SBarry Posted July 8, 2014 Share Posted July 8, 2014 I'm bored and thought this would be a fun thread to read through. I'll start off with the time a friend of mine hosted an ugly sweater party during the holidays and our one friend got pretty drunk and passed out so two of our other friends decided to cut the sleeves off of his sweater (using a freaking knife) so they could give him leg warmers. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Rip Posted July 8, 2014 Share Posted July 8, 2014 I was with my friend at his cousins wedding reception a year or two ago and his cousin was pretty wasted. Someone mentioned Chris Benoit's name and out of nowhere he throws his beer bottle on the ground and it shatters. At the same time he just screams "CHRIS BENOIT WAS MY FRIEND! HE SHOULDN'T HAVE TAPPED!" Nothing too crazy I know but I laughed so fucking hard. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
horrorbusiness138 Posted July 8, 2014 Share Posted July 8, 2014 ^^ Hahaha! Both of those stories are pretty awesome. Every time the drummer in my band drinks he passes out and we draw on him every time with permanent markers. Each time gets better than the last too. The last round we drew on him, then took drunken pictures with him with random kitchen utensils, we dressed him up in high heels and an Indiana Jones hat, and then played rock 'em sock 'em robots. Good times. One of these days I'll put together a whole photo album. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
SBarry Posted July 8, 2014 Author Share Posted July 8, 2014 I was with my friend at his cousins wedding reception a year or two ago and his cousin was pretty wasted. Someone mentioned Chris Benoit's name and out of nowhere he throws his beer bottle on the ground and it shatters. At the same time he just screams "CHRIS BENOIT WAS MY FRIEND! HE SHOULDN'T HAVE TAPPED!" Nothing too crazy I know but I laughed so fucking hard. Haha 2-3 years ago me and two friends celebrated St Patrick's Day in Kutztown because he went to school there. Started really early like 6am early and by 8-9 we were housed and decided while at the bar we would steal the 8 ball from the pool table. We went back in because one of forgot something and they obviously realized the 8 ball was gone so they just used a sharpie and made the 2 into an 8. I guess you had to be there but I laughed real hard at that. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Satan Posted July 9, 2014 Share Posted July 9, 2014 oh dis gun be good.. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Guest Posted July 9, 2014 Share Posted July 9, 2014 The time when I woke up in a reclining chair in an acid trip basement and my friend was having sex 3 feet from my head. The time I walking into my living room and my friend was fully nude spread eagle on the floor holding his dick and peeing in the air like a fountain. The guy he had sex with was naked on the couch, his chihuahua was running around with a used condom in her mouth. The time there was a massive courtyard party at my university and I watched people rip trees out of the ground for no reason. The time a herd of buffalo charged my friends. we partied at this place called the farmhouse in high school. Abandoned house with a Buffalo pasture next to it. People would fuck with the buffalo, chaos ensued. The time I pulled myself over. I was driving home on back roads from a party, I was 2-3 miles from home. Just really high with a friend in the car. Some asshole was following me really closely, so finally I pulled over on the side of the road to let them pass. They pulled right behind me and cop lights come on. The cops were 2 young guys, and just messed with me the whole time. I've never seen anything like it. They were asking us what our favorite beer was. We were both under 21 at the time. Offered to give us a ride home or follow us to make sure we got there safely. I could not fucking believe the whole thing. I wasn't drunk, but they didn't even bother asking me, or have me blow or anything. I have a million more stories. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Family Friendly Rap God Posted July 9, 2014 Share Posted July 9, 2014 So my 21st birthday really sucked so I was determined to make up for it on my 22nd. My roommate and I started drinking at 3pm so we were good and toasty by the time out group headed downtown to Market Street Saloon (think knockoff Coyote Ugly). Apparently someone told the bartenders that it was my birthday and they proceeded to grab me, blindfold me and spank me with my own belt. They then told me to open up and I chugged half a bottle of Jäger. That's all I remember. The next morning, I find out through stories and pictures that I ended up taking body shots, almost going home with a "mature" woman, dancing on the bar, and getting this cute girls number, and almost getting into a fistfight in the parking lot protecting one of my friends all while being blackout drunk. I woke up with a splitting headache which apparently came from me hitting my head on a windowsill at a different bar. Lastly I can't find my glasses so I literally crawl to my car just to find my glasses on the carpet covered in dried vomit. I was hungover for two days and my friends still tease me about it to the day. Good times. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
radiatorhums Posted July 9, 2014 Share Posted July 9, 2014 Maddie is a very strong contender for thread winner really early on. I came home so drunk one night that I couldn't get my key in the lock, so I just slept in the backyard. I'll share some of my more elaborate stories once I'm off mobile. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
cbbrew22 Posted July 9, 2014 Share Posted July 9, 2014 I had a party at my place in college and one of my friends passed out the couch after drinking way too much. He woke up a half hour later, threw up all over the couch, the passed out again right on top of it. The next morning he woke up and asked everyone if they knew who threw up on him. Then we got a new couch. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Bladewillisisdead Posted July 9, 2014 Share Posted July 9, 2014 I did way too many shots in way too short a time span and then smoked a bunch of weed on New Years a few years back. Passed out in the bathroom. Momentarily regained consciousness to a girl saying to her boyfriend "Can't you just drag him out of here?" and him saying "Just pee, I'll stand with my back to you and make sure he doesn't look...which he's not going to because he's passed out." I figured it was best to just pass back out. Woke up with penises drawn all over me (MY SHOES WERE OFF NOT COOL GUYS). About a week later pics pop up on facebook and I see there's one drawn on my lower back. I run to the bathroom and sure enough there's a slightly faded penis tramp stamp. I'm not gross, I showered several times, I just didn't know it was there so I wasn't scrubbing hard enough I guess. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Satan Posted July 9, 2014 Share Posted July 9, 2014 Back when I was 16, I stole a bottle of Beefeater from my grandma's liquor cabinet and had it stashed away under my bed at home for when it was needed. A month or so goes by and my buddy, Donny and I decide to pop it open, and go get our friend Kelly and go to the mall. Well, I hadn't eaten yet, but it was almost lunchtime and it was the dead of summer. Kelly's place was about a 20 minute drive and within that 20 minutes I had managed to drink half of that bottle (no I wasn't driving). I remember her getting in the car and making it to the mall. As I got out of the car I stumbled and thankfully Donny was there to kind of catch me. I proceeded to tell him that I was going to hang onto him, and we enter the mall... ...I remember going into Spencers, and buying something at Icing for Kelly. Next thing I know, Donny is yelling at me in the bathroom telling me security is coming, then I woke up in the hospital. I was told later on that they tried to sober me up and getting me pizza at the food court. In that process, apparently I had puked all over the tables in the food court and the pizza. I guess Donny literally dragged me by my feet into the bathroom so I could continue puking my guts out and well, when he saw security coming and failed at trying to get me out...he bolted and left me there for security and I assume an ambulance. Mom wasn't too happy about that. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
abovetheearth Posted July 9, 2014 Share Posted July 9, 2014 I was hungover and spotted some water (full glass) and chugged it. It was vodka. Also drank someone's cup of chew. Wasn't a good night. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
parkinglot Posted July 9, 2014 Share Posted July 9, 2014 The time I pulled myself over. I was driving home on back roads from a party, I was 2-3 miles from home. Just really high with a friend in the car. Some asshole was following me really closely, so finally I pulled over on the side of the road to let them pass. They pulled right behind me and cop lights come on. The cops were 2 young guys, and just messed with me the whole time. I've never seen anything like it. They were asking us what our favorite beer was. We were both under 21 at the time. Offered to give us a ride home or follow us to make sure we got there safely. I could not fucking believe the whole thing. I wasn't drunk, but they didn't even bother asking me, or have me blow or anything. I have a similar story. When I was still in highschool, my friends and I got really high on some random country road in his car. We were driving back to his house at like 12AM, and a cop lights him up. None of us had been drinking (sorry, I know that's the point of this thread). The cop comes up, and informs us that one of his fucking tail lights is burnt out. We were all so fucking high and there was a shitty bong in the backseat the whole time. Anyways, cop realizes we're high as fuck and just starts fucking with us, and tells him his insurance was expired (it was his dads car). Then we started panicking, but it turns out that was the cops attempt at fucking with us, because the next day we realized it wasn't. At one point, and my friends still never let me live this down, the cop said, "Are there any drugs or alcohol in the car". No one said anything for a few seconds, and then I finally said, "No alcohol". She asked a few more questions, then let us go. We were very excited. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Bladewillisisdead Posted July 9, 2014 Share Posted July 9, 2014 I got arrested for being high as fuck when my buddy got pulled over for having a headlight out. The biggest bummer was I hadn't bought weed in months and had just picked up a large amount to go up to my buddy's cabin in the woods for the weekend. Shitty no horse town in the Adirondacks and the cops had nothing better to do. Moral of the story: Just toss your roaches if you're driving. I wasn't there for this story and I wouldn't believe it if the dude who was driving told it to me, but my buddy who was sitting shotgun is legit. Dude who was driving was pretty much a piece of shit. One of the dudes who was just always around even though no one invited him. They were both drunk and had been drinking all day (it was probably 2am) but driver dude insisted he was good to drive. Starts driving down main street, tells my buddy to pack a bowl and then pulls out a three foot glass bong from the backseat. They each take a few hits and then the driver starts yelling at pedestrians which gets them pulled over. My friend is sitting shotgun with the bong between his legs trying his best to cover it when the cop asks the driver to step out of the car. Immediately he thinks "Well, he's going to jail and I'm drunk holding a giant bong...this is not going to end well." Driver gets sobriety tested, somehow passes, gets back in the car pulls a nug out of his shirt pocket and says "pack another one." They were hitting the bong with the cop still behind them. Edit: It goes without saying really, but don't drive drunk. We eventually told that dude to fuck off for good because he kept doing scumbag shit like that. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
The Vool Posted July 9, 2014 Share Posted July 9, 2014 The time I walking into my living room and my friend was fully nude spread eagle on the floor holding his dick and peeing in the air like a fountain. The guy he had sex with was naked on the couch, his chihuahua was running around with a used condom in her mouth. HAHAHA That chihuahua lifted the story to gold level... There are soooo many drunk stories! This one is not the best, but since I wrote this out in the "Disensitier & Condoms"-Thread, I just copy&paste it as an appetizer for the next stories... I was partying with a few friends; going to pubs, drinking to much, picking up girls (I'm in a happy relation for 5 years, so no stranger-fucking for me ), same shit different day...one of my friends owns an small, old cinema which he's currently (well, for 1.5 years now) trying to make his home. There are still some seats all over the place, but most of them have been pulled out. I only remember that we were drinking until two of my buddies picked up girls. We didn't want to end the party, so we went to my buddy's cinema place...we continued drinking, I saw them making out a bit but was so drunk that I fell asleep on the mattress which is considered to be a bed...although I was close to be coma-drunk, I had this strange smell in my nose...thought maybe someone farted and was like "whatever, sleep on you drunk bastard"...but this stink continued to stay in my nose and suddenly I heard a girl screaming...so I opened my eyes, and I swear to God I wish I had never stayed in this fucking place! What I've seen was this freaking hairy & smelly pussy like 20cm from my face while one of my buddy was giving her a real hard & fast hand...just when my brain started to solve all these different impressions this fucking bitch squirted all over the place I was trying to sleep! My other buddy, doggy-styling the other bitch 3 meters away, was just smiling and waved to me... I never thought that I'll ever wake up by the fetid smell of a disgusting pussy... Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Team Avatar Posted July 9, 2014 Share Posted July 9, 2014 I don't drink, as some of ya know, but I'll contribute to some of my experiences around the drunken kind. I have an identical twin brother who does drink hard and pot hard and all that, FYI. We were throwing a party at my house which we did pretty regularly while my parents sleep upstairs. If we turn the bass off on the speakers they can't really hear us so they used to not mind (my bro pissed them off one too many times and now they do care). We were maybe 18, so the parties were "dry", we played water pong, and everyone went into the furnace room to get the beer, pour into a solo cup, and continue to party. My dad isn't stupid and knew we were always drinking, but my mom, I don't know if she feigned ignorance or was too drunk to notice but she never said anything. She once came downstairs and talked for 10 minutes to one of her best friends kids and he had jack on his breath but she never said a word or didn't notice. Anyhow, at this one particular party, most people had left and I was cleaning up around 4am and I went into the furnace room and there was 4 inches of sewage water in the furnace room. The pump had broke and sprayed pretty much everything in the tank into the room. There was a beer can right next to the pump ( of course there was ).. (My dad had a rule that we weren't allowed to shit in the basement and thank god for that because it would have been soooooo much grosser ). I grabbed that can, dodging fluids and went to find my brother first. I go outside and hes rolling around in the grass and vomiting everywhere. I ran upstairs to get my dad. He came down and we all started hauling stuff out of the room to outside. About 10 minutes pass of us cleaning that room when he all of a sudden dad asks "Where's Danny?". Dans timing could not have been more perfect. He walks in from outside, vomit on his shirt, huge smile on his face and says "Hi dad!" gives him a hug, and goes upstairs to bed. Needless to say, neither of us got in trouble and nothing was too ruined from the broken pump. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Shitty Rambo Posted July 9, 2014 Share Posted July 9, 2014 I have an identical twin brother who does drink hard and pot hard and all that, FYI. You have an evil twin?!?! Cool. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Team Avatar Posted July 9, 2014 Share Posted July 9, 2014 We are complete opposites in our life but our brains work exactly the same and we have some form of telepathy and play mind games on everyone all the time. He's a fun drunk phishhead pothead druggie carnivore and i'm a boring straight edge vegan. At school people always ask me when the cool raccuia is gonna visit Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
vialister Posted July 9, 2014 Share Posted July 9, 2014 One time a friend of mine told me "give me £20 and you'll see the funniest thing you will ever see" So I told him to do it first and I'd think about it. He proceeded to turn around and jump in front of a moving taxi (all be it going at about 10mph), he landed on the bonnet face down and started to do snow angel movement on it & the windscreen. The taxi driver wasn't impressed and started shouting at him. He came back over, I called him an idiot and refused to give him the £20 and said i'd buy him a drink instead so we went back inside. He demanded I buy him 10 shots of sambucca, so I did. He then poured them into a pint glass and downed it in one. About 3/4 of the way down he started to heave and threw up in the glass. but he kept drinking it. EDIT : He found out the next day he broke his collarbone getting "hit" by the taxi. That was a strange 5 minute period. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
sinisterkidd Posted July 9, 2014 Share Posted July 9, 2014 2 weeks ago I was extremely wasted on a Saturday night. It was pride and I was downtown with a bunch if friends. Bar close comes and we're walking to my friends and I see another friend if mine talking to some girl. She was hott. I walked over to her go wanna make out? Push her up against the wall and did the deed. I guess she was straight tho. But was super into it. I was proud of myself. Then once we got back to my friends apartment a bunch of us were standing outside and there was this giant lawn gnome my friend had been eyeing. It was her bday. So I pulled that sucker outta the ground and was like running to her car like pop the trunk pop the trunk. The thing was super fucking heavy and she was like how the fuck did you pick that up. Annnyways. I think it's in her backseat still. And I thought I was gunna get arrested the next day or something because someone probably saw me. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
radiatorhums Posted July 9, 2014 Share Posted July 9, 2014 He came back over, I called him an idiot and refused to give him the £20 and said i'd buy him a drink instead so we went back inside. He demanded I buy him 10 shots of sambucca, so I did. He then poured them into a pint glass and downed it in one. Sambuca used to be my groups shot choice and I still like it, but reading that made me cringe. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
The Vool Posted July 9, 2014 Share Posted July 9, 2014 ... and i'm a boring straight edge vegan. Oh dude, I lost my respect... Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Team Avatar Posted July 9, 2014 Share Posted July 9, 2014 Oh dude, I lost my respect... it just makes my stories so much crazier cause I didn't need alcohol to assist with the awesomeness. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
converge88 Posted July 9, 2014 Share Posted July 9, 2014 I used to sleep walk when drink so I used not do all kinds of fuck up stuff usually ending with me urinating odd places. I once got up in the middle of the night and pissed all over my friends TV and than woke up to people screaming at me and went and cried in my car haha Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Team Avatar Posted July 9, 2014 Share Posted July 9, 2014 a similar thing happened to my evil twin brother! he was really drunk and went to the corner of his dorm to pee and everyone started yelling at him so he went out to the hall and started to pee on the wall and people kept yelling at him so he started to cry. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
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