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quick story.

 

when i was 13. MTV.com had kind of an early social networking, profileish thing going on. on the front page of MTV.com they'd have all the hottest artists of the day and then a list of the profiles of the people who were the "biggest fans" of those artists.

 

I made an account to message one of the girls who was on the "avril lavigne" list. (shut up, lavigne made me feel confused feelings in my pants.) anyway, we hit it off. lots of AIMing. eventually calling each other on our house phones. (she was 15 and this was 2002). developed into online relationship (i was 13!!!). sent her letters. pictures. whatever i could fit in an envelope and sneak to the post office. this went on for maybe a year and a half. so of course, around the time she was nearly 17 she didn't have time for this dumb shit anymore and we broke it off. eventually the hard feelings were gone and we'd check in with one another sporadically over the years.

 

Cut to me being 17, summer before my senior year. out of the blue she tells me she wants to come here to meet me, she's at a weird crossroads in her life and wants to take a road trip. she was pretty much what i expected in person. it was weird actually being in the same room with each other, etc. it was an alright visit.

 

more years pass, don't talk to her, don't even know how to reach her. whatevs.

 

she turns up maybe like 3 years ago via facebook and finds me somehow. she disappeared cuz she got into drugs, blah blah blah, got her life together, bangin job, blah blah blah. we still chat every now & then like we're old friends.

 

this is a story i do not tell any of my friends. it's embarrassing & weird but i'm kind of in awe of the whole thing when i actually think about it.

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quick story.

 

when i was 13. MTV.com had kind of an early social networking, profileish thing going on. on the front page of MTV.com they'd have all the hottest artists of the day and then a list of the profiles of the people who were the "biggest fans" of those artists.

 

I made an account to message one of the girls who was on the "avril lavigne" list. (shut up, lavigne made me feel confused feelings in my pants.) anyway, we hit it off. lots of AIMing. eventually calling each other on our house phones. (she was 15 and this was 2002). developed into online relationship (i was 13!!!). sent her letters. pictures. whatever i could fit in an envelope and sneak to the post office. this went on for maybe a year and a half. so of course, around the time she was nearly 17 she didn't have time for this dumb shit anymore and we broke it off. eventually the hard feelings were gone and we'd check in with one another sporadically over the years.

 

Cut to me being 17, summer before my senior year. out of the blue she tells me she wants to come here to meet me, she's at a weird crossroads in her life and wants to take a road trip. she was pretty much what i expected in person. it was weird actually being in the same room with each other, etc. it was an alright visit.

 

more years pass, don't talk to her, don't even know how to reach her. whatevs.

 

she turns up maybe like 3 years ago via facebook and finds me somehow. she disappeared cuz she got into drugs, blah blah blah, got her life together, bangin job, blah blah blah. we still chat every now & then like we're old friends.

 

this is a story i do not tell any of my friends. it's embarrassing & weird but i'm kind of in awe of the whole thing when i actually think about it.

 

so she's a hooker?

 

playing, that's honestly not incredibly weird to me though....one of my better friends came from the internet and moved to MN from CA to go to school for a while and date one of my friends.

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quick story.

 

when i was 13. MTV.com had kind of an early social networking, profileish thing going on. on the front page of MTV.com they'd have all the hottest artists of the day and then a list of the profiles of the people who were the "biggest fans" of those artists.

 

I made an account to message one of the girls who was on the "avril lavigne" list. (shut up, lavigne made me feel confused feelings in my pants.) anyway, we hit it off. lots of AIMing. eventually calling each other on our house phones. (she was 15 and this was 2002). developed into online relationship (i was 13!!!). sent her letters. pictures. whatever i could fit in an envelope and sneak to the post office. this went on for maybe a year and a half. so of course, around the time she was nearly 17 she didn't have time for this dumb shit anymore and we broke it off. eventually the hard feelings were gone and we'd check in with one another sporadically over the years.

 

Cut to me being 17, summer before my senior year. out of the blue she tells me she wants to come here to meet me, she's at a weird crossroads in her life and wants to take a road trip. she was pretty much what i expected in person. it was weird actually being in the same room with each other, etc. it was an alright visit.

 

more years pass, don't talk to her, don't even know how to reach her. whatevs.

 

she turns up maybe like 3 years ago via facebook and finds me somehow. she disappeared cuz she got into drugs, blah blah blah, got her life together, bangin job, blah blah blah. we still chat every now & then like we're old friends.

 

this is a story i do not tell any of my friends. it's embarrassing & weird but i'm kind of in awe of the whole thing when i actually think about it.

 

it's not that embarrassing. i met a friend through aol movie group back in 92' (cue the "you got mail") and we hit it off. we sent each other letters and pics, etc etc. i eventually went to go visit her a few times around 94' and 98'. after around 2000 we lost touch.  2012' rolls around and she somehow got put into my "people you may know" on facebook and i contacted her. it was nice catching up and we talk from time to time. funny thing is she didn't get ahold of me till a few weeks after i moved back from portland. we could have been hanging out and going to shows like we did when i'd visit. 

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my mom used to be a social worker - helping moms and dads be good parents, help them with the kids, site visits to home, etc etc.

 

once when I was 12 or 13 she took away the computer and told me I couldn't go on Runescape anymore and cancelled membership, and after 10 minutes of arguing I asked her how she could possibly be a good social worker if she can't even take care of her kids.

 

still feel bad about it :(

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That is pretty messed up but we all say shitty stuff too our parents when we are in the teens. I once called my mom a bitch and she cried. I still feel terrible about that one. I have probably apologized like 10 times over the years.

 

i once called my mom a bitch while she was driving and she gave me a back hand closed fist to the mouth. i got out and walked home. when i got home my dad asked me what happened. i told him. he just laughed and said "that's what you get for talking to your mom that way". 

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when i was real young.. maybe like 9.. got into a huge fight with my mom, she sent me to my room, i did a lot of screaming for a while. but then i stopped. opened up my window, and hid between the mattress and the wall on the top bunk, and played the waiting game for her to come in and think i was gone. and then enjoyed it while i listened to her panic for about an hour.

 

fuck that was terrible.

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when i finished college and moved out to Los Angeles, my mom couldn't take it.  a month later she left her husband, took my sister out of her senior year of high school, and moved to LA.  she said she would only stay with me for a couple weeks.  

 

a year later all of us left LA.

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When I was young I had a banana seat on my bike and my dad would hold the back handle to keep me in control on the big hill by our house. Eventually I told him I hated him, so he let me go.

I flew down that fucking hill like a boss. Directly into the corner of a house at the base. I deserved it. I think we all yell at our folks at some point.

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My parents fucked up some things - badly once. I'm still so damn grateful to have them in my life. My father and I have worked it all out. My Mom prefers to ignore it and I don't think I can really talk it through with her now. She's a great Grandma and even failing me at times she gave up her life to raise her kids the best she could and I appreciate it. 

 

 

 

Anyway, on another thing - I got a note today from a legend in my industry, someone I admire and is looked up to by the business. It was so damn kind that I feel unworthy. At the same time I'm finally feeling like I'm getting a bit of my due for all the work I've done. Cloud 9 here in NYC right now. 

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When I was 21, I stole my grandma's engagement ring that my mom was holding onto for her because she was getting older and forgetful. I pawned for $500 when it was probably work a couple grand. My mom found out and was devastated. I cried. I felt like the biggest asshole. I went back to try to rebuy it later on but the pawn shop was closed.

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