Hey Married Dudes/Dudettes

[stl_ben]

For my proposal Max Bemis dedicated a song to me and my then girlfriend. She was completely baffled and turned around to see what was going on, there I was on my knee in the pit!

Down side to concert proposal...its to loud to hear the answer!

[avery]

To shed some perspective on the whole 2-3 months salary thing.. That tradition started as more of a way to show financial stability and fiscal responsibility, whether to your parter or to her family. Similar concept of a dowry way back when brides were a negotiated commodity. A way of showing a father that you can provide for his little girl.

The tradition of a bride price is absurd but the sentiment behind being able to spend 2-3 months pay on a ring isn't so bad IMO. The idea isn't to just go and drop 25% of your yearly income and then be broke.. The idea is to save that amount and be able to comfortably spend it without feeling the hit of dropping that much coin. Starting a marriage in debt is a) not that fun and b ) probably a given, but with responsible saving/spending practices it can be easily overcome. My wife and I have a goal of having a savings account with 6 months of combined pay as an emergency fund. Are we there yet? No. But we will be by the end of 2014 because we've set measured and attainable savings goals over the last two and a half years.

I'm not saying you should spend 2-3 months pay on a ring. If your gal doesn't need a big status symbol like that on her finger- more power to her, but to be able to say, "get the one you really want" is pretty fucking cool (It's also cool when the one she really wants ends up costing $3,000 less than you've saved and you can put that towards something else like a downpayment on a house).

Anyway- long post to say that my marital advice is based on the concept of fiscal responsibility. I realize this concept has no place on a board built around this hobby, but for what it's worth- a solid savings plan may prohibit you from having absolutely everything you want, but at the end of the day it makes you feel really good when something comes up to be able to turn to your wife and say, "we can afford it," or "we're gonna be ok."

I totally agree with this. I don't doubt that 2-3 months salary is unrealistic for lots of people but it also doesn't necessarily mean putting one's self into debt going into a marriage either. my husband put my ring on either a zero or low interest card and paid it off within a couple months. we got married a year later, went on our honeymoon and bought a home all within 2 months of each other without a problem. I was able to pay off my car and student loans within a few years after that and now the only debt we have are his student loans and the mortgage and for the last decade, those have been pretty manageable.

it doesn't sound like the OP's girl is into something worth 2 mo.s and that's cool but after reading so many people talk about starting life off in debt, I feel like if a girl were to want something that cost more, saving money up for it isn't a completely unrealistic notion for some people.

on a side note, I don't wear any other jewelry either. 95% of the time I only wear my engagement ring and wedding band.

 

edit:  oh ya and i went with white gold.  we also got it appraised and insured (the insurance isn't really that much).  between the fact that he got a good deal at the local shop and it's appreciated in value, it's worth a few more Gs than he spent, too.

[stl_ben]

The ring I bought was equal to my paycheck (2 weeks pay).  SHE LOVES IT.

I bought a vintage ring online that had a much lower mark up than that at mall jewelry stores.

WHITE GOLD

[batman]

Idk but we were definitely there at the same time... Class of '10 here.  B-school. I actually proposed at Miss Nellie's Pretty Place in Cameron Park haha

i proposed on the swing outside of the SUB. wtf haha. take any science courses? I was a chem lab TA for quite a while.

[avery]

ps.  i love reading these proposal stories. 

[mrc]

good for you dude, you an your girl seem like a good fit (just judging from instagram photos and random comments).

 

I just got married in Nov, after 10 years of dating and 3 years of being engaged. I don't have a super awesome story, but i proposed in December on a lazy rainy weekend after cooking a fancy dinner.  it was nice, but nothing over the top romantic or special.

 

I was worried about the cost of the ring and wanted something pretty nice.  I looked at just about every ring shop in town and was shocked at the prices for anything that wasnt tiny. Plus i didnt find any styles i actually thought my girl would like, so i turned to the internet.  I few weeks later, i surprisingly found a reputable jeweler on ebay, and ended up buying through them.  The ring was 2.2 carats including the little stones on around the band (the main rock is 1.6 or 1.8 carats). I ended up paying just under 3,000.  Once i got it in the mail, i had it graded and appraised and the big retail store i took it too was shocked when i told them what i paid for it.  I believe it got appraised for $6K+ which is nuts.

 

Anyways, she loved the ring and always gets compliments on it so i feel like i did a good job.

 

[Mordecai]

i proposed on the swing outside of the SUB. wtf haha. take any science courses? I was a chem lab TA for quite a while.

 I'm trying to remember for sure, but I think I may have only taken Shake n' Bake... I did have a lab with that class though.  And ah, the swing.  Classic.  Wife and I sat in it on one of our first dates haha

[afireinside7444]

Wife is low maintaince we meet and right away after alot of dateing and a horrid ex wife i knew she was great. She dident want a wedding per se, she wanted to get hitched on the way through Ohio on the way to fly to Dominican Republic for our honeymoon. We spent 7 days all inclusive for like $1500.00 I got her a ring set for about 1 check worth about $2500 at Tappers, Dont remember the size but was a great price and a nice set. She had a $150 dress for reception (More of a basic dress not a gown) And her dad paid for the reception when we got back where she made sure it was cheap i.e. $11 per plate at a nice place. And that was it. She dosent like being the center of attention and spending/wasting money on frivilious things.

[andrewlucas]

Make sure you live together first before getting married... People are totally different when you live with them. It's like how you clean your house before friends come over so every time they come over they think it's always clean but when they aren't there it's a mess. I lived with my wife for 5 years before we got married. So glad I did. I've had other girlfriends who were cool for a few days but when we'd stay a week or two together non stop they would bug the shit out of me.

[Tommy]

Anyway- long post to say that my marital advice is based on the concept of fiscal responsibility. I realize this concept has no place on a board built around this hobby, but for what it's worth- a solid savings plan may prohibit you from having absolutely everything you want, but at the end of the day it makes you feel really good when something comes up to be able to turn to your wife and say, "we can afford it," or "we're gonna be ok."

 

My wife and I met in High School, 2004 just before leaving for college. She had already commited to FSU and I to UCF, this of course was decided before we met. During the last few months before summer we would often go to the beach in Ft. Lauderdale at 11 at night and just lay on a blanket for hours watching the stars and talking. We loved it and we were very much in love. Our entire first year was spent commuting to eachothers respective college every few weekends to be with eachother. The summer following freshman year we found out that we were pregnant and it was a very scary time in our lives (also very happy too). After three months we announced our big secret and our families were so supportive and happy for us, much to our surprise.

 

I moved home and we got an apartment together, a 1 BR 1 BATH condo in a 55+ community. Life was simple and looking back we had so much expendable income then. I started working with my dad laying concrete for $500 a week and she managed her father's office doing secretary work. I saved nearly $3000 fairly quickly back then (with no debt). She had sent me pictures of her dream ring before so I knew more or less what she liked. I ended up finding the exact ring at a local jewler and just picked out the rock. I ended up selecting a 3/4 carat diamond with a perfect cut and the purest clarity you can buy. That small diamond was shinier than a larger rock with less clarity. The band had several more diamonds inset on both sides and by the end I put an additional $2500 on a 0% interest card which I paid off in 3-4 months.

 

For the proposal she was nearly 8 months preganant, we went to the exact spot on the beach where we had gone in high school and laid out on the blanket just hanging out together. She wanted to go for a walk along the water so we went and that's when I finally drummed up the courage to drop down on one knee and pop the question. I completely surprised her and she burst into tears immediately. It was a great moment for both of us.

 

We have been married 6 years and together 10. we have three great little boys at home now too. Needless to say it all worked out great.

 

Takeaways: Wait 24 hours to tell the inlaws & don't put too much pressure on the proposal - do something you and her will be comfortable with.

 

I agree with atticus' comment above, but again your situation may be different. My wife never wore jewelry and is somewhat the tom-boy of her 4 sisters. However, she still gushes over her ring to this day. The ring is definietly an expression of financial security and motivation to always provide for her. Women these days can be independant but deep down they all love the feeling that their man will do anything and everything to make sure "everything is alright". Also, like mentioned above it definitely puts her father at ease knowing that his daughter will be spending the rest of her life with a man that (and it seems petty) is financially stable enough to drop 2-3 month's salaray on something as silly as a ring. The ring is more of a symbol than an object.

 

Congrats to you both

[sjb2k1]

looks like there was one dude in here who went with the public proposal but just be damn sure that's something your girl would be okay with

 

i would not be okay with it, as it's a pretty intimate moment

 

(my ex proposed to me on our back deck as we were watering all our potted veggies/herbs. at the time it was great)

[partysmasher]

I got married about three months ago and engaged a year before that. We went on a long trip to California and i decided i'd propose there, we were in LA and a friend of ours who lives there told us about a spot in the hills to see the Hollywood sign so i figured i'd do it there - the way he described it actually made it sound like it was pretty out the way and secluded so i don't have a crowd watching. Anyway, we headed up there late afternoon and got stuck in traffic, it was so bad that we decided to go back to the hotel because we had dinner reservations. I was fucking bummed, i'd spent the entire day (and holiday so far) feeling like i was going to shit myself with nerves and by the time i woke up the next day i just couldn't take it anymore so i popped the question in the hotel room before we went out for the day (it was a really nice hotel and her favourite place so i don't feel too bad).

 

Fair to say she was totally shocked, her first words after i asked were actually "what the fuck are you doing?". But i've come to realise since that it really doesn't matter how you do it, it's an amazing moment regardless of where it happens and the story around our engagement gave me some filler for my groom's speech.

 

As for rings, if you're not sure what she wants, buy a cheap one so you have something to give her and take her to pick one out afterwards, we did this and it was really nice thing to do together and she got exactly what she wanted. Pro tip: wherever you get the engagement ring from, make sure you enquire about wedding bands while you're there, lots of places give big discounts if you come back to buy them there (we got 30% off ours).

 

Oh one more thing... congrats and prepare to feel more nervous then you've ever felt in your entire life haha!

[yocaseycasey]

looks like there was one dude in here who went with the public proposal but just be damn sure that's something your girl would be okay with

 

i would not be okay with it, as it's a pretty intimate moment

 

(my ex proposed to me on our back deck as we were watering all our potted veggies/herbs. at the time it was great)

 

I proposed before we saw City and Colour at Bogarts in Cincinnati. We hung out and got drinks at a bar across the street, and when we left, I proposed on the sidewalk outside. The line for the show was a mile long on the other side of the street. When she said "Yes!" and hugged me, the line went crazy. It was cool.

[jerseydave77]

I flew to Florida to propose to my now wife. I had the ring in my pocket with all sorts of traditionally romantic ideas of how to do it. We got into the parking garage and i turned to her and said "i don't want to wait another second before asking to spend my life with you since every extra second were together will mean more to me..." She thinks it was super romantic. Many lady friends do to, i had no pretentions of it being so. My dude friends remind me im the ass who proposed in an airport parking garage near an overweight couple wearing matching fanny packs. Guess it makes us unique in our own way.

[sjb2k1]

I proposed before we saw City and Colour at Bogarts in Cincinnati. We hung out and got drinks at a bar across the street, and when we left, I proposed on the sidewalk outside. The line for the show was a mile long on the other side of the street. When she said "Yes!" and hugged me, the line went crazy. It was cool.

still wouldn't be for me. related, i peeped your wedding photos in that link you posted, y'all looked great

[RustyShackelford]

Make sure you live together first before getting married... People are totally different when you live with them. It's like how you clean your house before friends come over so every time they come over they think it's always clean but when they aren't there it's a mess. I lived with my wife for 5 years before we got married. So glad I did. I've had other girlfriends who were cool for a few days but when we'd stay a week or two together non stop they would bug the shit out of me.

We have literally lived together since we started dating. I haven't spent more than 5 days apart from her total since we've been together either. I think we're good on the living together thing. Haha

[RustyShackelford]

Bump for any more advice!

[steviex2shoes]

I've been married for almost 8 years now, here's how my proposal/ring purchase went.

My wife is low maintenance as well in fact she really doesn't like jewelry, with the insistence of some friends I decided to finally go to store to look at rings. I went through tons of rings and decided on the ring that would fit her personality, was a very non-traditional type of ring and I thought it was perfect. I believe I only spent $175 on it, it was on sale and I was extremely poor at the time and had to buy it with a credit card. The thing about the ring especially if she doesn't know it's coming isn't in my opinion about how much you spend it's what it means. That ring meant I wanted to be with her for the rest of my life, and she got to wear it to let the whole world know she was taken. I don't think you should be caught up in how much to spend, look at rings and find the one you like or you think she'll love.

The proposal:

First thing I did was spoke to her Mother and Father to get their permission, I just felt that it was necessary, it freaked me out but I had to do it. Then I called my parents to let them know I was going to do it. With that out of the way I planned my proposal, I created a button design, with a ring and the words "will you marry me?" As well as two that said "She said Yes" and "I said yes". I had some with a button press make them into buttons then I went to where she worked which was a sweet coffee shop. I hung out all night which I normally did just waiting until she was off work. It was getting close to closing timed and I pulled her coworker aside (Jon Lullo from Down to Eatth approach) and said I'm proposing to Janet tonight make up something so you have to leave, and he was like definitely. So he made up a lie, she was pissed at him because she now how to clean the shop up by herself. I helped her clean up everything but she was pretty pissed that he left, just as we were finished I was like I need to go to the bathroom. So I went in the bathroom made sure I knew what buttons were in what pocket, and that the ring was situated in the right spot and then came out. As she headed for the lights I said wait a second don't turn the lights off yet I got you a button. She rolled her eyes and let off some steam but complied. I then "tried" to get it out of my pocket and dropped in on the floor, then with a knee on the ground I picked it up and handed it to her. She read it and was confused will she focused on the button I pulled the ring out and she looked down and I just said "Will you marry me?" She said yes freaked out probably hit me for sending Lullo home called Lullo to tell him he was a jerk, gave her the other button then she proceeded to call her parents and best friend.

Overall it's a great memory for us and I don't know that I would have done it any other way in my case. I liked that it was a private moment and I think that she liked that it was a private moment only shared by us.

[RustyShackelford]

That's awesome dude. I love that story

[nyhi]

Gonna leave a lot of extraneous details out but basically I put the ring on our cat Puma's collar and hid in the bathroom expecting her to come home to Puma greeting her at the door and notice the ring. Well Puma was being super annoying while I was hiding so i fed her and then Puma decided to lay on the couch and do nothing. My wife came home and nothing happened while i was hiding. So i came out and lifted the cat up in front of her face until she noticed the ring and then I asked her to marry me.

[RustyShackelford]

Hahaha awesome.

Post a pic of your cat!

[jetsfan4ever80]

My proposal was kind of a disaster.  I wanted to make my proposal unique to my relationship with my wife.  So, I took her out to dinner and told her she could pick "any place she desired" which turned out to be a pizza joint.   Afterward, we went to the beach, and on the drive over she kept flashing her ring finger essentially asking, "When are you going to propose."   Her doing that almost made me want to bail on the attempt and do it another day, but this was something she did with relative frequency.  When we got to the beach I was crazy nervous despite having dated her for eight years, and from the car ride on, everything seemed to go wrong.  The wind was blowing off the bay which brought these flies that were gnawing at our skin, and a family just happened to sit right by us despite there being miles of open space.  In an attempt to make it unique to us, I took out the ring and started grazing it across her back - because she loves when I "scratch" her back, it became something I would do on a daily basis.  I figured she would notice that it wasn't my fingers running up and down her back, but she didn't say a thing.  Eventually I started jamming the diamond into her spine thinking she would say something, but still nothing.  At one point I thought I pressed so hard that the diamond popped out.  I started to panic thinking it dropped in the sand, but once I looked everything was still intact, lol.  I then took the ring and started rubbing it by her neck and then in eye sight which she finally noticed.  I got lost in the moment and didn't have anything romantic to say which I regret, but I kind of like how it panned out because it was such a disaster that it's kind of funny and endearing.  I hear these amazing engagement stories and then I look back at mine which was summed up by a cheap dinner, my wife prodding me to propose, flesh-eating flies and zero things going according to plan.  Honestly though, I wouldn't change a thing.  Best of luck to you!

[thoughtriot]

We had been together for seven years or so, and the pressure from family and my girl's friends was mounting.

 

I was dead set on not doing the typical proposal.....every holiday we would go on, I'd get text messages or phone calls "are you gonna propose while you're away?". Every get together with family was met with the usual questions.

 

We had a discussion about it, as the constant questions from her friends started playing with her mind.....making her think there was a reason why I didn't want to marry her or commit. I reiterated that I didn't want to do it because everyone thought I should, I would do it on my terms when I was ready. I joked that we would be walking the dogs on a Tuesday morning, and i'd bend down to pick up their poop and come up with a ring in my hand.

 

So after the discussion I was determined to do it a little different, and also show that I was willing to commit then and there. I knew I was going away interstate for work quite a few times in the coming months, so I bought her a teddy bear for valentines day (I've never bought her a teddy bear, and she's not the sort of girl that expects anything more than a few flowers). What she didn't realise was that I'd bought a ring and had a dressmaker hide it inside the teddy bear and seal it back up.

 

Over the next couple of months, when we would talk on the phone, if she ever said she was missing me, I told her to hug the teddy.....it was my replacement while I was away. I really hammed it up and by the time I got home for the last time, it had become 'that silly teddy'.

 

I still didn't budge and tell her about the ring, as I wasn't feeling that the timing was right. 

 

Fast forward to October, and I was going away for another three weeks, so we went out to dinner to her favourite restaurant, had a couple of bottles of wine, and some amazing sex when we got home. Laying in bed afterwards, she told me how much she was going to miss me, and I pulled out the old, 'well, don't worry. You've got the teddy to keep you company", which was met with a roll of the eyes and a response of 'that stupid bloody teddy'.

 

I got up and threw it to her, and said  "You just need to squeeze it harder." She did with a puzzled look on her face, and replied "I feel like i'm squeezing his brains out".

 

I replied, "Can you feel his brains?" 

 

Another puzzled look, and then a change in her face as she felt the ring. "What is it?"

 

I responded "What does it feel like?"........."A riiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiing?!!?!?!?!?!"

 

Like a few of you have said, the cost of the ring doesn't matter. I bought a simple white gold band, and had it engraved with "W. Y. M. M. ?" on the inside ("will you marry me?" if you can't figure it out). This was partly because I knew she wasn't too materialistic, but also I worried that she might throw out the teddy or the dogs might get to it.

 

I offered to replace the symbolic ring with a 'proper one', but she loves the band. Instead of splashing out, she's spending the money on getting our wedding rings custom designed by a local artist.

[RustyShackelford]

Got a credit card from Kay Jewelers in the mail today.

That was weird...

[Korgull Of Morgoth]