deadreckoning Posted May 15, 2014 Share Posted May 15, 2014 Why are the streets of Paris lined with trees? Because the Germans like to March in the shade. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
russell Posted May 15, 2014 Share Posted May 15, 2014 there's a bear and a rabbit taking a shit in the woods, the bear looks at the rabbit and says "do you have a problem with shit sticking to your fur?" the rabbit says "no". so the bear wipes his ass with the rabbit. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
caninesapien Posted May 15, 2014 Share Posted May 15, 2014 Not the funniest but one of the better "anti-jokes" I've heard, courtesy of Neil Hamburger: Why did Metallica wash their hair? To get all of the matted cum out of it. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
horrorbusiness138 Posted May 15, 2014 Share Posted May 15, 2014 2 muffins are in a oven and one muffin looks at the other and says "Man! It's getting a little hot in here!" The other muffin says to the first muffin and says... "HOLY SHIT!!! A TALKING MUFFIN!!" Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Punkrockcomicart Posted May 15, 2014 Share Posted May 15, 2014 Not the funniest but one of the better "anti-jokes" I've heard, courtesy of Neil Hamburger: Why did Metallica wash their hair? To get all of the matted cum out of it. I love it! Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
BuzzersonKillwell Posted May 15, 2014 Share Posted May 15, 2014 What is Whitney Houston's favorite type of coordination. HAAAAAAAAANNNNNNND EEEEEEEEEEEEYYYYEEEEEEEEEEEE 3arl, caninesapien, McCandless and 4 others 7 Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Team Avatar Posted May 16, 2014 Share Posted May 16, 2014 read these out loud: what type of pants does mario wear? denim denim denim how does lady gaga like her meat? raw raw raw raw rawwwww what did the pink panther say when he stepped on an ant? dead ant, dead ant, dead ant dead ant dead ant dead ant DEAD ANTTTTTTT ( YOU can obviously fool around with these ) ALSO IF YOU WALK UP TO SOMEONE AT A PARTY, BE LIKE "YOOOOO SOMEONE CALLED YOU AN OWL" AND THEY GO "Who??????????" and you look at them and say "who". its great! Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
aflycon Posted May 16, 2014 Share Posted May 16, 2014 2 muffins are in a oven and one muffin looks at the other and says "Man! It's getting a little hot in here!" The other muffin says to the first muffin and says... "HOLY SHIT!!! A TALKING MUFFIN!!" Matt Schultz from Cage the Elephant told this joke when I saw them play at Easy Street. And I was just at Easy Street again. Weird. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
mutinyzine Posted May 16, 2014 Share Posted May 16, 2014 What's the similarity between Budweiser and having sex in a canoe? Fucking close to water. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Team Avatar Posted August 8, 2014 Share Posted August 8, 2014 knock knock - who's there? britney! - britney who? knock knock - who's there? oops i did it again Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
warmhouses Posted August 8, 2014 Share Posted August 8, 2014 not the best ever, but one i wrote (although the concept has been there forever so probably been done to death before) What did the hungover chickpea say?I falafel. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
mameeshkamowskwoz Posted August 8, 2014 Share Posted August 8, 2014 Not the funniest but one of the better "anti-jokes" I've heard, courtesy of Neil Hamburger: Why did Metallica wash their hair? To get all of the matted cum out of it. Nah, it's why did Metallica cut their hair! Best Neil joke: What's the difference between Harriet Tubman and the Red Hot Chili Peppers? One was a heroine to the slaves and the other were slaves to heroin! My fave joke lately is: What's orange and sounds like a parrot? A carrot! Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
noalarmplanet Posted August 8, 2014 Share Posted August 8, 2014 My favorite dumb joke: Where does the general keep his armies? In his Sleevies! How does Hitler tie his shoes? In little Notsies! Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
DecayToDeath Posted July 21, 2015 Share Posted July 21, 2015 Bumping because someone else made a similar thread and I figured this one should be visible. I'm terrible with good jokes, but I'm good with terrible ones. My go-to for a lame joke is: What's a Mexican cut his tiny pizza with? Little Caesars! Edit: In the event that jacobraccuia's post three below mine is in response to this joke (as well as rransomm's), I mean not to harm anyone and I hope that it's not considered offensive. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Dominic_ Posted July 21, 2015 Share Posted July 21, 2015 Bumping because someone else made a similar thread and I figured this one should be visible. I'm terrible with good jokes, but I'm good with terrible ones. My go-to for a lame joke is: What's a Mexican cut his tiny pizza with? Little Caesars! My "terrible" jokes aren't terrible as in not funny, they're terrible as in "that isn't something that should be joked about, you're going to hell, I'm going to try to not laugh" Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
rransomm Posted July 21, 2015 Share Posted July 21, 2015 Jewish kid asks his dad for five dollars. Then his dad says, "Four dollars!? What do you need three dollars for!?" Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Team Avatar Posted July 21, 2015 Share Posted July 21, 2015 a lot (most) people on these boards don't appreciate insensitive humor so please try to remember that stereotyping and prejudice doesn't make for good humor. The best jokes are harmless. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
rransomm Posted July 21, 2015 Share Posted July 21, 2015 Metallica cum hair, Hitler, and Mexican "leetle sceesors," = totally savvy; equivalent harmless play on words involving another demographic = watch out. got it. Anybody here like corn? Who here likes a good story about a bridge? Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
DecayToDeath Posted July 21, 2015 Share Posted July 21, 2015 Metallica cum hair, Hitler, and Mexican "leetle sceesors," = totally savvy; equivalent harmless play on words involving another demographic = watch out. got it. Anybody here like corn? Who here likes a good story about a bridge? It's likely that he was referring to my joke as well...I was hoping it would be harmless enough, seeing as how it was only a play on an accent and not a stereotype. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
rransomm Posted July 21, 2015 Share Posted July 21, 2015 Man I just wish jokes were jokes, my intention is never to offend anybody. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Dominic_ Posted July 21, 2015 Share Posted July 21, 2015 a lot (most) people on these boards don't appreciate insensitive humor so please try to remember that stereotyping and prejudice doesn't make for good humor. The best jokes are harmless. have no sense of humor. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
GradedOnACurve Posted July 21, 2015 Share Posted July 21, 2015 There was a married couple. We'll call them John and Liz. When John and Liz got married, John placed a shoebox under the bed. Liz asked what it was, and John told Liz it was personal. He made her promise to never, ever open up the shoebox as long as they remain married. Liz agreed to the promise, and she kept it for 10 years. One day curiosity got the best of Liz and she opened up the shoebox. To her surprise, Liz found only $103.55 and three empty beer cans. Liz wondered why the shoebox was such a secret if it only had money and beer cans. So John and Liz had dinner later that night, and the question burned at Liz so much she broke down and confessed to opening the shoebox. She then asked John what was so secret about the contents of the shoebox. John confessed that the beer cans represented each time he cheated on Liz. John and Liz fought, yet somehow later they reconciled. When relaxing later Liz asked why there was money in there when they could use it. John told Liz that each time the shoebox filled up with beer cans, he went down the recycling center to cash them in. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
GradedOnACurve Posted July 21, 2015 Share Posted July 21, 2015 A guy walks into a bar with a duck. The bartender says "Get that pig out of here!" The guy says, "Hey asshole this is a duck not a pig." The bartender replies "I was talking to the duck!" Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Bladew1ll1s1sdead Posted July 21, 2015 Share Posted July 21, 2015 Wow, some real assholes are on the boards. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
GradedOnACurve Posted July 21, 2015 Share Posted July 21, 2015 Moe, Larry, and Curly walk into the forest and encounter some tracks. Moe says "I think they're deer tracks." Larry says "I think they're moose tracks." Curly says "I think they're cow tracks." They were still arguing when the train hit them. *Note - This was originally a blonde joke, but the Three Stooges seemed more appropriate. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
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