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The Ex-Girlfriend (or Boyfriend) Thread


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I had this way cute girl that I dated briefly. I found out however she worked at Hot Topic and dumped her. In 1996 I was way too DIY punk for that noise. 

 

I'm running through my memory bank and so far I just realized in High School I was dumped for being a punk and then a few years later I dumped someone because I was too punk. Kind of messed up, first girl might have been on to something. 

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I had to threaten to take my ex to court to get my copy of Deja (and a few other LPs) back. Got them back the day I was going to file the papers at the courthouse.

 

Also, she made me miss my only opportunity to see my favorite band live (SDRE reunion tour). And then cheated on me and left me for her best friend growing up who was "just like a brother". I found out via facebook

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I had to threaten to take my ex to court to get my copy of Deja (and a few other LPs) back. Got them back the day I was going to file the papers at the courthouse.

 

Also, she made me miss my only opportunity to see my favorite band live (SDRE reunion tour). And then cheated on me and left me for her best friend growing up who was "just like a brother". I found out via facebook

 

LOL She held your records hostage?

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LOL She held your records hostage?

 

Yup. She moved down to live with me & took them with her when she moved back home. (Big mistake on my part, but I thought we were fine & was headed up there in a few weeks for the SDRE show and then I was gonna move up there for her until all the shit went down) Then she refused to give em back. Took her two months and it got pretty messy

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In college, I couldn't get away from the letter K nor the school's orchestra. Freshman year, I dated a cellist named Kelly; sophomore year was another cellist named Kate; junior year was a girl named Kristina who, thankfully, only played viola. (She was the worst one; she cheated on me after telling me she had become a born-again Christian over the summer and wasn't interested in any sexual contact).

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My longest relationship other than with my wife was back from 2005-2008. One day while she was at work, a Neil Young special came on HBO where he played songs from Prairie Wind. I cried and told God that I would end it if she had her period. She did. I broke up with her and moved out. 

Then was the awkward 3 month phase where we still talked. She tried to fix things that were troublesome to the relationship (not paying rent, not working enough, not having a driver's license). She had some girl that she worked with move in and pick up most of the rent. 

I ended up dating her new roommate. The "Ole Roommate Switcheroo."

Also, the ex wound up dating some drug dealer, getting arrested with pounds of weed in our old apartment after he moved in, and then I wrote a song on the accordion about her going to jail.

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i'm posting here cause man advice is not open:

 

I was supposed to go on a date tonight with tinder: she is vegan, loves brand new, and one of her top movies is howls moving castle ( which is tattooed on my leg ).  She got sick earlier last week and told me she might bail so I was ready, but she still bailed cause she doesn't want to be unattractive when we first meet.... ///// she is i guess really sick.  I'm sad and eating my weight, even though we'll likely go out sometime soon.

 

crossing my fingers!

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A girl I met on myspace many many moons ago. Our birthdays were close, so we decided to meet for the first time at a pub that had live music 5 nights a week, and celebrate both our birthdays(lame as fuck exscuse to get laid). Half way through the night I borrow my mates house keys and take the girl back there(about a 2 minute walk from the pub). We fuck, we go back to the show enjoy the rest of the eve, then go back to her place and fuck again.

 

We end up dating for a few months. All good times. One day I notice a package for a pregnancy test on the bathroom floor. I enquired about to be told it was her room mates. Eh, whatever. All good. A few weeks later we break up, no fights or arguments. Just both went our seperate ways.

 

A few weeks after that, a friend from high school is dating the same girl. WTF. that pissed me off a bit, but whatever. No cheating involved, so I figure. Let them have their fun. Adults and all that.

 

They break up after a few months and he's having a party to celebrate. Apparently they didn't end on good terms. So the party is going well, bands in one corner, beers being drank on the roof. As the nights winding down I kinda sneak off and take a shit on the inside of his oven door. Revenge shit, is the best kind of shit! Close it back up, and leave as calmly as I arrived.

 

Next morning I get a call from him...did you shit in my oven? Laughing uncontrolably I say yes, because it's hilarious. Bad news for him, he was hungover, and wanted to make breakfast, turned the oven on to heat up, and baked my turd in the process.

 

Again, HILARIOUS.

 

It was during this phone call he told me why they broke up. He paid for an abortion. He wanted to have the kid, she didn't.

 

I never told him about the pregnancy test I saw on the floor that she attributed to her room mate. I couldn't leave him thinking he paid for my abortion AND a kitchen smelling of burnt bog.

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