glass realms Posted April 2, 2014 Share Posted April 2, 2014 Got this email from the higher ups at work. I thought it was pretty hilarious. No, it's not from The Onion. Discuss. aflycon, mpitts, knifeparty and 1 other 4 Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
mpitts Posted April 2, 2014 Share Posted April 2, 2014 Simple answer: Take a dump on the floor mitchard 1 Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
abovetheearth Posted April 2, 2014 Share Posted April 2, 2014 littlebistro, trevorxramage and 3arl 3 Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
jase Posted April 2, 2014 Share Posted April 2, 2014 Got this email from the higher ups at work. I thought it was pretty hilarious. No, it's not from The Onion. Discuss. Sounds pretty straight forward. If you are old enough to work, you should be old enough to hold your own dick and piss straight. You don't work in child care do you? And the children don't receive emails like this I'd assume. kamalatapes and trevorxramage 2 Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
captainaldous Posted April 2, 2014 Share Posted April 2, 2014 Sounds pretty straight forward. If you are old enough to work, you should be old enough to hold your own dick and piss straight. You don't work in child care do you? And the children don't receive emails like this I'd assume. jase sent this email knifeparty 1 Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Guest Posted April 2, 2014 Share Posted April 2, 2014 my male friend who stayed with me this weekend, seriously pees all over the seat every time. I HATE IT. I took him in the bathroom and showed him the last time it happened, he just laughed. we've known each other since we were 6 so it's not weird or embarrassing for him. I don't think he'll ever change. how hard is it to pee straight???!?!! Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Team Avatar Posted April 2, 2014 Share Posted April 2, 2014 this shit pisses me off so much at my workplace. I don't want to fucking wipe your piss off the seat. lift the fucking seat or pee in a urinal god fucking damnit Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Shelby Posted April 2, 2014 Share Posted April 2, 2014 my male friend who stayed with me this weekend, seriously pees all over the seat every time. I HATE IT. I took him in the bathroom and showed him the last time it happened, he just laughed. we've known each other since we were 6 so it's not weird or embarrassing for him. I don't think he'll ever change. how hard is it to pee straight???!?!! Once it's going it's easy, but to start and stop the stream can be unpredictable at times. Easily solvable by putting the seat up though. dave_jones 1 Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
jerseydave77 Posted April 2, 2014 Share Posted April 2, 2014 That is such a great note. During the financial crisis in 2008 the largest office on my floor was occupied by a now defunct Financial Analysis firm. It was 90% dudes who wore suspenders and blue shirts that had white collars. During the meltdown I guess the writing was on the wall that they were finished so they'd be in the halls drinking whiskey, doing cocaine in the bathroom and more or less partying - it was awful. The worst came that they would trash the Men's room on our floor every day. What started as people pissing in corners turned to ripping doors off hinges until it became shit on the floor and the ultimate when for a couple days someone wrote on the wall in shit. They puked all the time and had to intentionally not use a toilet. It was so damn awful. When they finally closed up shop everyone else on the floor more or less threw a party. ¯\_(ツ)_/¯, aflycon and seamoney 3 Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
jase Posted April 2, 2014 Share Posted April 2, 2014 my male friend who stayed with me this weekend, seriously pees all over the seat every time. I HATE IT. I took him in the bathroom and showed him the last time it happened, he just laughed. we've known each other since we were 6 so it's not weird or embarrassing for him. I don't think he'll ever change. how hard is it to pee straight???!?!! That guy is either a douchelord or has never lived with a woman before. It really is no trouble to lift the seat. As for leaving the seat up...when you flush droplets of water from the toilet spread about 2 meters(6-ish feet) from that toilet. Close the lid you animals. I never once thought I'd be a voice of reason kamalatapes 1 Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
captainaldous Posted April 2, 2014 Share Posted April 2, 2014 Yeah, I didn't know that NOT putting the seat up was a thing people did until I was 18. That is what its there for, right? Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
maneatingcow Posted April 2, 2014 Share Posted April 2, 2014 Just last week at work we had to sign a "Hand Washing Pledge". Basically it was a pledge acknowledging that we know how to wash our hands properly and stating that each time we enter and leave the restroom we wash our hands. There were pretty diagrams of how to wash our hands. Everyone is also supposed to hum the Happy Birthday song twice all the way through each time we wash hands. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
¯\_(ツ)_/¯ Posted April 2, 2014 Share Posted April 2, 2014 That is such a great note. During the financial crisis in 2008 the largest office on my floor was occupied by a now defunct Financial Analysis firm. It was 90% dudes who wore suspenders and blue shirts that had white collars. During the meltdown I guess the writing was on the wall that they were finished so they'd be in the halls drinking whiskey, doing cocaine in the bathroom and more or less partying - it was awful. The worst came that they would trash the Men's room on our floor every day. What started as people pissing in corners turned to ripping doors off hinges until it became shit on the floor and the ultimate when for a couple days someone wrote on the wall in shit. They puked all the time and had to intentionally not use a toilet. It was so damn awful. When they finally closed up shop everyone else on the floor more or less threw a party. awesome, +1 Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
michaelmanfredi Posted April 2, 2014 Share Posted April 2, 2014 In high school my friend was known as the MD (mystery dumper) and would take a shit and smear it all over the walls and mirrors. The poor janitors that had to deal with that... Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
jase Posted April 2, 2014 Share Posted April 2, 2014 In high school my friend was known as the MD (mystery dumper) and would take a shit and smear it all over the walls and mirrors. The poor janitors that had to deal with that... Why are you friends with him Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Shelby Posted April 2, 2014 Share Posted April 2, 2014 Why are you friends with him Probably because high school Team Avatar 1 Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Shelby Posted April 2, 2014 Share Posted April 2, 2014 When I was in 2nd grade someone pooped their underwear and then hid it in a hole in the wall in the bathroom (attached to the classroom). The teacher went around and checked that everyone was wearing their underwear until the perp was apprehended. papermonsters, entendu, cbbrew22 and 1 other 4 Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
abovetheearth Posted April 2, 2014 Share Posted April 2, 2014 i shared my work poop battle between floors here years ago. it ended in a truce. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
michaelmanfredi Posted April 2, 2014 Share Posted April 2, 2014 Why are you friends with him ha exactly what shlebs said. i havent talked to him other than a few times since high school. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Princess Logan Posted April 2, 2014 Share Posted April 2, 2014 Whenever guys use our bathroom at work, I have to go clean the bathroom. IT IS NOT THAT HARD, MY 10 YEAR OLD BROTHER ISN'T THAT BAD. Sometimes he is. Right now he's just running around the house screaming "I HAVE ARMPIT HAIR!!!!!!" Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
aflycon Posted April 2, 2014 Share Posted April 2, 2014 That is such a great note. During the financial crisis in 2008 the largest office on my floor was occupied by a now defunct Financial Analysis firm. It was 90% dudes who wore suspenders and blue shirts that had white collars. During the meltdown I guess the writing was on the wall that they were finished so they'd be in the halls drinking whiskey, doing cocaine in the bathroom and more or less partying - it was awful. The worst came that they would trash the Men's room on our floor every day. What started as people pissing in corners turned to ripping doors off hinges until it became shit on the floor and the ultimate when for a couple days someone wrote on the wall in shit. They puked all the time and had to intentionally not use a toilet. It was so damn awful. When they finally closed up shop everyone else on the floor more or less threw a party. knifeparty, michaelmanfredi, thejesseb and 1 other 4 Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
konk Posted April 2, 2014 Share Posted April 2, 2014 My wife gets mad when I put the lid down. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
michaelmanfredi Posted April 2, 2014 Share Posted April 2, 2014 My wife gets mad when I put the lid down. she sits on the toilet with the lid up? Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
anthemforadoomed Posted April 2, 2014 Share Posted April 2, 2014 My high school and college had fecal phantoms. Shit was everywhere. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
tml-7 Posted April 2, 2014 Share Posted April 2, 2014 Can we talk about how hard it is to flush the toilet in shared/public washrooms? It never fails that every time i need to drop a deuce at my college, every stall has already had a log sunk in them, and yet to be flushed still. I mean, its a hard concept, pushing a handle to prepare for the next person, right? glass realms 1 Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
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