URGENT: Anyone have a phone number for almightyseancore?

[iron666monkey]

Ummmm...I'm just going to throw this out there and get real, your ex is nothing but a manipulative cunt bag. I hope one day you find someone that isn't a total piece of shit and loves you for the awesome person that you are. She deserves nothing because she's a miserable whore.

[deafening]

Dude. I obviously don't know you, but three pages just about you means something. You're clearly a good guy.

 

I saw somewhere here how long you guys were together. That's a really fucking long time, and I can't imagine moving on from it would be easy. But you're only hurting yourself when you give her the treatment you do when she comes over. I know it's hard man, but she does not consider herself your girl, and you shouldn't treat her as such. If she gets the "best of both worlds," she's never going to leave this guy, and you're never going to move on. When she comes over, she should be mom, and only mom, not wife. It hurts you, and allows her to continue to manipulate the relationship.

 

I admire your willingness to wait for the one you love, but do not tear yourself apart. It's never too late to start taking small steps to move away from it and on towards something brighter and better.

 

 

but in all reality, she could be with this guy for lord knows how many years, maybe even marry him, so yea.

 

If you acknowledge this then you know in your heart of hearts the reality of the situation. Do not waste years on a woman that is poison.

[Boojie Horsie]

how would you want to be with someone who not attracted but only likes the way you do fuckin everything for her. i mean, even if she comes back, its still not healthy at all. Be nice to her but cut off the special treatment. Keep it for someone who deserves it. Just date girls, doesnt matter if youre still in love with the other one. It is not substiting her its just getting what you need as a human being. As a human being you need affection, not her. Youre just hooked this one pusher you know but like my man huey lewis would say, you need a new drug. Dont be overly emotional about it, its just people enjoying eachothers company or whatever. Enjoy yourself and meet sometimes great, sometimes awful, sometimes alright but a bit crazy people. One of them will make you get over this other one. You might even meet another single with kids someone who loves them and wants a nice functional family for them. Maybe youre not into that.. idk. Didnt feel like spacing paragraphs.. just sticking my nose in someones business. 

[futures]

Hey Sean.  Ever since this whole thing happened with you last year, I always think about you and hope that you are doing okay because you don't post nearly as much as you used to (which is why I made sure to comment and say it was nice to see you around a few months ago when you posted).  When I read the beginning of this thread, my heart sank.  I really hope things get better for you.  I hope, for your own sake and for your kids sake, that you are able to move past your ex and realize that you are worth so much more than what she is putting you through.  She is manipulative and she knows that you love her and that you would go to the end of the world for her so she's going to continue to treat you the way she is and putting you through these cycles of being on again / off again.  If she's not willing to be with you 100%, then she is worth 0% of your time.  If she wants to straighten out, lose the boyfriend, and be her own person so she can have proper custody of her kids, that's one thing.  But she needs to stop putting you through this hell.  It's just not fair.

 

Please know that we are all here for you always.  Don't shy away from seeking help from a therapist and please keep the well being of your kids at the forefront.  If you do good by them, you will do good by yourself and you will realize that you can be strong and independent and you won't need your ex anymore.

[lupe]

sean, i feel for you, but judging just from what i've seen you post on here and just read on facebook, that relationship with her is rididulously destructive and only serves to bring you down even more. i know i'm saying things that you probably already know, but sometimes 'staying together for the kids' isn't actually the best option at all.

but seriously, stay strong. things will get better and we're all here for you.

[ronniegwilliams]

i've been talking to a few close friends about it.

the hardest part of it all is that i still see her almost every day, because she likes to come visit her kids as often as possible.

we don't share custody because of her current boyfriends drug problem.

when times are rough for them, she tells me she still loves me, and wants to be with me, but refuses to leave him for me. hugs me a lot, holds my hand. etc.

when times are good with them she's cruel to me, constantly insulting, and pushing me away. telling me i'm being 'intrusive' when i try to hug her or tell her i love her, etc.

she says that if they ever break up, she will be right back here with us, but until then, she's going to tough it out with him.

he's put her through hell during the past 11 months, and she stays with him, mostly due to physical attraction and their amazing sex life.

she says aside from those two things, she really doesn't enjoy being with him, but those two things alone make the relationship worth it.

and her attraction towards me is the exact opposite. no physical attraction, but she loves who i am as a partner.

i do things like open doors for her, cook for her, rub her feet, etc. and she really misses that kind of treatment.

it's kind of a have cake / eat it too situation, because she can still enjoy those things from me during her visits, and go home to him for the sex.

it's a horrible thing to deal with honestly, but i've been distracting myself by correcting my mistakes.

did a lot of well needed laundry / house cleaning / playing with my kids / listening to happy records instead of sad records today.

i got a lot done.

i'm going to try and continue to just focus on things like that until she gets her head straight.

weather or not other people think she's good for me, i believe she's worth the wait.

if she never comes back, so be it, but i'm not in any kind of position to date or be with other people right now.

i've tried it a few times since she left, and it felt so fake i had to break up with them and admit i was still in love with my ex, and couldn't truly give them that kind of romance or affection, and that i was just substituting my desires for her with them.

i struggle with this stuff all the time, some days are worse than others, sometimes i have a full week or two of being totally fine, and then get thrown right back into a slum just because my ex will start talking about how she still has feelings for me again.

i don't want to tell her not to talk about it, because its nice to hear it. very uplifting. and possibly healthy for whatever potential future we may have.

but in all reality, she could be with this guy for lord knows how many years, maybe even marry him, so yea.

i dunno.

life. yeah. etc.

We've talked about my divorce and how hard it was on me. She would lead me on and get inside my head after she left me, saying the same kinds of things that your ex does and would ruin a lot of potentially great relationships for me where my head would be focused on trying to fix something that I knew was broken. You any allow her to do those things, you're allowing yourself to be hurt multiple times. Stop letting her talk to you about anything that isn't your kids, and definitely stop letting her be physical with you, you're only setting yourself up for hurt.

In regards to suicide, it's just a coward's way of coping. My dad put a bullet into his skull when I was a little kid and it fucked me up pretty bad and I still deal with it pretty frequently, even at 30. Don't ever put someone you love through that turmoil.

[laralaurent]

Sean, I don't have much to add as everyone else has given you some wonderful advice.  But almost two years ago, my brother's best friend was killed and it really tore up all of us who loved him.  He was so full life and always took care of himself and those who deserved his love.  After going through something like that my world was really put into perspective about how precious life really is.  Although I certainly have my days, I really try to keep my worries to the health and safety of those I love and who love me.

 

It's truly the only thing that matters.  And from what I've read you really provide for your children which is the greatest gift (with endless amount of love) that you can give them.  But also show them that you should set a standard for yourself in the way you deserve to be treated.  Because everyone who is a good person deserves that.

 

Good luck amigo

[thomasj182]

Sean,

 

I've gone through a similar situation a very long time ago, as dumb as the saying is "it's gets better". You may be immensely hurt right now and clearly it's not going away but the best thing you can do is distance yourself from her. Little by little you'll have good days and bad days but eventually the good days will far outweigh the bad days. Clearly you mean a lot to a lot of people in your life, whether it's here on VC or in your real personal life. Little by little your situation will improve, you need to do what's best for you and your children. I assume she's like a drug, ultimate highs when she's around and it's good and horrible lows when you're going through your storms but you need to cut her out, as hard as it may seem and as hard as it may be, you need to care for yourself and your children. Take shelter in your love for the kids, let them be what you need. You'll come out on the other side a better person and this in the end will make you stronger. I wish you nothing but the best of luck, if you need to talk to someone outside of the situation feel free to pm me. Take pride that so many care about you, use that love that continue on. 

[GradedOnACurve]

Sean,

 

I've been reading your posts for a while about you and your lady and honestly haven't commented much or at all. For the most part, my first reaction when I read what you wrote about your wife was all "WTF how could you even be with this lady?" I initially wanted to echo the "man up" and dump her move on stop with the woe is me etc etc. Then I read some of the stuff again about how she is controlling and manipulative and unfaithful and all sorts of bad names.

 

Tough thing to admit man is that spousal abuse and domestic violence against men is real. Unfortunately man I think you're a victim of it, and either you don't know it or refuse to acknowledge it. You seem like a good guy for the most part but reading everything that's she done to you and the fact you're ready for more worries me. As much as I think counseling would help you should also seek a domestic violence/spousal abuse support group. Really man take the time to think about it.

 

I honestly also think as much as you tell us, theres more abuse than you let on. Please seek help ASAP. It's the best for you and your kids.

 

http://www.helpguide.org/mental/domestic-violence-men-abused-by-women.htm

 

Start by calling the domestic abuse helpline. Talk and be honest. I hope that someone there could help you seek local support. Break the cycle.

 

http://www.dahmw.org

[almightyseancore]

she has been violent to me in the past. and had me falsely arrested more than once when arguments she started escalated, and i was "winning" said arguments, as in telling the police i was beating her when i wasn't, etc. just so she could 'win' said arguments. she's never apologized for anything like that either, during all the time we shared together.

 

she's pulled knives on me in the past, etc. but i've accepted her instabilities. i'm not at all oblivious that she's put me through a lot, i just love her regardless. i don't want you guys to think i'm blind or stupid or ignoring any of the things you say. i'm well aware of whats been going on, but that doesn't change all the years we've had together, and our 3 children.

 

the past few days have been good tho. i've been distracting myself with house work, etc. like i said.

dunno how much longer this can be a positive distraction, but it's working for now.

[GradedOnACurve]

she has been violent to me in the past. and had me falsely arrested more than once when arguments she started escalated, and i was "winning" said arguments, as in telling the police i was beating her when i wasn't, etc. just so she could 'win' said arguments. she's never apologized for anything like that either, during all the time we shared together.

 

she's pulled knives on me in the past, etc. but i've accepted her instabilities. i'm not at all oblivious that she's put me through a lot, i just love her regardless. i don't want you guys to think i'm blind or stupid or ignoring any of the things you say. i'm well aware of whats been going on, but that doesn't change all the years we've had together, and our 3 children.

 

the past few days have been good tho. i've been distracting myself with house work, etc. like i said.

dunno how much longer this can be a positive distraction, but it's working for now.

 

That's the hardest part dude. I know a bunch of people have told you that you're making excuses, but the overarching fact is you are making excuses. I know people who went through abuse in the past, and they sound exactly like you do now. They craved the stability of instability, because even though their partner put them through hell physically and emotionally, they only knew and sought comfort in the abuse. Think about it and I'm going to give you some real talk here. Your wife (or ex-wife) is currently with somebody else right now, consistently having sex with this person, taking comfort with this person, and self-destructing with this person all while you sit at home with the kids. You even said your wife controlled the money, the car and a bunch of other physical things in the house. She could do all of this, and if tomorrow she came home for five minutes and told you "Lets work this out" you'd go for it.

 

Really think about what you're saying. She could do ANYTHING she wants to you, and its OK. ANYTHING. That's what you're allowing. If you don't seek help, and she comes back is she really going to treat you and the kids right? I'm sure I'm saying stuff you've heard before, but it kind of sucks to see you sublimate and justify ANYTHING she does to you and your family. As long as you feed her abusive behavior, she will always manipulate not only you, but your children too.

 

Is this really helping the kids? Is an abusive parent (whether she abuses just you or the kids too I don't know and it doesn't matter) really best for your children at any cost? If she could do this to you, why wouldn't she do this to the kids? Would you stop her? 

 

Don't play it off. The toughest part for an abused person is to admit they have been abused. Pick up the phone and make the first step. 

[GradedOnACurve]

Also one last visualization if you still don't believe me. If you get what you want and she comes back this is the cycle that will continue to ensue.

 

[scottheisel]

That's the hardest part dude. I know a bunch of people have told you that you're making excuses, but the overarching fact is you are making excuses. I know people who went through abuse in the past, and they sound exactly like you do now. They craved the stability of instability, because even though their partner put them through hell physically and emotionally, they only knew and sought comfort in the abuse. Think about it and I'm going to give you some real talk here. Your wife (or ex-wife) is currently with somebody else right now, consistently having sex with this person, taking comfort with this person, and self-destructing with this person all while you sit at home with the kids. You even said your wife controlled the money, the car and a bunch of other physical things in the house. She could do all of this, and if tomorrow she came home for five minutes and told you "Lets work this out" you'd go for it.

 

Really think about what you're saying. She could do ANYTHING she wants to you, and its OK. ANYTHING. That's what you're allowing. If you don't seek help, and she comes back is she really going to treat you and the kids right? I'm sure I'm saying stuff you've heard before, but it kind of sucks to see you sublimate and justify ANYTHING she does to you and your family. As long as you feed her abusive behavior, she will always manipulate not only you, but your children too.

 

Is this really helping the kids? Is an abusive parent (whether she abuses just you or the kids too I don't know and it doesn't matter) really best for your children at any cost? If she could do this to you, why wouldn't she do this to the kids? Would you stop her? 

 

Don't play it off. The toughest part for an abused person is to admit they have been abused. Pick up the phone and make the first step. 

 

ALL OF THIS x 1,000,000

 

Sean, realize and accept that you are a victim of spousal abuse and take steps to get your life in order already. There's no nice way to say that. Just fucking do it, for yourself, for your kids, for your extended family and friends. No one else can help you until you take the first step. Pick up the phone.

[Guest deleted]

My last post I focused on you and your kids and tried to be positive, but regarding your ex... pretty much this exactly dude. You deserve better.

Ummmm...I'm just going to throw this out there and get real, your ex is nothing but a manipulative cunt bag. I hope one day you find someone that isn't a total piece of shit and loves you for the awesome person that you are. She deserves nothing because she's a miserable whore.

[afireinside7444]

Just saw this i had something similar with my ex wife. Together 5 years was married 1.5 of that.

I worked, shopped,cooked, cleaned, washed and worked on her brand new car i bought her, paid the bills, bought thousands and thousands of dollars of comic books and figures she wanted, gave her full freedom to go to bars ect and would pick her up anywhere she was after. Paid a full ride for college, took care of the dogs she wanted walking feeding bathing vet appts. She manupulated me terribly and would mind fuck me when i would hit occasional breaking points by saying "noone ever treated me this way before i feel so loved" and i would go back to being her mind game.

She then meet and cheated on me w a friends brother, lied and said they were just friends, began dissappearing alot, she moved out i paid all her bills, gas and school costs untill i found out 2 months later she was infact knocked up by him and she finally admitted they were together the whole time.

Found out a year later that during our relationship she had been telling all her friends i was possesive, kept all the money, never bought her anything, made her stay home, was mentally and sexually abusive. She left me 11k in debt with her stuff.

Im sure she was cheating the whole relationship with different guys but just ignored that feeling.....

Then she would talk to me online about how abusive he was and how depressed she was and she made a mistake and she loved me. and at 3 months preggo w his kid she came over to grab some stuff and cornered me in my basement begged me to take her back to get away from him. Bla bla bla. Sad thing is i wanted too but thankfully i held off. I went through over a year of bad depression thoughts of dying and anger always wanting her back but im glad i just walked away from that trainwreck......

[kamalatapes]

Just saw this i had something similar with my ex wife. Together 5 years was married 1.5 of that.

I worked, shopped,cooked, cleaned, washed and worked on her brand new car i bought her, paid the bills, bought thousands and thousands of dollars of comic books and figures she wanted, gave her full freedom to go to bars ect and would pick her up anywhere she was after. Paid a full ride for college, took care of the dogs she wanted walking feeding bathing vet appts. She manupulated me terribly and would mind fuck me when i would hit occasional breaking points by saying "noone ever treated me this way before i feel so loved" and i would go back to being her mind game.

She then meet and cheated on me w a friends brother, lied and said they were just friends, began dissappearing alot, she moved out i paid all her bills, gas and school costs untill i found out 2 months later she was infact knocked up by him and she finally admitted they were together the whole time.

Found out a year later that during our relationship she had been telling all her friends i was possesive, kept all the money, never bought her anything, made her stay home, was mentally and sexually abusive. She left me 11k in debt with her stuff.

Im sure she was cheating the whole relationship with different guys but just ignored that feeling.....

Then she would talk to me online about how abusive he was and how depressed she was and she made a mistake and she loved me. and at 3 months preggo w his kid she came over to grab some stuff and cornered me in my basement begged me to take her back to get away from him. Bla bla bla. Sad thing is i wanted too but thankfully i held off. I went through over a year of bad depression thoughts of dying and anger always wanting her back but im glad i just walked away from that trainwreck......

 

You did the right thing by not going back. Sometimes when others are in hell, they want to drag you into their hell as well, to try and taste that, "old feeling of innocence when everything was all good."

 

But it never will be the same. And I'm glad you backed away from that. The depression is a realization/growing pain it never passes away 100% but it's always a reminder of what was and could never be again.

[kamalatapes]

Vulgar Language Alert.

Sean, 

I had an ex girlfriend who was a charm. The sex was awesome, we were discovering life post high school and having a good time with life, I call her my cutesy girlfriend because everything was so freaking innocent. Eventually we had a fall out, she started dating other guys, fucking them etc. Got back with me, we'd break up, she'd fuck some more people, we'd get back together eventually and then for the 3rd time we finally broke up for good. I held out for her and that was a huge mistake. Why was it a huge mistake? Because I could've been fucking just like her, I met so many cool girls during college that I didn't "go all the way" with and things could've definitely transpired. 

 

Do you know what healed all of my "missing her" "memories" ? It was really just hooking up with other girls and realizing there truly is a lot more connections to be made out there. Plus, why want someone who doesn't want you? You gotta realize you've got some self worth too. If someone doesn't want you, don't want them back fuck them. (this goes not only for woman/relationships but with friends/employers etc too)