MAN ADVICE v2.0

[Bladewillisisdead]

Ooooooh this kid at work was talking about that and I said "That sounds stupid."

[Jesus Of Suburbia]

Ooooooh this kid at work was talking about that and I said "That sounds stupid."

You should try it! It's probably my new favorite app

[controlthebleeding]

i feel like i'm hard to be taken seriously in here because i'm seemingly talking about someone else every week. but when things go as consistently awry as they do, can you really blame me for keeping my options open???

 

so i've talked about this girl a few times. used to work with her. had a big ol' crush. she had a boyfriend the whole time. until they broke up, and she decided she was moving to jersey. and then i confessed everything on her last day of work/day before she moved.

that girl.

 

had an extra ticket for kevin devine the other night, and invited her, knowing she had the day off. we were early, so we caught happy hour nearby, which involved 2 beers & 2 shots each. followed by more drinks during the (amazing) show. which lead to touchy-feely/head on the shoulder/hand holding during the show. which lead to making out on the sidewalk. and in the cab. and on the train. and then lots and lots of sex throughout the night and into the morning. and somewhere in the middle of all of that she bought me pizza.

 

it sure was swell.

 

but there's something about her, something i simply cannot put my finger on, that reminds me of my ex. i can draw similarities, and they're mostly superficial (i think), but none of them really stand out as *the* thing. 

 

have i become afraid of commitment to the point where i'm looking for excuses while i'm still laying in bed with someone? 

 

i find that i'm the same way. mind you, i rarely am seen by women due to a major combo of lack of pulchritude and a slightly off kilter disheveledness. more so the former. what i lack in beauty i make up for in wry self deprecation (sometimes).  Anyway, since the last few females i've dated have been shitty people in general, i've become bitter. i've come across a few women from time to time who are somewhat interested but i find myself completely strayed of any commitment or even acknowledgement of their candid proposals. i find ways to find something i dont like about them to tell myself it's useless so i don't get hurt. i don't go as far as you as to sleep with them, mainly because i don't have the urgency to go that far even for a one nighter. but it's not really wrong or that you are afraid of commitment. it's that you really don't see yourself with a person that goes further then sex. a lot of people are that way. you may just be reading into it a bit too much. but then again i'm probably talking out of my ass (which i usually do in most cases)

 

***also excuse the tangent/slight non-sequitur.. i tend to do that from time to time.. 

[Bladewillisisdead]

Not an attack on you, but everyone needs to stop referring to women as "females"

I get the whole "new girl reminds me of an ex" thing. I've kinda chalked it up to "We'll, I've got a type." Unless you're getting that feeling about bad qualities, it shouldn't be too big a red flag.

[Guest]

i think the biggest thing that's triggering it is that i always got the impression that she was in a relationship with that guy that was identical to the one i had with this ex.

and there are a couple ways of approaching that. worrying that she's capable of putting me through another tumultuous love affair, or that she just needs someone who really appreciates how wonderful she is. because it never did seem like that dude understood- which might be crazy to say, though, because i never met him. 

[-tess.]

i think the biggest thing that's triggering it is that i always got the impression that she was in a relationship with that guy that was identical to the one i had with this ex.

and there are a couple ways of approaching that. worrying that she's capable of putting me through another tumultuous love affair, or that she just needs someone who really appreciates how wonderful she is. because it never did seem like that dude understood- which might be crazy to say, though, because i never met him. 

 

But was the sex good at least?

 

Haha I sound like such a bro right now.

[Guest]

indeed it was. i was all sorts of worried about it being super brief due to my extended absence, but quick shout out to my good friends IPA & Jack Daniels.

[controlthebleeding]

But was the sex good at least?

 

Haha I sound like such a bro right now.

 

how is that broish? you know you ladies do the exact same thing amongst each other. god knows i've heard my roommates talk about stuff i wouldn't even talk with guys at the bar about. 

[Guest]

my roommate and her friend were having a straight up conversation about size last week. in the living room. 

 

relevant:

 

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=TTV0je8nFyo

[-tess.]

Haha I don't really have any friends that I talk to about that stuff. I keep my sex life to myself for the most part. But I guess to each girl their own!

 

And honestly, I could go on about my advice about girls and what you should do in your situations... But. Guys will do what they do.

[parkinglot]

i find ways to find something i dont like about them to tell myself it's useless so i don't get hurt.

ditto

[Bladew1ll1s1sdead]

What the hell is yik yak. Also I'm amazed that it took me a week to get completely over a girl that I was hung up on for almost a year. BEST FEELING EVER. Saw her at a party over the weekend and it didn't even phase me. She was drunk and she tried to get all "sorry things didn't work out blah blah blah" and I just walked away and shotgunned a beer with friends and a smile on my face.

So you shotgunned a beer and went to bed?

[Guest]

how is that broish? you know you ladies do the exact same thing amongst each other. god knows i've heard my roommates talk about stuff i wouldn't even talk with guys at the bar about.

When my best friends and I were all single, oh god the details we would get into. My roommate always had the worst luck. The dude who sucked his spit all night, the guy who sat on the end of her bed crying and talking to his dick because he couldn't get it up. The kid who revealed JUST as he was about to put it in that he was a virgin. The time a guy asked her to be his girlfriend mid-thrust. Man, those were the days.

[Guest]

What the hell is yik yak. Also I'm amazed that it took me a week to get completely over a girl that I was hung up on for almost a year. BEST FEELING EVER. Saw her at a party over the weekend and it didn't even phase me. She was drunk and she tried to get all "sorry things didn't work out blah blah blah" and I just walked away and shotgunned a beer with friends and a smile on my face.

I'm really so happy to read this. I was hoping you'd recover fast

[caninesapien]

Is there any stigma on online/social media dating any more?

[Bladew1ll1s1sdead]

Is there any stigma on online/social media dating any more?

Nah. Ask Madie. Also, my best friend whom I met online 8 years ago flew across the country to hang out and go to see the band we bonded over.

[Guest]

I thing some people get embarrassed by it and I know a few girls have made up stories of how they met their BF because they don't want people to know. But for the most part everyone I see is open about it, and everyone... EVERYONE is doing it.

[caninesapien]

I've met people through speaking online (GF included). Just when I first started doing it there definitely felt as if there was this air of desperation about it, which is unfortunate because yeah, everyone is doing it now! People I know from school who at the time considered online dating (or meeting people or whatever) to be totally pathetic. Now these people are on Tinder and all the rest of it.

[tarzioo_]

i asked a girl out over twitter once. we dated (distantly) for 6 months.

This actually sounds ideal. I should actively get back on

Seriously, that does intrigue me. Seems like it would be a low stress relationship.

[Out of Breath Records]

I met my girlfriend online kinda. I've actually met pretty much all my good friends/love interests online as well. 

[Princess Logan]

Almost all of my best friends are from the Internet. I have 0 shame even though so people find it really weird.

My longest friendships started in 8th grade on a forever the sickest kids street team (we all cringe over this now) and they are still my number one group of people in life.

My current boydude and I met because he snap chatted me through a friends phone.

The Internet is weird.

[BuzzersonKillwell]

This is the only internet community I've ever participated in and the dynamics are really interesting to me. I think for a lot of people are who a bit socially awkward or introverted it is probably really appealing to have a community where you can participate passively. You can participate at your comfort level with no expectations or repercussions. Not saying those labels apply to you Legume or anyone here in particular per se, just more of a general observation. 

 

I have sort of the opposite problem and I'm not sure if it is generational, personality based or a little of both. I hesitate to call anyone on here my friend since I haven't actually met anyone in real life and that is, I guess, how I define "friends". I'd like to meet some folks, but if I just know you from the internet it almost isn't real to me. Plus I bet I sound like a super dick on the internet since you aren't reading me in "my voice". I think I probably read as much more mean-spirited here than I do in meatspace. 

[tarzioo_]

I really only interact with people on the internet who are on VC or my Instagram and most of those people are VC peeps as well.

There are a few people on here who I would consider real friends even though I've never met them. There are some that I text a lot and I know we would be awesome real life friends! It would definitely be cool to meet the few I feel like I've bonded with.

For me, most of my real life friends are all married and have families, so most of my interactions are done through text anyways and we hang out maybe once a week.

But this is all new to me and I really like it. I used to really wish I had a vinyl buddy who I can talk to about this stuff since none of my real life friends care and now I have several so I'm pretty excited about that!

[+hecollec+or]

This is the only internet community I've ever participated in and the dynamics are really interesting to me. I think for a lot of people are who a bit socially awkward or introverted it is probably really appealing to have a community where you can participate passively. You can participate at your comfort level with no expectations or repercussions.

 

Same here & totally agree.

[Team Avatar]

I think there is still a social media / online stigma to meeting people ( or dating ), just because I get lots of "ARE YOU SERIOUS?" when I tell them I've met up with people , and in general more than 10 people on Tinder. ( 15? maybe? I don't know ).  I pretty much just tell them that Tinder is great, it's the only way I've found to meet people that I'm comfortable with, that works, and then they shush up and realize they are alone.  These people though don't use the internet much though so I understand their discomfort or inability to process this...

 

One of my biggest pet peeves is when people say shit like "dating apps are ruining peoples social skills". It's such an insensitive statement to me.

 

 

yo kudos to dude who was able to get twitter username from yik yak, that is impressive!

 

 

 

also more on tinder:  I don't match often, and was really disheartened at first, but the matches trickled in.  I hate when girls like my moments but don't respond to me.  I do message most people, and maybe a 1/4 reply.   If you want a way to move from tinder to texting, ask for snapchat.  It's the gateway drug (marijuana) of tinder.