BuzzersonKillwell Posted August 20, 2013 Share Posted August 20, 2013 I think in a professional setting people are generally looking for competence, right? Ultimately, the pitch is won when they decide you are the best available party for the project. I suppose eye contact has some relevance but you could be a navel-gazing mouth-breather and the right combination of portfolio and price might be the deciding factor. Sadly, as we both know, price tends to dominate. In general, the people who overvalue those specifics (firm handshake and expensive shirt = MOAR POWER) are, ironically, probably the same ones the struggle with the nuances of etiquette and engagement. I'm not saying their isn't legitimate science there, but that kind of oversimplification creates a false dichotomy. I think. I don't know. I can't believe I just wrote that for no reason. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
BuzzersonKillwell Posted August 20, 2013 Share Posted August 20, 2013 Confession: I think I am posting here just to hear myself talk. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
seangj Posted August 20, 2013 Share Posted August 20, 2013 I like the new figurine jefferson Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
danementzer Posted August 20, 2013 Share Posted August 20, 2013 1. My brother killed himself two months ago yesterday. He was my best friend, my best man and my only brother. 2. I touched the brains that were splattered across my dad's ceiling. 3. I blame my mother and I hope she dies very shortly. 4. I am looking for any way possible to remember my brother. My wife says that I'm "chasing Logan" and I think she may be right. 5. I'm now obsessed with suicide (not for myself, just the act, the idea, the process). 6. Records are the only thing I have that I feel connects me to my brother, and I've spent over $600 on them since he died. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
circuit bored records Posted August 20, 2013 Share Posted August 20, 2013 I know there are really no words, but my deepest condolences go out to you dane... I don't know your whole situation, but as someone who lost a family member recently as well, I would say try not to hold any resentment or animosity toward anyone else over the situation. It can only lead to more regret and sorrow in the future. Again, I'm sorry for your loss. If you want to PM me your address, I'll send you something you might like Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
danementzer Posted August 20, 2013 Share Posted August 20, 2013 Thanks for the reply. I have been trying to get over this in a healthy way. I quit drinking, stopped doing high risk activities (rock climbing, etc). But I have an anger inside that I can't get rid of. I also understand that this is still very early in the healing process, but I can't shake it nonetheless. I'm a RN, so I get the medical bs side of it, both for my brother and myself, but that doesn't make it any better. I just got a gig designing the artwork for an upcoming album released by one of my brother's favorite bands, and I want more than anything to tell him, but I just can't. I will PM you my address, mostly because I love surprises, hahaha. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
maneatingcow Posted August 20, 2013 Share Posted August 20, 2013 I'm terribly sorry to hear about the loss of your brother. I wish you the best in trying to deal with the loss. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
futures Posted August 20, 2013 Share Posted August 20, 2013 Wow, Dane. I'm really sorry for your loss. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
jerseydave77 Posted August 20, 2013 Share Posted August 20, 2013 Dane, Drop me a PM. I've had to deal with this over the last year after losing an Aunt that I tried to save. I'm 10 months out and woke up this morning asking myself "Did I really do everything I could to save her"? That was literally my first thought today. Instead of saying yes like most days my eyes misted and I dwelled on it. This takes time man. The people left behind are called survivors of suicide for a reason. We have a huge hole in our hearts, a million questions and take it out on ourselves whether it's deserved or not. I have some awesome groups I can refer you to. I sought a therapist and sat in a couple group discussions. I met a siblings group once that was incredible. There are a lot of free resources that can help you with your grief. Music helped me a lot but if I had to do it over again I wouldn't have waited four months before I spoke about it. Healing for me started with allowing others around me to understand the pain I felt. I'm here on PM if you want a referral. I won't push you but my experience is what I'm offering you. I'm so damn sorry for your loss and the pain you are feeling. I'm also sorry that the world isn't going to have your brother's potential as a part of it. I'm with you and hope you start to feel up a bit soon. -david Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Guest Posted August 20, 2013 Share Posted August 20, 2013 Dave completely blew everything I could possibly say away. As a random internet dude, I am sorry to hear about that shit and offer my condolences. My best friend took his life last year and I can't really say it gets any easier. I still see his mom and sister regularly and it is the hardest thing ever when I picture the pain his mom is in. Fuck suicide...In the case of my friend Hayden, it was fucking selfish. I wish I could go back in time and see what the fuck he was thinking. It would probably cause me a lot more pain though. I feel like I abandoned him and will probably never forgive myself. I'm not the best at writing my thoughts down so yeah. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
paranoidantroyd Posted August 20, 2013 Share Posted August 20, 2013 It's not fair to use the word "selfish". You don't know what another person is going through. edgedestroys 1 Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
sonsofvipers Posted August 20, 2013 Share Posted August 20, 2013 1. My brother killed himself two months ago yesterday. He was my best friend, my best man and my only brother. 2. I touched the brains that were splattered across my dad's ceiling. 3. I blame my mother and I hope she dies very shortly. 4. I am looking for any way possible to remember my brother. My wife says that I'm "chasing Logan" and I think she may be right. 5. I'm now obsessed with suicide (not for myself, just the act, the idea, the process). 6. Records are the only thing I have that I feel connects me to my brother, and I've spent over $600 on them since he died. Shit man. My condolences. I can definitely relate to some of these though. One of my best friends killed himself in February, and 4 and 5 are definitely something ive been doing as well. I'm glad you've been able to make the best of such a negative experience and use it to make positive changes in your life though. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
abovetheearth Posted August 20, 2013 Share Posted August 20, 2013 oh man. here we go. back in '98, I attempted to end everything...and was unsuccessful, obviously. i was found by a friend, blah blah blah.... and the thing is, of all my friends...this situation split them in half. right down the middle. half were so pissed at me that they chose never to be my friend. the other half was so supportive that they made us even closer. yeah, ive also lost friends too. family as well and i want to scream and yell at them. but it IS what that person is going through. they dont care about death and not being here. it doesnt mean they dont care about their family and friends. so sorry for what you saw. been through and will be going through probably forever. keep buying that music or whatever is necessary to at least start to put that puzzle back together. sonsofvipers 1 Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Guest Posted August 20, 2013 Share Posted August 20, 2013 It's not fair to use the word "selfish". You don't know what another person is going through.Haha, fuck off. You don't know the situation at all anyway. I didn't say he had no reason, but yes, I feel it was semi-selfish. He ruined his family's life so that he could take the way he thought was easiest. His mom and sister found him for christ's sake. It doesn't make it any less tragic/fucked up and obviously he wasn't in the "right" state of mind at the time. I just have a hard time wrestling with it. I know he wasn't actually being selfish, but it still pisses me off that he did what he did. I am just angry. If that bugs you, kiss my ass. That is the most I have to share, so I will leave this thread permanently. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Brock N Roll Posted August 20, 2013 Share Posted August 20, 2013 Cue the popcorn gif Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
danementzer Posted August 21, 2013 Share Posted August 21, 2013 I think my brother was suffering. And I trust that he legitimately felt his not existing was the only way to stop the pain. On the other hand, if I saw him right now, I would beat the shit out of him, that little selfish fuck. He made his decision knowing full well that I would have to explain to my daughters, his nieces, that he not only died when they were young, but that he shot himself in the head. He did it on purpose, and knowing full well the result. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
suchashorttime Posted August 21, 2013 Share Posted August 21, 2013 It's not fair to use the word "selfish". You don't know what another person is going through. in the same breath, it's not fair for you to judge how someone else grieves. people deal with shit in different ways, just the way it is. I think my brother was suffering. And I trust that he legitimately felt his not existing was the only way to stop the pain. On the other hand, if I saw him right now, I would beat the shit out of him, that little selfish fuck. He made his decision knowing full well that I would have to explain to my daughters, his nieces, that he not only died when they were young, but that he shot himself in the head. He did it on purpose, and knowing full well the result. dane, my deepest sympathies. i wish i could be more of a support. i know you said you're an RN, so i'm sure you're familiar with kuebler-ross and the stages of grieving. i suspect your current obsession with suicide is part of an attempt to understand your brother more. that's perfectly reasonable, but i suggest you try to split that time with something that will progress your own healing. read stories written by survivors, read about the grieving process, maybe join a support group, seek therapy. you can spend the rest of your life trying to come to peace with something that might never make sense to you, but you can certainly find peace with yourself sooner. stay strong, buddy. jerseydave77 1 Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
danementzer Posted August 21, 2013 Share Posted August 21, 2013 About two weeks after it happened I started seeing a grief counselor. I'm active duty military, so it was quick, easy, and cheap to find one. I also began reading "no time to say goodbye", which is a helpful book. I even emailed the author. I'm about to take my counseling visits to every other week and sprinkle in a suicide survivors support group. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Guest Posted August 21, 2013 Share Posted August 21, 2013 sounds like you're handling this in all the right ways. i truly hope that brings you the peace you seek as quickly as possible. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
danementzer Posted August 21, 2013 Share Posted August 21, 2013 I find a direct correlation between healing and forgetting. I don't want to become numb, but I think desensitization is how humans often cope. That's why time heals. My best friend was tragically killed a year and a half ago and the only reason it been easy to handle is because I moved across the country immediately after. So, I haven't been faced with the daily memories. On a side note, I have very large tattoos for both of them. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
steviex2shoes Posted September 4, 2013 Share Posted September 4, 2013 I don't really know where to begin... I'm having major issues with my marriage. I believe my wife needs to get professional help for depression, and anxiety, she believes she needs me to move out so she can figure things out on her own. She doesn't know what she wants, she tells me she loves me and wants to be with me, and I love her and want to be willing to do what she wants, but for some reason I just can't say yes to moving out, it just doesn't seem that easy. I'd like to talk to someone as a couple or separately but don't even know where to begin or what that even looks like, she's basically saying its all a year too late, but still believes we'd get back together after X amount of time of being apart. She wants to be alone, she said today she wants to get a basic flip phone, shut down Facebook, not talk to anyone. She says she can't feel a connection to anyone not even her own family. Everyone else's problems become her problems and she can't stop herself from trying to "help" or getting involved with those people. The answer isn't as simple as just get a divorce, or just move out for a period of time it'll fix everything. I know I'm leaving out loads to the whole story, and that this is just a part of my side of things. We just need help and I don't even know where to begin to look other than random Google searches, and looking for "in network" doctors. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
maneatingcow Posted September 4, 2013 Share Posted September 4, 2013 I can't offer you advice,but I'm sorry hear about your trouble. Best of luck and I hope that you and your wife can work through things. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Guest Posted September 4, 2013 Share Posted September 4, 2013 sounds like she needs a vacation from life more than anything. the fact that she wants a disconnect from EVERYONE gives me hope for you. and not that i'd know where to look, but i encourage the couple's therapy. i like the idea of you both seeing a therapist separately. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
seangj Posted September 5, 2013 Share Posted September 5, 2013 I agree with Ry. It doesn't seem like she just wants to leave you. I would also try couples therapy. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
TFP Posted September 5, 2013 Share Posted September 5, 2013 F'n Facebook..... Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
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