CONFESSIONS

[steventangent]

Being bummed about going back to work is ruining the last few days of my vacation.

[Julie...MakeDamnSure]

I like big butts,I can not lie...

[steventangent]

I like big butts,I can not lie...

 

i call bullshit

[suchashorttime]

i slept like a real human being last night!

 

i usually get whacky pre-work-week anxiety on sunday nights and toss and turn all night.  not much of a confession, but i am really psyched right now.

[controlthebleeding]

i slept like a real human being last night!

 

i usually get whacky pre-work-week anxiety on sunday nights and toss and turn all night.  not much of a confession, but i am really psyched right now.

 

same here. went and did laundry. home by 5:30pm and slept till around 7am. felt pretty good. i needed that sleep. 

 

wake up to prince playing sxsw this coming saturday and i have no shot of going. i'm off and the chances of getting in are 0%. 

[213041284s]

Confession I've been meaning to do for a while 

 

For most of my life I've been in complete denial of a part of me that I feel is as important as my own name. Having had feelings outside of the "norm" for as long as I can remember, I've struggled with keeping in line with my family's expectations while trying to find my own happiness. 

 

I came out as genderqueer/bisexual when I was 15 and it was a decision I regret to this day

 

My mom just sat in complete denial while I tried to make her understand. She responded to me with angry, snarky comments and went on about how it went against her beliefs and told me the story of how she severed ties with her cousin who decided to come out years ago. After a while she told me we were "done arguing" and just left the room without saying anything else. We didn't speak for a few days.

It only got worse when my dad came home and he proceeded to call me a woman and belittle me with cruel jokes and slurs (which he still does occasionally)

 

The worst came a few days later. I had been invited to a dance for LGBT teens and allies by a friend who I had made in school and introduced me to GSA. I was really excited to go but had to be careful to not let my parents know. I lied and told them it was a school dance and they bought it. In addition my friend was going to be driving me, but to be safe I told her to park on the corner so my parents wouldn't know (she was a lesbian and my parents didn't like her at all). She didn't get my last message and ended up parking in front of my house just as I was getting ready to leave. It was too late to make anything up and my mom had already caught on. I mustered up the courage to tell my parents the truth and added "so what?" and they responded with force. I was chased back into my room as they began to yell and threaten me. I tried to wrestle my way past the door but was pushed down back into my room and they locked and barricaded my door from the outside so I couldn't leave. I just remember spending the rest of the night sobbing, wondering why it had to be me.

 

I had already lost some friends, so losing my parents support was devastating. I stopped going to GSA and hanging around most of the people I used to associate with. I became extremely self hating, and projected my anger by using words and speeches of hate against my former friends and allies. It was the worst kind of denial, but I was convinced I would be able to cleanse myself and be "normal" again. I was a fucking bigot and still regret it to this day. I was at the lowest of lows, and fell into the world of depression, self harm and suicidal thoughts. Of couse, there are other life issues that contributed to all of that, but I've since gotten help and confronted most of my demons, ending with self harm which I've been clean from since early November.

 

Still, that rejection haunts me all these years later. My parents and I are "better" now, but we never mention my past, and it pains me to think that they are just living in denial and don't love the real me. For all they know, I'm "normal" again and if it means having a roof over my head then I'll take it.

 

I've never spoken about this publicly, so what prompted me to come out on VC of all places? who knows, but I just needed to place to get this off my chest, and I like that you guys are an accepting bunch.

 

Thanks for reading

[GradedOnACurve]

Sorry dude. Its unfortunate as many people say "your family will always be there" and "your family is all you have" etc sometimes family could be full of selfish people. Its such bullshit. Ignorance could ruin any relationship. Its just fucked up. Shouldn't matter who you love. You should really reach out again and find other like minded people. It will be the best thing that could happen to you.

[maneatingcow]

Sowingseason92,

 

I'm glad you felt comfortable enough with us to tell us your story.  I feel terrible that you've had to go through so much simply because of who you are. 

 

Stay strong and know that you have the support of all of us here.

[jerseydave77]

That's really miserable man. Hiding who you are and suppressing it will ultimately catch up to you as well. I get needing family harmony, trust me I've got my own issues of denial to maintain that. 

 

I wish you the best in this one but I've never been in your exact shoes so it's really hard to know what's right. 

[Guest]

i slept like a real human being last night!

 

i usually get whacky pre-work-week anxiety on sunday nights and toss and turn all night.  not much of a confession, but i am really psyched right now.

 

i was super fatigued all last week. so i stayed in all weekend, and slept a disgusting amount. capped it off last night by turning off the lights at 8 pm, and slept almost straight on through til 7 am. i feel fantastic today. well, except for the part where i'm at work.

and the part where i thought about taking today off, because i invited my ex to come spend the day here. she declined. i'm bummed.

 

but hey at least i'm not sick and tired anymore!

and the countdown to the best weekend of the year is down to FOUR!!

[maneatingcow]

I called in sick to work, but I'm not sick.

 

Oh noes.

 

Reason, my J.Bannon Prints should be arriving and they are Signature on Delivery.  And I just want to sleep, lots and lots of sleep.

[ronniegwilliams]

my mom thinks i'm gay, like seriously thinks i'm gay.  she places little hints in conversation sometimes, like she'll say things like, "you know i'll love you no matter what" and other things of the caliber.  i think it's great that she would support me no matter what, and it really sucks to know that other peoples parents wouldn't do the same. 

in all honesty, since we're in a confessions thread, nobody knows that there was a point where i wasn't even sure if i was gay or not.  i don't know if it was because girls had been the devil for some time, or if it was the amount of alcohol i was drinking around this period, or a combination of the two, but for a little bit there i think i may have been on the fence.  

[bigbruise]

I called in sick to work, but I'm not sick.

Oh noes.

Reason, my J.Bannon Prints should be arriving and they are Signature on Delivery. And I just want to sleep, lots and lots of sleep.

Mine weren't, you get super duper shipping?

[ronniegwilliams]

Mine didn't require signature, in fact, mine were just leaned up against my door the other night. not sure how i feel about that, good probably 

[maneatingcow]

When I check the tracking on it, it says Proof of Delivery, Signature Required.

 

What did you guys end up ordering?

[Guest]

Confession I've been meaning to do for a while 

 

For most of my life I've been in complete denial of a part of me that I feel is as important as my own name. Having had feelings outside of the "norm" for as long as I can remember, I've struggled with keeping in line with my family's expectations while trying to find my own happiness. 

 

I came out as genderqueer/bisexual when I was 15 and it was a decision I regret to this day

 

My mom just sat in complete denial while I tried to make her understand. She responded to me with angry, snarky comments and went on about how it went against her beliefs and told me the story of how she severed ties with her cousin who decided to come out years ago. After a while she told me we were "done arguing" and just left the room without saying anything else. We didn't speak for a few days.

It only got worse when my dad came home and he proceeded to call me a woman and belittle me with cruel jokes and slurs (which he still does occasionally)

 

The worst came a few days later. I had been invited to a dance for LGBT teens and allies by a friend who I had made in school and introduced me to GSA. I was really excited to go but had to be careful to not let my parents know. I lied and told them it was a school dance and they bought it. In addition my friend was going to be driving me, but to be safe I told her to park on the corner so my parents wouldn't know (she was a lesbian and my parents didn't like her at all). She didn't get my last message and ended up parking in front of my house just as I was getting ready to leave. It was too late to make anything up and my mom had already caught on. I mustered up the courage to tell my parents the truth and added "so what?" and they responded with force. I was chased back into my room as they began to yell and threaten me. I tried to wrestle my way past the door but was pushed down back into my room and they locked and barricaded my door from the outside so I couldn't leave. I just remember spending the rest of the night sobbing, wondering why it had to be me.

 

I had already lost some friends, so losing my parents support was devastating. I stopped going to GSA and hanging around most of the people I used to associate with. I became extremely self hating, and projected my anger by using words and speeches of hate against my former friends and allies. It was the worst kind of denial, but I was convinced I would be able to cleanse myself and be "normal" again. I was a fucking bigot and still regret it to this day. I was at the lowest of lows, and fell into the world of depression, self harm and suicidal thoughts. Of couse, there are other life issues that contributed to all of that, but I've since gotten help and confronted most of my demons, ending with self harm which I've been clean from since early November.

 

Still, that rejection haunts me all these years later. My parents and I are "better" now, but we never mention my past, and it pains me to think that they are just living in denial and don't love the real me. For all they know, I'm "normal" again and if it means having a roof over my head then I'll take it.

 

I've never spoken about this publicly, so what prompted me to come out on VC of all places? who knows, but I just needed to place to get this off my chest, and I like that you guys are an accepting bunch.

 

Thanks for reading

 

My best friend came out to me when we were 18. (We have been friends since we were 6). I remember I was the first one he told, and he was terrified. I had known he was gay for years, but I never pushed him to tell me. We grew up in a very country/redneck small town. He got shit on all throughout elementary and high school for being feminine, a 'fag' and ect. He even had a girlfriend for a while as a cover-up. After he told his parents he was gay, they showed no support and ended up getting divorced about a year later. His dad cut all ties with him and he has a strained relationship with his mom. I know it's horrible, but sometimes being blood related to a person doesn't make them your family. I think life will be a lot different for you once you move out (you still live with your parents right?)

[idreamofpunk]

Confession I've been meaning to do for a while 

 

For most of my life I've been in complete denial of a part of me that I feel is as important as my own name. Having had feelings outside of the "norm" for as long as I can remember, I've struggled with keeping in line with my family's expectations while trying to find my own happiness. 

 

I came out as genderqueer/bisexual when I was 15 and it was a decision I regret to this day

 

My mom just sat in complete denial while I tried to make her understand. She responded to me with angry, snarky comments and went on about how it went against her beliefs and told me the story of how she severed ties with her cousin who decided to come out years ago. After a while she told me we were "done arguing" and just left the room without saying anything else. We didn't speak for a few days.

It only got worse when my dad came home and he proceeded to call me a woman and belittle me with cruel jokes and slurs (which he still does occasionally)

 

The worst came a few days later. I had been invited to a dance for LGBT teens and allies by a friend who I had made in school and introduced me to GSA. I was really excited to go but had to be careful to not let my parents know. I lied and told them it was a school dance and they bought it. In addition my friend was going to be driving me, but to be safe I told her to park on the corner so my parents wouldn't know (she was a lesbian and my parents didn't like her at all). She didn't get my last message and ended up parking in front of my house just as I was getting ready to leave. It was too late to make anything up and my mom had already caught on. I mustered up the courage to tell my parents the truth and added "so what?" and they responded with force. I was chased back into my room as they began to yell and threaten me. I tried to wrestle my way past the door but was pushed down back into my room and they locked and barricaded my door from the outside so I couldn't leave. I just remember spending the rest of the night sobbing, wondering why it had to be me.

 

I had already lost some friends, so losing my parents support was devastating. I stopped going to GSA and hanging around most of the people I used to associate with. I became extremely self hating, and projected my anger by using words and speeches of hate against my former friends and allies. It was the worst kind of denial, but I was convinced I would be able to cleanse myself and be "normal" again. I was a fucking bigot and still regret it to this day. I was at the lowest of lows, and fell into the world of depression, self harm and suicidal thoughts. Of couse, there are other life issues that contributed to all of that, but I've since gotten help and confronted most of my demons, ending with self harm which I've been clean from since early November.

 

Still, that rejection haunts me all these years later. My parents and I are "better" now, but we never mention my past, and it pains me to think that they are just living in denial and don't love the real me. For all they know, I'm "normal" again and if it means having a roof over my head then I'll take it.

 

I've never spoken about this publicly, so what prompted me to come out on VC of all places? who knows, but I just needed to place to get this off my chest, and I like that you guys are an accepting bunch.

 

Thanks for reading

 

This is why I'm not out to my parents at 27. I'm terrified of the outcome, and can't risk the possibilities while I'm (albeit temporarily) living under their roof with my family. I keep waffling on whether or not to tell them immediately after we move out (or close to after the date), or as we're expecting our second child, or when I actually start on treatment, but it all boils down to me being scared of their reaction.

 

Thank you for sharing, and I'm glad that you're at least in a better place.

[Guest]

my mom thinks i'm gay, like seriously thinks i'm gay.  she places little hints in conversation sometimes, like she'll say things like, "you know i'll love you no matter what" and other things of the caliber.  i think it's great that she would support me no matter what, and it really sucks to know that other peoples parents wouldn't do the same. 

in all honesty, since we're in a confessions thread, nobody knows that there was a point where i wasn't even sure if i was gay or not.  i don't know if it was because girls had been the devil for some time, or if it was the amount of alcohol i was drinking around this period, or a combination of the two, but for a little bit there i think i may have been on the fence.  

 

before i posted my relationship epic, i mentioned another big confession, and i guess this is the right time to jump into it.

 

because, me too.

 

i got picked on a lot back in school. it was mostly because i never really had other kids around me growing up, and rarely any friends that stuck around. but once i hit like 7th or 8th grade, it started getting a lot worse, and it was almost constantly people calling my gay in one way or another. i always just took it as bullying, and really not much more. i mean, i'm sure at the time i took it a lot harder, but whatever.

between the way i dressed and acted, people seemed to really believe i was gay, when in reality, i've just never had much shame. 

but then even after high school, i would meet people, and still do really, and they honestly believe that i am. i've appeared on gaydar more times than i'd like to admit.

but after dealing with this for so many years, there have been times where i've actually sat back and questioned myself. "maybe this isn't a coincidence. maybe i'm just compensating as a cover-up. this sure would explain my panache and obsession with the wwe"

 

but really, it just comes down to the fact that i'm simply not attracted to men. take away the part where being gay involves butt secks with another guy, and yeah, i suppose i am kind of a fag. 

 

i think ronnie bringing this up first made it a lot easier to talk about this, and just kind of cut to the chase. so kudos, sir.

[killerofjoy605]

I honestly don't really think sexual orientation isn't something that needs deep thinking about, you really shouldn't let anyone around you make you doubt who you are. If you are a guy and are wearing bright pink skinny jeans with a rainbow tank top but like women you are no less straight then the meat head calling you gay. At a church I met a guy with the stereotyped gay voice who was preaching about how homosexuality should be against the law. I get called gay a lot too mostly for the way I dress but instead of deep thinking about sexual orientation I respond with a wink and middle finger, but that's mostly because I couldn't give a fuck about idiots who act that way. 

Anyway I need to make a new confession: 

[213041284s]

Sorry dude. Its unfortunate as many people say "your family will always be there" and "your family is all you have" etc sometimes family could be full of selfish people. Its such bullshit. Ignorance could ruin any relationship. Its just fucked up. Shouldn't matter who you love. You should really reach out again and find other like minded people. It will be the best thing that could happen to you.

 

 

Sowingseason92,

 

I'm glad you felt comfortable enough with us to tell us your story.  I feel terrible that you've had to go through so much simply because of who you are. 

 

Stay strong and know that you have the support of all of us here.

 

 

That's really miserable man. Hiding who you are and suppressing it will ultimately catch up to you as well. I get needing family harmony, trust me I've got my own issues of denial to maintain that. 

 

I wish you the best in this one but I've never been in your exact shoes so it's really hard to know what's right. 

 

Thanks so much guys, I'll admit I may have shed a tiny tear from the corner of my eye

 

 

My best friend came out to me when we were 18. (We have been friends since we were 6). I remember I was the first one he told, and he was terrified. I had known he was gay for years, but I never pushed him to tell me. We grew up in a very country/redneck small town. He got shit on all throughout elementary and high school for being feminine, a 'fag' and ect. He even had a girlfriend for a while as a cover-up. After he told his parents he was gay, they showed no support and ended up getting divorced about a year later. His dad cut all ties with him and he has a strained relationship with his mom. I know it's horrible, but sometimes being blood related to a person doesn't make them your family. I think life will be a lot different for you once you move out (you still live with your parents right?)

 

Yeah, I'm currently dorming at school now so I'm not completely living at home like I was last year. Someone I recently befriended has an opening in her house now (double room), so I have my sights on that. The only problem I'm having is finding a roommate, but once I hopefully do, I'm going to make that my new home. The lease starts in June, not even a whole month after the end of the semester, so it shouldn't be a terribly long wait. I'm pretty excited and hope this all works out

[oohdoiloveyou]

i think i am dead. I want to have sex with a lot of dads.

[Guest]

I honestly don't really think sexual orientation isn't something that needs deep thinking about, you really shouldn't let anyone around you make you doubt who you are. If you are a guy and are wearing bright pink skinny jeans with a rainbow tank top but like women you are no less straight then the meat head calling you gay. At a church I met a guy with the stereotyped gay voice who was preaching about how homosexuality should be against the law. I get called gay a lot too mostly for the way I dress but instead of deep thinking about sexual orientation I respond with a wink and middle finger, but that's mostly because I couldn't give a fuck about idiots who act that way. 

Anyway I need to make a new confession: 

 

it's different when you get pummeled with accusations for over a decade.

 

but at the same time, i think that helped a lot in giving me a very early acceptance of homosexuality. i have pride in my 15 year old self being able to say "so what if i was?"

[suchashorttime]

i think i am dead. I want to have sex with a lot of dads.

so, ladies and gentlemen, THIS is what Brooklyn does to you.

 

on a serious note, though.  the older i get, i'm finding that children take away from how attractive a woman is way less.  in fact, sometimes it adds more than a little.

[oohdoiloveyou]

so, ladies and gentlemen, THIS is what Brooklyn does to you.

 

on a serious note, though.  the older i get, i'm finding that children take away from how attractive a woman is way less.  in fact, sometimes it adds more than a little.

 

WHATEVER, JERSEY DUDE.

 

my current crush is a jersey boy. swooooon. i only like guys that look like dads, not actual ones.

[youmightbewrong]

I wish parents, families, friends and God would just fucking accept you for who you are. If my ex had been accepted by his family and parents he wouldn't have been full of hate and he wouldn't have married me to show them. You can't change who you are, and you only end up hurting others and yourself by pretending otherwise. Sowingseason92, you just stick to who you are. You will eventually find peers and family-esque people who will love and accept you and let you be whoever the fuck you are. You know where to come if you ever need to vent or just get moral support.