Hey Married Dudes/Dudettes

[RustyShackelford]

im looking for advice! nothing too specific off the top of my head, but anything and everything you can offer tips wise.

 

Heres the deal, my girlfriend and i have been together for 3ish years, shes my best friend we are basically the same exact person. love at first sight and all that mushy stuff. 

im looking to making the next step for us but i really dont know what im doing. i know some couples do all of this together, but i dont want to do that, i want it to be a total surprise. 

im at a total loss at what i should spend on a ring and what i should look for in a ring, i know you guys cant give details on what she would like, i think i can do that part fine, i just dont know what to look for/stay away from when it comes to jewelry. 

 

were both really big into music and vinyl and im looking to make this happen over Punk Rock Bowling weekend in may. ive got a few ideas and have a hookup with one of our favorite bands that will be playing this year to make it the special 'concert proposal' if i decide to go that route. not totally sure yet. im mainly concerned with the ring at the moment. 

 

also, share with me what you did when you proposed! i want to know what happened with you guys, maybe i can snag some ideas. 

[elgato48]

Don't do it. Nah but if you really want it to be memorable be sure it is a total surprise. In the end though it won't matter cause she just needs to say yes

[deafening]

I can't give any advice, but congrats on your future engagement.

 

Whatever you do, I'm sure she'll be ecstatic, even if it's with a ring pop.

[GradedOnACurve]

I've been with my wife for 12 years. Been married for two. For the proposal it was a little hard to surprise her. So I picked her up from work, took her for some pizza near the Brooklyn Bridge (we had done that before), and after finding the right time I proposed. Nothing too spectacular or over the top, but it was a cute and laughable proposal because it took me a little bit that day to finally just do it. All in all as long as its sincere, private and shows some effort I'm sure she will appreciate it and say yes. My wife hates attention so a big over the top proposal would have humiliated us both.

 

As for the ring I'm fortunate I didn't have to break the bank. I proposed with a $5 Chinatown ring, then let her pick the engagement ring. I set a budget (about 1K) and we agreed on no diamonds. If she's cool you could go that route with the ring and it will eliminate a TON of guesswork. Not sure what your budget is but from what I've heard from some of my friends and other people have spent its crazy. No one should have to pay a ring off for years because that money should be used on the actual marriage haha. So I would think letting her pick makes it just right for her and will (hopefully) eliminate the need to overspend.

 

Different strokes for different folks though. Also hearty congrats for taking that step!

[RustyShackelford]

thanks dudes!

im definitely making sure its a total surprise. telling one person and he lives halfway across the country from us. aside from you nerds no one else will know (aside from my cousin who posts here that will inevitably read this) until it happens. ive no absolutely no doubt that she will say yes. 

[amnstypls]

Well, I'm not married but I have a little experience in the ring-buying field. The traditional answer on how much to spend is, I believe, 2-3 months salary. However, you can get a nice ring for less. As far as diamonds go, you've got the 4 C's: Carats, Cut, Color and Clarity. Most girls have in mind what they want as far as Carats and Cut are concerned. Find out what kind of cut she likes and you're halfway there. Carats, however, are probably the least important part of the equation. For one, a diamond that is flawless or near flawless shines and sparkles a lot more, making it appear larger. Color is also a critical part because no girl wants a yellowish rock. Ring designers are also getting pretty crafty with clustering diamonds and beveled bands to make the ring reflect more light so you can still accomplish that "wow factor" without a giant rock. I'd say spend your money on a ring with a high score on clarity and color rather than carats. This will also save you some serious cash. Many will probably disagree with this and say to go for the fat rock, I just don't think it's necessary.

Lastly..... white gold.

[RustyShackelford]

I've been with my wife for 12 years. Been married for two. For the proposal it was a little hard to surprise her. So I picked her up from work, took her for some pizza near the Brooklyn Bridge (we had done that before), and after finding the right time I proposed. Nothing too spectacular or over the top, but it was a cute and laughable proposal because it took me a little bit that day to finally just do it. All in all as long as its sincere, private and shows some effort I'm sure she will appreciate it and say yes. My wife hates attention so a big over the top proposal would have humiliated us both.

 

As for the ring I'm fortunate I didn't have to break the bank. I proposed with a $5 Chinatown ring, then let her pick the engagement ring. I set a budget (about 1K) and we agreed on no diamonds. If she's cool you could go that route with the ring and it will eliminate a TON of guesswork. Not sure what your budget is but from what I've heard from some of my friends and other people have spent its crazy. No one should have to pay a ring off for years because that money should be used on the actual marriage haha. So I would think letting her pick makes it just right for her and will (hopefully) eliminate the need to overspend.

 

Different strokes for different folks though.

 

thats an awesome story. i have a habit of going over the top with things when it comes to her, not embarrassingly over the top but just enough to make it fun and memorable, a private, quiet and personal thing wouldnt work for us. it seems weird to type that out. haha

 

i like the idea of proposing with a cheap ring and letting her pick something out. and about 1k - 1.5k was exactly what i was thinking for a budget, i was worried that was way too low, but she isnt flashy at all and actually doesnt wear any jewelry at all so it shouldnt be an issue. thats something i will give some thought to, i just dont want to give her a cheapo ring and hate it and get a bad impression right off the bat even though its not the real deal haha

[RustyShackelford]

Well, I'm not married but I have a little experience in the ring-buying field. The traditional answer on how much to spend is, I believe, 2-3 months salary. However, you can get a nice ring for less. As far as diamonds go, you've got the 4 C's: Carats, Cut, Color and Clarity. Most girls have in mind what they want as far as Carats and Cut are concerned. Find out what kind of cut she likes and you're halfway there. Carats, however, are probably the least important part of the equation. For one, a diamond that is flawless or near flawless shines and sparkles a lot more, making it appear larger. Color is also a critical part because no girl wants a yellowish rock. Ring designers are also getting pretty crafty with clustering diamonds and beveled bands to make the ring reflect more light so you can still accomplish that "wow factor" without a giant rock. I'd say spend your money on a ring with a high score on clarity and color rather than carats. This will also save you some serious cash. Many will probably disagree with this and say to go for the fat rock, I just don't think it's necessary.

Lastly..... white gold.

white gold is a must, i absolutely hate gold. 

as far as a big fat rock goes, that definitely wont work in my opinion, i think something with good clarity but a fairly petite size like you suggested would be what i would go for. 

i can guarantee you that she has no idea what cut she would want, like i posted before (right when you were posting yours) she doesnt wear jewelry at all. shes not a girly girl in any way, in all honesty she probably knows a lot less about it than i do (and i obviously dont know much) haha

 

2-3 months salary seems INSANE to me.

[GradedOnACurve]

Yeah Perma you sound like you lave a relatively laid back and low maintenance lady like me. If she's not about wearing flashy generic run of the mill stuff then definitely let her pick. It will mean so much more when she gets the 50,000 question about her ring and she explains her input to people. I'm sure she wants something to reflect her, and thats whats important. That $5 Chinatown ring is both a cool joke and a representation of that day. If you could work something out like picking a ring without issue, its a sign of good things to come. If everything is relative collaborative from day one, its a sign of a good marriage. 

 

Yeah 2-3 months salary is insane. I wasn't starting married life in debt haha.

[amnstypls]

white gold is a must, i absolutely hate gold.

as far as a big fat rock goes, that definitely wont work in my opinion, i think something with good clarity but a fairly petite size like you suggested would be what i would go for.

i can guarantee you that she has no idea what cut she would want, like i posted before (right when you were posting yours) she doesnt wear jewelry at all. shes not a girly girl in any way, in all honesty she probably knows a lot less about it than i do (and i obviously dont know much) haha

2-3 months salary seems INSANE to me.

Yeah, I'd never spend 2-3 months salary, but I feel like I've read that somewhere. You'd really be surprised what a bangin ass ring you can buy for $1500, and if your girl has smaller hands, a .5 Carat rock even looks pretty stunning. As far as cuts go, princess is the most popular and lights reflects through that cut very well. Plus they look sharp and classy.

Good luck with everything though and I'd even like to see the ring you pick.

[GradedOnACurve]

There are so much nicer (and larger) stones to get for the money if you stay away from diamonds IMO. My wife has a nice blue tanzanite stone. Some people feel the need for diamonds but I'm so glad to have been able to stay away from that. That's why I'd recommend going that route to see what she'd pick.

 

I would also think some ladies here should chime in too!

[RustyShackelford]

thanks guys!

shes definitely low maintenance, im fairly confident i can pick out a ring that she would like. mainly because im pretty sure she has no idea what she would like and she would end up loving anything i get her.

 

im going to do some research over the next few weeks and take into consideration everything that has been/will be said here and ill post with what i come up with! 

 

i never thought of the 'no diamond' idea. can you maybe post a picture of the ring your lady has? or one like it?

 

id love some ladies inputs!

[steventangent]

I didn't buy my wife an engagement ring. She's fine with it, since the "tradition" was invented by de beers anyway. Basically we just ignored everything about traditional weddings, especially anybody telling us "how much we should be spending" on anything in particular.

[amnstypls]

There are so much nicer (and larger) stones to get for the money if you stay away from diamonds IMO. My wife has a nice blue tanzanite stone. Some people feel the need for diamonds but I'm so glad to have been able to stay away from that. That's why I'd recommend going that route to see what she'd pick.

I would also think some ladies here should chime in too!

Sounds like your wife is a saint. Mad props. I'd be scared to death to present anything but diamonds, cause, you know, mother in law.....

[WereAllDudesHey]

I was broke when we met. Broke when we got engaged. Still pretty damn broke. I got her a nice ring off of Ebay for a good price. It has a few occlusions that aren't visible unless you stare at it really closely but she loves it. Her and I are exactly like how you describe you and your future fiance. She will be ecstatic with anything that you get her.. my advice will be just don't put yourself into the poor house with it. The amount that you spend has no bearing on the past, present, or future of your relationship so just make sure you're comfortable with what you spend. Congrats!!!

[RustyShackelford]

I was broke when we met. Broke when we got engaged. Still pretty damn broke. I got her a nice ring off of Ebay for a good price. It has a few occlusions that aren't visible unless you stare at it really closely but she loves it. Her and I are exactly like how you describe you and your future fiance. She will be ecstatic with anything that you get her.. my advice will be just don't put yourself into the poor house with it. The amount that you spend has no bearing on the past, present, or future of your relationship so just make sure you're comfortable with what you spend. Congrats!!!

this makes me feel good, i definitely dont want to break the bank. thank you!

 

I didn't buy my wife an engagement ring. She's fine with it, since the "tradition" was invented by de beers anyway. Basically we just ignored everything about traditional weddings, especially anybody telling us "how much we should be spending" on anything in particular.

i think thats great, im not exactly one for typical tradition. however i personally feel like a ring is a must. im not really worried about what others might think about it, but at the same time i dont want to fuck it up because i know its important.

[IanRees]

I'm in the same boat and will probably be proposing in the next couple months.

[thomasj182]

I'm going to use my tax return money to put down on a ring. I'd like to spend 10 g's on it but that's not gonna happen. Probably going to be in 5-6 g range. I'm going to pop the question soon, just not sure when. I'm going to buy her a Packers jersey with my last name on the back and the number 14. She's a huge Packers fan and I'm a Cowboys fan I'll get a Cowboys jersey with my last name and the number 20 on it (2014) for the year we got engaged. I'm going to tie the ring on the tag of it so it should surprise her. I'm doing all my research on the cut, ring style, and all that jazz now. I went to a jeweler today and they know way more than I could ever read on the internet so just go talk an independent jeweler. That should really help you out. Number one tip I can give is STAY OUT OF THE MALL when it comes to jewelry hahah

[Shitty Rambo]

Let me tell you what I wish I would have done;

 

Do to proximity and me being a nervous wreck, I didn't get down on one knee- there were several obstetrical in my way (we were at a restaurant) and I figured me trying to push around a bunch of bullshit would have made it very uncomfortable for my woman because she doesn't like attention and I didn't want to make a scene. There, in front of my 1 year old daughter, I asked her to be my wife. Sitting next to her... Ugh.

 

Ideally I would have made it more romantic and what I wish I would have done was ask her at home in our bedroom (you'll want to be near a bed dude). As stupid as it sounds, I feel the awkwardness of our proposal made it 'special'. The "during a band's set" proposal has been done over to death, if you do it at home where she wouldn't expect you'll knock her damn socks off. Are there any quirks you have in your relationship? Try and take something she doesn't think much about that you notice and play into that (notes in your lunchbox, daily emails or calls, stuff like that). She'll love the attention to detail and know that you love her more than anything.

 

As far as rings go, just get what's in your budget. You don't need to go all out. I bought my wife something respectable but told her that once we got our bands fitted that she could pick out a combo dealy- where they mount an engagement ring to a wedding band. I spent so much on her band/engagement ring when she got to pick it out that the jeweler threw my band in for free HA!

 

Don't stress to much about it, you don't want to give her some cheap hunk of steel, but perhaps aim in the $800-$1200 range. The ring should be secondary, the proposal should be your top priority.

[abovetheearth]

I went 5 months salary for my wife. Worth every diamond in that ring. It's forever. Let her gush as she shows her friends, her dad will give you a firm shake and have no doubt.

You should know her style and taste. Women love when men pay attention let alone decide on their own when and what to purchase.

Exciting news though. I was shaking like a leaf when I proposed.

If she doesn't wear much jewelry go for a non traditional stone. Sapphire, chocolate diamond, etc.

Best of luck.

If she's not much of a girly girl the pressure of a great proposal shouldn't be that bad. Find something unique to you two, and mesh it into one great scene. You can't mess up a proposal. (I would think)

We were on our front porch and I just said "wanna get married?"

Didn't even have a ring.

Bought a $20 one for a courthouse ceremony.

We loved it.

[GradedOnACurve]

Heres an idea of what it looks like. I didn't realize my wife who normally takes awesome pics took an awful one to post up. Too lazy to take a new one. Blue tanzanite with White Sapphires

 

[Shitty Rambo]

PS: After you propose wait at least 24 hours before telling anyone. That shit is nutty and you'd rather want to be with your partner than on the phone with you mom for 4 hours.

[GradedOnACurve]

Sounds like your wife is a saint. Mad props. I'd be scared to death to present anything but diamonds, cause, you know, mother in law.....

 

She is. My other half. I'm so lucky and I remind her of that every day. Also my mother in law is out to lunch to put it lightly...

[RustyShackelford]

loving the quick and helpful advice guys. 

i think something music related would be a rad thing to do, music is a HUGE part of our life, im sure everyone says that, but its hard to explain. but then again so are our friends and family. who freaking knows?! haha 

at least ive got some time to plan it out!

 

driveby! i dig that ring a lot, im not sure it would suit her, but its definitely rad. something to look into a little more. thanks!!

[weinerdog]

Some wise peeps in here, with solid advice about not going crazy on $ for a ring. Save that money for an awesome honeymoon. Some things in life are smart to go into debt for. Jewelry is not one of them.

 

As for marriage itself, this is cheesy....but 2 things that have served me well being with the same awesome woman for 22 years...never go to bed pissed off, and don't take each other for granted. Best of luck to you.