MAN ADVICE v2.0

[̮ ɤ ̮]

Y'all sound like the whiny parents who bitch about explicit content on TV instead of simply changing the channel. If you entered that thread with expectations of finding something classier than bathroom wall literature then I'd have to say that you're rather naïve.

I thought it was about desensitizer and it wasn't. That ruined my day!

[The Vool]

[Satan]

The drunken sarcasm I want to post won't be taken lightly.

In other words, chill the fuck out. Damn, get off Ry's ass.

[Princess Logan]

Somehow this isn't as bad as when I was sitting in the break room at work trying to explain that 50 shades of gray is about abusive relationshiops and rape.

Also virginity is a social construct.

That conversation is weird to have at work.

I'm not even going to try and talk about what happened here because I can't even post the stuff I'm struggling with without it being referred to as elementary school problems. So ill go sit back in a corner with my Barbie dolls and Legos, I guess.

[Guest]

Jacob, there is definitely a chance those girls will see your posts, because your username is your full first and last name isn’t it? Something a quick google search would probably bring up.

I don’t have the knowledge to say who is and isn’t a misogynist. For me, reading the desensitizer thread had a pretty big effect on me. I’m sure every one of us ladies has, at one point, inserted ourselves in one of your stories and imagined how it would feel. I now know that I’ve probably (definitely) been talked about in the same way you talk about the women in those stories. and it’s disheartening. it fucks you up. it makes you look at past flings and relationships differently.

On one hand, I know it’s just men being men and having men talk. I know you do that with your friends and I know it will always go on. But you also have to realize that the caliber of ladies who regularly post here are a different breed. Not including myself in this, but most of them are intelligent as fuck and can hold their own in a discussion. Maybe some people here find that intimidating. We get so defensive about things like this because we are treated this way IN REAL LIFE. Every single day I walk into work and wonder what guy in the warehouse is going to say something about my ass today. Who’s going to make me uncomfortable today. Who do I need to avoid today. What route can I take to make it to the back of the warehouse unscathed. Yes I report it but most days I still come back to my desk feeling like shit because I don’t want to mess up someones job, I don’t want to get someone fired and I really don’t like ‘telling’ on others. Jimmy will tell you I've come home crying on more than one occasion because I'd convinced myself I dressed inappropriately for work and thats why I was being harassed. I dressed in big sweatshirts for a week. Being seen and spoken to as nothing more than a sexual object day ofter day is enough to make anyone hypersensitive to the kinds of things that are said in that thread.

I am not innocent. I’ve said my fair share of shitty things. I just want you guys to see if from a different point of view.

[Princess Logan]

*standing ovation*

[futures]

I just refuse to listen to the same handful of females who spew the same "MEN ARENT ALLOWED TO TALK ABOUT WOMEN IN WAYS I DONT LIKE" nonsense.

Especially when they feel the need to be dicks on a personal level (omgdidyouseethewayicalledyouadickandnotapussywasntthatlikesoprogressiveofme?!)

I have a history of love life issues because I'm awkward and overly sensitive, but I also know my own value and not to settle.

Perhaps we're only the handful that care enough to be vocal about it. Do not think in anyway that we are alone in this stance. If you start out any sentence with "I refuse to listen," you will come up short every time. Also, there were some dudes in here that were in agreement with "these same females." It's not about sex.

 

Everything you say is poking fun at something you can't pretend to understand. If you were to swap the conversation around, maybe then  you'd realize how immature and silly you sound. All you need to do before saying something ignorant is put yourself in that person's situation. Just like Madie said, the fact that women have to watch their back constantly should be enough reason not to take this so lightly and make jokes about it. You will NEVER know what it's like to have to be careful not to walk down the wrong street alone at night or drink a little too much at a party or leave your drink unattended at any and all restaurants you ever patronize.

 

Everyone can say they know their value and they are awkward. Most people have no issues removing the stick from their asses and finding love. You're not unique.

 

I also don't see how it's any different than you refusing to listen to the opposite sex about how you view your own.

lol are you serious? The difference for me personally is that I don't see any of this as a game or a joke. I don't look at people and see them as their sex. I don't go around acting butthurt because some of the things I might say are problematic and refuse to understand why. Need I go on?

Also, you have not said one thing about how I view my own. All you've done so far is whine and complain and try to find excuses as to why you're correct in saying the things you think are okay to say and do. 

[Bladewillisisdead]

The use of "females" to refer to women really bothers me. That's really all I have to add because the women in this thread have said pretty much anything else I would have.

Also, there's nothing inherently misgonyst or wrong with discussing your sex life, but I've definitely seen some posts that were both of those things.

[Bladew1ll1s1sdead]

I've realllyy come to dislike some of the men here. Disgusting.

[Guest]

but all you're doing is painting a picture of me as a sex hungry monster out to fuck every fine piece of tail I see because it's convenient for your agenda. I don't go around whistling at babes on the subway, or trying to pick up broads at the bar. Quite the opposite, because I've never had the ability to be that forward. (Not the whistling part. I would say my mother raised me better than that, but it had far more to do with recognizing at an early age that cat calling is just dumb)

Have I had one night stands never to speak to them again? Yes. But I've also had one night stands where I never heard from them again.

And that's what I'm getting at- everything that you post reads to me as you stripping women their very own right to be sexual beings themselves.

And I'm not worried about what *I* say being problematic. Because I have a good head on my shoulders. I worry about the way that awful fucking word gets applied to eeeeeeverything that someone decides to be offended by.

[BuzzersonKillwell]

Is "female" or "females" not an appropriate term anymore?

[futures]

 

but all you're doing is painting a picture of me as a sex hungry monster out to fuck every fine piece of tail I see because it's convenient for your agenda. I don't go around whistling at babes on the subway, or trying to pick up broads at the bar. Quite the opposite, because I've never had the ability to be that forward. (Not the whistling part. I would say my mother raised me better than that, but it had far more to do with recognizing at an early age that cat calling is just dumb)

Have I had one night stands never to speak to them again? Yes. But I've also had one night stands where I never heard from them again.
And that's what I'm getting at- everything that you post reads to me as you stripping women their very own right to be sexual beings themselves.
And I'm not worried about what *I* say being problematic. Because I have a good head on my shoulders. I worry about the way that awful fucking word gets applied to eeeeeeverything that someone decides to be offended by.

 

Yeah you're not really getting it. Just because you don't catcall doesn't make you the world's best man. There's no prize for not being a shitty human being.

 

The point is still being missed. I have no agenda. You having this pissy fit is holding everything up on its own with no help from me or anyone else in this thread. (Can you acknowledge that it's not only women who have this view?)

 

Women have their right to be sexual beings on their own terms, not yours. If I wanted to state that I am a sexual being in my own right, I would say it. I, nor any women anywhere, need you to do it for us. So don't.

[Princess Logan]

Is "female" or "females" not an appropriate term anymore?

I think it's more so that in this context it sounds like being talked down to/inferior.

[BuzzersonKillwell]

I guess that makes sense, but if you're using contextual clues wouldn't any synonym be just as offensive, at least theoretically?

 

Honestly friends, I'm not particularly interested in joining the larger discussion but I was just interested if this was like, a more widespread thing. The same way a lot of people think racism has a new definition. 

[Princess Logan]

I guess that makes sense, but if you're using contextual clues wouldn't any synonym be just as offensive, at least theoretically?

 

Honestly friends, I'm not particularly interested in joining the larger discussion but I was just interested if this was like, a more widespread thing. The same way a lot of people think racism has a new definition.

You have a point, that's just what I gathered from what was said...so I could be way off base.

[Bladewillisisdead]

I think it's more so that in this context it sounds like being talked down to/inferior.

This. Plus it's just fucking weird. Use it as an adjective, but as a noun it comes off as dehumanizing.

[Team Avatar]

TOTALLY!

 

 

Jacob, there is definitely a chance those girls will see your posts, because your username is your full first and last name isn’t it? Something a quick google search would probably bring up.

 

It is, which is a good point that I should change it ( although typing it in + the word sex doesn't come up with anything).  However that doesn't at all really matter, because even if I was completely anonymous it does not change the fact that the stories could be seen as objectifying/degrading/etc.

 

More serious questions I have that I hope someone can help me understand.

 

I want to know if or how to tell a story in the sex nature, without offending the unknown party.  The reason these discussions are had are to better the parties at fault, so what can I do?  Do I just not tell the story at all?  Do I make sure that nothing I say is offensive ( which I think I already do but I probably don't..

 

The 'act' of hooking up with someone is not degrading to either party.  Why does sharing the encounter make it so bad?

[BuzzersonKillwell]

3rd party perspective:

 

I think the women are operating under the assumption (not necessarily incorrectly) that you don't have explicit permission to share the stories from the parties involved so the possibility for them taking offense exists. Would every girl - or guy for that matter - care if you talked about sex with them on the internet, hard to say. Hell, some of the women could be doing the same thing at a different digital destination. That being said, I don't think it is unreasonable to assume some of them could be upset. 

 

However, as said offense (or lack thereof) can't be determined objectively in this case, confirmation bias is probably causing the ladies to deem those stories as offensive, as they would be offended if they were the nameless party. The inverse is also true, some people aren't seeing the harm in it for the very seem reason.

 

I'd argue that gender certainly plays an role in influencing these perceptions, but it isn't black and white, as evidenced by some of the women here not being offended. Madie's larger point, while distressing for a number of reasons, isn't wholly germane to the discussion other than to add context to how these perceptions were formed. 

 

All of these presupposes the stories are overtly offensive or misogynistic. I'd guess some, but not all of them are, but I haven't really been in there. Honestly, I'm just bored at work. 

[futures]

 

 

 

It is, which is a good point that I should change it ( although typing it in + the word sex doesn't come up with anything).  However that doesn't at all really matter, because even if I was completely anonymous it does not change the fact that the stories could be seen as objectifying/degrading/etc.

 

More serious questions I have that I hope someone can help me understand.

 

I want to know if or how to tell a story in the sex nature, without offending the unknown party.  The reason these discussions are had are to better the parties at fault, so what can I do?  Do I just not tell the story at all?  Do I make sure that nothing I say is offensive ( which I think I already do but I probably don't..

 

The 'act' of hooking up with someone is not degrading to either party.  Why does recanting the encounter make it so bad?

I appreciate this.

 

One thing I recall is when you were with a girl and you were verbally upset that she didn't reciprocate for you and/or didn't get you off. Keep in mind that if she or any girl doesn't want to, they don't have to. & It doesn't make for any reason to trash talk her. If you are bummed about it, that's cool. If you are interested in her, see her again and say "hey, would it be cool if you did _____ this time?" Then go from there.

[Guest]

3rd party perspective:

I think the women are operating under the assumption (not necessarily incorrectly) that you don't have explicit permission to share the stories from the parties involved so the possibility for them taking offense exists. Would every girl - or guy for that matter - care if you talked about sex with them on the internet, hard to say. Hell, some of the women could be doing the same thing at a different digital destination. That being said, I don't think it is unreasonable to assume some of them could be upset.

However, as said offense (or lack thereof) can't be determined objectively in this case, confirmation bias is probably causing the ladies to deem those stories as offensive as they would be offended if they were the nameless party in that scenario. The inverse is also true, some people aren't seeing the harm in it for the very seem reason.

I'd argue that gender certainly plays an role in influencing these perceptions, but it isn't black and white, as evidenced by some of the women here not being offended. Madie's larger point, while distressing for a number of reasons, isn't wholly germane to the discussion other than to add context to how these perceptions were formed.

All of these presupposes the stories are overtly offensive or misogynistic. I'd guess some, but not all of them are, but I haven't really been in there. Honestly, I'm just bored at work.

I have some dictionary.com-ing to do here.

[Team Avatar]

I appreciate this.

 

One thing I recall is when you were with a girl and you were verbally upset that she didn't reciprocate for you and/or didn't get you off. Keep in mind that if she or any girl doesn't want to, they don't have to. & It doesn't make for any reason to trash talk her. If you are bummed about it, that's cool. If you are interested in her, see her again and say "hey, would it be cool if you did _____ this time?" Then go from there.

 

I just reread that post and it definitely could have been worded better.  For the first time ever kind of recently, I asked a girl to finish me off after I had pleased her and she was like of course.  I've never done that.

[Guest]

It's nice that Jacob is actually taking what others have said and attempting to learn from it. Sometimes it feels like we're talking to a wall that refuses to be wrong.

[Bladewillisisdead]

It is, which is a good point that I should change it ( although typing it in + the word sex doesn't come up with anything). However that doesn't at all really matter, because even if I was completely anonymous it does not change the fact that the stories could be seen as objectifying/degrading/etc.

More serious questions I have that I hope someone can help me understand.

I want to know if or how to tell a story in the sex nature, without offending the unknown party. The reason these discussions are had are to better the parties at fault, so what can I do? Do I just not tell the story at all? Do I make sure that nothing I say is offensive ( which I think I already do but I probably don't..

The 'act' of hooking up with someone is not degrading to either party. Why does sharing the encounter make it so bad?

I don't remember any of your stories so I don't know if you're guilty of any of this, Im just speaking in general. When telling a sexual story just remember your partner is a person. Not a conquest, not an object. Let your language reflect that. Saying something like "I totally scored" seems harmless but it reduces an act between two consenting parties into something YOU won or accomplished. Even something like "I got laid" or "We fucked," while crass, at least acknowledges the agency of the other person.

[Family Friendly Rap God]

Jacob, there is definitely a chance those girls will see your posts, because your username is your full first and last name isn’t it? Something a quick google search would probably bring up.

I don’t have the knowledge to say who is and isn’t a misogynist. For me, reading the desensitizer thread had a pretty big effect on me. I’m sure every one of us ladies has, at one point, inserted ourselves in one of your stories and imagined how it would feel. I now know that I’ve probably (definitely) been talked about in the same way you talk about the women in those stories. and it’s disheartening. it fucks you up. it makes you look at past flings and relationships differently.

On one hand, I know it’s just men being men and having men talk. I know you do that with your friends and I know it will always go on. But you also have to realize that the caliber of ladies who regularly post here are a different breed. Not including myself in this, but most of them are intelligent as fuck and can hold their own in a discussion. Maybe some people here find that intimidating. We get so defensive about things like this because we are treated this way IN REAL LIFE. Every single day I walk into work and wonder what guy in the warehouse is going to say something about my ass today. Who’s going to make me uncomfortable today. Who do I need to avoid today. What route can I take to make it to the back of the warehouse unscathed. Yes I report it but most days I still come back to my desk feeling like shit because I don’t want to mess up someones job, I don’t want to get someone fired and I really don’t like ‘telling’ on others. Jimmy will tell you I've come home crying on more than one occasion because I'd convinced myself I dressed inappropriately for work and thats why I was being harassed. I dressed in big sweatshirts for a week. Being seen and spoken to as nothing more than a sexual object day ofter day is enough to make anyone hypersensitive to the kinds of things that are said in that thread.

I am not innocent. I’ve said my fair share of shitty things. I just want you guys to see if from a different point of view.

I hate that any woman should have to second guess their clothing choices because other people can't control themselves. I'm sorry Madie.

[KingTacoMunster]

just make sure you flick the taint.