Small Talk Revival Thread

[Green Tea Papi]

I might start a band, and, or musical project with a friend of mine. I am excited.

[6heart6breaker6]

You can't mention the pen cap surgery and expect me not to ask you about it, haha.

 

 

Yeah dude, let's hear it haha

 

 

I wish that it was some thrilling story...but I'll try to make it quick here. I was in my high school algebra (or geometry or some math that I hated) class and my teacher was tremendously boring, Russian, and anxiety-stricken. So much that the latter rubbed off on me. I chew(ed) on pens often and broke the clip off of my cap. I decided to try to balance it on top of my mouth with my head tilted back, like a '/' through an 'O' (clip to mouth). It worked for a few seconds, fell down my throat, so instead of choking on it and making a big scene, I swallowed it.

 

My teacher found out, and told me to hit the nurse's office, but I hit lunch instead because I was starved. Traded my sack lunch for two chicken patties, like I did everyday (IMPORTANT). Went back to class, teacher escorted me to nurse's office now. They asked me a few questions and told me my step-mother was on her way to take me to the hospital. I said "Ok, I'm gunna run upstairs and grab my stuff." Nurse said no, you're not allowed to walk...

 

 

OK.

 

 

So she gets to school and I WALK to the car, get in and we go. Get to hospital, they send a camera down my insides to find the hidden gem. It was in my stomach. They say we need to get it out immediately. They knock me out, send in a little loop on some string to fish out the pen cap clip (pictures later if I could find it and you really want to see it). Upon pulling it out, there was a huge chunk of shitty chicken patty meat stuck to the sharpest edge, saving my life because it was so big, that it got stuck on it's way to my large intestines, which would have essentially caused enough internal bleeding to kill me rather quickly. I am now forever grateful for processed meats (not really).

 

Ta daaaaaaaa

[6heart6breaker6]

I'm starting a band with a friend of mine. I am excited.

 

Ditto

[mcm1610]

I'm glad my friend's near-death was as entertaining to some of you as it was me.

 

I'm going to try to access this site from my phone and see if I can upload the picture of his truck from his other near-death experience.

[fooood]

The setting:

Buffalo, NY in early February of 2010. Matt and I are both managers at an ice rink, and President's Day weekend we have a pretty big tournament. We sign up for extra shifts for events like these, so Matt takes the Saturday morning shift. Matt is a known partier, so our one boss already is skeptical about whether this is a good idea for an early shift, but Matt is actually really good about showing up to work no matter what.

The build-up:

A new strip club just opened, and Matt has been frequenting it quite a bit because, well why not? Who doesn't like strippers, especially when the place actually serves good steak, too?

Friday Night:

Matt has an open-bar fundraiser around Happy Hour. He goes and starts drinking hard because it's an open bar. Afterwards he ends up going downtown with one of the strippers who he had befriended, but at the one club, they kick him out because he threw up. He and the girl go to another club. After hanging out there for a bit, he goes out to his car for something. While he does that, his stripper friend waits around the corner of the bar smoking a cigarette.

Matt is walking back from his car and sees three guys around the girl. He assumes they know her and thinks nothing of it at first. As he gets closer, he sees that the girl is upset and they seem to be giving her a hard time. He walks up and says, "what's going on?" One of the three replies, "you better get the fuck out of here if you know what's good for you." (just like any character in a movie would say, right?) In his mind, Matt goes, "alright..." and starts walking away, then clenches his fist and takes a HUGE charging 5-step swing at one of the guys and just blasts the guy in the jaw. The guy drops. Matt starts to turn toward the next guy but BLAM! He's hit hard by something from behind, blacks out, and drops to the ground.

Saturday morning: ~6:45am.

My phone rings, and it's my boss, but not the one who questioned whether Matt should work that morning. A different boss. Call him G. [we'll call the other boss M.. that comes later] I squint at my phone, because I'm blind.

G - "Hey, uh.. do you know where Matt is?"

Me - "uh.. no.... he didn't show up?"

G - "No, he's not here and he usually calls if something comes up or he's going to be late. He's never just outright missed a shift before."

Me - "I dunno.. he's probably dead in a gutter somewhere."

G - "Well, I'm actually a little worried because like I said this is unusual, he never no-call-no-shows"

Me - "Alright, I'll call around and see if I can find him and I'll let you know."

I hang up, try to call him and it goes right to voicemail. I send him a text saying G was looking for him, then call one other friend who doesn't answer because it's not even 7am on a Saturday. I figured it was pointless to keep calling, so I go back to sleep.

About 45 minutes or an hour later I get another call. It's G again.

G - "Any word?"

Me - "No, no one answered. His phone is off, but I'm guessing you knew that already."

G - "Yea, we tried calling him. We're short a person right now, though, so can you come in?"

Me - "uh.. yea, I'll be there in 20 minutes"

I'm thinking, what an asshole, you better be in a gutter now. I work the shift til mid-afternoon or so, then go home, still no one has heard from him.

About 8pm I get a text from a co-worker:

"Holy shit! Matt was really almost dead!"

Matt, without his phone, showed up to work just to check in. Here's where we learn the rest of the story.

Back-up to Saturday morning.

Matt wakes up in the hospital, turns his head and opens his eyes to see his mom, his dad (they're divorced), and the stripper sitting in the room. His mom immediately stands up and with angry-yet-disappointed-while-still-relieved tears leaves the room quickly. His dad actually starts laughing. The stripper just sits uncomfortably and then a nurse walked in. The nurse explained that he had been knocked out, broke his nose, had a gash over his eye, dislocated a wrist, broke two ribs, and took quite a beating otherwise. .

The nurse goes through the standard check-out stuff, then goes, "oh, do you want this?" She holds up a bag filled with a bloody pen. Matt responds, "no, what the hell would I want with that?" The nurse adds this info: "We had to cut this out of you. It was jutting out of your chest; we had to siphon the ink out of your blood."

Matt: "Wait... you gotta back up."

From here, the stripper tells much more of the story.

Back up again to Friday night as Matt is first hit and drops to the ground.

As soon as he hits the ground, the two standing guys start stomping the shit out of him. The stripper runs around the corner to the bar to grab the bouncer. When she comes back, the three have done a good job on Matt, rifled through his pockets trying to take anything of value. His wallet was stolen, and they went to take his phone but it was a shit flip phone so they spiked it back at him. As they ran away, one found a pen on the ground, stopped, picked it up, then turned and stabbed Matt in the chest right over his heart.

The stripper gets back to him, the bouncer went back in to call 911, and Matt is in and out of consciousness. He's alert enough to know he doesn't have health insurance so he convinces the girl to help him into the car and drive him to the hospital instead of taking the $1000-taxi ride. Then he blacks out for good, probably bleeding out because his BAC when they measured him at the hospital was about a .35 at the time. They couldn't even give him medicine because they were afraid his blood was too thin as it was.

Now up to Saturday morning again. The stripper is gone, and he's walking out of the hospital with his mom and dad. His dad laughs and says, "at least you left me with something to look at." His mom, again near crying, says, "do you know what you said in the middle of the night?" Matt obviously doesn't. While the nurse was talking to him and everyone was in the room, he goes, "this means she's gotta put out, right?" His mom wasn't a fan.

When Matt gets home Saturday night, he calls his voicemail. M, the other boss, had left him about 5 voicemails, each one progressively angrier. He was swearing in the last couple, actually yelling into the phone, meanwhile, Matt nearly was dead in a gutter like I joked about.

Prologue:

Matt saw the girl exactly one more time and never did get to hook up with her.

I have since made sure that every new employee we get at the ice rink hears this story.

He has since had 2 or 3 other near-death experiences, one a texting-while-driving story where G texted him bc Matt had told him he was going to be about 5 min late to work. G responded "ok" and while Matt was reading it, he drove up the front of a snow-plow and completely rolled his truck, which was totaled. He had a MASSIVE concussion from that one and had headaches months later from it. But he's still alive, somehow.

Around the time of this story, his "catchphrase" was "living the dream!" Anytime anyone called him out for doing something not-smart, that was his response. I had always told him he should write a book about his life, so when this happened, I told him that the title for this chapter of the book was pretty obvious: "The dream nearly ends."

Great story!

[futures]

I wish that it was some thrilling story...but I'll try to make it quick here. I was in my high school algebra (or geometry or some math that I hated) class and my teacher was tremendously boring, Russian, and anxiety-stricken. So much that the latter rubbed off on me. I chew(ed) on pens often and broke the clip off of my cap. I decided to try to balance it on top of my mouth with my head tilted back, like a '/' through an 'O' (clip to mouth). It worked for a few seconds, fell down my throat, so instead of choking on it and making a big scene, I swallowed it.

My teacher found out, and told me to hit the nurse's office, but I hit lunch instead because I was starved. Traded my sack lunch for two chicken patties, like I did everyday (IMPORTANT). Went back to class, teacher escorted me to nurse's office now. They asked me a few questions and told me my step-mother was on her way to take me to the hospital. I said "Ok, I'm gunna run upstairs and grab my stuff." Nurse said no, you're not allowed to walk...

OK.

So she gets to school and I WALK to the car, get in and we go. Get to hospital, they send a camera down my insides to find the hidden gem. It was in my stomach. They say we need to get it out immediately. They knock me out, send in a little loop on some string to fish out the pen cap clip (pictures later if I could find it and you really want to see it). Upon pulling it out, there was a huge chunk of shitty chicken patty meat stuck to the sharpest edge, saving my life because it was so big, that it got stuck on it's way to my large intestines, which would have essentially caused enough internal bleeding to kill me rather quickly. I am now forever grateful for processed meats (not really).

Ta daaaaaaaa

I don't think I can handle all the fantastic story telling on this page. But damn, that piece of chicken literally saved your life! I guess your anxiety-stricken teacher played a role in that, too. Who knows when you would've made it to the nurse or the hospital had he not escorted you.

[RowBearToe]

I don't think I can handle all the fantastic story telling on this page. But damn, that piece of chicken literally saved your life! I guess your anxiety-stricken teacher played a role in that, too. Who knows when you would've made it to the nurse or the hospital had he not escorted you.

 

Seriously, both of those stories are pretty sweet haha

[abovetheearth]

so i have a friend who is a nurse. she has her masters and is going for more.

 

she just turned 26 and announced on FB how sad she is that she can no longer be on her moms health insurance.

 

she works full time at a hospital  and her insurance would be free.

 

her mom also pays her house payment, cell phone, all utilities etc.

 

she just makes a car payment.

 

what. the. fuck man.

[futures]

That makes me upset... to put it lightly.

 

But I can't understand being on your mother's insurance if you have access to free insurance.

[abovetheearth]

my thoughts exactly.

 

she rewards her mom every year by taking her on a 2 week cruise, but damn girl, nut up and pay your own bills.

 

she makes a VERY good living.

[futures]

It's funny that this topic was brought up, because I was on my lunch break earlier and I checked my facebook/twitter/instagram, etc, and I realize that a very high majority of the people I know / follow just don't work or contribute to society in any way.  So at first I think; show me your ways, but then it really starts to bug me how people are just okay relying on others (significant others, family members, sugadaddies) for financial support while they just go ahead and spend 40 hours a week as crossfit or in today's case, on the beach.

 

I just don't get it.

[thebiglebowski]

so i have a friend who is a nurse. she has her masters and is going for more.

 

she just turned 26 and announced on FB how sad she is that she can no longer be on her moms health insurance.

 

she works full time at a hospital  and her insurance would be free.

 

her mom also pays her house payment, cell phone, all utilities etc.

 

she just makes a car payment.

 

what. the. fuck man.

 

A lot of times if you opt out you get a "cash in-lieu" for opting out. So maybe her check is $150 less a month or something like that. Not saying that your "what the fuck" isn't deserved, but give someone something then take it away and they will bitch 10 times louder than if they just never had it. This would be a prime example:

 

[One Hundred Fifty-Two]

I just turned 26, but I will be working for the government starting in two weeks.

[6heart6breaker6]

I just turned 26, but I will be working for the government starting in two weeks.

 

 

Because turning 26 is an opposition or drawback to working for the government. Duh.

[thebiglebowski]

Because turning 26 is an opposition or drawback to working for the government. Duh.

 

Huh? You are arguing the grammar of his sentence?

[6heart6breaker6]

Not the least bit. Just one measly translation of it.

 

Or are you playing a trick on me?!

[steventangent]

Sometimes I think I missed my calling as a high paid corporate lobbyist or television pundit or rock star.

[steventangent]

or cult leader.

[Green Tea Papi]

Hey here's a fun texting prank:

 

This is what you get: 

 

Try it post your results.

[cwhitmuzik]

you're ridiculous

[abovetheearth]

So very fake.

Also fake:

All the stupid auto correct and parent texts.

[steventangent]

Seems like a fun way to start some stupid drama.

Those "autocorrect" things are mostly dumb, though I did once send someone a text telling them to be careful on the road because there was a "weiner weather advisory." That was awkward.

So let me ask you guys something. Root beer floats, right? What's your preference, regarding ice cream to soda ratios, and which goes in the glass first? I'm really a 50/50 person myself, and any more, I just find it easier in my kitchen to put the ice cream in first. Seems kind of blasphemous, when I think about it.

[abovetheearth]

Baby due in 3 weeks.

Can't sleep. So excited.

Wife is huge. But a cute huge

Being adopted and having someone share my blood with makes me giddy.

After she is born. Gonna shake my dads hand for the first time. And probably melt on his shoulder with tears.

Tl;dr

[zacaroo21]

Baby due in 3 weeks.

Can't sleep. So excited.

Wife is huge. But a cute huge

Being adopted and having someone share my blood with makes me giddy.

After she is born. Gonna shake my dads hand for the first time. And probably melt on his shoulder with tears.

Tl;dr

 

Congrats, dude! That's rad.

[zacaroo21]

I'm playing music in one of my best friend's wedding tomorrow and leaving for tour with my band in a week.

 

So stoked for things.