Hey Married Dudes/Dudettes

[avery]

i know i'm in the minority but there were a couple things i would have liked to have gotten and did end up getting--

larger than 1 carat, color G or better and round/brilliant diamond.

i think the reason for that was seeing a bunch of older people around me "upgrading" from their original diamonds. my mom had a super tiny one that she said only cost $100 or $200 because her and my dad were dirt poor when they got married. 25 years later, they were better off and she got a larger diamond to replace the old one. for me, if we had the means, i wanted to get one that i would keep forever and not have this urge to replace it decades down the line.

my husband was about to pass the bar exam and i was making good money at my old job so 2 months salary wasn't really a problem. he was able to get a 1.5 carat stone at the mom and pop jeweler down the street for $9K and had it set in a band that i had shown interest in. i think the band was like $2K and that was because i walked by it and saw it in the window at some fancy shop...

so the band wasn't a surprise but the rock was because i don't know that i expected it to look as nice as it does

.

as for the proposal, what happened was labor day weekend 2003, i went to take a shower and he said he was going down the street to get the paper. when i got out of the shower, he came home without a paper. i asked him why he didn't have it and he kind of ummm'd and uhhh'd and said they didn't have anymore left. then, i don't know why, but i started getting silly and wrestling with him on the bed. that's when i felt the ring box in his pocket except i wasn't really sure what it was. i paused with my hand grabbing the square shape in his pocket and was like "what's going on...?" and that's when he got down on his knee in our bedroom. his excuse to get the paper had been a cover to pick up the ring after getting the stone set. i pretty much spoiled the surprise but honestly, i don't like cliché proposals (like bday/valentine's day/xmas day/disneyland/jumbotron/rose petals everywhere/ring in my champagne glass) or a lot of attention so i'm actually happier this way and for me, it does feel unique. i think the one place i would've been ok with having a cliché proposal would've been atop the eiffel tower when we were there the month before. it's my favorite place in the world going back to when i was a child and i like being able to see the city from atop it. the timing wasn't so great though. we pretty much split for europe as soon as he had finished taking the bar so he didn't have time to shop and i suppose he wouldn't have wanted to travel with it.

we'll be celebrating our 10th anniversary in 2014 and i'm still happy with everything--man, proposal, ring.

oh ya and an alternative that hasn't been mentioned but that you could consider would be a lab grown diamond. not as costly and more ethical. i believe that's what a friend of mine got his wife and she loves it.

[jhook]

You guys spend crazy money on rings, our wedding bands combined were like $500, my engagement ring was free, it was her grandmothers.

[jtcohenour]

You guys spend crazy money on rings, our wedding bands combined were like $500, my engagement ring was free, it was her grandmothers.

 

I've been wearing the same 38 dollar ring for the last 17 years.  I couldn't agree more.

[¯\_(ツ)_/¯]

my wife and I dated for 5 years, took a couple week vacation one summer a couple years ago in Italy, packed the ring in my carryon, and hid it until the 2nd to last day of vacation when we visited the Isle of Capri.  we were on top of the Isle, walking down this pathway that was hundreds of years old, overlooking the sea/town below and I asked her.  totally caught her off guard, said yes, yaddayadda.  just get a ring you think your lady would like, dont worry about money, its about taste and style, if your future wife doesnt care about diamonds there are other gems you could get. 

 

I didnt spend close to 2-3 months salary on a ring, but then again, my wife wasnt interested in a giant rock on her finger.  my wedding band cost $250?  might be about as simple as can be, tungsten band.  her's is white gold

[¯\_(ツ)_/¯]

PS: After you propose wait at least 24 hours before telling anyone. That shit is nutty and you'd rather want to be with your partner than on the phone with you mom for 4 hours.

 

THIS.

[jhook]

6 G's for a ring is nuts. You have the whole marriage to be in debt, don't start it already in the hole.

[Guest]

I have no knowledge whatsoever on rings or diamonds, so I don't think it's unusual for a girl to have no idea on what she wants. sounds like she's pretty easy going and wouldn't mind not being involved in the whole process. especially if she doesn't wear any jewelery, she's not going to be picky with a ring. my ex took me to look at rings (in the mall) and it was a really terrible ordeal, the guy was slick and not informative. he was like a car salesman, trying to get us to commit to something that same day.

 

your proposal sounds fun, I love other peoples love. congrats

[Emo Revival]

 

Thats the exact ring I bought for my wife. I let her pick it out because I knew she was going to wear it forever so I wanted to make sure she was going to like it and I couldn't guarantee that if I picked it out. The proposal was really simple. While she picked out the ring she didn't know it had finished being sized so I picked it up and then was waiting for her at our apartment on one knee when she came home from work. Not the most exciting but we're both really private people and didn't want to make a big show out of it. It's only be ~5 months since we got married but I couldn't be happier. Oh and we planned a huge wedding in 3 months and if I had to give any advice it'd be to plan it quickly because it makes decisions easier when you have a tight time line.

[RustyShackelford]

I have no knowledge whatsoever on rings or diamonds, so I don't think it's unusual for a girl to have no idea on what she wants. sounds like she's pretty easy going and wouldn't mind not being involved in the whole process. especially if she doesn't wear any jewelery, she's not going to be picky with a ring. my ex took me to look at rings (in the mall) and it was a really terrible ordeal, the guy was slick and not informative. he was like a car salesman, trying to get us to commit to something that same day.

your proposal sounds fun, I love other peoples love. congrats

Thanks! Glad to see froms a woman's perspective that I don't seem crazy or totally wrong.

Keep up the good advice people!

[batman]

I got my wife a 5/8 ct solitaire for engagement and an accented ring guard instead of a wedding band. they solder them together into one and it looks really good. didn't really break the bank, I think it was about $2000 or so for both. (interest-free financing from zales really saved my ass as a broke college kid). and really for a petite girl, anything larger than that is overkill.

also, if you get it from a big jewelry store, make sure you get a lifetime protection plan. it's a little more to spend, and you'll have to take it in every 6 months for cleaning/maintenance, but they'll cover you for a lot of things like loose fittings or missing stones. for something that'll be worn every day through everything, it's definitely nice to have.

slightly OT, for your wedding ring check out cobalt. it's got more weight than titanium, is a lot more durable than gold, and is really cheap!

[hudsoncomplex]

I bought my wife an estate ring. It's platinum and has a nearly 1 carat diamond. The ring is nearly 100 yrs old now.

 

She worked in jewelry and wanted something specific and hand engraved. Getting something like that new, in platinum, would have set me back nearly $10k. She loves her ring, and said she couldn't have picked a better one. Phew!

[BuzzersonKillwell]

My wife and I picked ours together and she tried a bunch on. It was around 2.3ct but not a diamond so it wasn't too expensive. I don't even remember now. Green tanzanite I think?

We went and picked it out together, we already owned the house together so getting what she wanted outweighed the surprise. Can they be returned? Sounds like you guys are both mellow, you could just buy the nicest one you find but then spend a day trying on others together after the proposal.

If you already know your getting hitched shopping for the ring was pretty fun. We had some beers and lunch and just sort of made a day of it.

[Emo Revival]

My wife and I picked ours together and she tried a bunch on. It was around 2.3ct but not a diamond so it wasn't too expensive. I don't even remember now. Green tanzanite I think?

We went and picked it out together, we already owned the house together so getting what she wanted outweighed the surprise. Can they be returned? Sounds like you guys are both mellow, you could just buy the nicest one you find but then spend a day trying on others together after the proposal.

If you already know your getting hitched shopping for the ring was pretty fun. We had some beers and lunch and just sort of made a day of it.

 

We did a similar thing except it was margarita's, mexican food and the shopping haha

[Princess Logan]

I have no knowledge on jewelry, proposals, engagements, marriages, relationships...etc...

But spending ridiculous amounts of money won't put the emotional value on the ring, honestly someone could propose to me with a ring pop or 10 cent ring and I'd think it was the most amazing thing in the world. 

It sounds like your lady isn't at all materialistic, so no matter what you pick, I'm sure she'll adore it. 

 

Good luck on the proposal, make sure to let us know how everything goes!

[tooclosetosee]

I'm lame. My wife and I were talking about buying a house together and both of us had a mutual agreement that we wouldn't buy a house together unless we were engaged. I woke up one morning with my now wife and was just like......"do you want to get engaged?"....and she was like "yes". "Well, how about we do it today?" We went to a store and picked out a ring and got engaged that day. My wife hates surprises and doesn't like to be the center of attention. She also thinks I have horrible tastes and is pretty picky. When the ring came in, we went to a park and she made me get down on one knee and do it formally. 

 

I had only had my grownup job for about 6 months and she was still in dental school so money wasn't flowing in like crazy. I believe I spent around $2500 or so. What you spend on a ring is all relative and anyone who tells you what to spend is wrong. My wife and I both liked spending more on a nice wedding reception (party) than a piece of jewelry as jewelry isn't that important to us. I have a $100 titanium band. I ended up giving her a simple gold band a year later that she could wear under her gloves if she wanted to.

 

We had a 1.5 year engagement and have been married over 5 years and have a beautiful 2 year old daughter, so I must have done something right. 

 

I second the opinion of not telling family for 24 hours. Another thing that will ruin the mood is expect people to be catty because you told them after you told so and so......uhhhh. 

 

I also am not a fan of people who upgrade their engagement/wedding rings later on. I like how it symbolizes where you were in your life when you got married and I think it is a good symbol for richer or poorer. The only thing that seems reasonable to me is when it is melted down and all of the jewels and metals are reused. 

 

Only you really know your own situation. If you think you are being lame and cheap, then you probably are. If you think you are spending too much, then you probably are. If you make the proposal more about you then your spouse and do some elaborate over the top public display when she doesn't like attention, then that is not cool either.

[Mordecai]

I got my wife a 5/8 ct solitaire for engagement and an accented ring guard instead of a wedding band. they solder them together into one and it looks really good. didn't really break the bank, I think it was about $2000 or so for both. (interest-free financing from zales really saved my ass as a broke college kid). and really for a petite girl, anything larger than that is overkill.

also, if you get it from a big jewelry store, make sure you get a lifetime protection plan. it's a little more to spend, and you'll have to take it in every 6 months for cleaning/maintenance, but they'll cover you for a lot of things like loose fittings or missing stones. for something that'll be worn every day through everything, it's definitely nice to have.

slightly OT, for your wedding ring check out cobalt. it's got more weight than titanium, is a lot more durable than gold, and is really cheap!

Dood, the details of my story are eerily similar to yours... down to the fact that it appears you also went to Baylor around the same time I did.  That's nuts!

[¯\_(ツ)_/¯]

oh yeah, we spent our money on our reception instead.  our wedding was family only, we went to jamaica, pretty much priced everyone else out, it was a vacation/honeymoon/wedding for us, vacation/wedding for everyone else.  so our reception was for everyone, we we did it a month after our wedding with her sister and her new husband (we combined the reception since there was so much overlap in invites, they got married 5 months prior).  we rented a hall for may 5th, had our food catered by big burrito (mad mex, cinco demayo theme!), had rita's italian ice served with a table next to the italian ice with bottles of rum, tequila and whiskey to mix in (along with 2 kegs).  our reception was perfect, we didnt pay for a DJ, we played music off of itunes and a laptop, no cheesy wedding dance music, just a great party of friends and family celebrating two marriages. 

[jerseydave77]

I went modest with my wifes ring. Done by a local Brooklyn artist in platinum. I don't get starting life together in debt. My wife turned 40 today and after 6 years of marriage and financial stability I presented her with the ring I would have given her then if I had more money. One day in a lifetime isn't the only opportunity you'll have to say I love you in either word or deed. Do what makes sense to you and don't buy into the industry bullshit.

[atticus]

To shed some perspective on the whole 2-3 months salary thing.. That tradition started as more of a way to show financial stability and fiscal responsibility, whether to your parter or to her family. Similar concept of a dowry way back when brides were a negotiated commodity. A way of showing a father that you can provide for his little girl.

The tradition of a bride price is absurd but the sentiment behind being able to spend 2-3 months pay on a ring isn't so bad IMO. The idea isn't to just go and drop 25% of your yearly income and then be broke.. The idea is to save that amount and be able to comfortably spend it without feeling the hit of dropping that much coin. Starting a marriage in debt is a) not that fun and b ) probably a given, but with responsible saving/spending practices it can be easily overcome. My wife and I have a goal of having a savings account with 6 months of combined pay as an emergency fund. Are we there yet? No. But we will be by the end of 2014 because we've set measured and attainable savings goals over the last two and a half years.

I'm not saying you should spend 2-3 months pay on a ring. If your gal doesn't need a big status symbol like that on her finger- more power to her, but to be able to say, "get the one you really want" is pretty fucking cool (It's also cool when the one she really wants ends up costing $3,000 less than you've saved and you can put that towards something else like a downpayment on a house).

Anyway- long post to say that my marital advice is based on the concept of fiscal responsibility. I realize this concept has no place on a board built around this hobby, but for what it's worth- a solid savings plan may prohibit you from having absolutely everything you want, but at the end of the day it makes you feel really good when something comes up to be able to turn to your wife and say, "we can afford it," or "we're gonna be ok."

[¯\_(ツ)_/¯]

the hobby

[batman]

Dood, the details of my story are eerily similar to yours... down to the fact that it appears you also went to Baylor around the same time I did.  That's nuts!

haha do I know you?? Baylor undergrad class of 09, left with a masters in 2012.

[yocaseycasey]

My wife was also low-maintenance. I ended up getting my late grandmother's wedding ring from my aunt (paid her $200 for it I think?). My wife and I aren't poor, but we're a step above poor (almost poor). She liked vintage stuff, and the ring is way different than your normal engagement ring. So she was pumped that it came from the family and looked different than anyone else's. 

The wedding band she picked out was a lot more expensive. She purchased mine on Etsy and it is super rad. I love it.

Basically, don't go broke on this stuff. It sounds like you won't, and your soon-to-be-wife will love you just the same.

Our wedding was ridiculously DIY to save money. Cupcakes. Home-made food. Keg-beer and three-buck-chuck all day. The most expensive part of our wedding was the photography (dropped more on that than we did on the rest of the wedding combined). That's what was important to us though, and it was well worth it. We ended up in a publication over in Europe called Rock and Roll Brides: http://www.rocknrollbride.com/2013/02/fairytale-woodland-wedding-emily-casey/ 

 

In the end, your love and your special day shouldn't be full of stress about money... That's my advice. 

[Mordecai]

haha do I know you?? Baylor undergrad class of 09, left with a masters in 2012.

Idk but we were definitely there at the same time... Class of '10 here.  B-school. I actually proposed at Miss Nellie's Pretty Place in Cameron Park haha

[GradedOnACurve]

My wife was also low-maintenance. I ended up getting my late grandmother's wedding ring from my aunt (paid her $200 for it I think?). My wife and I aren't poor, but we're a step above poor (almost poor). She liked vintage stuff, and the ring is way different than your normal engagement ring. So she was pumped that it came from the family and looked different than anyone else's. 

The wedding band she picked out was a lot more expensive. She purchased mine on Etsy and it is super rad. I love it.

Basically, don't go broke on this stuff. It sounds like you won't, and your soon-to-be-wife will love you just the same.

Our wedding was ridiculously DIY to save money. Cupcakes. Home-made food. Keg-beer and three-buck-chuck all day. The most expensive part of our wedding was the photography (dropped more on that than we did on the rest of the wedding combined). That's what was important to us though, and it was well worth it. We ended up in a publication over in Europe called Rock and Roll Brides: http://www.rocknrollbride.com/2013/02/fairytale-woodland-wedding-emily-casey/

 

In the end, your love and your special day shouldn't be full of stress about money... That's my advice. 

 

Awesome dude. Yeah we had a cheapish wedding with a lot of DIY elements. Cousin made cake, got my dad to drop on catering, grad school friend photographer, wife made cookies, other baked goods, and put together centerpieces etc etc. More DIY the better.

 

Also my wife reads Rock N' Roll Brides religously.

[yocaseycasey]

 

 

Also my wife reads Rock N' Roll Brides religously.

 

Then she probably saw us last year!