Bladewillisisdead Posted November 25, 2015 Share Posted November 25, 2015 I'm going through some serious "maybe I should leave" shit too, so at least know you're not alone. I'm here if you need to talk. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
GreatGreenOne77 Posted November 25, 2015 Share Posted November 25, 2015 I wish I had more advice but I have no experience with children, other than being one. So I can at least assure you that the teenager being an asshole isn't anything personal. Teenagers are just disrespectful asshole who will push any and all boundaries as much as they can. I can see this one for sure, I guess I grew up in a household where mom & dad called the shots and that was the way the world worked... I would have gotten such a shit end of things if I were as mouthy to my parents as these two are with her and I.. Again, different worlds... Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
GreatGreenOne77 Posted November 25, 2015 Share Posted November 25, 2015 I'm going through some serious "maybe I should leave" shit too, so at least know you're not alone. I'm here if you need to talk. Thank you for the offer. Sorry you're dealing with it to, it's not fun mentally or emotionally... Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
deafening Posted November 25, 2015 Share Posted November 25, 2015 I wasn't saying you were generalizing, I was saying I was because I didn't include specifics like age and such. Got it. My brain has not been 100% today. I just am tired of being sad and mad all the time and feeling like no one around me cares. This bums me out. You shouldn't have to feel that way. Have you tried talking to your wife about this feeling? Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
GreatGreenOne77 Posted November 25, 2015 Share Posted November 25, 2015 Got it. My brain has not been 100% today. This bums me out. You shouldn't have to feel that way. Have you tried talking to your wife about this feeling? I have, and she just makes me feel as though my thoughts are invalid based on the fact that they are from a different up bringing than I... She will also flat out admit they run over her and she has no power, so how I do I deal with that? Just allow them to treat me badly when I'm a nearly 40 year old man? I haven't lived this long and been through this much bad shit to have teenagers pushing me around... Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
hxcoliver Posted November 25, 2015 Share Posted November 25, 2015 I've never been in shitty situations like this, so I can't speak from experience and I'm sorry for that, But I will have to 100% agree with Deafening. What matters most in life, above anything else, is YOU and YOUR happiness. And don't mean to sound like a selfish asshole either. If you are in a situation where you are unhappy, like you said constantly sad and angry, then why stick around? That shit is just going to be detrimental to your mental and physical health, and that is no way of living. You should always be happy in your surroundings, and if not, do whatever needs to be done to ensure that you are. If that means quitting a job you hate, moving to a different place, or leaving the person you're with because you're unhappy and miserable in the current situation. I guess I would say to leave her if you feel would be what would make you happy and in a better situation. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Bladew1ll1s1sdead Posted November 26, 2015 Share Posted November 26, 2015 Kevin is the best person to vent to, I swear on anything. He's never judged me a single bit and Kevin knows 90% of the bad things I've done in the past few years. BUT WAIT. Kevin needs to fucking leave, that is a screamingly obvious answer. Jason, I cannot give advice on yours outside of, please be happy. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
GreatGreenOne77 Posted November 26, 2015 Share Posted November 26, 2015 Kevin is the best person to vent to, I swear on anything. He's never judged me a single bit and Kevin knows 90% of the bad things I've done in the past few years. BUT WAIT. Kevin needs to fucking leave, that is a screamingly obvious answer. Jason, I cannot give advice on yours outside of, please be happy. Thank you buddy. I promise am going to work on trying to find my way back to happiness no matter the way it takes and no matter who I have to leave behind or take forward. deafening 1 Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Bladew1ll1s1sdead Posted November 26, 2015 Share Posted November 26, 2015 Thank you buddy. I promise am going to work on trying to find my way back to happiness no matter the way it takes and no matter who I have to leave behind or take forward.All we love we leave behind. GreatGreenOne77 1 Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Bladewillisisdead Posted November 26, 2015 Share Posted November 26, 2015 All we love we leave behind. Leaving my relationship and marrying the riff from this song. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Bladewillisisdead Posted November 26, 2015 Share Posted November 26, 2015 I will say you definitely need to talk with your wife about the issues, but I'm sure that's obvious and not really advice. Relationships, at least long term ones, are always going to require work, compromise, and sacrifice. Even the best relationships suck sometimes. At a certain point if you can't compromise you need to stop sacrificing though. Things like mental well being are pretty god damn important. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
GreatGreenOne77 Posted November 26, 2015 Share Posted November 26, 2015 I will say you definitely need to talk with your wife about the issues, but I'm sure that's obvious and not really advice. Relationships, at least long term ones, are always going to require work, compromise, and sacrifice. Even the best relationships suck sometimes. At a certain point if you can't compromise you need to stop sacrificing though. Things like mental well being are pretty god damn important. Thank you. I am certainly going to refocus on my own mental health above all from here on out Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
hxcoliver Posted November 26, 2015 Share Posted November 26, 2015 Thank you for your honesty. The selfish part is my biggest hill to get over I guess you can say. I will beat myself up over something faster than anyone, so feeling selfish for wanting less baggage in my life is hard to not feel like a bad guy about on some level. But I know i'm doing no one a favor by sticking around. The next problem is what to do without finance and no resources until SS moves their feet. Do I just dig in and deal with the next 6 months until that is possible or do I bounce now for sake of doing so... Like you said, you're doing no one a favor by staying in this situation. And really, your needs should come first. I can't even imagine the emotional toll this shit has taken on you. But staying around cannot be healthy. And I imagine with your current financial situation, it must be a tough choice to stay or go. That's gonna be a tough call. But ultimately, keep in mind that your happiness needs to come first. If you're not happy, change it. If there's no compromise or a solution to the problem, then leave. Find a better surrounding Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
NapalmBrain Posted November 26, 2015 Share Posted November 26, 2015 I'm sorry Jason I didn't realize it was as rough as It was. Dating anyone with kids is a challenge I've only done it once. I think you will figure out what is most important but an honest conversation with her could go a long way Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
GreatGreenOne77 Posted November 26, 2015 Share Posted November 26, 2015 I'm sorry Jason I didn't realize it was as rough as It was. Dating anyone with kids is a challenge I've only done it once. I think you will figure out what is most important but an honest conversation with her could go a long way Thanks Kevin. I appreciate your kind words. I have a lot to think about in the next few weeks/months to see where I am going with this, I just know I do not want to be on anyone's pocket any longer and do not want to feel miserable all the time Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
NapalmBrain Posted November 26, 2015 Share Posted November 26, 2015 Thanks Kevin. I appreciate your kind words. I have a lot to think about in the next few weeks/months to see where I am going with this, I just know I do not want to be on anyone's pocket any longer and do not want to feel miserable all the time It's not easy to feel like someone else is supporting you, I just hope you get happy no matter the course Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
abovetheearth Posted November 27, 2015 Share Posted November 27, 2015 Thank you. I am certainly going to refocus on my own mental health above all from here on out This is a very important statement right here; as I can relate to this destroying many of my past relationships. At this point in your relationship it's not selfish at all nor should you feel bad to put you first. As bruce stated, relationships require work and I can promise you that none are perfect and not all of them are 'bad'. You shouldn't have to constantly work or be stressed over it as there should be a break in the relationship where you or your partner give support or other means of showing some kinds of signs that you are willing to do that work and make it work....but don't fake it. That's like trying to give CPR to someone who has died years ago. I'm well aware that some people change after a relationship and some get very comfortable in a marriage to where they seem to have unwritten rules of either getting away with things or being less due to the fact that we're 'required' to love them unconditionally and never leave them. It's also important to have someone support most everything you do and the weaknesses and flaws that come with being a human being. Open communication is right up there with honesty and trust. It can't hurt to express your thoughts, but what does seem to suffer is the not understanding on the other persons side...and that will be the true sign that it's just not going to be. And that's okay. There are no rules but one thing I do know is that being happy in this world we live in is close to being happy with yourself. I dated my wife, my second marriage, her first, with a 10 year gap. A 23 year old is in a much different state than a 33 year old and she was so used to just getting a car and driving away during an argument than talking it out and that is something we worked on over the years. She was in many abusive relationships and that's all she knew to do. One of the hardest things is to hug someone and tell them you love them after a heated exchange but it has to be done. Holding onto things you want to say but never do will eventually take its toll and prematurely end perfectly savable relationships. I've also had that dream of just living in a studio apartment with my music and own life but I came to realize that I don't like being alone. However, I do not and will not just settle with this so I made an internal compromise and inner peace that allow me to have some space in a relationship where most days are the same and we are always 5 feet apart. Nobody can be around other people every second of every day so you have to establish that you would like some space. I revived old hobbies, I'm up late while she sleeps in order to get that me time even if its doing nothing. Right now you just need to determine what's important. You can still be your own priority but you need to think about whether she is truly going to have enough fuel to keep your spark going. I wish you the best of luck. GreatGreenOne77, cambionic, DecayToDeath and 1 other 4 Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
GreatGreenOne77 Posted November 27, 2015 Share Posted November 27, 2015 This is a very important statement right here; as I can relate to this destroying many of my past relationships. At this point in your relationship it's not selfish at all nor should you feel bad to put you first. As bruce stated, relationships require work and I can promise you that none are perfect and not all of them are 'bad'. You shouldn't have to constantly work or be stressed over it as there should be a break in the relationship where you or your partner give support or other means of showing some kinds of signs that you are willing to do that work and make it work....but don't fake it. That's like trying to give CPR to someone who has died years ago. I'm well aware that some people change after a relationship and some get very comfortable in a marriage to where they seem to have unwritten rules of either getting away with things or being less due to the fact that we're 'required' to love them unconditionally and never leave them. It's also important to have someone support most everything you do and the weaknesses and flaws that come with being a human being. Open communication is right up there with honesty and trust. It can't hurt to express your thoughts, but what does seem to suffer is the not understanding on the other persons side...and that will be the true sign that it's just not going to be. And that's okay. There are no rules but one thing I do know is that being happy in this world we live in is close to being happy with yourself. I dated my wife, my second marriage, her first, with a 10 year gap. A 23 year old is in a much different state than a 33 year old and she was so used to just getting a car and driving away during an argument than talking it out and that is something we worked on over the years. She was in many abusive relationships and that's all she knew to do. One of the hardest things is to hug someone and tell them you love them after a heated exchange but it has to be done. Holding onto things you want to say but never do will eventually take its toll and prematurely end perfectly savable relationships. I've also had that dream of just living in a studio apartment with my music and own life but I came to realize that I don't like being alone. However, I do not and will not just settle with this so I made an internal compromise and inner peace that allow me to have some space in a relationship where most days are the same and we are always 5 feet apart. Nobody can be around other people every second of every day so you have to establish that you would like some space. I revived old hobbies, I'm up late while she sleeps in order to get that me time even if its doing nothing. Right now you just need to determine what's important. You can still be your own priority but you need to think about whether she is truly going to have enough fuel to keep your spark going. I wish you the best of luck. Thank you very much sir. I appreciate your candor and straight forward thinking. I certainly have gained a few new ways on looking at my situation from an angle to see if it's me that is unhappy, or is it everyone else making me that way. I am a creature of environment, so when I don't feel comfortable in my surroundings, it's my instinct to run away from it and find a new peace...My mother says that's my biggest problem, the running... Maybe she is right Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
cambionic Posted November 29, 2015 Share Posted November 29, 2015 These past few days have been fucking incredible. I don't want to jinx it, so I'll have to leave it at that for now. But it's been very good. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
The Butcha Posted November 29, 2015 Share Posted November 29, 2015 These past few days have been fucking incredible. I don't want to jinx it, so I'll have to leave it at that for now. But it's been very good. Fuck yeah! I'm having a pretty good time at the moment myself. Texting a lot with my ex. She says she wants to move back to Portland by July. Maybe this is going to happen? Idk. It's scary, but I can't deny the fact that it makes me happy to think about. cambionic 1 Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
cambionic Posted November 29, 2015 Share Posted November 29, 2015 Fuck yeah! I'm having a pretty good time at the moment myself. Texting a lot with my ex. She says she wants to move back to Portland by July. Maybe this is going to happen? Idk. It's scary, but I can't deny the fact that it makes me happy to think about. Things are looking up, brother! I hope everything goes perfectly for you. I know that my situation will be closing come the end of December, but I'm going to enjoy it while it's here. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Bladewillisisdead Posted November 29, 2015 Share Posted November 29, 2015 It's important to always remember that existence is pain. cambionic 1 Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
cambionic Posted November 29, 2015 Share Posted November 29, 2015 It's important to always remember that existence is pain. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Bladewillisisdead Posted November 29, 2015 Share Posted November 29, 2015 Just checking this thread because I needed a reminder Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
parkinglot Posted November 30, 2015 Share Posted November 30, 2015 life is suffering? Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
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