Bladewillisisdead Posted October 14, 2014 Share Posted October 14, 2014 Whenever it happens, I'm totally not looking forward to it. Women are pretty cool and making out and stuff is cool too, but ugh, dating. dapeebs 1 Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Guest Posted October 14, 2014 Share Posted October 14, 2014 How I always looked it is that there are so many different personalities out there. As stereotypical, mediocre, and lame most people seem, there are those people that aren't sp "textbook" once you get to know them. And once you do so, if your personalities don't match, don't tale it personally. Considering how many people live on this planet, the amount of thoughts, opinions, ideas, perspectives, etc. that one person could have, the infite combinations, don't take it personally if who you are doesn't mesh with another. I use to get so hung up over that, especially with girls who I had interest in, but never be bitter towards someone because of it. What I like to keep in mind it to be polite, be civil, be up front, and if it's the other way around don't take it personally. Respect the other person if they are honest with you (hopefully they are civil and direct), and move on. It's hard to keep your head above water and stay optimistic, while thinking to yourself "how can I not take it personally?", and that's easy; don't. I'm a pretty introverted person myself, but I still try to keep all this in mind, especially in my later years, post teen drama. Just keep a positive attitude, stay optimistic, meet as many people as you can. And hopefully you'll stay optimistic long enough to meet that girl that makes you laugh ... and has basdass taste in music. This is pretty much the state of mind that I've carried for the last year or so. And I've been on a lot of dates with a lot of different women.But I still can't help but be puzzled when it almost always turns into not hearing back at all after a date. What am I doing that's so repulsive? It's not like I have trouble befriending people in any other setting- whether it be with friends of friends, my co-workers, even my customers.. Sure I'm a bit socially awkward, but I'm still friendly and generally pleasant to be around. So why is it that once the possibility of romance comes into play that I'm completely unworthy? The only thing I can possibly think of is that I'm not throwing out sexual vibes.. But unless we're reeeeaaaally connecting, especially on a first date, why would I be suggesting getting sexy right off the bat? Or is that just what women have come to expect at this point? Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Sad Heart Posted October 14, 2014 Share Posted October 14, 2014 This is pretty much the state of mind that I've carried for the last year or so. And I've been on a lot of dates with a lot of different women. But I still can't help but be puzzled when it almost always turns into not hearing back at all after a date. What am I doing that's so repulsive? It's not like I have trouble befriending people in any other setting- whether it be with friends of friends, my co-workers, even my customers.. Sure I'm a bit socially awkward, but I'm still friendly and generally pleasant to be around. So why is it that once the possibility of romance comes into play that I'm completely unworthy? The only thing I can possibly think of is that I'm not throwing out sexual vibes.. But unless we're reeeeaaaally connecting, especially on a first date, why would I be suggesting getting sexy right off the bat? Or is that just what women have come to expect at this point? I wish I could say that everyone used this method, but sadly they don't. A fair amount of people are shallow, and / or rude. I wish people had the common courtesy to just tell someone after a first date "hey, I think you a great person, but I just didn't feel that spark", and I wish you all the best. Thank you for the lovely evening". That's just wishful thinking on my part. Being fairly introverted I had to really push myself to be social, especially while I was living in Brooklyn two years ago. It was rough, really rough. I know how to socialize with people just fine, it's the fact that I don't really want to. What I've learned over the past 10 years of meeting girls, hooking up, putting myself out there is this, I don't really need everyone to like me, neither do I want to. When you go on these just be yourself. I know that is corny as fuck, but really, be yourself. That way you eliminate that whole 'what did I do' factor. You could look back on that date through a specator's eyes and say "yeah, I did fine". I use to take it personally when I met a girl I really liked, and she didn't feel the same. But then I take her persepctive and think should I really take it personally that just because they like me, I should like them? No. It's not fair. Do I wish they did? Fuck yeah I do. I've met a large handful of girls over the past decade that I thought I could be more than friends with, and they just weren't on the same level, or I drunkenly took them home, and they never talked to me again; ironically the ladder was more insulting. I'm rambling... Anyway, what I'm trying to say is, be socialable in dosses, be yourself, do it in stride, and don't get discouraged. There were so many times where I wanted to say fuck it, and be done, and I still have to tell myself everyday that I need to work on my state of mind, and give a shit, but that ironic "it'll be worth it" moment really is worth it. Shes out there, and sifting through the countless boring people, and endless banter, mindless second guessing yourself, it really is worth it. As far as throwing out sexy vibes, I would only really do that if it feels right. Unless you're at that low point in your life, like 1 year for me after a long term train wreck, where you fuck anything that moves, don't think about it. Let the sexual, emotional connection come naturally. I try to think of it like just hanging out with your best friend (on a first date). Be yourself and don't hold back (within reason - don't be an asshole), so she can get a feel of who you really are. Sometimes they will hate you, and sometimes they won't. I remember taking this girl to the Charleston in BKa couple years back, and I talked her fucking head off, all about music. I would talk about my favorite artists, albums, songs, lyrics, verse, notes, influences, how music used so much of your brain, how it related and influences everything, how music is what life is all about. I must have talked for 3 hours, and fuck me if she didn't listen to every word. I don't even remember if she even really said anything, and I honestly think it's the most I've ever talked in that type of situatution. I never ended up going out with her again, didn't even really feel anything, but god damn that was one of the best moments, not dates, but moments I've ever had. I poured my heard out to this girl about what I truly love and live for, and she listened to every word. We might have not really connected, but she was polite, and appreciated what I had to say. I'll cherish that memory, even if it didn't lead to another date... Forever rambling... I think we can't generalize anything about women, especially when it's something about what they're thinking. I sure hope they don't all think at the end of the date that we want sex, or are just going on the date to get laid. There are more points on the spectrum than that, but you never know, what they think unless you ask. Seriously, just be ballsy on your next date and ask them where they expect this date to go. Obviously, don't sound like a dick when you say, but meaningfully ask them. Then you both know the expectations, and you mellow out A LOT. It takes so much tension off the table if youopen up, and end up being on the same page. It's a whole new perspective. In short, please sift through all the endless, mindless bullshit and experience life. It is really shitty at times, but the few great moments you get out of it, fuck they are worth it. It might not seem like it, but it is. Just keep proper perspective, and make a great playlist for your life. And no, you're not unworthy, so fuck even thinking that. Take the positive out of it, and think about how you didn't waste anymore time with someone that wasn't on the same page as you, and didn't connect with you. As Alice Cooper woild say "You're worthy, you're worthy. Get up." Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
noalarmplanet Posted October 14, 2014 Share Posted October 14, 2014 This is pretty much the state of mind that I've carried for the last year or so. And I've been on a lot of dates with a lot of different women. But I still can't help but be puzzled when it almost always turns into not hearing back at all after a date. What am I doing that's so repulsive? It's not like I have trouble befriending people in any other setting- whether it be with friends of friends, my co-workers, even my customers.. Sure I'm a bit socially awkward, but I'm still friendly and generally pleasant to be around. So why is it that once the possibility of romance comes into play that I'm completely unworthy? The only thing I can possibly think of is that I'm not throwing out sexual vibes.. But unless we're reeeeaaaally connecting, especially on a first date, why would I be suggesting getting sexy right off the bat? Or is that just what women have come to expect at this point? Believe it or not 95% percent of the time when you don't hear it back it's not you. I feel like trying to get romance/dating/solid friendships with people going when you are single is like trying to start a fire with no tools. There is little nothing but guard walls up because everyone is carrying the ghosts of everything they expect and feel. Sex itself can be easy but having it have meaning seems to be something entirely different and maybe because you are attractive some have an expectation that you might be barney from HIMYM. (I know show sucks, but it was the example I could think of, I know you have taste, I know you like community.) A girl like that is out there for ya Ry, it sucks waiting but I'm sure that someone awesome is gonna come along. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Guest Posted October 14, 2014 Share Posted October 14, 2014 Believe it or not 95% percent of the time when you don't hear it back it's not you. I feel like trying to get romance/dating/solid friendships with people going when you are single is like trying to start a fire with no tools. There is little nothing but guard walls up because everyone is carrying the ghosts of everything they expect and feel. Sex itself can be easy but having it have meaning seems to be something entirely different and maybe because you are attractive some have an expectation that you might be barney from HIMYM. (I know show sucks, but it was the example I could think of, I know you have taste, I know you like community.) A girl like that is out there for ya Ry, it sucks waiting but I'm sure that someone awesome is gonna come along. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
noalarmplanet Posted October 14, 2014 Share Posted October 14, 2014 Finally the official VC seal of approval! Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
dapeebs Posted October 14, 2014 Share Posted October 14, 2014 Whenever it happens, I'm totally not looking forward to it. Women are pretty cool and making out and stuff is cool too, but ugh, dating. I feel the exact same way. My biggest thing is that I have the hardest time expressing myself and I always push issues I have with who I'm dating down, because I hate being alone. And I stay with them far longer than I should. I want to start dating casually, but I have no clue how. I've always known the girls I've dated previously before we started going out. So I have never really "asked" a girl out. My buddy wants to take me out to bars near Marist College to pick up some girls with him, but I can only imagine the quality of girl I would find there. But then again, I really don't want a relationship. I guess it will be just a battle with my morals, and deciding whether or not it would really be worth it Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Guest Posted October 14, 2014 Share Posted October 14, 2014 If you're not into drunk woo college girls, check out some divey bars with a music scene... there will be girls there more your type. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
controlthebleeding Posted October 14, 2014 Share Posted October 14, 2014 I feel the exact same way. My biggest thing is that I have the hardest time expressing myself and I always push issues I have with who I'm dating down, because I hate being alone. And I stay with them far longer than I should. I want to start dating casually, but I have no clue how. I've always known the girls I've dated previously before we started going out. So I have never really "asked" a girl out. My buddy wants to take me out to bars near Marist College to pick up some girls with him, but I can only imagine the quality of girl I would find there. But then again, I really don't want a relationship. I guess it will be just a battle with my morals, and deciding whether or not it would really be worth it not all girls in bars fit the stereotype that you assume. but it's dependent on the bars you go to. sometimes the ladies frequent bars to just hang out with their friends and for no other reason. they aren't there to hook up or meet others. as a person who doesn't date casually (or at all) i cant help you on how to meet them. that seems to be my portion of the dating life i have yet to achieve. im like you, i was usually friends first with any female i've dated. so i'm clueless as to meeting strangers in a bar setting. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
controlthebleeding Posted October 14, 2014 Share Posted October 14, 2014 now that i see this, it's been well over 10 years since i dated or had sex with anyone. my reclusiveness has started to linger a bit though. i do get out, but unfortunately the circles i hang with don't really leave me with any female perspectives. they are few and far between. but due to the social aspect, my people skills have matured a bit and hopefully that pours over to other aspects of my life so when i do get the chance i can follow through and not make an ass out of my self in social setting. does anyone know of any groups that normally consist of equal parts women to men? just curious. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
-tess. Posted October 14, 2014 Share Posted October 14, 2014 This is pretty much the state of mind that I've carried for the last year or so. And I've been on a lot of dates with a lot of different women. But I still can't help but be puzzled when it almost always turns into not hearing back at all after a date. What am I doing that's so repulsive? It's not like I have trouble befriending people in any other setting- whether it be with friends of friends, my co-workers, even my customers.. Sure I'm a bit socially awkward, but I'm still friendly and generally pleasant to be around. So why is it that once the possibility of romance comes into play that I'm completely unworthy? The only thing I can possibly think of is that I'm not throwing out sexual vibes.. But unless we're reeeeaaaally connecting, especially on a first date, why would I be suggesting getting sexy right off the bat? Or is that just what women have come to expect at this point? You don't hear back? Do you contact them after the date at all? Some girls are still old fashioned and might be waiting for you to contact them first (lame I know). But you're the dude with the full red beard right?! Psh. You'll be fine. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
McCandless Posted October 14, 2014 Share Posted October 14, 2014 You don't hear back? Do you contact them after the date at all? Some girls are still old fashioned and might be waiting for you to contact them first (lame I know). But you're the dude with the full red beard right?! Psh. You'll be fine. I stalked his artist facebook and he should have no problems! But yeah I honestly believe, and this sucks, that it's still a game with 90% of the population. Even the ones that claim it isn't and say they hate the game playing. The guys who aren't bothered (or at least act it) are the ones who the girls who are going crazy over. You've then got the nice guys who text straight away and make it clear they like the girl, and the girls then have second thoughts. This isn't true everytime before anyone gives me examples of when it was different for them etc. But when I was single, it's just how it worked. You have to not be bothered to get the girl wanting you, if you went in openly then there was no excitment there. It's stupid. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Guest Posted October 14, 2014 Share Posted October 14, 2014 He's the full dark brown beard. I know my VC beards. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
+hecollec+or Posted October 14, 2014 Share Posted October 14, 2014 I stalked his artist facebook and he should have no problems! But yeah I honestly believe, and this sucks, that it's still a game with 90% of the population. Even the ones that claim it isn't and say they hate the game playing. The guys who aren't bothered (or at least act it) are the ones who the girls who are going crazy over. You've then got the nice guys who text straight away and make it clear they like the girl, and the girls then have second thoughts. This isn't true everytime before anyone gives me examples of when it was different for them etc. But when I was single, it's just how it worked. You have to not be bothered to get the girl wanting you, if you went in openly then there was no excitment there. It's stupid. I hate that people even look at it as a "game". So fucking frustrating. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
McCandless Posted October 14, 2014 Share Posted October 14, 2014 I hate that people even look at it as a "game". So fucking frustrating. There's books and everything on it now and it's just ridiculous. It shouldn't be that way. I'm lucky I fell for one of my best friends. Made life so much easier. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
+hecollec+or Posted October 14, 2014 Share Posted October 14, 2014 There's books and everything on it now and it's just ridiculous. It shouldn't be that way. I'm lucky I fell for one of my best friends. Made life so much easier. Thats awesome man! I fell for one of mine, but it wasn't reciprocated :/ Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
McCandless Posted October 14, 2014 Share Posted October 14, 2014 Thats awesome man! I fell for one of mine, but it wasn't reciprocated :/ She doesn't know what she's missing! Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
tarzioo_ Posted October 14, 2014 Share Posted October 14, 2014 Thats awesome man! I fell for one of mine, but it wasn't reciprocated :/ are you still friends? Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
-tess. Posted October 14, 2014 Share Posted October 14, 2014 He's the full dark brown beard. I know my VC beards. There is a beautiful beard involved. That's all we need to know Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
-tess. Posted October 14, 2014 Share Posted October 14, 2014 I stalked his artist facebook and he should have no problems! But yeah I honestly believe, and this sucks, that it's still a game with 90% of the population. Even the ones that claim it isn't and say they hate the game playing. The guys who aren't bothered (or at least act it) are the ones who the girls who are going crazy over. You've then got the nice guys who text straight away and make it clear they like the girl, and the girls then have second thoughts. This isn't true everytime before anyone gives me examples of when it was different for them etc. But when I was single, it's just how it worked. You have to not be bothered to get the girl wanting you, if you went in openly then there was no excitment there. It's stupid. It goes both ways. Jussayin. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
McCandless Posted October 14, 2014 Share Posted October 14, 2014 It goes both ways. Jussayin. Sorry I meant to include that at the end! I can only speak from a guys point of view though, with the whole having a penis and all that. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
+hecollec+or Posted October 14, 2014 Share Posted October 14, 2014 are you still friends? Um, no. She pretty much cut ties with me after that. Really great feeling. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
tarzioo_ Posted October 14, 2014 Share Posted October 14, 2014 There is a beautiful beard involved. That's all we need to know I think you may love beards more than I love guys who wear glasses My friends will check out a guy and I'll be the one checking out his glasses! Lol Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
tarzioo_ Posted October 14, 2014 Share Posted October 14, 2014 Um, no. She pretty much cut ties with me after that. Really great feeling. I'm sorry that happened I've been best friends with this guy for over 10 years and he's made several jokes about dating and all that but I've kind of blown it off since it isn't mutual and he's respected that! Him and I text everyday and he's the best but there is no spark. Even if he did tell me very directly that he did like me, I would never stop talking to him just because I don't like him back. He's an awesome guy! I hate that she stopped talking to you. You seem like such a cool person! Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
roadmonkey Posted October 14, 2014 Share Posted October 14, 2014 So I signed up for this project fixup service and so far it's been a bust. The idea is that you fill out a profile and then someone (IRL supposedly) matches you up with others, kinda a merge between dating service and online dating. Anyways once you get 'fixed up' you both need to agree to meet and the company provides you with a phone number to text contact each other with and a place where to meet. You also have to provide times when you are free/available to be fixed up with someone. It's free until you get fixed up, then it's $20 to you when you agree to the fixup. Anyways, So far I've been setup on 2 fixups and both times the women have bailed at the last minute (fixups are scheduled days/a week in advanced and you can always reschedule if something happens). The company has been nice to refund me the money for the fixups since they didn't happen, but the person scheduling my fixups literally asked me "Why does this keep happening to you" Kinda hilarious that people will still flake even when signing up for this kind of a service. I'm giving it one more shot before throwing in the towel for these guys. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
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