Guest Posted February 8, 2015 Share Posted February 8, 2015 he probably doesn't want my advice but, It's really easy to be on the outside and say 'oh why wouldn't he go for it' but I've been reading posts about your love life for years now ryan and to be blunt... fucking things up is a pretty common theme in them. And most of it seems like self sabotage, you don't let a girl get close because you know it'll end badly, you keep the relationships purely sexual in hopes that no feelings = no mess but it's still messy. Seems like you're pretty aware of all the problems you've had. What else can you do at this point but put yourself out there again and really try with this girl, or any girl. She's obviously interested so the hard part of reading her initial feelings/attraction is already done. Why not give it a try. Just don't bring along all the bullshit from the past. kind of mentioned it in the previous post, but with the last girl i was hanging out with, the opportunity for sex never really arose. maybe it did, and i just didn't go for it.. possibly because i'm still lame at making the move sometimes? but after a couple times where we just had ourselves a good make out sesh, i was able to come away saying "hey, that was still pretty rad". with that, i kind of decided that for now, i'm done having sex just for the sake of having sex. last year was something very out of the ordinary for me. i was with a lot of different women, at a frequency that i've never been able to manage. (and yeah, i wore rubbers. scott.) and i think that was enough to just kind of get it out of my system. any time something seemed like it was heading toward something more than just casual sex, sex itself would be the thing to pretty much ruin it. of course there's the possibility that i find myself totally horned up, and going back on this, and go bang out a one night stand. but if an actual love interest enters the mix, i'm going to make sure that sex it given its due time, and is treated with the kind of weight that it really deserves to carry. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
BuzzersonKillwell Posted February 8, 2015 Share Posted February 8, 2015 My piece of advice would be to stop beginning every relationship by planning the end of it. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Guest Posted February 8, 2015 Share Posted February 8, 2015 that was also something i gathered during my last botch job. like madie said, a lot of what i did was self sabotage.. always looking for a "yeah, but" i think my biggest advantage is that i don't feel like i *need* anything right now. i definitely don't need to get laid, i don't feel the constant pressure to be involved with anyone. i've just found myself in a really good place where i'm content with being completely single, while casually open to something new. and the only thing that's really challenging that is how serious all the couples around me are getting. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Bladewillisisdead Posted February 8, 2015 Share Posted February 8, 2015 My piece of advice would be to stop beginning every relationship by planning the end of it. I never said Id stay to the end. I knew Id leave you with babies and everything screaming like this in the hole of sincerity. Screaming me over and over and over. I leave you with photographs, pictures of trickery. Stains on the carpet and stains on the memory. Songs about happiness murmured in dreams when both of us knew how the end always is... How the end always is... HOW THE END ALWAYS IS Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
BuzzersonKillwell Posted February 8, 2015 Share Posted February 8, 2015 I think as long as your respectful for the duration, however long it may be, you'll be on good shape for any future interactions, minus the immediate after. I dunno man. If you want a relationship then do it. If not, have casual sex with people on the same wavelength. Everyone in here seems like their own worst enemy. Think less. Do sex or brunch or whatever needs doing, just be nice about it. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Team Avatar Posted February 8, 2015 Share Posted February 8, 2015 Ry, I was like you for most of this past year. Before I even met people, I already told myself I would never get serious with them. This caused problems because they couldn't get close and I didn't feel any better or any less alone after we'd hang out. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
caninesapien Posted February 9, 2015 Share Posted February 9, 2015 but if an actual love interest enters the mix, i'm going to make sure that sex it given its due time, and is treated with the kind of weight that it really deserves to carry. just gonna flip the coin here and suggest that maybe focusing less on sex might be an option worth exploring? Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Team Avatar Posted February 11, 2015 Share Posted February 11, 2015 welp nevermind she's in love with someone else Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Bladewillisisdead Posted February 11, 2015 Share Posted February 11, 2015 welp nevermind she's in love with someone else Been there, homie. Been fucking there. *bro hug* Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Team Avatar Posted February 11, 2015 Share Posted February 11, 2015 *big hug back* Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
parkinglot Posted February 14, 2015 Share Posted February 14, 2015 So basically the girl I've been seeing for the past 3 months ended things on the 8th, the day before my birthday. It's a tough pill to swallow because she's become my bestfriend over these 3 months, we were always together. We were always together at school, she'd always be over at my house, sleep over, etc. Then I bring up where she sees this going one night when we're laying in bed, and the next day things were over. It came out of fucking nowhere. She said "something clicked in my head". She says her feelings for me "aren't strong enough". Since that happened, we've still hung out at school non stop, laughing, having fun, etc. But then I go home at night and realize that it's over. She tells me she has feelings for me, wishes she could come over and cuddle, but that she can't be more than friends with me. It's the weirdest/hardest/most confusing thing ever. It literally went from last Friday night, laying in my bed, cuddling, having sex, talking about how happy we both were being there and not out drinking or being somewhere else, to it being over the next day. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Tardcore Posted February 14, 2015 Share Posted February 14, 2015 this is probably just the whiskey talking, but next time you see her, tell her that "something clicked in your head", fly the middle finger and never speak to her again. Homie don't play that. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Guest Posted February 14, 2015 Share Posted February 14, 2015 So basically the girl I've been seeing for the past 3 months ended things on the 8th, the day before my birthday. It's a tough pill to swallow because she's become my bestfriend over these 3 months, we were always together. We were always together at school, she'd always be over at my house, sleep over, etc. Then I bring up where she sees this going one night when we're laying in bed, and the next day things were over. It came out of fucking nowhere. She said "something clicked in my head". She says her feelings for me "aren't strong enough". Since that happened, we've still hung out at school non stop, laughing, having fun, etc. But then I go home at night and realize that it's over. She tells me she has feelings for me, wishes she could come over and cuddle, but that she can't be more than friends with me. It's the weirdest/hardest/most confusing thing ever. It literally went from last Friday night, laying in my bed, cuddling, having sex, talking about how happy we both were being there and not out drinking or being somewhere else, to it being over the next day. i've been there. don't give up on her. do the opposite, and fight. she's scared for god knows what reason, and you need to prove yourself. you shouldn't have to, but you do. you're clearly caught up in the best ways... you both are! she just can't accept it quite yet for whatever reason. so muster up everything you can, in the most romantic, compelling way you can. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
thebiglebowski Posted February 14, 2015 Share Posted February 14, 2015 Went out on an OKC date. Can't figure out if I was physically attracted to the girl. She had a pretty face and a normal build. At the same time, she ordered an entire cheese bread at the bar and ate the whole thing while dipping it in ranch dressing. I love bad food and everybody eats it, but doing that on the first date just threw me off. Other little things too -- teeth weren't nasty but a little on the dingy side. Personality was a little mopy. There were other good things I could say. Those were the bad. Pretty sure I'm gonna throw her back and keep looking. Point of online dating I guess is there's always someone else. There was some potential there, though, which had me thinking about it. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Bladewillisisdead Posted February 14, 2015 Share Posted February 14, 2015 Judging a girl for eating is p.cool. Princess Logan 1 Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
thebiglebowski Posted February 14, 2015 Share Posted February 14, 2015 If a girl scarfed an entire pizza on a first date you wouldn't think "wtf?" Cause it wasn't too far off from that. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Princess Logan Posted February 14, 2015 Share Posted February 14, 2015 Judging a girl for eating is p.cool. GIRLS ARE OBJECTS, BRUCE. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
abovetheearth Posted February 14, 2015 Share Posted February 14, 2015 I could care less wtf she eats. I've been on dates with nervous eaters. Big whoop. If we click and she makes me think of her in regards of making me happy, in not thinking about a jacked tooth and that extra fry she shoved in her piehole. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
thebiglebowski Posted February 14, 2015 Share Posted February 14, 2015 I eat pizza like everyone else but it's usually a slice or two. Not saying I expect a girl to order just a side salad, but healthy eating is somewhat important to me. If the rest of the date was incredible otherwise, I would have overlooked it. On an overall mediocre date, it was one of the factors that made me decide not to pursue any further. I can judge a date on whatever criteria I choose to and don't think I should get judged in here for sharing. Everyone's different. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Bladewillisisdead Posted February 14, 2015 Share Posted February 14, 2015 You can judge/decide whatever you want about a date. But when you tell people you didn't like that a girl ate junk food it comes off as misogynist and shitty. laralaurent and Princess Logan 2 Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
thebiglebowski Posted February 14, 2015 Share Posted February 14, 2015 Not that she ate junk food -- she ate a whole lot of junk food. A misogynist is a person who hates or doesn't trust women. Misogynist is from Greek misogynḗs, from the prefix miso- "hatred" plus gynḗ "a woman." The English suffix -ist means "person who does something." It's not misogynist. If I hated women, I wouldn't go out on dates. If there is a word for "hatred of excessive eating of junk food," yeah, it's that. circuit bored records 1 Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Bladewillisisdead Posted February 14, 2015 Share Posted February 14, 2015 It's misogynist because if you were hanging out with a dude who ate a shit load of junk food you wouldn't think twice about it. We live in a society where women are constantly shamed for eating. It's not like your complaint was that she was a messy/gross eater, it was just the fact that she ate more than YOU deemed acceptable. Im not saying you're not allowed to not like her, just pointing out something that's fucked up. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Bladewillisisdead Posted February 14, 2015 Share Posted February 14, 2015 If I hated women, I wouldn't go out on dates. This is purposefully misunderstanding the issue of misogyny in our society. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
BuzzersonKillwell Posted February 14, 2015 Share Posted February 14, 2015 I honestly don't know why you bother in here Lebowski. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
thebiglebowski Posted February 14, 2015 Share Posted February 14, 2015 It's misogynist because if you were hanging out with a dude who ate a shit load of junk food you wouldn't think twice about it. We live in a society where women are constantly shamed for eating. It's not like your complaint was that she was a messy/gross eater, it was just the fact that she ate more than YOU deemed acceptable. Im not saying you're not allowed to not like her, just pointing out something that's fucked up. I am looking for a girl to spend the rest of my life with (at least the possibility of that). There is a higher standard than a buddy. It's not what just I deemed acceptable. She ate more than what the medical community deems to be an entire day's worth of calories in a single sitting. I honestly don't know why you bother in here Lebowski. That'll be my last one on this subject. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Recommended Posts
Join the conversation
You can post now and register later. If you have an account, sign in now to post with your account.
Note: Your post will require moderator approval before it will be visible.