Hearing Your Roommate Having Sex

[j4m35]

i've heard my roommate having sex and he's heard me having sex with my girlfriend...we just don't really mention it after the obligatory "heh, had a fun night, eh?"

except one morning when my roommate was banging a girl with his door open...then i had to talk to him about it.

[cesar11]

Alright, this is about me. here I go.

Back in '07, I had a friend who moved here from Texas. I was dating this girl at the time and we were just hanging out at his place. While he was totally focused on playing some game (Call of Duty, I think), the girl and I were looking through some shit on his comp, kinda bored. We started making out and got in the mood like crazy. We were thinking of going back to my place but I said fuck it and said to my buddy: "hey Frank, can we fuck in your kitchen?" Not moving a muscle or even taking his eyes off the screen, he goes "Yeah, man handle. Just clean up after."

Long story short: she and I got ours, cleaned up the mess from her lower back, and went back to hanging out with him.

[dynamitekid]

Alright, this is about me. here I go.

Back in '07, I had a friend who moved here from Texas. I was dating this girl at the time and we were just hanging out at his place. While he was totally focused on playing some game (Call of Duty, I think), the girl and I were looking through some shit on his comp, kinda bored. We started making out and got in the mood like crazy. We were thinking of going back to my place but I said fuck it and said to my buddy: "hey Frank, can we fuck in your kitchen?" Not moving a muscle or even taking his eyes off the screen, he goes "Yeah, man handle. Just clean up after."

Long story short: she and I got ours, cleaned up the mess from her lower back, and went back to hanging out with him.

Thats hilarious. +1

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[flood]

i lived with a rather big biker looking dude for a bit... and at this point he was a virgin. His bedroom was connected to the living room.. and every time he turned off his computer... it loudly played the Mr Plow theme song.

now we met some girls at a they might be giants show, and he started dating one. one day he brought her home, and they went into his room and closed the door... so me, our other roommate and one of the girls that hung out were playing grand theft auto or something.. and we hear the big guy busting his cherry... as we're basically seperated by 5 feet and shitty paneling. Well he opens the door.. dancing and singing at the top of his lungs "mister plow thats my name that name again is mister plow".... at which point we give him a round of applause, and this poor girl wanders out, her face beet red in embarassment.

only one of many magic moments from that den of sin.

[djones0930]

Alright, this is about me. here I go.

Back in '07, I had a friend who moved here from Texas. I was dating this girl at the time and we were just hanging out at his place. While he was totally focused on playing some game (Call of Duty, I think), the girl and I were looking through some shit on his comp, kinda bored. We started making out and got in the mood like crazy. We were thinking of going back to my place but I said fuck it and said to my buddy: "hey Frank, can we fuck in your kitchen?" Not moving a muscle or even taking his eyes off the screen, he goes "Yeah, man handle. Just clean up after."

Long story short: she and I got ours, cleaned up the mess from her lower back, and went back to hanging out with him.

Thats hilarious. +1

He really shouldn't have cleaned off the mess....

CESAR, WHY DIDN'T YOU SUPERMAN DAT HO?

[kittenmittons]

Thats hilarious. +1

He really shouldn't have cleaned off the mess....

CESAR, WHY DIDN'T YOU SUPERMAN DAT HO?

THIS.

[djones0930]

i lived with a rather big biker looking dude for a bit... and at this point he was a virgin. His bedroom was connected to the living room.. and every time he turned off his computer... it loudly played the Mr Plow theme song.

now we met some girls at a they might be giants show, and he started dating one. one day he brought her home, and they went into his room and closed the door... so me, our other roommate and one of the girls that hung out were playing grand theft auto or something.. and we hear the big guy busting his cherry... as we're basically seperated by 5 feet and shitty paneling. Well he opens the door.. dancing and singing at the top of his lungs "mister plow thats my name that name again is mister plow".... at which point we give him a round of applause, and this poor girl wanders out, her face beet red in embarassment.

only one of many magic moments from that den of sin.

Please tell me that shit was made up. Please.

If not, you get my vote for the best 'roommate having sex' story. Hands down, yet both thumbs up.

[cesar11]

Thats hilarious. +1

He really shouldn't have cleaned off the mess....

CESAR, WHY DIDN'T YOU SUPERMAN DAT HO?

hahahahaha thanks for that +1.

and at the time, I had NO CLUE wtf it meant to do that, my friend lolz.

[djones0930]

He really shouldn't have cleaned off the mess....

CESAR, WHY DIDN'T YOU SUPERMAN DAT HO?

hahahahaha thanks for that +1.

and at the time, I had NO CLUE wtf it meant to do that, my friend lolz.

Perhaps Souljah Boy was watching through the window and he was able to use his amazing creativity to create the souljah boy dance by mimicking your sexual moves, AND at the same time had Christopher Reeve on his mind, creating the Superman since he was disappointed with her back being cleaned.

[blueeyedtheory]

It was my first night in a new apartment, I had just turned off my TV and had closed my eyes when I heard a girl scream out, "Fuck yeah! Harder!". My eyes pop open like I had just found out that I was the father from Maury, and I start trying to figure out where the screaming was coming from. I knew my next door neighbors were a couple in their early-20's, so my first thought was that it was them. I keep hearing moans and screams from the girl, but then I suddenly hear a really deep voice say, "Call me master!" and "Who owns this pussy?". Now I'm thinking I live next to some freaky kids, but whatever they are into is fine with me. Out of nowhere I realize that I can hear African tribal music in the background of this sexual escapade. I listen a little harder (no pun intended) and figure out that it is not coming from next door, but from the apartment above me. I am not sure who lives above me, but still... whatever they're into. Just as I am about to turn on my stereo I hear a grunt that can only be described as a herd of buffalo proclaiming just how upset they are about being upset. It was fucking ridiculous. Dude had to of sneezed, coughed, farted, and gotten off all at once to create the sound of hell that I heard. Almost immediately, the tribal music stops, and I hear a newscaster rambling on about whatever. So it dawns on me that it wasn't someone having sex above me, it was someone watching a porn and jerking off. After piecing together the tribal music and the things the guy in the video was saying, I can only imagine what type of porn it was.

The payoff is that the next day I was outside getting some stuff out of my car when I saw that apartment's door swing open. An old man in his, I am guessing 80's, walked out. A couple days later I pulled into the parking lot at the same time as he did, and when he got out of his car I saw that he had a bag from a local porn store called the "A-Z Bookstore". Not a night went by that I didn't hear him watching porn at some point.

[kittenmittons]

It was my first night in a new apartment, I had just turned off my TV and had closed my eyes when I heard a girl scream out, "Fuck yeah! Harder!". My eyes pop open like I had just found out that I was the father from Maury, and I start trying to figure out where the screaming was coming from. I knew my next door neighbors were a couple in their early-20's, so my first thought was that it was them. I keep hearing moans and screams from the girl, but then I suddenly hear a really deep voice say, "Call me master!" and "Who owns this pussy?". Now I'm thinking I live next to some freaky kids, but whatever they are into is fine with me. Out of nowhere I realize that I can hear African tribal music in the background of this sexual escapade. I listen a little harder (no pun intended) and figure out that it is not coming from next door, but from the apartment above me. I am not sure who lives above me, but still... whatever they're into. Just as I am about to turn on my stereo I hear a grunt that can only be described as a herd of buffalo proclaiming just how upset they are about being upset. It was fucking ridiculous. Dude had to of sneezed, coughed, farted, and gotten off all at once to create the sound of hell that I heard. Almost immediately, the tribal music stops, and I hear a newscaster rambling on about whatever. So it dawns on me that it wasn't someone having sex above me, it was someone watching a porn and jerking off. After piecing together the tribal music and the things the guy in the video was saying, I can only imagine what type of porn it was.

The payoff is that the next day I was outside getting some stuff out of my car when I saw that apartment's door swing open. An old man in his, I am guessing 80's, walked out. A couple days later I pulled into the parking lot at the same time as he did, and when he got out of his car I saw that he had a bag from a local porn store called the "A-Z Bookstore". Not a night went by that I didn't hear him watching porn at some point.

[blueeyedtheory]

It was my first night in a new apartment, I had just turned off my TV and had closed my eyes when I heard a girl scream out, "Fuck yeah! Harder!". My eyes pop open like I had just found out that I was the father from Maury, and I start trying to figure out where the screaming was coming from. I knew my next door neighbors were a couple in their early-20's, so my first thought was that it was them. I keep hearing moans and screams from the girl, but then I suddenly hear a really deep voice say, "Call me master!" and "Who owns this pussy?". Now I'm thinking I live next to some freaky kids, but whatever they are into is fine with me. Out of nowhere I realize that I can hear African tribal music in the background of this sexual escapade. I listen a little harder (no pun intended) and figure out that it is not coming from next door, but from the apartment above me. I am not sure who lives above me, but still... whatever they're into. Just as I am about to turn on my stereo I hear a grunt that can only be described as a herd of buffalo proclaiming just how upset they are about being upset. It was fucking ridiculous. Dude had to of sneezed, coughed, farted, and gotten off all at once to create the sound of hell that I heard. Almost immediately, the tribal music stops, and I hear a newscaster rambling on about whatever. So it dawns on me that it wasn't someone having sex above me, it was someone watching a porn and jerking off. After piecing together the tribal music and the things the guy in the video was saying, I can only imagine what type of porn it was.

The payoff is that the next day I was outside getting some stuff out of my car when I saw that apartment's door swing open. An old man in his, I am guessing 80's, walked out. A couple days later I pulled into the parking lot at the same time as he did, and when he got out of his car I saw that he had a bag from a local porn store called the "A-Z Bookstore". Not a night went by that I didn't hear him watching porn at some point.

Just like that. Only Cartman was fucking the woman, and the old man was white and getting familiar with himself.

[scottheisel]

Just as I am about to turn on my stereo I hear a grunt that can only be described as a herd of buffalo proclaiming just how upset they are about being upset.

This is brilliant. +1.

[stranaspank]

Different roommate, different apartment:

I had come home from a night of partying and was chilling in my room, which is across from the bathroom. It's about 10 am and I'm just dicking around on my computer, probably trolling these very message boards. I hear my roommate's door open and glance over to say good morning. She is topless and definitely has no idea I was home. She jumps, says sorry, and ducks into the bathroom. I start laughing and I can hear her laughing too. I am also immediately cursing myself because I'm still a little groggy from the previous night's bender and didn't have time to appreciate the fact that I just saw my roommate's tits. Also, I did that stupid fucking reaction in which upon seeing she was topless I instinctively looked away, because I am a classy gentleman. I know my eyes saw boobs and that image is in my brain somewhere, but goddammit I'll need a hypnotist or something to dredge it up. She comes out wearing a towel and we laugh it off.

Part 2: Different perspective, Tarantino style, as told by my roommate's boyfriend:

My roommate is giving him a handjob, and apparently her prefered method of finishing a dude off is in her mouth. So she's waiting for him to give the signal when it's time for launch, and he gives her the T-minus. She, for whatever reason, ignores his repeated warnings and is surprised with a blast to the face. It's at this point she goes to clean up in the bathroom. So, in summation, had I not been looking at her tits (and failing to retain that image), I would have noticed the cum splashed across her face and heard that her surprised apology was a little garbled, as she had her mouth full.

Ta-da!

[djones0930]

Ah-ha! That's a story with a punch! Quentin would be proud, but not really because no one died at the end.

I now feel like I need a chocolate milk and then a nap. These stories are fucking great.

[djones0930]

Stranaspunk, that reminds me of a similar story....from 7th grade...

My buddy Todd snatched his first girlfriend, but she was in 8th grade, and to all of us wee lil boys, she was also 'very experienced' (aka slut). On Monday morning, before the bell rang, Todd was a little too quiet, so I bugged the shit out of him until finally he spilled. He said on Sunday, he went to his girlfriend's house to go to church with her family. Well, she apparently started a weekly holiday/day of observance called "Blowjob Sunday's". Well, she showed him how she observes that day, and he was more than excited.

He told me as he was 'finishing', her mom was knocking on the door and they both panicked, so his swimmers (swimmers is a term I'm using in reference to semen, cum, splooge, jizz, pimp juice, man batter, etc) went everywhere, but mostly in her mouth.

As his pants buttoned, the door opened up and her mom comes in to say, "We're late for church, so hurry up!...and Crystal, where do you hide the donuts? You have glaze all over your face."

Todd told me he nearly shit his pants and his girlfriend, like a pro, said, "Sorry mom, Todd brought over a couple donuts and I couldn't help but swallow them in a rush!"

THE END.

[punkrudeboy]

Stranaspunk, that reminds me of a similar story....from 7th grade...

My buddy Todd snatched his first girlfriend, but she was in 8th grade, and to all of us wee lil boys, she was also 'very experienced' (aka slut). On Monday morning, before the bell rang, Todd was a little too quiet, so I bugged the shit out of him until finally he spilled. He said on Sunday, he went to his girlfriend's house to go to church with her family. Well, she apparently started a weekly holiday/day of observance called "Blowjob Sunday's". Well, she showed him how she observes that day, and he was more than excited.

He told me as he was 'finishing', her mom was knocking on the door and they both panicked, so his swimmers (swimmers is a term I'm using in reference to semen, cum, splooge, jizz, pimp juice, man batter, etc) went everywhere, but mostly in her mouth.

As his pants buttoned, the door opened up and her mom comes in to say, "We're late for church, so hurry up!...and Crystal, where do you hide the donuts? You have glaze all over your face."

Todd told me he nearly shit his pants and his girlfriend, like a pro, said, "Sorry mom, Todd brought over a couple donuts and I couldn't help but swallow them in a rush!"

THE END.

+1 good man. +1...

[controlthebleeding]

Stranaspunk, that reminds me of a similar story....from 7th grade...

My buddy Todd snatched his first girlfriend, but she was in 8th grade, and to all of us wee lil boys, she was also 'very experienced' (aka slut). On Monday morning, before the bell rang, Todd was a little too quiet, so I bugged the shit out of him until finally he spilled. He said on Sunday, he went to his girlfriend's house to go to church with her family. Well, she apparently started a weekly holiday/day of observance called "Blowjob Sunday's". Well, she showed him how she observes that day, and he was more than excited.

He told me as he was 'finishing', her mom was knocking on the door and they both panicked, so his swimmers (swimmers is a term I'm using in reference to semen, cum, splooge, jizz, pimp juice, man batter, etc) went everywhere, but mostly in her mouth.

As his pants buttoned, the door opened up and her mom comes in to say, "We're late for church, so hurry up!...and Crystal, where do you hide the donuts? You have glaze all over your face."

Todd told me he nearly shit his pants and his girlfriend, like a pro, said, "Sorry mom, Todd brought over a couple donuts and I couldn't help but swallow them in a rush!"

THE END.

damn, chics are already swallowing in 8th grade. man, how times have changed.

[kittenmittons]

damn, chics are already swallowing in 8th grade. man, how times have changed.

kids are making fucking bukkake videos by 8th grade at this point i'm sure. :

thanks teen mom.

[drabley]

Perhaps if you were having more sex of your own, the sounds emanating from other rooms under your roof would suddenly become less important.

[blueeyedtheory]

Perhaps if you were having more sex of your own, the sounds emanating from other rooms under your roof would suddenly become less important.

You have a good point. What are you getting into tonight?

[SeeMoreGlass]

Stranaspunk, that reminds me of a similar story....from 7th grade...

My buddy Todd snatched his first girlfriend, but she was in 8th grade, and to all of us wee lil boys, she was also 'very experienced' (aka slut). On Monday morning, before the bell rang, Todd was a little too quiet, so I bugged the shit out of him until finally he spilled. He said on Sunday, he went to his girlfriend's house to go to church with her family. Well, she apparently started a weekly holiday/day of observance called "Blowjob Sunday's". Well, she showed him how she observes that day, and he was more than excited.

He told me as he was 'finishing', her mom was knocking on the door and they both panicked, so his swimmers (swimmers is a term I'm using in reference to semen, cum, splooge, jizz, pimp juice, man batter, etc) went everywhere, but mostly in her mouth.

As his pants buttoned, the door opened up and her mom comes in to say, "We're late for church, so hurry up!...and Crystal, where do you hide the donuts? You have glaze all over your face."

Todd told me he nearly shit his pants and his girlfriend, like a pro, said, "Sorry mom, Todd brought over a couple donuts and I couldn't help but swallow them in a rush!"

THE END.

That has to be a joke...haha...its too awesome

[pjaicomo]

Pics or it didn't.

It didn't.

[Guest]

my house is turning more and more into a frat house by the weekend.

walked inside from grilling today to the sound of some serious moaning from upstairs. but it wasnt my roomie gettin it on... just one of our friends using my roomies bed. but this happens all the time, and the dude has no idea people are just fucking in his bed on the reg.