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- I'm thinking I need to give up something, as I just don't have the time or money to keep buying records, video games, and anime. It's such a hard decision on which to give up.

Just start playing an MMO. that will solve your video game problem. I know I used to spend around 100$ a month on games.. now for the most part I spend 15$ on my wow subscription

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+ GF comes home tomorrow

+ made a pretty bad ass spinach/tofu lasagna for dinner tomorrow night. Since I have to go straight to the airport after work i wont have time to cook dinner before the GF gets home... Thinking ahead.

- was lazy and only ran 1.5 miles today, and didnt clean the house

+ My friend gave me his old tv last night and i got everything hooked up today... can finally play wii again

- Laptop has been acting weird the last few days.

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james, what can you see yourself enjoying for the next 35 years of your life?

like, where you'll wake up and not think to yourself... "ugh, i have to go to WORK today..."

i don't know man, that's the thing. i have a bunch of stuff i would consider hobbies, but its nothing i would have a good job, fuck, even a JOB, in. i mean the things i enjoy are: art history, sociology, anthropology and french. i am seriously considering becoming an archaeologist. but the job field for that is so fucking slim and i don't necessarily want to teach, i'd rather actually be out there in the field, doing. i just don't know. with sociology, i find urbanization and socio-economics fascinating...its just i wouldn't know what to do with it. french or art history i plan on popping on whatever i do, as a minor or something. same with business i think.

that was longer than i expected. sorry for the livejournal entry.

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- I don't know if I should go to the doctor or just chalk up my weird feeling to my anxiety, but I keep getting random episodes of nausea and I feel really hot and almost feel like I am going to pass out. It started Friday and has happened once or twice a day since. It is weird.

+ Best thing about working at AAA and having all the garages like you is when a family member breaks down a tow truck is there in about 5 minutes. My sisters car broke down earlier and our one company was there really fast.

+ 2 days off work in a row.

+ My friends that work at the cable company are making sure they are here in the morning to replace my line and told me I won't have to wake up for it.

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i don't know man, that's the thing. i have a bunch of stuff i would consider hobbies, but its nothing i would have a good job, fuck, even a JOB, in. i mean the things i enjoy are: art history, sociology, anthropology and french. i am seriously considering becoming an archaeologist. but the job field for that is so fucking slim and i don't necessarily want to teach, i'd rather actually be out there in the field, doing. i just don't know. with sociology, i find urbanization and socio-economics fascinating...its just i wouldn't know what to do with it. french or art history i plan on popping on whatever i do, as a minor or something. same with business i think.

that was longer than i expected. sorry for the livejournal entry.

well just start taking classes that interest you, and get advice from your professors who are obviously in that field (to an extent). you're most likely going to change your mind 30 times before you're out of school anyway.

just make sure that whatever you decide to pursue is something you have a passion for. do what you love, the money will follow.

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-just listened to my roommate/another friend give me shit about not going to this huge party that all the 'cool' people in my building went too. i'm friendly with most of these people and don't mind them much. i just get really anxious and freak the fuck out in social situations like that. if i do happen to go to a party, i need someone to hangout with the whole night. i'm the exact opposite of the kind of person that can go to a party and just linger around talkin to different groups of people. if i had went, there were only two people i'd feel semi-comfortable doing this too, but one of them was with his girlfriend and another was trying real hard to get with this other girl we knew was going to be there. i've also completely given up on girls forever.

-they are demanding i go in two weekends cause there's the same party basically, so now it's either go and want to die, or i stay home alone and get a bunch of shit again. i don't like people telling me to be social at all. when it comes down to it all, i still hate myself more than anything else and would much rather stay in and listen to ryan adams.

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------didn't get the promotion I was vying for. There were two openings. One went to someone I do believe deserved it and the other spot to someone not so much. I'm fucking pissed. I deserved that promotion more than anybody. I never call out for any reason, am rarely late if ever, hardly have to be told what to do, basically run an entire store by myself anyways. I sacrifice so much for that fucking place. My grades, my health, my sanity, and even my own personal safety at one point. I do so many favors for those assholes that go unreturned. I am furious beyond belief. Fuck this job. If it weren't so hard to find another one I'd just fucking quit right now. Fucking assholes.

- still sick. Worse than I have been all weekend. 100 degree fever and I feel like I could pass out at anytime. But no one can fucking cover for me because not only are we short staffed, two people already called in "sick".

- behind on schoolwork because of this job and because I'm sick.

-in a perpetual state of self loathing. I am so down on myself right now. Its like I can never be good enough for anyone. Its like I always have to prove myself. I always put others before myself and nothing ever comes of it other than me getting fucked over. Fuck I hate myself. Its like I'm never allowed to be happy. Anytime something good happens to me something extremely usually follows directly after. Fuck

Sorry for the livejournal post but I need to vent. I have no one to talk to because I'm stuck at this bullshit job. I'm not doing too well.

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- just failed a business ethics exam...womp womp

+/- been eating a lot, probably going through another growth spurt. my eating schedule is so weird. for like 2 months, i'll eat around once a day (but a pretty big meal) or so and then for two weeks after that i'll eat meals like 5 times a day. it has happened without fail for the past 2 years or so.

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-just listened to my roommate/another friend give me shit about not going to this huge party that all the 'cool' people in my building went too. i'm friendly with most of these people and don't mind them much. i just get really anxious and freak the fuck out in social situations like that. if i do happen to go to a party, i need someone to hangout with the whole night. i'm the exact opposite of the kind of person that can go to a party and just linger around talkin to different groups of people. if i had went, there were only two people i'd feel semi-comfortable doing this too, but one of them was with his girlfriend and another was trying real hard to get with this other girl we knew was going to be there. i've also completely given up on girls forever.

-they are demanding i go in two weekends cause there's the same party basically, so now it's either go and want to die, or i stay home alone and get a bunch of shit again. i don't like people telling me to be social at all. when it comes down to it all, i still hate myself more than anything else and would much rather stay in and listen to ryan adams.

fuck 'em dude. do your own thing.

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-just listened to my roommate/another friend give me shit about not going to this huge party that all the 'cool' people in my building went too. i'm friendly with most of these people and don't mind them much. i just get really anxious and freak the fuck out in social situations like that. if i do happen to go to a party, i need someone to hangout with the whole night. i'm the exact opposite of the kind of person that can go to a party and just linger around talkin to different groups of people. if i had went, there were only two people i'd feel semi-comfortable doing this too, but one of them was with his girlfriend and another was trying real hard to get with this other girl we knew was going to be there. i've also completely given up on girls forever.

-they are demanding i go in two weekends cause there's the same party basically, so now it's either go and want to die, or i stay home alone and get a bunch of shit again. i don't like people telling me to be social at all. when it comes down to it all, i still hate myself more than anything else and would much rather stay in and listen to ryan adams.

fuck 'em dude. do your own thing.

Backed!

You need to just do things that make you happy. It doesn't matter if it is with people or solo. As long as you are happy doing it.

Reminds me of when I was in college and basically in the same situation. I usually ended up alone in the whole apartment, so I cranked up some tunes, and my guitar and just played covers ad full volume with some beers for the whole night. It was so therapeutic and made me happy in the end.

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