. Probably doesn't help that my ex and I have been talking all day everyday for the last month now. And she wants to move back out here. So I don't fucking know. With that situation I'm pretty incapable of moving on. It's lame. But its comforting.

 

So the situation with your ex - are you planning to get back with her?  If she's planning to move back out there and (from what I assume) you both still have feelings for each other, wouldn't that be the best route?  Then again, there's a reason she's your ex.  

 

Sometimes fate's hand will craft up some diabolical circumstances that you can only deal with, or accept and move on.  I've learned that even the most harrowing of experiences serve to teach lessons that will shape who you are as a person.  Love is short, life is long.

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So the situation with your ex - are you planning to get back with her?  If she's planning to move back out there and (from what I assume) you both still have feelings for each other, wouldn't that be the best route?  Then again, there's a reason she's your ex.  

 

Sometimes fate's hand will craft up some diabolical circumstances that you can only deal with, or accept and move on.  I've learned that even the most harrowing of experiences serve to teach lessons that will shape who you are as a person.  Love is short, life is long.

 

Can't say I wouldn't get back with her. That's a hard one to answer haha. Time will tell with this situation I guess. 

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Who needs Tinder anyway? All the girls I see from high school are in front of me at the gas station buying a $4 bottle of wine and blunt shells.

 

I deleted it, it was worthless. That sounds quite classy. You met the girl I'm sorta interested in.

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Ok, here is my issue, and I don't want to put it in small talk because it's such a heavy discussion, but I really need some advice. I am in a marriage that is not very good from my POV any longer. I have two step kids who do not respect nor respond to anything I say or expect. Their mother is a "friend" and not a parent, and anytime she attempts to be a parent they just run over her. My wife herself is quite immature about certain things and takes the "I know when and how to be an adult" stance anytime I challenge her parenting skills or ability to do the things I keep up with such as bank balances and bill payment. I have been out of work for 26 months now because she suggested I apply for disability since I do have multiple health issues, and she agreed to deal with the financial burden until such time as I was awarded my benefits. SS has until March to put me in front of a judge, but honestly if I had the financial where with all, I would leave now. It's difficult because I do love my wife, but the things I have learned and come to see that are her & her children's daily practices are just more than I can live with for an unforeseen amount of time before it's finally just her and I alone without any children living with us...I'm unhappy with my environment, not unhappy with her, but I know it is a package deal no matter what. I feel like I need to end it and leave, but as I have no where to go I am lost on how to deal with the waiting... I'm so afraid of that accusation that I will have used her in any way when I would still be working and going against medical advice if not for her offer of support while fighting the battle I am. I also know she has a very long history of abusive relationships up to the one she was in before her and I were together, but me not being that type of person, I feel as though I have also brought her up from the low state in which she was living before, so that in itself is payment for her support. This is all going to be so messy no matter what, but I had to get it out, so thanks for reading and I welcome any advice. Please, don't judge me as a bad person, I feel that way well enough on my own accord. I'm just looking for a third party point of view...

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DEEP BREATH.

 

I have two step kids who do not respect nor respond to anything I say or expect. Their mother is a "friend" and not a parent, and anytime she attempts to be a parent they just run over her.

 

1. They are kids. Kids are turds.

2. She's the parent. It's on her to decide her own way of parenting. That's not on you.

 

My wife herself is quite immature about certain things and takes the "I know when and how to be an adult" stance anytime I challenge her parenting skills or ability to do the things I keep up with such as bank balances and bill payment.

 

Then continue to keep up with them and don't challenge her. I do all our bills in our household because I am far superior at budgeting. 

 

She suggested I apply for disability since I do have multiple health issues, and she agreed to deal with the financial burden until such time as I was awarded my benefits.

 

Sounds like fully supporting and selfless keeper (keep her around) to me. You don't find love like that on any corner.

 

It's difficult because I do love my wife, but the things I have learned and come to see that are her & her children's daily practices are just more than I can live with for an unforeseen amount of time before it's finally just her and I alone without any children living with us

 

Don't divorce your wife because you wish you could divorce her kids. The bolded section is the important part in the grand scheme.

 

I'm unhappy with my environment, not unhappy with her

 

If you are not unhappy with her, why try to solve your problems by leaving her? Search for an alternative solution before making that jump. 

 

I feel as though I have also brought her up from the low state in which she was living before

 

Sounds like you're a keeper for her as well.

 

 

 

 

 

Regardless, emotion tends to trump logic and I do not know your true emotions nor do I know if you are in a really toxic environment or if the kids are just obnoxious rebellious assholes. Perspective holds a lot of power and sometimes it's a lot easier to tunnel vision the negative while any positive gets blurred out.

 

Would you truly be happier without her? 

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DEEP BREATH.

 

I have two step kids who do not respect nor respond to anything I say or expect. Their mother is a "friend" and not a parent, and anytime she attempts to be a parent they just run over her.

 

1. They are kids. Kids are turds.

2. She's the parent. It's on her to decide her own way of parenting. That's not on you.

 

My wife herself is quite immature about certain things and takes the "I know when and how to be an adult" stance anytime I challenge her parenting skills or ability to do the things I keep up with such as bank balances and bill payment.

 

Then continue to keep up with them and don't challenge her. I do all our bills in our household because I am far superior at budgeting. 

 

She suggested I apply for disability since I do have multiple health issues, and she agreed to deal with the financial burden until such time as I was awarded my benefits.

 

Sounds like fully supporting and selfless keeper (keep her around) to me. You don't find love like that on any corner.

 

It's difficult because I do love my wife, but the things I have learned and come to see that are her & her children's daily practices are just more than I can live with for an unforeseen amount of time before it's finally just her and I alone without any children living with us

 

Don't divorce your wife because you wish you could divorce her kids. The bolded section is the important part in the grand scheme.

 

I'm unhappy with my environment, not unhappy with her

 

If you are not unhappy with her, why try to solve your problems by leaving her? Search for an alternative solution before making that jump. 

 

I feel as though I have also brought her up from the low state in which she was living before

 

Sounds like you're a keeper for her as well.

 

 

Regardless, emotion tends to trump logic and I do not know your true emotions nor do I know if you are in a really toxic environment or if the kids are just obnoxious rebellious assholes. Perspective holds a lot of power and sometimes it's a lot easier to tunnel vision the negative while any positive gets blurred out.

 

Would you truly be happier without her? 

 

Thanks for responding, honestly. Ok, let me give you the skinny so as to sort out any details to clear up generalities:

 

When I say "kids" I mean a soon to be 19 year old who just had a child of her own after having sex once knowingly not using protection as she was told over and over by her mother, forcing her to finish her senior year of high school home bound and graduate late. So that puts a screaming 5-6 month old in the fold, though I hold nothing against him because he is just as much a victim of his surroundings, but it also adds to the financial burden she is carrying. Next we have a 13 year old who is rebellious, demanding, and obnoxious and always counter points what she has to say. My wife has the "nobody is going to tell me what to do" attitude, as do her children...

 

I don't mind doing the bills and all because I'm good with that, and it's among the things I feel are the least I can do for the support she offers, but it gets tiring I guess as such a straight laced type to be with such a dreamer who's head is always in the clouds...

 

I don't want to divorce her because I can't divorce the kids, but at what point do I just admit that she acts the same way they do and it's always going to bother me since I am becoming more and more conservative as I age?

 

I ask myself that last one over and over and over and over.... Can I handle this all, or do i really want to move to a town where no one knows me and have a one bedroom apartment with my records and my posters and a cat and my peace and quiet....

 

And thank you for the compliment. Hitting women doesn't work in my world. Not what I was taught, not what I have ever practiced. Never understood men who put women down with comments like "If you'd lose weight I'd have sex with you" and the like... just doesn't equate to me.. guess I'm different.

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And thank you for the compliment. Hitting women doesn't work in my world. Not what I was taught, not what I have ever practiced. Never understood men who put women down with comments like "If you'd lose weight I'd have sex with you" and the like... just doesn't equate to me.. guess I'm different.

 

I can't comment much on the rest, since I have not been in even close to that situtation, but this late part I can. You are not different, you are normal. No normal person would do or say that to someone else.

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I can't comment much on the rest, since I have not been in even close to that situtation, but this late part I can. You are not different, you are normal. No normal person would do or say that to someone else.

 

I think living in the state with the highest rate of violence men vs. women it's like I'm the odd one here which is sickening..

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You're a good dude and I'm sorry to hear about tour circumstances.

I will just say (for now because I'm walking into work and have no time) that I lived in horrible circumstances that made me miserable for years, at a certain point you need to be selfish and think about your own well being. Bring up your grievances and see how that goes.

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You're a good dude and I'm sorry to hear about your circumstances.

I will just say (for now because I'm walking into work and have no time) that I lived in horrible circumstances that made me miserable for years, at a certain point you need to be selfish and think about your own well being. Bring up your grievances and see how that goes.

 

That is my biggest thought. I see myself getting deeper and deeper into depression because their way of life and mine are 360 degrees different, and it's no one's fault, it just is how we were raised differently. I feel like when I do bring up my issues, she always says "well they weren't raised like you were", which is fine until it comes to simple things like taking the trash out or unloading the dishwasher without having to be told every time and cleaning up your mess behind yourself. For that it's common sense and not living like a wild man.. I guess I truly am in a case of "The City Mouse vs. The Country Mouse"...

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Your personal happiness and well being is the most important thing in your life. You are your only constant from the moment you are born to the moment you die. You must nurture yourself above all else. That's my advice to everyone, always.

 

I'm sorry if I came off as generalizing. I didn't mean to. I try to be unbiased and give an alternative outlook. 

 

No one should be depressed, but life isn't always going to give you what you want. You have to find your own balance of good shit + complete bullshit that's right for you.

 

I hope for the best, regardless of what road you take.

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Your personal happiness and well being is the most important thing in your life. You are your only constant from the moment you are born to the moment you die. You must nurture yourself above all else. That's my advice to everyone, always.

 

I'm sorry if I came off as generalizing. I didn't mean to. I try to be unbiased and give an alternative outlook. 

 

No one should be depressed, but life isn't always going to give you what you want. You have to find your own balance of good shit + complete bullshit that's right for you.

 

I hope for the best, regardless of what road you take.

 

I wasn't saying you were generalizing, I was saying I was because I didn't include specifics like age and such. I do thank you for your retort and opinion without harsh judgement. My situation is one that can foster hard opinions to one side or the other. I just am tired of being sad and mad all the time and feeling like no one around me cares. I cannot help that I was raised differently than them, but her parenting choices allow for them to treat me like carpet to be walked over and not respected. To her, I should adjust to them and that's how it works.... There is no flex :(

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