MAN ADVICE v2.0

[BuzzersonKillwell]

Nah.

[deafening]

♫ The world's a shitty place, and I can't wait to die ♫

[cambionic]

It's been really, really, really good recently.  Every day has been a waking dream.

 

I know in a month I'm going to have so many teardrops on my keyboard as I run to this thread and pour my heart out to the whole world.  But as for now, it's serendipitous bliss.

   

[Team Avatar]

But as for now, it's serendipitous bliss.

   

 

okay gumbo

[Team Avatar]

About a month ago, maybe a little longer, I went on a date with someone from Tinder.  things were good, we went on a few more dates, including one that was with two of my best friends, Tim and Dave. Dave was visiting from the city and I had already had plans with Emily so I tried to make everyone hang out so we all went out).  We went out to dinner came back, and that was the extent to the time that Emily met my friends.

 

I ended up ending things maybe two weeks ago.  I liked her, but she seemed to want so much so fast and it pushed me away.

 

Flash forward to today.  Emily messaged me and said "Hey, so I have a weird question for you...
Tim seemed like a really nice guy when I met him, and I was wondering how you'd feel if I were thinking of asking if he'd want to go out sometime?"

 

I'm just like what.  Tim left such an impression on her in the three hours that we all hung out that she's still thinking about him a month later?  Is there a lot of stuff I'm missing?  I told her that of course she can hang out with him and that I don't mind.  I did ask if Tim had been messaging her, to which she had sworn he wasn't.  (he's been shady before).

 

oh, and I live with Tim, if that's important.

 

Is this weird? uncommon? what would you do?

[llamaface]

About a month ago, maybe a little longer, I went on a date with someone from Tinder. things were good, we went on a few more dates, including one that was with two of my best friends, Tim and Dave. Dave was visiting from the city and I had already had plans with Emily so I tried to make everyone hang out so we all went out). We went out to dinner came back, and that was the extent to the time that Emily met my friends.

I ended up ending things maybe two weeks ago. I liked her, but she seemed to want so much so fast and it pushed me away.

Flash forward to today. Emily messaged me and said "Hey, so I have a weird question for you...

Tim seemed like a really nice guy when I met him, and I was wondering how you'd feel if I were thinking of asking if he'd want to go out sometime?"

I'm just like what. Tim left such an impression on her in the three hours that we all hung out that she's still thinking about him a month later? Is there a lot of stuff I'm missing? I told her that of course she can hang out with him and that I don't mind. I did ask if Tim had been messaging her, to which she had sworn he wasn't. (he's been shady before).

oh, and I live with Tim, if that's important.

Is this weird? uncommon? what would you do?

I've never been in this situation, so I don't know how it feels exactly... but I think it's weird and I would probably decline to date her if I was your friend.

The weird part to me is that you ended it and then she asks to about your friend. Like, I would get it more if she said "hey, I don't think this is working because I like your friend a lot." Still shitty, but that makes more sense in my head. I guess I would leave it up to Tim to do what he wants to do. If I were Tim I would stay away, though.

[WAXXX]

About a month ago, maybe a little longer, I went on a date with someone from Tinder.  things were good, we went on a few more dates, including one that was with two of my best friends, Tim and Dave. Dave was visiting from the city and I had already had plans with Emily so I tried to make everyone hang out so we all went out).  We went out to dinner came back, and that was the extent to the time that Emily met my friends.

 

I ended up ending things maybe two weeks ago.  I liked her, but she seemed to want so much so fast and it pushed me away.

 

Flash forward to today.  Emily messaged me and said "Hey, so I have a weird question for you...

Tim seemed like a really nice guy when I met him, and I was wondering how you'd feel if I were thinking of asking if he'd want to go out sometime?"

 

I'm just like what.  Tim left such an impression on her in the three hours that we all hung out that she's still thinking about him a month later?  Is there a lot of stuff I'm missing?  I told her that of course she can hang out with him and that I don't mind.  I did ask if Tim had been messaging her, to which she had sworn he wasn't.  (he's been shady before).

 

oh, and I live with Tim, if that's important.

 

Is this weird? uncommon? what would you do?

 

you ended it, right? if things are over, i don't see why it would be weird. uncommon? maybe. it's impressive tim could make such a solid impression that a month later he gets solicited for romantic involvement. i agree with your suspicion that tim started messaging her. if he knew about you ending things with her, it makes even more sense (and a tad less shady). tim has probably been talking to her and they are just now getting to a point where it will be obvious they are hanging out, so they are running it by you first in attempt to diffuse some of the awkwardness. all in all, i'd power through it and move on. find someone that you don't want to end things with after a month and a few dates.

[marc32137]

I went though a similar thing in college. I was seeing a girl and I broke up with her after a month a half (she was nice, but we just didn't click that well) and about two weeks after the breakup, one of my suitemates asked her out. The other guys were asking me if I was mad that he didn't ask me about it beforehand, but I told them I honestly didn't care because I was the one that broke up with her. Fast forward to 9 years later and they're engaged and they bought a house together. Couldn't be happier for them.

[Team Avatar]

yeah, that's the thing.  I don't mind at all if they start dating, that'd make me happy.   I just feel weird about it.  How she met him for 3 hours and still thinks about him over 3 weeks later?

 

Relevant, kind of (I don't know if I posted this already) but Tim was with me when I went on a big road trip and in DC I met up with someone I had been talking to a lot on tinder.  Despite him knowing how I was feeling for her (I bought her a hockey ticket) and her knowing this, and us sharing a bed (although we only cuddled), at the end of the trip they made out while I sat in the car wondering about how I fucked up.  And he never said anything to me about it for the 6 hour drive back home blah blah, and never did until I brought it up a few days later and he said "it was awkward".

 

Anyways, yeah.  Just weird feelings and stuff.

[marc32137]

That reminds me of something one of my other suite mates did a couple months after the story I mentioned before. He came up to me one night after one of his classes and said he met the perfect girl for me and wanted to introduce us. He invited her over to our room and we hung out and drank and watched movies and we were all having a good time except we could both tell she wasn't really interested in me at all. As soon as realized that, he decided to make a move himself and ended up sleeping with her that night. Even though I knew she couldn't give two shits about me (which was fine), I was still pissed at him about it. That seemed like more of a dick move to me.

[Dominic_]

Wow, this thread is back? I thought it died of some horrible STD or something

[The Butcha]

yeah, that's the thing.  I don't mind at all if they start dating, that'd make me happy.   I just feel weird about it.  How she met him for 3 hours and still thinks about him over 3 weeks later?

 

Relevant, kind of (I don't know if I posted this already) but Tim was with me when I went on a big road trip and in DC I met up with someone I had been talking to a lot on tinder.  Despite him knowing how I was feeling for her (I bought her a hockey ticket) and her knowing this, and us sharing a bed (although we only cuddled), at the end of the trip they made out while I sat in the car wondering about how I fucked up.  And he never said anything to me about it for the 6 hour drive back home blah blah, and never did until I brought it up a few days later and he said "it was awkward".

 

Anyways, yeah.  Just weird feelings and stuff.

 

Tim sounds like an awkward guy. If I went on a road trip with a girl I was into and a buddy and it ended with the two of them making out within 5 feet of me...I don't care how I felt about the girl at the end. I'd be pretty weirded out.

[Team Avatar]

She didn't actually go on the trip with us; we met up in DC, then continued the trip to Atlanta, and then on the way back to DC we met up again.

 

I really tried to give a truncated story but left out a lot of details.

[The Butcha]

She didn't actually go on the trip with us; we met up in DC, then continued the trip to Atlanta, and then on the way back to DC we met up again.

 

I really tried to give a truncated story but left out a lot of details.

 

Eh, still a little weird. Maybe I just have a good conscience, but I wouldn't do that to a buddy and a girl he was into.

[Team Avatar]

I wouldn't either - and if I couldn't wait because I was so madly in love, I'd talk to him there and explain everything and see how he feels and if he doesn't mind.

[WAXXX]

tim sounds like a crappy wingman. you should make out with tinder girl in front of him once they go out a few times.

[cambionic]

Tim sounds like a friend that you'd want to keep away from any of the women you may be attracted to - he seems to actively violate the bro code at every chance he may get.  Also, is he like absurdly good looking or something?  Charismatic?  Hung?

 

Either way, I'd make sure to keep an eye on him whenever he's around your significant others.

[cambionic]

As for my recent developments, I've been going through a whirlwind relationship that's budded so quickly and will be gone within the next week.  I feel these bittersweet pangs whenever I'm with her, that ticking clock that hangs over us like a black cloud.  I try to focus on the present moment and there's so many times that I get lost into it that I feel like there is no definite end in sight.  But then it returns, and I experience the pangs of loss long before the loss is here.  It's the perils of having an imposed expiration date on a relationship.

 

It's so surreal that all of this has happened.  Everything from how we met to how the relationship began to how everything has played out.  Now all I'm waiting for is how it will end.  And I'm fucking terrified.  It's hard not to tear up even writing this - and I'm at work.

 

All I know is that I'm gonna be so seriously emotionally fucked once she's gone.  I hope I don't return to my old ways, because I hate the person I was back then but it was the only way that I could really fill the void that she was able to fill.  I haven't felt this way for a girl in years (and I was in a seven year relationship that just ended in June).  So... let's hope I don't make myself into a fucking chandelier come the 19th.

 

_{I kid, no suicide ideation on my part.  Just lethargic depression.}

[The Butcha]

As for my recent developments, I've been going through a whirlwind relationship that's budded so quickly and will be gone within the next week. I feel these bittersweet pangs whenever I'm with her, that ticking clock that hangs over us like a black cloud. I try to focus on the present moment and there's so many times that I get lost into it that I feel like there is no definite end in sight. But then it returns, and I experience the pangs of loss long before the loss is here. It's the perils of having an imposed expiration date on a relationship.

It's so surreal that all of this has happened. Everything from how we met to how the relationship began to how everything has played out. Now all I'm waiting for is how it will end. And I'm fucking terrified. It's hard not to tear up even writing this - and I'm at work.

All I know is that I'm gonna be so seriously emotionally fucked once she's gone. I hope I don't return to my old ways, because I hate the person I was back then but it was the only way that I could really fill the void that she was able to fill. I haven't felt this way for a girl in years (and I was in a seven year relationship that just ended in June). So... let's hope I don't make myself into a fucking chandelier come the 19th.

_{I kid, no suicide ideation on my part. Just lethargic depression.}

This is tough shit dude. I totally know the feeling. My last relationship was the same. We met in New Orleans 3 months before I moved to Portland. I left and was without her for 5 months before she said fuck it and moved up here. Then we broke up in August after 8 months of her not being able to find a steady job. Now we've been apart for 5 months and we are talking everyday again. She says she wants to move back to Portland come July. Yet, we are broken up. She will occasionally say she doesn't care if I'm with other girls. And I'm just like..no. I fucking care. Maybe I'm holding out for nothing. Maybe it turns into her coming back. Idk. But I flipped last night and asked her what the fuck we are currently doing. Got an "I don't know.." Shits weird.

[cambionic]

This is tough shit dude. I totally know the feeling. My last relationship was the same. We met in New Orleans 3 months before I moved to Portland. I left and was without her for 5 months before she said fuck it and moved up here. Then we broke up in August after 8 months of her not being able to find a steady job. Now we've been apart for 5 months and we are talking everyday again. She says she wants to move back to Portland come July. Yet, we are broken up. She will occasionally say she doesn't care if I'm with other girls. And I'm just like..no. I fucking care. Maybe I'm holding out for nothing. Maybe it turns into her coming back. Idk. But I flipped last night and asked her what the fuck we are currently doing. Got an "I don't know.." Shits weird.

 

I would say to hold on.  Life has all these twists and turns and you never know what to expect.  July will be here before you know it, but you'll have no idea who you'll be when that comes along.  Your love for her may grow or it may gradually fade.  Hell, you may find a new girl that just completely turns your life around (believe me, it happens out of nowhere) and you will grow and develop from that.  Either way, if you just keep pushing and stay patient, that love will come along.  That void will be filled.

 

On another note, I was just in Portland yesterday.  We took a day trip (8 hour drive) up there and spent all day visiting various areas.  I love that fucking city, so much to do. We went to Ground Kontrol, a couple dispensaries, some pool hall, Screen Door (really really great grub there), a bunch of different shops, and Voodoo Doughnuts to top it all off.  I kissed her at every opportunity I had.  Portland was a great city to make memories in before she's gone.

Maybe next time I'm in town, I'll get a hold of you?

[chkadea]

This is tough shit dude. I totally know the feeling. My last relationship was the same. We met in New Orleans 3 months before I moved to Portland. I left and was without her for 5 months before she said fuck it and moved up here. Then we broke up in August after 8 months of her not being able to find a steady job. Now we've been apart for 5 months and we are talking everyday again. She says she wants to move back to Portland come July. Yet, we are broken up. She will occasionally say she doesn't care if I'm with other girls. And I'm just like..no. I fucking care. Maybe I'm holding out for nothing. Maybe it turns into her coming back. Idk. But I flipped last night and asked her what the fuck we are currently doing. Got an "I don't know.." Shits weird.

I think it's good that you bit the bullet and asked her opinion of your situation, even if she hasn't figured it out yet. But (and this is just my personal opinion) it's concerning that she either isn't fully committed enough to getting back together with you to encourage a monogamous relationship, or confident in herself enough to know she'd be enough to satisfy you.

Regardless, hope you two make it work, because it sounds like you care an awful lot about the lady

[The Butcha]

I would say to hold on. Life has all these twists and turns and you never know what to expect. July will be here before you know it, but you'll have no idea who you'll be when that comes along. Your love for her may grow or it may gradually fade. Hell, you may find a new girl that just completely turns your life around (believe me, it happens out of nowhere) and you will grow and develop from that. Either way, if you just keep pushing and stay patient, that love will come along. That void will be filled.

On another note, I was just in Portland yesterday. We took a day trip (8 hour drive) up there and spent all day visiting various areas. I love that fucking city, so much to do. We went to Ground Kontrol, a couple dispensaries, some pool hall, Screen Door (really really great grub there), a bunch of different shops, and Voodoo Doughnuts to top it all off. I kissed her at every opportunity I had. Portland was a great city to make memories in before she's gone.

Maybe next time I'm in town, I'll get a hold of you?

Ground Kontrol is great. The dispensaries are amazing. Yes, totally hit me up next time.

[The Butcha]

I think it's good that you bit the bullet and asked her opinion of your situation, even if she hasn't figured it out yet. But (and this is just my personal opinion) it's concerning that she either isn't fully committed enough to getting back together with you to encourage a monogamous relationship, or confident in herself enough to know she'd be enough to satisfy you.

Regardless, hope you two make it work, because it sounds like you care an awful lot about the lady

Hey, thank you. These words helped.

[Team Avatar]

Also, is he like absurdly good looking or something?  Charismatic?  Hung?

 

All three

[chkadea]

Hey, thank you. These words helped.

Anytime. Everyone needs an outside perspective from time to time (even if I could be completely wrong)